- Member Since 30th Jan, 2022
- offline last seen Sunday
Lunar Hymn
Seek more wisdom upon the orb each night and thou shall be granted knowledge unbound. Honestly Just Existing.
Lunar Hymn
Joined 30th Jan, 2022 ·
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I would like to personally thank everyone who has read this so far and like to say the next chapter is being worked on and I'd will be out as soon as I believe it is ready. Thank you for your time.
I'm looking forward to it
congratulations your very first fic... Which I think is doing good so far. I like it so far.
Always great to see new authors! Since you’re also looking for constructive criticism I will try my best to explain why I sorta lost interest in this first chapter.
When it came to your descriptive writing, building the visuals and scenery I felt like you were pretty good for your first story. Honestly I’d even say it was comfortably above average.
Where I felt like this first chapter lacked was the dialogue. Right off the bat I felt uncomfortable with the way our two characters spoke to each other. Kinda gave the same vibes you get from a play script, as if the two were reciting their lines rather then having a conversation.
For example
Visually when I picture this scene our MC already seems a little awkward in the way he talks. I’d figure a more appropriate response while keeping the same purpose would go something like, “Not scared of me huh? Must be a weirdo”. Now idk if you want your character to be that way or if you purposely wrote the dialogue the way you did but most lines came off weird to me. It’s a pretty easy fix if you try to put yourself in the characters shoes, imagining what you might say irl if you were put in these situations but once again idk if you wrote it purposely in that way.
Either way for a first story and first chapter this is pretty good. I imagine you’ll be a great author soon enough and hopefully pull me in for your next story.
11292574
Thanks for letting me know. Really appreciate what you had to say and will do my best to work on it.
The best what?
11327746
I just don't think I'm a good author as of now. In time improvement will be bad but for now, I'm doing whatever I can
I wonder if he why in a whole meet with the other meeting would a Griffen say where he from if explain he been teleported and been in a trial be he blank and what will all would say to it and demand an explanation to everyone
repeated words
11332732
Thank you for pointing that out for me.
Just a quick note, Thou/Thy/Thine is You/Your/Yours.
So "I see that thou is amused by THY spear" Is basically "I see that you are amused by YOUR spear".
You can just use My/Mine instead.
11442563
Ahh thank you for that. I was confused on how to use them properly. Really appreciate the comment as well.
Now that I look at it. It's been one year since I've started this. I really need to get that time management together. Currently working on a story for the 1000 words contest just to see if I can make one in 1000 words. Nearly done with it so its all matter of time now.