Scottaloo: Scootland's Greatest Warrior

by Scotishbro

A Scoot's Pride, a Scoot's Honor

A raincloud had found its way onto the little clearing made in the middle of the Warcamp, muddying the ground and generally making things miserable, a contrast to the elegant beauty shown not 30 minutes earlier. Both belligerents in the soon to take place fight, Scottaloo and Haggis MacCallan, were preparing for the no-bars sparring match to determine who was best pones. Most in the camp had put their bets on Haggis, for he was easily twice as big as Scottaloo was, and wielded a great warhammer passed down from generation to generation in his great lineage. The weapons had been enchanted so that while blows would be full force, they could not kill the one they struck, for this was just a sparring match after all. Scottaloo was not nervous however. She was pumped for the whooping soon to take place...

Sweetie Belle had overseen the construction of the ramshackle arena that had been made for the fight. It wasn't much, just a few slanted sticks in the ground marking the exterior portions of the battlegrounds. The rain had picked up, making it more difficult to do anything, but it should make the fight more interesting. Apple Bloom had taken liberties in collecting bets on the fight, an overwhelming majority of them in favor of the giant Haggis. They didn't bet money, however. Just the word of the soldiers. If it's one thing Sweetie had learned while in this company, it's that these warriors shared a bond unlike anything she had ever seen. They slept together, ate together, cried together, but most importantly, they stayed by each others sides. They showed a loyalty to each other that rivaled their allegiance to the Crown.

Once Apple Bloom was done collecting votes, Sweetie took her fashionable umbrella and unfurled it to protect them both from the downpour. With a great booming voice, she announced to the crowd the results: 75 in favor of Haggis, and only 1 in favor of Scottaloo. Surely, this could not bode well to her abilities, but Sweetie wasn't about to call off this little scuffle so close to its start, that would just be no fun.

---

Scottaloo had not expected Haggis to be as imposing of a figure as he was. Sure, they had seen each other while they were traveling, but being this close, and to have to battle him? Now that's a big deal. The ground was extremely muddy, a consequence of the rain that had rolled in interim her arriving. Scottaloo took a deep breath, muttered a small prayer to Clay, and stood to face the brute in combat...

The Royal Bagpipe Battalion let out a a series of catchy notes as Haggis swung open the door of the outhouse, his donkey sidekick hooving him his weapon of choice, a great warhmammer known as Beira. To Scottaloo, it seemed gaudy, but powerful. She had no doubt such a large stallion was capable of using its girth effectively. Haggis moved opposite of Scottaloo outside the ring. A few moments passed, the pair looking each other in the eyes in a futile attempt at scaring the other into submission. The duo were alerted to Warcaptain Sweetie Belle announcing the bets: 75-1, Haggis's favor. Not something Scottaloo was all to proud of, but it just served to further inspire her. She would win this fight, or go out in a blaze of glory.

"Here, here! Hello, Battle-Brethren, today, two of our finest warriors, Haggis MacCallan and Scottaloo, have decided to prove just who is the best! Both fighters have enchanted their respective weapons to a non-lethal state, any blows attributed to an opponent will instead disabled the limb that was struck. Both contestants will be judged fairly, so no magic or flying-" Haggis interrupted Sweetie's speech with "Even if Scottaloo is as capable o' flight as ya' average Dodo!" This caused a grimace to appear over Scottaloo's face, while pulling a holler out of everypony in the crowd. Sweetie Belle cleared her throat aggressively and continued. "As I was saying! Nopony shall have an unfair advantage such as magic or flying! This is a test of skill and tactics, not magical ability!" Sweetie calmed and lowered her voice to speak to the fighters directly. " When you are ready, approach the center and ready yourselves. Let the battle begin!"

The two obliged, taking their respective places. They stared at one another. They both saw the same thing: Determination.

"FIGHT!"

Scottaloo was immediately sent jumping backwards; Haggis had opened up with a massive swing of Beira, his miss causing him to slip in the mud a bit. Scottaloo galloped to Haggis's exposed side and struck his left forehoove, sending him tumbling, but not before he struck back with a nasty blow to the back of Scottaloo's head. It wasn't enough to knock her out, but it certainly made her a bit dizzy. The crowd cheered at the exchange, letting out banter towards both contestants.

Apple Bloom had decided to start her career in announcing as of recent, and this was a golden opportunity. "Oh! A brutal exchange of blows for the two fighters! Oh look! Scottaloo is still standing!"

Haggis stumbled to his hooves, all three that were still working anyway. The forth lay limp, limiting his movement greatly. He turned to Scottaloo, who seemed to have lost herself a bit after his counterattack. He hobbled over and swept her legs out from under her, raising his beautiful Beira up high, intending to smash it into Scottaloo. Instead, Scottaloo became free of her head trauma induced confusion, and rolled safely out of the hammers path, it instead thudding against the ground harmlessly, sending globules of mud flying in all directions. Scottaloo breathed heavily. Oh yeah. THIS was a good fight. She hadn't felt this pumped since she was a filly! Her eye's focused on Haggis in a deadly determination, filling her with a much needed vigor.

---

The fight with Haggis was turning out to be one of mythical proportions. The sheer amount of skill and strength on display wowed the crowds as moves thought impossible and dodges thought incapable. Haggis had been putting up a tough fight despite his bum leg, and Scottaloo had been meeting his blows with a well timed dodge or a skillful parry. Apple Bloom could barly keep up with the fight, every second being filled with the clangs of metal and the grunts of war. The crowd cheered loudly, and Sweetie's mouth fell agape. The bagpipes rang out in full force, a rolling boom of sound that wrapped the whole event in a nice bow. Scottaloo felt her body surprisingly growing stronger as the battle waged on, the world turning a blue and white haze as she jumped and kicked...

Apple Bloom practically had to yell out her calls to the crowd, as they were getting progressively louder and louder at the fight. "Wow! What a parry by Haggis! This is the fight of the century folks! I don't think-" It was then Apple Bloom noticed Scottaloo's eye's had begun to glow a brilliant blue and white color, making the crowd cease their cheering and lower into a bow. "It is... The Gaeleon!" Apple Bloom spat out in pure disbelief. She to bent into a bow, Sweetie following suit.

---

Ancient Scootish legends spoke of a great warrior clad in an orange coat bearing burning eyes of the nations colors, a warrior who would bring peace and prosperity to Scootland in its time of need. They called this great warrior the Gaeleon, a living, breathing representation of everything a great Scootish warrior ought to be. As it just so happened, Scottaloo was exhibiting all the traits stated in the legend, so by all means, Scottaloo was the Gaeleon! Haggis, upon seeing Scottaloo's fiery blue-white eyes, hesitate and slipped in his bewilderment...

Scottaloo had been keeping pace, but Haggis had slipped in the mud, a perfect opportunity. Scottaloo leapt up in the air, pulling Clay out of her mouth and into her hooves for more leverage, yelling a guttural screech as she slammed the blade right into Haggis's dumbfounded face. He was launched 20 feet in the other direction, smashing into a group of spectators. The crowd roared in excitement, storming the muddy field and parading Scottaloo around the camp while singing great praises of her battle. The rain had stopped, and the sun peaked through the clouds to look upon the wet ground, bringing fresh warmth to the whole scene...

---

Hours had past, the sun setting over the horizon as the ponies of the Warcamp gathered around the bonfire to celebrate this momentous occasion. Song and profanities filled the night, and Scottaloo sung with them, taking a break every once in awhile to take a swig of beer. Even Sweetie Belle and her friend, Apple Bloom had come over to enjoy the festivities. All was joyous when 3 equines had come over to talk to the trio...

Scottaloo took a long, hard swig of the beer she had. "You know, I thought you two would just be some pampered, stuck up city ponies with no sense for fun!"

Sweetie Belle had gotten herself near blackout drunk, Apple Bloom not fairing much better. "Whaaaat? Pffffft. Mee and Apple Bloom here ALWays go crazay at parters..." Sweetie slumped and fell onto her face, Apple Bloom picking her back up, giggling the whole way.

Scottaloo then noticed that Haggis had awoken from the beatdown Scottaloo had delivered him. He was being assisted by the nurse pony and his donkey sidekick. As he approached, the circle fell silent once more, all watching as the behemoth of a stallion stumbled over. When he reached a few paces in front of where Scottaloo had been sitting, he was let down by his assistants, where he gazed at Scottaloo with a blank expression, as if trying to contemplate his next words carefully.

He took a deep breath and uttered "Scottaloo. Today, I must admit defeat. You bested me, against all odds, and have proven your worth to me and everypony in this camp. I am proud to be a warrior under you, and I humbly offer my services to you." Haggis dropped into a painful bow, but Scottaloo stopped him before his stomach touched the ground.

"Haggis MacCallan, my friend, need not to sully your coat is mud, for today, you gave me the greatest fight in all of my life!" Scottaloo gave an infectious smile and offered the unicorn her mug, which was gladly taken and consumed. The circle erupted in cheers once again, the normal festivities continuing with three new members. The nurse and donkey came to introduce themselves to Scottaloo.

"Hello! my name is Surgical Precision!" The nurse took up Scottaloo's hoof and shook it vigorously. Next, the donkey exchanged pleasantries. "Hey, my name is Asstley, I hope this can be a fruitful relationship for all of us here!"

The group joined in on the singing, a classic Scootish chant coming on...

Hey-o
We have got each other
Hey-o
Brothers and sisters in arms
Hey-o...

FIN

Author's Note:

I am really excited to write the upcoming chapters, and I hope y'all are excited to read them!

Thank you for reading, and have a great day!

Comments

[Lover Of Muffins]

A most curious and interesting chapter

[Kichi]

Somehow, I imagine Scootaloo talking like the Demoman in Team Fortress 2 and using the eyelander

[Scotishbro]

11148739
I always forget about the Demoman being Scottish until somebody reminds me of it

[GT3RS]

Fooken scottish mate, brilliant story aye

[SamuelK28]

The only thing we're currently missing is irn-bru I'm also wondering who their enemy is.

[Ebony Gryphon]

[Fujimi200SX]

You say you will write more chapters, yet the "Complete" tag says otherwise.

[Scotishbro]

11148821
I should probably put it on-hiatus.

[Hillbe]

I've come to slay the dragon!
That dragon was subdued and no longer a threat
Show me what's left of the beast
He's indisposed at the moment
What's that noise in the kitchen?
He's cooking diner?
And making the bed, Sweeping the floor, Washing the windows, feeding the livestock, Tote what barge lift that bail...
Poor beast
Yea poor me
You didn't say that last night

[Super Trampoline]

This is a fantastically stupid concept.

Upvoted.

[Scotishbro]

11149157
:D Thank you!

[Teraunce]

This is going onto the list of hilariously dumb things I must read sometime.

[Kentavritsa]

My only Question is:
"how could the story just stop here?"

[Scotishbro]

11285499
Yeah, it originally had more chapters, but I unlisted them. I lost sight of what Scottaloo really was, a funny one-time joke. I can give you a link to a Google Doc if you really want to read them. I just felt that the story really should have ended here.

As a synopsis of what the story was to be, basically Scoots and the gang were to defend Hogspittle Pine from the invading cultists, stop the cult from completing Smooze, the cult was to retreat to Prance, war was to be declared on the cult grom the Queen, shenanigans insue, and Haggis would have died singing "Take Me Home, Country Roads".

I'm just to darn lazy to do it. Thanks for reading my fic, and have a wonderful day!

[David Silver]

How about a review?

[Warhorse]

Willaim Wallace would be proud you made this. Dedicated to Scotland.

[Scotishbro]

11725381
lesgoooo

[Zanzfuff]

11804927
Gotcha, thanks!!