• Member Since 24th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Wise Cracker

Just some guy.


Ocellus is in a bad place.

She was supposed to be making new friends.

She thought she did everything right.

So why does it feel like she did the wrong thing?

Set in the same continuity as The First Prettiest Young Changeling Contest but that story is not required reading. OC's and background plot points from that one should be obvious in this story.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

There are some questions that will never be easy to answer and I think that club needs a lesson on magic and respect for the word no. Rarity had only one problem she couldn't accept that she messed up and that it wasn't the end of the world.

“You’re thinking realism like resembling real life. I’m talking about internal consistency and believability, that’s not the same thing,” Ocellus replied without missing a beat. “You want to keep up the suspension of disbelief for stories like this. Mistakes can tell a pony they’re dealing with a changeling, which is not something you want.”

I need to remember to phrase it like this the next time I get into a debate over a story or show's realism...

"So, can you just bite me and my friends?”

Probably should've asked her that question well before you got everybody together under the pretense of this actually happening.

Honestly, probably the most infuriating part of it all was just they all assumed Ocellus not only would do it if asked, but also was entirely on the same page as their intentions from the start, which is presumptuous to such a ridiculous degree, we'd just about need a whole other fanfic just to analyze it all. :rainbowlaugh:

All in all, a nice little analysis fic. Hope it got out the concepts you wanted to for ya! :twilightsmile:

Yeah, the double meaning of the word 'realism' can cause some serious issues in communication. And, more to the point, Ocellus seems like a character who would know that kind of thing. Twilight Sparkle's got a little more of a non-fiction vibe to her, Starlight Glimmer is so pragmatic she might not even care, but Ocellus is both the right age and, canonically, learning to speak up. So that bit, I'm pretty happy with.

The big confrontation question was a twofold thing: on one hand there was foreshadowing that Ocellus only saw in hindsight. These ponies obsess over the idea that Dragonfly ought to just get bitten and turned into a vampire like Wing's Edge. They're the superhero version of wannabe vampire goth kids, basically, the sort that goes looking for any radioactive arthropod to bite them and give them powers. The other aspect is peer pressure: Grape got her in a crowd, with all eyes on her, hoping to pressure her. I added the lines that they hadn't eaten dinner yet fairly late, but that was another hint to her. Aside from that, these ponies very clearly have no idea of or interest in changeling culture, or Ocellus' take on things. Kinda makes them feel even more like jerks, huh?

As for what aspects came through in the story? A few, I'm happy with, a few others, and one in particular, I'm doubtful of. I'm very happy with the names, I like that they all work in-universe and have meaning. There's some preaching in the middle that's functional, sure, it's relevant and it shows the basic contrast between Ocellus and the fan club, but it's still preaching. And, again, dead horse that's been beaten to a pulp by now, but it's a dead horse that breaks the world for people who write on the topics I do. So yeah, waiting to see how that's received by the public at large.

I like that Ocellus felt the need to look into if it was actually possible for a pony to be turned into a changeling.

Very much a "This is clearly insane... but is it true?"

I'm happy I kept that in, too, that was there from the early concept stages. It seemed in-character for her at the time. Plus, the jerk had a point in that similar things had been going on for a while. It made for a nice little bookend to the story, resolve some of that emotional trouble.

Took me a while to read this story but I am glad I did. Whilst I'm sure that the author's intent was different, this story spoke to me and made me feel....good. Hard to describe past that.

Also, I will always appreciate an Ocellus story that doesn't ship her with Smolder.


Pretty good story. Feel like it hits the nail on the head about some of what I've seen in the world. People get some very funny ideas in their heads and won't let them go. And I think it may hurt the people they think these ideas are supposed to help. Probably running more off of emotion than logic.

I do think it could use a little work, though I'm unsure how to improve it. I'm glad you did acknowledge the preaching part. I'm not sure how I'd fix that as it may actually be integral to the story. They say "Show, Don't Tell" in stories, but that can be difficult at times. Might've helped if her boyfriend had gone or been involved, but I can't say.

Also, it feels weird to read so much dialogue and so little prose. There's not much indication on what Rarity or Ocellus were doing except talking. I think that may hurt the story because a lot of how people communicate is through body language and tone. And some of Rarity's dialogue did feel a bit weird coming out of her, like it was lacking her mannerisms a bit. Not really sure how else to put it; it just kinda feels off to me.

Still, not a bad story, and it did get me thinking about some stuff, like how little I know about the things going on behind the scenes for the cartoon. And that bit about using a geek persona to infiltrate? Genius! It would definitely work to give people an explanation as to why this one new guy or gal is kinda bad at social skills. I'm gonna have to recommend this story just for that.

I've had some time to think on it, and reached two conclusions.
1. The lack of descriptions when dialogue happens is due to me taking over styles of whatever I'm reading at the time. And at the time, I was (re-)reading Wizard of Oz, which does that a lot.
2. Overall, this story just doesn't use the medium correctly. I have to introduce a lot of characters quickly, keep in mind their position relative to the main character, and try to keep the pacing going while still introducing a lot of background lore. It's not the first time this has happened, I tried to write something about Button Mash getting a Steam game once and it had the same issues, for the same reasons.
Tl; dr: this sort of story would work better as a comic, or at least an illustrated story, not a purely written one. Will have to ask that question at the concept stages for any future stories.

Thanks for the feedback, in any event. It was helpful.

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