The Kingdom of Equestria
The story takes place in a setting continuing from season 3.
Thanks to the /fimfic/ Anons for writing advice, pre-reading and feedback.
The fic was loosely inspired by the song Solastalgia by Francis Vace and Luck Rock, so thanks to them, too!
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Post-apocalyptic pony fiction isn't really high on my list of interests, though it enjoys a niche place on my shelf. This one promises to be an intriguing and equally tragic addition to that genre - and I am definitely looking forward to learning more about this Pulse event.
I appreciate the subtle bits of worldbuilding. The candle especially. I adore seeing how those living in a new setting utilize their creativity to get around the various problems that occur. Personally this story resonates with me quite a lot. Memories and the fading of time is the number one thematic motif through most of my ideas, and I was surprised to see how many ideas here align with my own worldbuilding concepts. This is a nice take on the apocalypse. You seem to be doing a lot of things right: Your writing style is pleasant (as far as my plebian brain can tell), you convey a solid amount of information in little time, and present to us a tragic setting and interesting world. I have nothing I could immediately pick up on as an error either. This is simply a nice and seemingly well-written story.
You are doing a lot of things right, and i'm happy to see more post-apocalyptic pony fiction. We have a sore lack of it, and it is my absolute favorite genre. It's also cool how you are pre-writing your stories. I'll give this a like and follow, and I hope you find some decent success as a reward for this.
Interesting premise. It feels like there's a lost age of technology just prior to the cataclysm. Not entirely sure if that ties into the selective memory loss that twilight is experiencing or if that's just more magic, but an interesting read overall
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lost age of technology huh? how much you wanna bet twilight turns into the emperor
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Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad to hear that the story resonated with you. Memories, the passing of time and the exploration of the ruined once-great kingdoms are among the themes that influence me the most. I'd rather avoid making claims or promises regarding stories that I haven't written (yet) but I wouldn't be surprised if these ideas keep showing up in one way or another.
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It fits perfectly with an apocalyptic setting, I feel. Everything we know and hold dear now becomes just another memory with enough time and removed context. To someone who does not even know us, it becomes even more distanced, and that is pretty tragic when brought to the forefront of such settings of ruin and desolation, how scavengers dig through ruins and find old memoirs and heirlooms.
I think your approach of a smaller-scale story instead of a big epic is a smart one. Keeps things short and poignant, and you've been doing a good job peppering in storytelling and worldbuilding. Very interested in how this progresses.
What an intriguing and well-written first chapter! I'm looking forward to the rest of the story, but I admit - you've nailed my favorite kind of post-apocalypse feeling. Nice job!
As someone who read the draft, this is definitely a story worth seeing through till the end, so if you, dear hypothetical reader, are worried about the story tanking in later chapters, I can put said worries at ease. Both in terms of prose and narrative this is an impressive fic from start to finish.
Wow! Amazing first chapter.
I thought this was a G5 story for half a moment... Oh well, this is interesting, I'm keeping an eye on this.
Terrific story, tragic but captivating. Glad I read it!
To fan the last flamelet into a raging wildfire, in the hopes of destroying what is consuming you. Or to let it slip into embers, one which you can store safely, to hopefully fling a light into the future.
What a choice. But to quote a poet. "Rage, rage against the dying of the light." I support Lunas' effort. In a thousand years, we will all be dead. But here and now we are alive and can make a difference.
So they just die? And go to heaven or something?
They shouldn't have destroyed the vault
So I take it MAD was insured (Mutually Assured destruction ). With the world is now barren of history and life leaving it a tomb world?
Hm. Not bad.
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I wanted to leave it slightly ambiguous. Although "they all died and the last scene is afterlive/Twilight's delirious visions" is a valid and probably even likely explanation, some part of me wants to believe that the interplanar Pulse released all of the souls it absorbed into some other space or time.
More importantly, does it really matter all that much? Not one of the ponies seemed to be concerned with where they ended up. It's definitely a better place than Equestria that they left.
This story didn't need an ending. It severely weakens the weight of the choice.
Welcome to the Elysian Fields I think. Welcome Home.
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Personally, I don't think so, though I am not the author. Remember, it was stated in the story that the Pulse ABSORBS, rather than CONSUMES. It apparently had absorbed the entirety of Equestria, in every way that matters. Twilight lanced out with her Magic, contacting each and every being that the Pulse had absorbed, setting them free, and (though I don't know how from a story standpoint) seemingly resetting time in its entirety.
I don't understand where did Twilight's wings go?
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The reasonable answer would be that it's something resembling the Remembrance scenario (although I didn't think of that particular video while writing this fic), or that the magic that Twilight ended up channeling restored things to the way they used to be / the way Twilight remembered them. Everything after the last scene break being Twilight's delirium or some form of an afterlife where that's how she sees herself would also make sense, if you prefer to see it this way.
But anything not in the fic is irrelevant, so even if I had any boring meta reasons (like my nostalgia-addled mind still defaulting to unicorn Twilight when things are the way they should be), they wouldn't be canon to the story.
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well that explains everything.
So this pulse thing sorta reminds me of the nexus from star trek in that she got her own shard of existence/afterlife. She is not an alicorn because she never wanted to be and always wanted to treated as another pony.
This was such a beautiful self-contained story. I have to be open about my biases; anything that refers to the theme of keeping up the good fight even before the inevitability of oblivion is bound to please me. It's just such a powerful narrative artifact. This tale sold me on both the despondency of a world that's slowly eroding into nothingness, as well as the remaining beauty that those who still cling to it want to preserve. That sense of beautiful melancholia never once stopped being present, and the actions of some unexpected characters helped even more to the build up of its final message. Everyone was wonderfully written; Twilight was a perfect protagonist who stands at the center of a conflict between opposing positions when dealing with the End of all things, Luna served as a perfect foil for Celestia, and even Discord was a pleasant sight to behold. I particularly liked his final decision to remain with the people he had come to love, despite, as Luna said, having all the means and right to simply leave them to their fates.
Preservation versus persistence, resignation against struggle are such potent themes explored in such a dignified way. The overall message, ending included, felt well deserved, and I will lean towards the most optimistic of outcomes that can be deducted from what we have seen. It's what makes the most thematic sense, as well as what I admit I wish to have happened. This story is not a tragedy, at least, I don't think so, because there is no submission to fate but a beautiful struggle against the inevitable, that which (excuse me for getting pretentious here) Tolkien referred to as "the long defeat".
In particular, that final image you left us with, including her return to mortality, leads itself to some very clever implications about what Twilight felt regarding her position, and how despite having forgotten her ideal world counted on what she feared she had lost.
If I have to draw some form of criticism, it should be addressed at a few stylistic elements and a couple of narrative choices. Mainly, I think that some parts felt a bit rushed in their explanations, whereas others weren't. I really love the ambiguity regarding the Pulse, the death of words that Discord alluded to, the way in which its possible defeat is presented, etc. It's perfect for the ambiance this story presents. Other times, I got the feelings that you might have been a little scared your reader might get lost and had to involve some very hammered in explanations that seemed more for their benefit than for the story's. The only scene I can say I didn't quite like was the one regarding the Dragon Lord; as much as I enjoy the concept, I think the dialogue there needed a bit more polish, there wasn't enough subtext and the conversation felt too stilted for it to be really engaging. Not sure if I'm making my case here. It's an odd scene because none of the other conversations are like that, I really got a sense of reality, hidden thoughts and meanings behind the words in them.
Also, in the last chapter there were a few typos regarding the tenses; you went from Past Perfect to Present Perfect a couple of times.
Other than that, I really enjoyed your writing style, I think it really captured that sense of quiet solitude of a dying world.
All that aside, this was a truly wonderful tale that took on grand ideas and treated them with intelligence and respect in an aesthetically pleasing way. I am very glad that I took the time to read it. Great job!
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I don't think I can properly respond to this comment, but I have to thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed analysis of the themes and ideas in the story as you saw them. What you posted is pretty much exactly what I had in mind when I wrote it (whether consciously or subconsciously) and also what I wanted the fic to convey. I'm glad that the core of the story was strong enough to shine through the imperfections caused by inexperience.
Thanks for pointing out what I could've written differently; it's very valuable feedback. Trying to get any amount of ambiguity right is hard, and there's no way to tell if you did it well enough without other people commenting on the fic. But ultimately, it doesn't feel right to analyze a post about my own story, so I'll just say that I'm happy that you (and so many other people!) liked it and that I hope to avoid repeating similar mistakes in the future.