(they/them) writing about ponies kissing and hugging and making terrible mistakes (pfp by evelili! https://evelili.tumblr.com/post/731980670351622144/free-icons-for-u-nd-ur-partner-in-crime )
Making friends isn't easy. Twilight Sparkle thought friendship was supposed to be about picnics and songs, not fights and hurt feelings. Princess Celestia never warned her about those. But maybe what feel like detours are just another part of the path, and the 'friendship reports' written and abandoned in fits of rage and sorrow will lead to a genuine one...
Placed fifth in the Dialogue Only Contest!
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(Edits made in the first eight minutes after posting this, in italics.)
This is definitely one of the more interesting dialogue contest stories I've seen, partly because of how you've used (right justified, just the other pony's side of the conversation) flashbacks embedded within the larger story.
It's also interesting to see a story with a title that seems to point towards 'sad' but which turns out to have a happy ending (and progress towards that happy ending in the middle too, even if Twilight's progress is ~sometimes~ often in fits and starts at best.)
The decision to use only one side of the conversation in the flashbacks makes this story harder to figure out initially, but I think the story is certainly worth it.
Oh my, I really liked the morals hidden behind this one and the adaptation for the "only dialogue challenge".
My only concern is that maybe at the start of the story it gets a little bit confusing, still, that problem dissapears when you´re halfway through the read.
Really enjoyed this one, hope you goo high in the list
ooo another banger fic from u!! i love experimental fics, and here using the physical justification of text to demonstrate flashback of celestia vs twi and spike and the others is exactly the type of unique stuff that makes my brain happy! really cool exploration of early twi and her learning how to navigate friendship for the first time, i think its a really impactful character study with the well-utilized dialogue only limitation. awesome stuff, and best of luck with the contest!
That post-scriptum at the end raises a good question pertaining to the nature of Twi’s and Celly’s relationship.
T’was good.
That last line is something else lol
made me feel
5/5
I think my biggest criticism is that sometimes it's hard to figure out who's speaking. At least in the first half of the story. The second half was a lot clearer. Pretty good.
Big fan of this. Twilight’s “Am I Broken” letter hits especially hard. Great job.
Ooooof but if that ain't a mood. You do such a good job here of illustrating (some of) the troubles of trying to socialize as an autistic person, and in such a short span too. Excellent character study of early-show Twi.
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thanks birb! originally the right-aligned stuff was in italics, then i reread the rules and figured out that wouldn't fly... and yeah, while the material of the story itself is a bit sad, it's not a tragedy.
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thanks eve ^^ honestly the celestia gimmick was thought up when the fic was like 60% done but now i wish i could use it for other twilight povs because i genuinely think basically everything celestia's ever said is constantly rattling around in her head. and yeah, i really liked the idea of fim being this shutin learning about friendship, but i always wished that it showed the stumbles a little more, because the kids who really need that message are like twi in her tower, only seeing the good of friendships and never getting the bad, thinking they're worse for it.
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i'm really glad that hit like i wanted it to - this fic revolves around the main six but it's also about twilight and celestia. i think the initial distance helps her realize that while celestia is really important to her, they're not actually friends, and it plants the seeds for her eventually breaching that boundary as a princess.
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i definitely wrote her struggles with autism in mind so i'm glad that came across! i wanted to get across that feeling of being out of step with everyone and the frustration when you try your best and don't know why it doesn't work.
Yes luna YOU HAVE
Rejected G4 title that's arguably better than what they went with.
Such a cozy, season one feel to this story. Wonderfully written.
Dunno if I have a smooth brain or it's that the story could be better written/structured, but it's hard to follow who's speaking; numerous times. It's a good oneshot but couldn't fully enjoy it due to the lack of clarity on the speaker's part.
Wonderful little relatable story! Hope you do well in the contest!
It's very interesting how this is a somewhat uglier look at Twilight's personality but it doesn't feel dark-for-the-sake-of-dark, or whatever the pony equivalent of sadstuck is. It all comes together toward the end as Twilight genuinely has a good lesson and tries to be a better friend.
This really feels like something that could happen between season 1 episodes.
The only dialogue bit makes following who said what a bit hard.
Maybe use colour coding to get around that limitation?
I loved it! The only downside is the writing style. Adding something as simple as "said Rainbow Dash to Twilight" would make it ten times better. I have ADHD, and unless everything is well-structured, I have to re-read sections multiple times to understand the continuity.
But yes, I did love it very much. Take these tips in the comments, and your next story will be legendary!
Great story! It was interesting seeing Twilight's smaller but messier friendship problems and her struggles. Making use of Twilight dictating her letters to Spike was a clever way to make use of the dialogue only restriction. However, I do admit it for hard to follow at times when there were more than two characters in a scene, especially when two quotes in a row were from the same character. The right alignment could also be hard to recognize on smaller screens like phones. In any case, this was a joy to read.
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sounds like not being able to follow who's saying what is a common problem, unfortunately. both color coding and using prose outside dialogue is disallowed by the competition rules, and one of the points on the judging rubric is clarity of speaker, so i might not score too high there... i think i have a good grasp of character voice and conversational turn-taking, so not sure what could've improved this short of 'less characters in a scene'.
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yeah i wanted it to just feel like a part of her personality that the show covers less! a bit of her characterization that sticks in my head is the opening of s01e05 where she's just reading and ignoring pinkie... it's cute (though some people overplay that orneriness in their characterisations as well). thank u!
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ah this was for that contest then?
i am not familiar with the rules.
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You're welcome! You made it really relatable to an autistic dood. I'm... probably more Pinkie Pie or Izzy Moonbow than Twilight, but.... that sense of not always having the social battery, of the ground opening up beneath you as you say a Catastrophically Wrong Thing, feeling like you're an outsider? You nailed that feel and I tip my hat to you.
Also on the subject of keeping characters straight (promise I'm not tooting my own horn here) I also have a submission, and... man, keeping the characters straight in a fic that's just one long conversation, with just three characters and no ability to append "X character said, calmly" to the end of a quote was probably one of the most technically difficult things I've done while writing.
I will admit, you found a much easier solution than me by breaking up the text and including the scene breaks. Those really helped.
wait what the heck why does this go so hard i'm crying
ugh this is SOOOOO good i literally almost cried, this is such an interesting take on twilight's early days in ponyville and im absolutely here for it. i see the autistic experience So Much in this fic too, im not sure if that was intentionally or not but it adds another layer of gutpunch. and once you get a feel for how the dialogue goes, it becomes very easy to decipher the dialogue-only style in this. insanely good job!!
This right here is how you write Twilight muther-bucking Sparkle!
I had to read this after reading what Perfectly Insane and SecondPrances said about this. While I admit I had to reread some sections a few times because I was tired at night at my first go, this is indeed a solid kickback to the early days of FiM. Your Pinkie voice was the best of all. I could easily hear her voice in her part of it. Applejack's voice was also very easy to hear. It took me a while to figure out it was Celestia speaking in the speech to the right, but the contest rules limited what you could do about that and once I figured it out, I loved it. I loved seeing a glimpse of Twilight avoiding everything at all costs to limit herself to books and Celestia. (The birthday Celestia quotes gave me especially cute imagery because I imagined little foal Twilight just trying to get Celestia all to herself in the library.)
And it has great progression, especially since the last fight in the story is actually about Twilight upsetting Fluttershy, but this time having her heart in the right place. Whereas the first argument was because Twilight bought into stereotypes and Applejack spat it right back. So you even see progression by the content of the fights. And honestly, how did they not have it in canon where Twilight tries to solve friendship by writing manuals??? I don't think, if I wrote this same concept, I'd portray Twilight the exact same way, but I still would have enjoyed a harsher, more critical Twilight that softened more slowly over time (as you did) than she did in the show. But there is no legitimate interpretation of Twilight Sparkle where it wouldn't have been a great season one episode to have Twilight writing manuals on all her friends. That would have been fantastic.
Great work!
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tyvm! and congrats on first! lil twilight is so precious, i'll definitely be writing some of her soon... and celestia's indulgence of her
if you want to read more of my pinkie (and are okay with a little risqueness) check out https://www.fimfiction.net/story/554518/pony-dexterity !