KingdaKa
Joined 18th Jan, 2020 ·
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KingdaKa · 13k words · 59 11 · 1.4k views
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I did enjoy. Some hot mother/daughter action, here. And that ending, perfect. :D
This was very well written! I wouldn’t mind seeing more stories like this!
Loved it!
I have mixed feelings about this story. One one hand, I love the premise, and I think you have a good grasp of pacing and story beats. I appreciate that you highlight emotional details, especially in your sex scene, something many authors on this site neglect to do. I thought the reunion of Applejack and her mother was cute and wholesome.
All that being said, I have some major problems with this story, mainly having to do with the writing style. This story had a significant amount of awkward and/or overly grandiose phrasing that made it hard to follow what was going on. Your frequent mechanical errors and overuse of compound sentences didn't help either. I know I said I liked your focus on emotional details, but it just felt like you went way too overboard with it, especially during the sex scene. It felt like there was hardly any description of literal events by comparison, which really made it hard to visualize the story.
11480723
Yeah, it's not my best. Sexual content has become harder for me to write as of late.
It’s classic style smut. And the ending was sweet and then funny. Nice.
very nice, even if ur not sure the sex wasnt where it shoudl be, it was still very hot and enjoyable! pear butter x applejack is a win on its own but u put in the work to make it a really sweet and sexy story even past the sucess its pairing guarantees!
Love the Mommy Dearest collection!
11538815
Thanks. More coming in due time.
The word discrete shows up twice in the story, but each time it should be discreet instead.
Came across this again and here to say that I like the emotions, they're quite sweet and charming, while not being repetitive.
Time for more love, onwards!