• Member Since 31st Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

CassandraMyOCisBestpony


My name is CassandraMyOCisBestpony. I chose that name after I invented the OC named Cassandra. She is long lost sister to the princess, and the seventh element of harmony. My OC, don't steal.

T

Three young girls from Canterlot High are on a mission to make a viral video hit. The task is more daunting than they thought, and it seems like the golden apple of celebrityhood is always just out of reach, but if they gave up that easily, then they wouldn't be worthy of calling themselves the VIRAL VIDEO VOAYGERS!

Set in the Equestria Girls universe.

Chapters (3)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 17 )

"IT'S NOT ABOUT BUTT TATTOOS, OKAY???"

:rainbowlaugh:

fer some reason a whole lotta people sayin' they hate the blue-haired kid.

I love the meta humor here. :twilightsmile:

:unsuresweetie: My librarian would send me to the principal's office if I put something like that on.

That reminds me, of this time, my brother, he was watching an 80's movie with fire in the background.
"This is so fake! The graphics are terrible!"
"Maybe because the fire's real?"

XD Oh my god.
Only problem with the lyric videos is that nobody gives a fuck about who made it, and don't really care about the video.

[All Star Intensifies]

Hehehe... The ending was kinda mean, but I liked that the little reality check regarding how viral videos worked.

You had a good idea for a story here. Unfortunately, the execution is really, really bad. :unsuresweetie:

Here are some highlights:

We'll have to figure out what we're supposed to do, until our cutie marks are here

I'd suggest removing the snippet of song lyrics. Especially since you used the part of the line the Equestria Girls movie tactfully avoided. Humans don't have cutie marks. :derpytongue2:

That's ten views in a single day! did it girls! We're famous!!!"

Missing a word there in that second sentence? Also, tone it down with the exclamation points.

"Oh" said Sweetie Belle, looking embarrassed.

"Well, nobody else will know that" pointed out Scootaloo.

"Girls, the view count don't mean nothin' if we don't have an audience" said Applebloom

Some punctuation problems here. And throughout this entire thing, actually. Also, the entire "what are Cutie Marks" conversation is stupid. It doesn't really work, and it isn't necessary for the story's humor.

Weird Al

I think you meant Cheese Sandwich.

For that matter, why are you referring to so many real-world things directly, in an Equestria Girls story? Because Equestria Girls isn't set in the real world. It doesn't make sense. That's my biggest pet peeve with Equestria Girls stories. Writers who lack the creativity to ADAPT CULTURAL REFERENCES to fit the universe.

So yeah, you get an A- for the story concept, but a solid F for the actual story.

4267427 they had to have been singing some words in those "gaps" in the song. One purpose of fanfiction is to try and explain unanswered questions from the canon. Saying that EG isn't the real world makes things more confusing, not less - how do they have cars, phones, and computers without Ford, Bell, and Jobs? Did you notice we didn't see Dr Whooves, Photo Finish, or anypony else based on a real person? The inclusion of "Cheese Sandwich" would complicate things immensely, since he isn't a songwriter. My headcanon is that Canterlot High is located in a small town in California where people have a strange obsession with horses, if that's not the case I'll remember it going forward.

Maybe I wasn't creative enough to make this more allegorical, but I used real world references because the material is so obscure that I thought it would confuse people to try and ponify everything.

4273564

Equestria Girls fics are kinda weird like that. On one hand it makes sense to use some good ol' earth references so the audience will get the joke. On the other, everyone clearly has names analogous to their Equestria counterparts.

I tend to kind of blend things by trying to use names you might hear from the show but keep the references easy enough to understand in All That Shimmers. Of course all the Dan Vs. stuff is easy since the show itself used real world and fake versions of stuff. :derpytongue2:

4259542 It's as if the author is presenting a social commentary on the television show and trademarked movie based on said show in question. O, wait... :raritywink:

There are some spelling and grammar errors you may want to edit. Firstly, you have a recurring problem where Cheerilee's name is spelt as "Cherilee".

Cherilee and all the kids in the library tuned their heads to the three, expressions raging from shock to great amusement.

Also, that should be, "turned" and "ranging".

Cherilee glared at them, and they grinned back sheepishly.

They looked up to see Ms. Cherilee standing before them imposingly.

There's a spot where you forgot to capitalize.

"must be pretty bad."

And there's also the parts where you're missing periods and commas.

"Well Scoot, if yer so smart about videos, why dontcha show us yers?"

"No matter, I have another idea for a video." said Sweetie Belle optimistically.

"It ain't another parody, is it?"

"Better," said Sweetie, "in fact, I need to get home now, so I can get started!"

"Maybe next time" said Scootallo,

Also, Scootaloo's name's misspelled there.

There's some things you may want to edit. It's pretty much either missing punctuation marks or things missing capitalization.

"Because it's boring." interjected Scootaloo, "Here, let me show you something that's 10 times better than makeup! This is called parkour."

"Let me guess." deadpanned Scootaloo.

"Rhetorical question." butted in Sweetie Belle. "Anyway, Applebloom, how about you show us what you've got?"

"I....got nothin'," she muttered, "ah couldn't think o' any ideas. Ah spent all last night brainstormin' an' all mah ideas were stupid. It's hopeless! We'll never get find our viral video."

"Applebloom, don't say that." said Sweetie Belle, placing an arm around her, "We just have to keep trying. We will find it someday."

"Because who are we?"

"Th-the viral video voyagers?"

"Yer right, girls. Ah shouldn't be gettin' all upset over this. Thanks, by th' way."

"This is it, girls." declared Applebloom, "We've finally done it!"

"So what do we do now?"

"I've always wanted to try base jumping."

"Hmm, that could work."

There's some things you may want to edit.

"Maybe next time." said Scootaloo, "I've got an idea too, and it'll work better if it's just me. You understand, right?"

Applebloom looked up to see Ms. Cheerilee standing over her, looking quizzically down at her.

"P-please don't ban us from th' library, Ms. Cheerilee!" sobbed Applebloom, "We weren't watchin' lewd videos! Honest!"

"he'd prolly just give up on music ferever...but he didn't! He kept at it an' now he's one of th' most famous singers ever!"

"Nah, nobody's gonna care." said Applebloom, "They get ta listen to some of th' most famous music in th' world! Who wouldn't wanna watch our videos?"

Her cellmate, Queen Chrysalis, was appalled when she heard what Applebloom had done.

This was really funny :rainbowlaugh:

Especially the ending.

Looks like somebody fell foul of Article XVIII...

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!