Infatuation
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This is a comment.
Add your own, you frickin’ dork.
This pretty great! My vote is for dark. I love dark. And it fits Luna's motif. You could make funny work, but going light, imo, would ruin what you got.
I do love it dark~
Funny is my vote. Cheating, regardless of characters, has always been one of my greatest turn-offs.
Swinging, however, is one of my absolute favorites…
nice work
I wouldn't make it dark because 'dubious consent' makes it already pretty bucking dark
Funny would probably be better for a story like this, although you could make it mixed with both hints of funny and dark
Dark, pretty pretty please - considering the undertones here.
Could easily see Luna having been spending the time she wasn’t in Velvet’s dreams in Night Light’s and he now already her’s as well… <.< >.> just coming home to find his wife and his dream mistress going at it being the last straw to turning him in to Luna’s subby… <.< >.> or maybe his dreams were him taking control over Luna? Making a pyramid relationship with Luna in the middle… :3
Great to see you writing more things. Your stories are always great fun.
Personally I dont want a dark story. I always prefer light hearted stuff, and clop where everyone is having a good time.
So, my reasoning for my vote of dark:
What you have is already kind of dark. Luna basically rapes velvet here, even if it seems like consent. The super possesive nature coupled with the absent husband, where Velvet *knows* this is going to be an issue. If it wasn't for that little bit about Velvet being "only Luna's", then you could swing light. But that little bit makes this pretty hot.
Funny could work. It would have to be kind of silly. She pounds nightlight into the ground. Luna is sleepwalking. Night Light is actually gay and is having a grand old time with one of Luna's guards. Night might just be the biggest cuck in the world, and be loving this. Lot's of options, but they require a little work.
Light... needs a lot of work. Saying it's all a dream is a cop-out, and cheapens what you got. Saying that he's just seemingly cool with this, also cheapens what you got because Luna didn't "take" Velvet. Having it be a roleplay thing makes it a lot less impactful for what it is. There are other light options, I'm sure, but most of them invalidate what's already happened. I'm not saying it can't work, but it'll be harder to make fit the story. Best I could think of is Celestia pressures Luna to stop this, but that would work waay better under funny. That could be hilarious.
Dark... well, has lots of good options. You can have a happy little foal, and a cheery Velvet. Twilight is gonna be impacted by this, one way or another. You can have velvet lost in ecstasy in a growing harem. You can have Luna tending to Night light's dreams. Options galore, and most of them could used without messing with what you got.
Anyways, I just wanted to say that my vote of dark wasn't just because I like dark things. It just seemed to fit better with the existing tone. But it's your story, and I'll certainly read whatever ending you got! It's a good little kick already.
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I think I figured out direction where I want to take this. I will see how it goes. Epilogue is currently at nearly 800 words, shouldn’t take that long to finish up the rest. This one won’t be dark, but I might write a dark ‘optional’ alternative ending, too. I’m really just exploring here, and seeing what I can come up with.
What I learned from this, I think, is that it’s really important to commit to the tone of a story. Either dark, or light-hearted. Trying to find a middle ground isn’t the best idea: It’s going to be too dark for some, too light-hearted for others, and will sit in an awkward spot in the middle.
I’m a bit concerned that if I wrote a dark chapter that I’d be unable to write that without it getting really dark, but I guess we’ll see.
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My classic approach for this kind of Luna is that she’s, ah, rather old-fashioned and bad at understanding modern customs. In particular, she considers the ‘dream world’ to be just as important and valid as the waking world. For her repeated consent in the world of dreams is just as good as consent in the waking world, and showcases what someone truly wants. Putting the waking world first would feel like an insult for her.
I imagine that 1000 years ago ponies had a stronger connection to their dreams, and were capable of lucid dreaming, and all that, so maybe 1000 years ago that made sense. But since Luna hasn’t been around that link has weakened, and in present-day Equestria it’d be weird to say that someone ‘consented’ in their dreams.
But it’s vaguely a headcanon/idea here. I sort of view Luna as stemming from very different times, with very different customs, who felt justified by Velvet’s dreams, and participated in them.
Though maybe I am overthinking it! The story as-written is definitely a bit ambiguous, and I don’t plan to go for a cop-out like “Surprise, Night Light knew about it all along!”. I’m just not a fan of those.
I vote funny. I'm not a fan of cuck and cheating is a bit eeerrrr for me but this is great and you have a new fallower.
nice work on story
Needs a scene with him and that mare. ^^
A Luna and cadence would be a good combination
Great ending. Would still like to see more, but I understand. Love the WHAT? at the end. I think I would have the same reaction.
You know, for a wife breaker, Princess Luna is so formal and polite about it. I mean I understand this might start a debate, but Night Light got a pretty good deal out of this. Sure, it cost him his loving wife and he might take a while to recover emotionally from this, but he is at least well supported for quite a while.
It's a real shame that this story isn't being continued. I'd love to see what happened to Night Light and that bat pony.
If that's OK to post, here's what looks like mistakes in your Middle English.
thou realisest why we’re here
thou realisest
thy womb
thy need
Thou’st
We are
thy loins
thou hast
Nice story though.
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Thank you! I will trust your judgement and change those right away.
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It has potential! For now I will finish up the stories I have in the works, and maybe think about picking up a new commission.
Think there could be more
Nice, always love a happy ending
This was good. A fun romp into the unknown ancient customs from before our time.
I feel like you attained the perfect mix of serious humor. You get a like and a fave.
I did notice, when Night Light was worrying about Velvet waiting for him on the couch, you called it a “touch”. Other than that, I didn’t see much.
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Thank you for the compliment, I appreciate it a lot! I feel like this story could’ve been better/more involved, honestly? I’m kind of satisfied with it, but it’s a learning process and there’s still some room for improvement. For now I am working on some other stories, and considering to pick up commissions.
>when Night Light was worrying about Velvet waiting for him on the couch, you called it a “touch”.
Thank you! Fixed.
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You should be satisfied with this. Its really good in both concept and execution.
And when people want to see more of what you've created, you know you did something right. Yes there's always more to learn, but remember these wins.
Awesome.
ok talk about epic cuckhole
If she is right about the last part:
Did Shining learn about it before or only after the wedding?
Whatever you want to believe.
Is that supposed to motivate her to hang on, or rather to give in?
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Nope, I won't add any comments here!
After mentioning "batpony mare" I at first suspected she used "other tricks" to ensure he would be late...
Is my mind too dirty?
To be fair, that's an completely appropriate reaction.
Small note: You forgot a Bullet Point on the third entry on the list of things he receives.
Loved the story. Also got a good kek out of the epilogue and as others have mentioned another epilogue with either Midnight and the batpony or Luna getting a stern talking to from Celestia about modernization would be hilarious. I think you made a good choice with the epilogue as is, not the darkest thing ever, but it certainly doesnt disregard the rest of the consequences that Velvet explored in the first chapter.
Also on another note, the description of Luna as 'black' and 'ebony' kind of came out of nowhere and was a little jarring if I'm being real. I was expecting more along the lines of 'midnight' and 'navy' as descriptive colors or perhaps helping to describe mottling or something. It seemed like an unintentional visit from a different fetish, which I suppose could've been my fault going into the story without having expected it, but I don't recall having seen any hints of it before hand unless I should've read more into a pony silhouette in a dream. Aside from that it was perfect though.
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Thank you! Hearing that means a lot to me. ❤️
Huh. Interesting! That was entirely unintentional here, but it's an interesting comparison. I didn't think about that. I think this just comes down to headcanons: I usually imagine Princess Luna's stallionhood to be very dark in color, similar to the color of Nightmare Moon's fur. Probably somewhat mottled, but I didn't bring it up here. 'Ebony' sounds a bit off, now that you mention it, I just used as a stand-in for 'black', but an allegory such as 'as dark as the night' would've been more suitable.
Glad you enjoyed the story regardless!
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I was briefly considering making this a situation where Night Light cheated on his wife at the same time, but decided against it since it'd take a full second chapter. It's implied that she flirted with him, at least. In fact, it's implied that she's the mare he "receives" in exchange for his wife.
Thank you!
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With regards to the Luna comment, her taking Velvet as a mistress would be right in-line with medieval lifestyles where a man would have a wife but he would also have a mistress. The mistress aspect of the medieval lifestyle was usually treated like someone's dirty laundry. It was something that people accepted as a matter of fact, but didn't talk or publicly approve of the practice. Therefore having Luna practicing archaic relationship practices does a lot to work this story in a tone seldom seen in stories like this one.
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I'm not as much of a history nerd as other people, so I don't know much about how this worked in practice/reality, but the thought of Luna having an antiquated sense of ethics and social rules is really fun. I might explore that theme further, if I ever get around to writing some less smut-heavy stories. Consider, for example:
That's roughly what I was going for, yeah!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/6/34265.jpg
Got a typo for you.
Good read, by the by.
Dream sex - the least of its kind.
(Sate, Sate, Sate!!!!)
(My cartoon is smiling just like me)
Ok, let's start with the main thing, I said I would read your stories and I did. Sure, I don't have a record of being in Fimfiction, but. I can safely say that the story, in its summary, attracted me first.
Ok, first things first. Before we begin, I must say that you have created a Canon in this story that you should exploit. I'll tell you why later.
The scoop is great, the idea is good, and the implementation was exquisite. Mainly starting with how slowly Luna draws Velvet to her in a roundabout way at first. And this is great because there is context behind it, and above all there is a reason and to top it off. A goal to be met.
The idea that they have done here in Fimfiction about Luna, being a goddess of sex and Futa, made me take that idea and translate it into a fic in Ficfiction. But that's another thing.
Although it is a click. Here it feels fresh because of the fact that you give a reason and a reason to be to Luna. Being what she is, a goddess and above all a ruler. But more goddess, who sees her subjects as servants to her. It's not bad, in fact quite the opposite, it's going perfectly well because she comes from another era where Celestia and Luna have more freedoms.
Which makes me think what Celestia would be like, how you would put her and who would win in this match. I mean, would Luna win both in the size of her tool, Futa hers, or would it be Celestia. In addition to who would have had more sexual partners. Because apparently, Luna didn't mind claiming Velvet.
Back to the plot of the story.
It was Sublime! FFFFAwesome!
Everything goes so slowly, but at the same time everything is explained to you so that you understand that everything Velvet is going through is not a coincidence. Luna knew everything in the beginning, and she simply took advantage of the moment and her attributes to woo Velvet.
Which, like I said, the story was great. and the way you play Luna, as a sex goddess, was great.
For the bonus chapter, it was good to know what happened after Luna claimed Velvet. Which tells us a lot about the background of that universe and what can come later.
Little friend... Infatuation... Guy with the photo of Princess Cadence (My favorite princess)
The story was great, and honestly, I hope to find out something in another story but this time with Celestia, maybe seeing a competition with her and Luna or maybe having her own sexual encounters with some wealthy Canterlot. I do not know.
But I really enjoyed this story very much, and I hope, very soon to hear from you and another story related to it.
All this said.
BYE BYE!
I skipped the first chapter to read this, but after the word "arsewise" I think I'm gonna have to give it a go
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Luna's letter might be one of the funniest things I've read this year
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Maybe not the funniest so far for me, but it's up there!!
(I say that because I was reading something that had me actually laughing out loud, a good proper lol, and I can't remember what it was...)
I love the implication that this entire situation is all a legitimate part of Equestria legal precedent, that alicorns are basically super-studs and have their pick of any mare within the kingdom. Seems like Night Light got a pretty good deal out of it, all things considered.
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I stole that one from a letter written by James Joyce, so I suppose that I learned from the best.
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Thanks a whole lot for the well thought-out review. I really like reading reviews/thoughts people have on my writing, and your kind words are nice and encouraging. So yeah, thanks a lot!
Sorry for the delayed response, life has been super busy, as usually. Just published a new story at least, so there's that.
You seem like a blessed, wholesome person, so keep being awesome and all that.
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Nice! I get my own inspirations from all sorts of weird places...
good god. its not often I read cock worship stuff that actually lines up perfectly with my taste. great work owo
litterally the only details that could have made this any hotter was mention of womb penetration and a line or so about those swimmers pushing into her tubes/ovi ducts/ ovaries. she belongs to luna now may as well claim her fully.actually on second thought that might just be the degenerate in me reaching deeper. either way thanks for the story I loved it :P
Holy fuck this is so good~