Good chapter, though I might have a recommendation or 5...
“Don’t worry, Tempest… Those guards are just doing their job.” Jeff said with a cautious gentle voice, startling some of the guards that he is capable of speech.
Rather strange that a clothes wearing and armed sapient being can talk? Maybe change it to surprise that he speak the ponies language.
The guard hops in after Jeff and slams the door. Their horn lightly glows as he’s a little on edge about the situation. “You try anything and I’ll make sure Princess Celestia has you trapped in Tartarus for the rest of your days.” He threatens. Then after that he hits his hoof a few times against the frame of the door, signaling for the two pegasus guards to take off.
He is either specific aggressive towards non ponies or is badly trained, guess we are to dislike the pony royal guards in general? Unnecessary threat of harm, maybe add if he becomes actively harmful. That seems more appropriate for a 'Royal Guardspony'.
Two whole hours passes by with the guard silently judging Jeff before he actually decides to speak up. “So creature, you’re a minotaur, right? I’ve been traveling around Equestria, even before I was a guard and I’ve never seen a minotaur so malnourished before and survive inside a forest with deadly creatures like Skulltulas waiting around to snatch you up.” The guard darkly jokes.
So the guard is a racist? Why call him creature otherwise if he believes him to be a Minatour. Unnecessary provoking attitude.
“Their name is Jeff.” Silver bullet corrects them, receiving an unapologetic look in return. “Yeah yeah, whatever their name is we still have a mission to carry out so c’mon.”
Clever solution to name something that gender is unclear to someone.
The clopping of hooves slows down and eventually comes to a stop, much to Jeff's confusion until he’s tapped on the shoulder by the high ranking officer. “Okay ‘Jeff’ listen up. You’re about to meet the most important ponies in Equestria so I’ll know this. If we walk in there and you cause a disruption then none will be pleased. Because the last thing we need is for somepony like yourself to get locked up in prison.” The guard said, leaving Jeff is a little confused by the wording ‘somepony’, especially when Jeff isn’t one. Not even waiting for Jeff’s response the pegasus opens the doors, soon revealing one prestigious winged unicorn, her coat is a pure white color as well as having large wings and a larger horn than normal. Actually she was large in every manner possible, she was taller than any other pony Jeff had witnessed so far.
Pointless, he will cause a disruption by default. Might add 'violent disruption', that would make way more sense.
“Oh dear, I hope my guards haven’t been too rough with you, Jeff, was it? I’m surprised that that’s the new name you go by now. But whatever floats your boat I suppose.” The alicorn said
Very rude, but actually physically disciplined
Jeff, I suppose since you are quite possibly the only hylian left alive
THAT, needs explaining!
The princess offering training and ressources is well made, she recognized that she has not a battle harden veteran and immediately make ways to correct that. Very well done!
11699519 Thank you for the suggestions, I've edited two of the parts of the chapter, however the others i'll need to ask the Archive to help the rest as he did type them out for me.
EDIT: All fixes applied. Thank you again, Black-soul.
Good chapter, though I might have a recommendation or 5...
Rather strange that a clothes wearing and armed sapient being can talk?
Maybe change it to surprise that he speak the ponies language.
He is either specific aggressive towards non ponies or is badly trained, guess we are to dislike the pony royal guards in general?
Unnecessary threat of harm, maybe add if he becomes actively harmful. That seems more appropriate for a 'Royal Guardspony'.
So the guard is a racist? Why call him creature otherwise if he believes him to be a Minatour.
Unnecessary provoking attitude.
Clever solution to name something that gender is unclear to someone.
Pointless, he will cause a disruption by default.
Might add 'violent disruption', that would make way more sense.
Very rude, but actually physically disciplined
THAT, needs explaining!
The princess offering training and ressources is well made, she recognized that she has not a battle harden veteran and immediately make ways to correct that.
Very well done!
See you next update
👍
11699519
Thank you for the suggestions, I've edited two of the parts of the chapter, however the others i'll need to ask the Archive to help the rest as he did type them out for me.
EDIT: All fixes applied. Thank you again, Black-soul.
An awesome chapter. Looks like Death Mountains gonna be a thing so thats gonna be fun to deal with. Also Celestia is familiar with the OG Link.