For one MLP fan, traveling to Equestria and living out life as a pony has always been the ultimate dream. When an experimental spell summons them in Twilight's Castle, that dream becomes a reality. The only problem is, the spell was only powerful enough for a week. The only way to become a permanent resident of Equestria is to find their cutie mark within that time limit; otherwise they'll return to Earth and never be able to return.
Finding one's destiny is no easy trick. Through their time in Equestria they'll learn more than they ever thought they could about themselves, other ponies, and what it takes to truly live in Equestria.
Chapters (2)
Just found this story, let's read.
Edit:
Alright, an great start I like to say. No grammatical errors, then again, I'm not an Editor.
The first chapter has the right amount of length, not long but not short, like 500 words or just 1,000 words.
No run on sentences, no other things like that.
The description of things is around the right side, not too long but not too short. The right size.
Story and other things
The first
The main character sounds interesting, you explain how She can walk and use basic magic, too. Which is good.Always hated how other writers never explain things like that.
How each character talks, how they act to each other, react, things like seems natural. Good job on that. But, how long can you keep it up, hmmmm?
Let's see...your OC does seem to OP, well, right now, that is. Let's see how that then out. But I can give one little advice, maybe for the first 3 says she is with Rarity, have her only use basic magic, don't need other ponies on this site calling you OC OP, huh?
What else...what else...can think of anything right now, maybe the second chapter...
Nope, I'll let somepony else tell you about any misspellings and such.
Now, going to leave an like and an favorite, good luck in your story! And may the Moon bliss you in your dreams...or something like that...
Your friendly pirate captain, Captain Absolution, signing out, for now.
In just 7 days,
I can make you a
S T A L L I O N!
i took a chance on this and was happy with what i read.
word of advice: consider deleting the whole human prologue, i reread the chapter starting from the end of prologue page break and it flowed better.
7850919 That may not be a bad idea, I do feel like the intro is a bit slow. I'll look it over and see what I think! Thanks for the advice!
Yo, this is so cool! Are you sure this is your first story? Because this is done just as well as a professional. This is definitely an original concept for a human turned pony story. Can't wait for the next chapter! (And I can relate to that opening bit. You speak from experience?)
This is a promising start! Reminds me of my mumblegrumbleneedtopublishgrumble though it's a lot less contrived and gimmicky. I'll be happy to see what Clear Heart gets up to, and if she earns her mark or not!
This... Is... Awesome!!! Can't wait to read more!
I think this is an interesting story idea so far. I hope you well keep up writing this story
Needs to be 20% cooler. Also MORE
"Let's not cast any speel around you, it migth be volatile"
"Let's use a powerfull spell that will break down our body so we can move faster then light, it's harmless!"
7859726 I can see how that might be a bit confusing. I did choose my wording very carefully when I said that adding "powerful enchantments" would be dangerous. The only concern is that casting another spell that has any extended effect on Clear could cause the two effects to interact in unpredictable ways. Instantaneous spells on Clear are okay, as is casting magic around her as long as it doesn't actually linger. Teleportation would qualify as an instant effect. Also my head canon for teleportation is also a little bit different. I imagine the spell bends space around you to create a gap connecting your current point and your destination that only lasts for an instant; kind of like a more powerful portal gun. So the spell doesn't actually affect the person being teleported, it affects the space around them. Maybe at some point I'll see if I can work that description into some dialogue in the story. Gotta love the complexities of magic XD
Who are you THEMagic Missle? Your description at the begging of the story, is basically me. (Granted Twilight and Rarity are the other way around) I'm not kidding, the fact about contemplating things for hours and not sleeping like I should, me. Not liking Alcohol and just sticking to water, me. Likes Starlight, Loves both Twilight and Rarity, all me too. I just found it incredibly weird, yet cool too. Anyway, interesting story
The mirror being on the farthest FALL. Intentional or not, funny as Hell!
How to know when you have a dirty mind look at the cover art,not see the teen rating,and think that red splotch is a pony then look at the position of the black splotch
7952690 Glad I'm not the only one.
*freaks out* so good!
But this does raise a good question: why does no one want Clear Heart to stay? I know no one has said it, but it's a little obvious. Maybe Equestria is more like earth than we would like to admit and Clear Heart doesn't understand that.
7954665 The other ponies' motivations as to why they think Clear should return home is definitely something that will be covered before her week is up. There's a lot going on in Twilight and Rarity's heads as well!
Aww, poor Rarity's feeling smothered by her own ambition. Clear really isn't helping by telling her how good she has it, or what a good job she's doing, when Rarity herself is doubting whether it's good. Still, I do wish Clear to succeed, because her passion is genuine, even if her tactfulness is a bit lacking...
This is an interesting story and I hope it doesn't go untouched for too much longer.
Will this continue?
9040962
Except they haven't been seen online basically since the story was posted
No updates since 2017... Well, another good story to my "Dead" library.