nice work on story

Needs a scene with him and that mare. ^^

A Luna and cadence would be a good combination

Great ending. Would still like to see more, but I understand. Love the WHAT? at the end. I think I would have the same reaction.

You know, for a wife breaker, Princess Luna is so formal and polite about it. I mean I understand this might start a debate, but Night Light got a pretty good deal out of this. Sure, it cost him his loving wife and he might take a while to recover emotionally from this, but he is at least well supported for quite a while.

It's a real shame that this story isn't being continued. I'd love to see what happened to Night Light and that bat pony.

If that's OK to post, here's what looks like mistakes in your Middle English.

thou realize why we’rt here

thou realisest why we’re here

thou realise

thou realisest

thine womb

thy womb

thine need

thy need

Thou’ve

Thou’st

We art

We are

thine loins

thy loins

thou have

thou hast

Nice story though.

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Thank you! I will trust your judgement and change those right away.

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It has potential! For now I will finish up the stories I have in the works, and maybe think about picking up a new commission.

Think there could be more

Nice, always love a happy ending

This was good. A fun romp into the unknown ancient customs from before our time.

I feel like you attained the perfect mix of serious humor. You get a like and a fave.

I did notice, when Night Light was worrying about Velvet waiting for him on the couch, you called it a “touch”. Other than that, I didn’t see much.

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Thank you for the compliment, I appreciate it a lot! I feel like this story could’ve been better/more involved, honestly? I’m kind of satisfied with it, but it’s a learning process and there’s still some room for improvement. For now I am working on some other stories, and considering to pick up commissions.

>when Night Light was worrying about Velvet waiting for him on the couch, you called it a “touch”.
Thank you! Fixed.

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You should be satisfied with this. Its really good in both concept and execution.

And when people want to see more of what you've created, you know you did something right. Yes there's always more to learn, but remember these wins.

ok talk about epic cuckhole

That she hadn’t showed up to their date had been concerning, but... well, if the batpony mare whom he had met in the restaurant was to be believed, then Princess Luna herself(!) had requested his wife’s presence.

After mentioning "batpony mare" I at first suspected she used "other tricks" to ensure he would be late...
Is my mind too dirty?

Night Light blinked again.
“WHAT?”

To be fair, that's an completely appropriate reaction.

Small note: You forgot a Bullet Point on the third entry on the list of things he receives.

Loved the story. Also got a good kek out of the epilogue and as others have mentioned another epilogue with either Midnight and the batpony or Luna getting a stern talking to from Celestia about modernization would be hilarious. I think you made a good choice with the epilogue as is, not the darkest thing ever, but it certainly doesnt disregard the rest of the consequences that Velvet explored in the first chapter.
Also on another note, the description of Luna as 'black' and 'ebony' kind of came out of nowhere and was a little jarring if I'm being real. I was expecting more along the lines of 'midnight' and 'navy' as descriptive colors or perhaps helping to describe mottling or something. It seemed like an unintentional visit from a different fetish, which I suppose could've been my fault going into the story without having expected it, but I don't recall having seen any hints of it before hand unless I should've read more into a pony silhouette in a dream. Aside from that it was perfect though.

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Also got a good kek out of the epilogue and as others have mentioned another epilogue with either Midnight and the batpony or Luna getting a stern talking to from Celestia about modernization would be hilarious. I think you made a good choice with the epilogue as is, not the darkest thing ever, but it certainly doesnt disregard the rest of the consequences that Velvet explored in the first chapter.

Thank you! Hearing that means a lot to me. ❤️

Also on another note, the description of Luna as 'black' and 'ebony' kind of came out of nowhere and was a little jarring if I'm being real. I was expecting more along the lines of 'midnight' and 'navy' as descriptive colors or perhaps helping to describe mottling or something. It seemed like an unintentional visit from a different fetish, which I suppose could've been my fault going into the story without having expected it, but I don't recall having seen any hints of it before hand unless I should've read more into a pony silhouette in a dream. Aside from that it was perfect though.

Huh. Interesting! That was entirely unintentional here, but it's an interesting comparison. I didn't think about that. I think this just comes down to headcanons: I usually imagine Princess Luna's stallionhood to be very dark in color, similar to the color of Nightmare Moon's fur. Probably somewhat mottled, but I didn't bring it up here. 'Ebony' sounds a bit off, now that you mention it, I just used as a stand-in for 'black', but an allegory such as 'as dark as the night' would've been more suitable.

Glad you enjoyed the story regardless!

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After mentioning "batpony mare" I at first suspected she used "other tricks" to ensure he would be late...
Is my mind too dirty?

I was briefly considering making this a situation where Night Light cheated on his wife at the same time, but decided against it since it'd take a full second chapter. It's implied that she flirted with him, at least. In fact, it's implied that she's the mare he "receives" in exchange for his wife.

Small note: You forgot a Bullet Point on the third entry on the list of things he receives.

Thank you!

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That's roughly what I was going for, yeah! I'm not as much of a history nerd as other people, so I don't know much about how this worked in practice/reality, but the thought of Luna having an antiquated sense of ethics and social rules is really fun. I might explore that theme further, if I ever get around to writing some less smut-heavy stories. Consider, for example:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/6/34265.jpg

I skipped the first chapter to read this, but after the word "arsewise" I think I'm gonna have to give it a go

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Luna's letter might be one of the funniest things I've read this year

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Maybe not the funniest so far for me, but it's up there!!

(I say that because I was reading something that had me actually laughing out loud, a good proper lol, and I can't remember what it was...)

I love the implication that this entire situation is all a legitimate part of Equestria legal precedent, that alicorns are basically super-studs and have their pick of any mare within the kingdom. Seems like Night Light got a pretty good deal out of it, all things considered.

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I stole that one from a letter written by James Joyce, so I suppose that I learned from the best.

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Thanks a whole lot for the well thought-out review. I really like reading reviews/thoughts people have on my writing, and your kind words are nice and encouraging. So yeah, thanks a lot!

Sorry for the delayed response, life has been super busy, as usually. Just published a new story at least, so there's that.

You seem like a blessed, wholesome person, so keep being awesome and all that.

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Nice! I get my own inspirations from all sorts of weird places...

good god. its not often I read cock worship stuff that actually lines up perfectly with my taste. great work owo litterally the only details that could have made this any hotter was mention of womb penetration and a line or so about those swimmers pushing into her tubes/ovi ducts/ ovaries. she belongs to luna now may as well claim her fully.

actually on second thought that might just be the degenerate in me reaching deeper. either way thanks for the story I loved it :P

Holy fuck this is so good~