• Member Since 20th Jan, 2017
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Comments ( 31 )

Sweet, here comes a new displaced story :twilightsmile:

Merchant interaction seems to be missing.
What did Jeff buy and what might he have possibly available to him from the get go or expected to be found over his journey?

Example i will make for my story next chapter that is 80-90% done.

Hm... Maybe instead of using Jeff's name when he is alone all the time:
1. Jeff
2. The biped looking like Link
3. The human transformed Hyrulian
4. The bipedal hero
Etc etc etc,variation is a writers colors and readers will look at them in awe and admiration :twilightsmile:

I like the humor and descriptions.
Child Link/Teen Link or adult Link?

A great start. Though I don't really like Displaced stories with all the world hopping this is starting out alright.

Of course there is no merchant interaction, I've never been a fan of that part of Displaced stories, where mc goes to a comic con, buys item, etc, and besides, people have read that part a million times already and I believe people are annoyed when the story starts off like that.

Sure, I could add variations to present Jeff, but I'm not creative enough to keep mixing it up. As for his age, he's around nineteen.

So adult Link, got you.
It's mostly to establish a baseline of character, but i guess it's fine like that.

Yea, I can understand why since so many Displaced have the MC overpowered, a mary-sue, wish fulfillment and they form a harem, or worse they don't act human at all and they accept their new life easily. I always try to approach this kind of scenario logically the best I can to make the mc act natural if I was in their shoes.

Just remember I didn't base this on any existing Links of the franchise, this is my own idea of the appearance, the visage.

Same as i try to keep my Cynder. It's redicules how many just over power Alicorns or Tirek full powered up like someone would kick away a agressiv attacking dog...

Some power levels should just simply be untouched...

Looking forward to reading more :twilightsmile:

I mean Tirek is powerful though considering it took three alicorns to have Twilight be on par with him. Tirek feels to be around small village - small mountain level of power.

This is really good so far! I'm just gonna keep this tab open and refresh it every five minutes don't mind me.

This is why I went with more than one main character, so spread the overpowered idiocy between them.

I doubt it works. While i sometimes made updates up to three times in my Displaced story, i doubt many others write that mutch normally :rainbowlaugh:

But maybe you get lucky eventually :raritywink:

Agreed, strength in numbers. It's actually how i plan to have mine archivment of other Displaced if overwelming firepower is needed.

I already have a Celestia that has the sledgehammer named 'Solar Lance' that, Cynder can ask for.
Add her sisters and stuff get towards reasonable overpowered.
One Individual like 5 damage point, 4 would have 20.
Combo that and you get crit damage out of it.
Kinda like a Mario Brawl game i guess?

Oh hey, I just realized you're the author of the Garland Displaced, I read ya story years ago.

I keep my "overpowered" character as a sort of mentor figure who stops carrying the team towards the end of my stories first arc. And the only reason he's overpowered is because while he can't use magic himself, his sword can absorb and store it for later. It gets to a point where Garland straight up roasts one of the main antagonists by engulfing them in a miniature sun.

I say all of this like I've written it out, but I've actually just been hard focusing planning out the story more thoroughly over the past year or so

Yeeeeeeeeaaaa, I should probably get around to actually working on that. Story planning sucks sometimes.

But I'm loving this story so far. It's been a while since I've read a displaced fic, so I'm excited to see how this goes!

Thank you, it will take a long time for the next chapter, I mean it took me six months to finally release the first chapter because of my annoying autism.

I've had a tab open waiting for an update to a story that hasn't been touched since 2017. :fluttershbad:

And naturally the chapter left on a cliffhanger. Here's to desperately hoping the darn fic gets updated at some point.

Well it's an amazing start, and if you've enjoyed writing it this far, don't hesitate to keep going!

I managed to revived the motivation of multible Authors by commenting on EVERY SINGEL CHAPTER I READ. Comments are the food of Authors after all :twilightsmile:

That what keeps me writing stories :ajsmug:👍

Yeah, I can generally agree. The author of that story just has a lot going on in life and I've just been being passively supportive whenever I get the chance.

great start, hope it turns out awesome at the end!!!~

Interesting. It's been quite a while since I have played any of the Zelda games but can see the potential with this. Looking forward to what you have in store.

Oh, quite alot, its just I'm struggling to connect the broken unfinished pieces of ideas.

More good

Writing can be easy, but proofreading out typing mistakes often suck time like noones business.

Great chapter, I wonder if the music instrument is race locked or more efficiently developed magic made it obsolete.

Awe sweet rhis updated! Looks like hes aquired a very useful tune. Cant wait till he gets to civilization.

Comment posted by Haver deleted Last Sunday

Good chapter, though I might have a recommendation or 5...

“Don’t worry, Tempest… Those guards are just doing their job.” Jeff said with a cautious gentle voice, startling some of the guards that he is capable of speech.

Rather strange that a clothes wearing and armed sapient being can talk?
Maybe change it to surprise that he speak the ponies language.

The guard hops in after Jeff and slams the door. Their horn lightly glows as he’s a little on edge about the situation. “You try anything and I’ll make sure Princess Celestia has you trapped in Tartarus for the rest of your days.” He threatens. Then after that he hits his hoof a few times against the frame of the door, signaling for the two pegasus guards to take off.

He is either specific aggressive towards non ponies or is badly trained, guess we are to dislike the pony royal guards in general?
Unnecessary threat of harm, maybe add if he becomes actively harmful. That seems more appropriate for a 'Royal Guardspony'.

Two whole hours passes by with the guard silently judging Jeff before he actually decides to speak up. “So creature, you’re a minotaur, right? I’ve been traveling around Equestria, even before I was a guard and I’ve never seen a minotaur so malnourished before and survive inside a forest with deadly creatures like Skulltulas waiting around to snatch you up.” The guard darkly jokes.

So the guard is a racist? Why call him creature otherwise if he believes him to be a Minatour.
Unnecessary provoking attitude.

“Their name is Jeff.” Silver bullet corrects them, receiving an unapologetic look in return. “Yeah yeah, whatever their name is we still have a mission to carry out so c’mon.”

Clever solution to name something that gender is unclear to someone.

The clopping of hooves slows down and eventually comes to a stop, much to Jeff's confusion until he’s tapped on the shoulder by the high ranking officer. “Okay ‘Jeff’ listen up. You’re about to meet the most important ponies in Equestria so I’ll know this. If we walk in there and you cause a disruption then none will be pleased. Because the last thing we need is for somepony like yourself to get locked up in prison.” The guard said, leaving Jeff is a little confused by the wording ‘somepony’, especially when Jeff isn’t one. Not even waiting for Jeff’s response the pegasus opens the doors, soon revealing one prestigious winged unicorn, her coat is a pure white color as well as having large wings and a larger horn than normal. Actually she was large in every manner possible, she was taller than any other pony Jeff had witnessed so far.

Pointless, he will cause a disruption by default.
Made add violent disruption, that would make way more sense.

“Oh dear, I hope my guards haven’t been too rough with you, Jeff, was it? I’m surprised that that’s the new name you go by now. But whatever floats your boat I suppose.” The alicorn said

Very rude, but actually physically disciplined :twilightsmile:

Jeff, I suppose since you are quite possibly the only hylian left alive

THAT, needs explaining!

The princess offering training and ressources is well made, she recognized that she has a battle harden veteran and immediately make ways to correct that.
Very well done!

See you next update :pinkiesmile:👍

Thank you for the suggestions, I've edited two of the parts of the chapter, however the others i'll need to ask the Archive to help the rest as he did type them out for me.

EDIT: All fixes applied. Thank you again, Black-soul.

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