- Member Since 22nd Oct, 2012
- offline last seen 13 minutes ago
Shilo_Yuuga
The most profound self-loathing on FIMFiction found only here. Profile picture done by Soulless_76 on furaffinity.
Shilo_Yuuga
Joined 22nd Oct, 2012 ·
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Even when you insult me with the truth in the first paragraph of this story I can't help but kneel at your feet for the master story teller you have become. I was enthralled by every sentence, every word, every letter. This is some of the most top tier smut I have ever read. Thank you for this blessing and we will work to grow this wonderful world of sin together
wow
never thought i'd find another story that's so verbose, and yet never manages to say anything worth hearing
ladies and gentlemen, we now have our very own 50 Shades of Grey analogue!
and before you say a word, that is not a compliment.
as a matter of fact, it's one of the highest insults i could bestow this... slop.
now, i almost compared this... dreck to 120 Days of Blueblood, but it's not quite that bad... y e t .
and, if i can ask a question: why oh why does that ending fill me with an almost atavistic dread?
11591939
actually, adding onto this, this... malignance has elements of The Fall of Equestria, or whatever that pile of offal in the shape of a fanfic is called again
the one wherein the Caribou come in and rape everyone
cuz holy GOD, dos this story feel rapey and mindbreak-y
and here's where i'd usually say "but in a bad way", but that'd require there to be a good way for such cancers to manifest in the first place
11591939
I'm glad you finished it before passing criticism.
'Water sports' you say, well count me in!
11592103
that's what you take away from my diatribe?
It's hard to articulate the right thoughts for this story, it was phenomenal in the story telling department, I think it was very vivid in how Luna was thinking and her thoughts not cluttering how we saw the world. Genuinely very fascinating and you did a great job on this, I think it was also interesting how you made a sort of culture clash all together. This might sound weird but the whole "Well we don't act on anything because that would seem perversive" had never actually been something I thought of. To clarify I do not mean the disgusting perverted notion of having no control but I meant more like, that line of thinking is pretty rational to humans, at least I'd hope so. So the idea of picking apart such a reasonable line of thinking that is common sense was not what I was expecting.
What I'm trying to say is you put a lot of good elements to show our culture in a weird different light which I was not expecting. I will admit with another commenter it can come off as rapey, and that's a fine line. Having humans have some natural effect on ponies enabling some libido isn't a new idea but in this story it's certainly taken to a new height which I don't know if I'm completely on board with. Sure at first it was like "wow" because it's the idea of being desired, but when it got deeper I felt myself feeling sort of sad for this effect. These ponies unknowingly becoming infatuated with humans for not their looks or personality but for the sexual prowess.
I know it's just meant to be a porn diary meant to be over zealous and enabling of domineering desires but it gives me a sort of sad look upon their world. Other than that though I have an issue with how the action is actually handled. We get snippets of what the result is and small sections on how it was done like the messes Celestia and Twilight were given but we never actually get into the song and dance of it until the very end which doesn't give me satisfaction just unease on how the human partner is seen in a new light.
He's jaded and becomes so twisted, I understand the circumstances but when we haven't actually gotten to be able to really see the action happen it's like in anticipation and then we get what feels like revenge porn? It feels weird to wait for a real scenario where we can really read it unfold only for it to be just about him getting his rock off in the worst way possible from the story and erotic point.
It feels kind of undeserving, at the end I kind of just skipped it because of how unfullfilling it was to wait.
You did a phenomenal job at story telling though, you kept my attention and I could legitimately believe it was your version of Luna speaking, the kind that was stuck in a old era that wanted to be pampered and loved in physical ways that yearned for intimacy. I very much enjoyed the character details more than anything else. You fleshed it out so amazingly, I just felt like the pay off was bad, at least for me.
For the record, I would never put this near that warped jaded story of "Fall Of Equestria." That story is far worse than anything this story mentioned. Honestly, it's more of an insult that this story would be compared to that. This didn't deal with limb cutting and complete complacency, at least in this story ponies still have free will and are not just butchered pieces of meat.
Eugh, still gives me the creeps finding what it was in the first place. Anyway, you should be proud of yourself. This obviously took a lot of skill and motivation to keep going and it was ordained well, please consider making more stories (although maybe not as long if you don't want to).
I looked forward to seeing any more stories you create.
Jesus Christ, I haven't read the story yet, but everyone in this comment section is fucking jizzing themselves as if this is the new Blood Meridian. Wish me luck bros, imma about to read a fucking pornographic novella larger than Heart of Darkness.
Post-Read
Editreview: This story is pretty fucking weird. Not bad, to be honest. But too fucking long. The damn thing is longer than Heart of Darkness last time I checked, and the 'philosophical' substance is sorely lacking. Not that I was expecting that, nor would that be a fair thing to induce from the description and imagery. However, at the very least, something would have been induced from 28,000+ words of this shit. I should have just re-read Heart of Darkness or finally read the Nigger of the Narcissus, for the cost of how much time it took me to read this.Though I did learn one lesson: Never fall for the hype of horny readers. Can't entirely blame them, however. That reference by the Twi and the Two sisters of facesitting (At least I think it was a reference towards facesitting) sparked an ember in my loins which soon fizzled out.
Probably the best M rated story on here, great job.
Okay, I'm going to have to defend this, but I'm going to start with my two complaints. The first one is that this is the most pornographic non-pornographic erotica I have ever read. It follows the idea of talking about the picture and not showing the picture. That is a very valid complaint for something that's supposed to be clop. Now, my second complaint can be seen as a critique of your idealism on how humans react to this, but I think how the companies and everyone else in the human world would react is different from fantasy. The ponies in this world are sentient. They're not like regular animals, so most people would understand that sleeping with them is not the same as sleeping with a normal horse that has no sentience. Would your job fire you over this? Definitely not, especially if you're making them that kind of money. You can be accused of rape, and if you're making enough money or you are doing such a good job, they won't even fire you. They might suspend you for a couple of weeks or give you a half a year of vacation before bringing you right back. I have worked for companies like this. You can sexually harass, emotionally and verbally abuse coworkers, be caught doing it, and the worst you'll get is a slap on the wrist. Maybe one or two years later, they'll hire you back or bring you back.
Now, let me get to what I really want to do: defend this. One of the complaints I don't understand is the "rapey" aspect. Everyone can sense there is a dominant and submissive content throughout the whole story, but it has been put through excellent storytelling. How we got to this point: the main character is not some kind of magic-wielding sex god or has secret skills no one knows about or uses some form of hocus-pocus. He's diligent. Everything he has is because of hard work. He's good at making love because he practices, he's good at his job because he practices, and he is determined. He has a passion for butts, which I can appreciate. It's not a mysterious power he possesses. It's hard work and being aware of his partner. And it's perfectly understandable that a foreign thing is desirable because of the mystery and allure. Plus, it was clearly stated that human men and stallions are pretty much like night and day. The heavy domination of women in Equestria leads to a power imbalance, so there aren't too many dominant stallions simply because of the higher number of women. Additionally, most women have submissive streaks. I would not expect that to change just because a different race of women is added in. Furthermore, how Luna acted would be totally appropriate for what happened. If he was some random guy and she did all of this, and he did not do anything, I would say it's a little weird. But they spent much time with each other. They were pretty much girlfriend and boyfriend up to the point of what happened. Luna, or more specifically Equestria as a whole, not understanding their neighbor, led to this point where multiple people's lives were ruined. So what happened is appropriate in the sense of repayment. The second thing is pretty easy. I read the entire thing in one sitting. This is one of the most entertaining stories I have read. It might not be good clop, but it is a damn good story. It is well-written and has an intimate understanding of the basics.
Now to the writer I give you a 👏
Plus this is nowhere near the fall of Equestria story. And I personally enjoy those stories. At least the good ones. This has taken a light of its own and to be treated as a separate entity.
11592715
I actually agree with your criticism looking back. And it is entirely from my mistake of trying to make this all one cohesive story rather than something divided by chapters. I was warned outright by both my editors that things could be better explained and more digestible if this story was split into several pieces going deeper into the aspects of the plot, but I was worried about getting stuck on another project for a year when I didn't initially envision it as such a story.
It's also a recurring problem I have with scope creep, where I didn't plan for it to be that long or that complex but I didn't do a good enough job reeling myself in. So I totally agree and understand what you mean with the lack of pay off, that is me introducing things and then not properly exploring them because of the ballooning length/depth I'm trying to introduce as I'm working on it. However much I wanted it to just be a situation where Luna gets put into bondage I failed to heed the warnings I was given about losing focus.
The balance of story and clop got skewed out of control, as I am always one to do. However much I love the pulpy and straightforward HiE stories some people can pull off I cannot do the same. I get so obsessed with setting up the clop that I overshadow it. The amount of criticism and the depth of it however is very educational, however and exactly what I hope for whenever I post. I cannot properly say how much I appreciate even the most scathing analysis of anything I put up. With any luck I will remember this very clearly when I move on to my next project.
As for comparison to other stories, I don't know. I haven't read any of these stories being brought up so I have no basis for weighing the validity of that claim. For all I know it's extremely similar- but I can't say that, because I don't know.
11593401
I see what you mean with the failure to deliver. I let my focus wander while I was writing and didn't really have the perception to keep it aligned. It's unfortunate, since that's normally the one thing an author is supposed to do for an erotic story, but I will have to take this as an educational blunder. I have this crippling anxiety during my work that the clop is not justified enough and I must find a way to ground it before actually getting to it, which can often just manifest as introducing needless details and then explaining them away.
For the reaction from humanity, it's unfortunate that you're right but you are right. That much has been proven in the news before if and when the public gets to see it. In my mind I was envisioning it in terms of social media sensationalism, where a lot of people get the very basic idea but then generate a panic because of it. I was envisioning these companies panicking because the revelation and how the majority of normal people would react to young men doing that. In the same vain that most people (However unfortunate one believes it to be or not) thinks of furries and bronies as somewhere between confusing or outright revolting, I tried to imagine it as if my own company and social group had heard of me or someone I knew even thinking about sex with a non-human species. But, that's me thinking from a blue-collar perspective rather than the corporate perspective I was actually writing and you evidently work in. So once again, a failure on my part to really think it through. Perhaps a slap on the wrist scenario actually would have made for a much more erotic idea of freedom to do as one pleases and I can certainly already see how that was a missed opportunity. But again, introducing details and then brushing them away is a bad habit of mine just like chain smoking and writing fanfiction at work.
11593170
I have never read "Nigger of Narcissus" but I have ordered it off Amazon now.
11594381
Me neither, though the particular terminology used in the title has definitely gotten my attention. The reason why that term is used happens to be due to the word "Nigger" oddly enough not having a derogatory association. It was like the now outdated term "Negro" or the current term "Black", used to describe an African or African American. Of course, around the turn of the century, the term garnered the infamy it rightfully holds today. However, that was an interesting find.
11594725
If its more worth reading than the fanfic then it should live up to the provocative name.
Goddamn dude. I tend to struggle to articulate how I feel about stories but this was really good. I do think this might've worked better if split into multiple chapters.
The scene where Luna comes across Celestia (and the state Llewellyn left her in) really stuck with me. Its like walking onto a crime scene and thinking "holy fucking shit what the fuck happened here". We could glean some of the events that transpired but its like two whole days that we're just left in the dark on. I'm kinda surprised nothing developed past that with her and Llewellyn given how much of an "effect" he had on her physically and mentally
Also I think its really funny that the tape was filmed as a blackmail type of thing, only for Luna to recount the whole story in her diary, and then (alongside Llewellyn) grant permission for it to be released into the public anyways
njnj
11764945
Much like me and my embarrassing hobbies, Luna can't keep quiet on a good thing for too long. In my imagination of things, at least.