What can you do when the girl who falls into your life, changing everything for the better. Suddenly breaks your heart and leaves?
Chapters (7)
Shadow_lulamoon
Joined 11th Aug, 2019 ·
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Sequels1
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Shadow_lulamoon · 3k words · 336 views
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Wait, so is the entire story just a flashback?
Actually, I think he did.
I don’t know the saying. Also, aren’t they the same thing?
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
The pening is in the present. Then he thinks back on their first meeting togeteher. I felt the first meeting is the most important so it is fleshed out in the first 3 chapters.Chapter 4 will lead back into the present. I have some other ideas but I don't want to spoil anything quite yet.
Thanks for the suggestions. I fixed my wording in these spots. I hope they are easier to understand.
The point I am trying to make in the last line is that even with all the hardships in his life Alex hasn't lost his innosence. I changed dawn to new sunrise but it means the same thing. The main chracter now has a fresh start or a new outlook onlife. I may have gone a little overboard with the poetry aspect of it
Going by how the reader is basically Alex, this story seems like it should have a "second person" tag since it's a second-person, not first or third person.
Wait, no apology or nothing?
When did that happen?
I thought she was a unicorn.
I don’t think that’s what she said.
Wow, that took a depressing turn.
Good catch. Tag has been added
The section with with the arch mage refers to starswirls spell when she become an alicorn. to the show same as the princss of friendship stuff. Rather than write out every conversation and intereaction they shared. I did a breif recap of kep events in the show. As he told her earlier on his life wasnt very interesting..
10529302
good catch It. I need to remove the never part.
The last part I was going for sad but as I wrote it got extremely depressing. I did re work a bit of it. The first draft had me wanting to jump it was that depressings
10529314
Ohh, I assumed she never went back over those nine years. Also, what never part?
In the flask back after he leads her away the small section is where he learns her stories.
The part that had never was fixed already. So it wont be found.
I may have something else in the works pertaining to this story depending on how well it is recieved or even readers want more.
10530116
Sorry, you didn’t push the reply button so I didn’t see this. Also, what tag did you added?
10530635
The second person tag was added
10529242
Nice catch. I added the 2nd person tag I hope you enjoyed the read :)
10531501
Ohh, I thought it was already there.
Damn, I don’t know who’s break down was worse.
10531524
I said the same thing when I was writing it. It was paintful to put Twilight through that
Why are there no quotation marks for a majority of the story? I don’t know why you did that, it makes it hard to tell which are the inner thoughts and which are actual lines of dialogue. If you’re trying to make this like it was the past or something, then you still need quotations regardless.
10535834
Sorry for the confusion, and thanks for the advice I will add the quotations in tomorrow after work.
10535834
The dialog has been fixed. All internal thought are qoute free. All outword conversations and shouts now have quotation marks.
Damn, I knew it was bad, but I didn’t think it was that bad.
What does that mean?
B*tch, you in my castle.
What are they planning on doing?
He hasn’t?
Ten?
I’m actually glad the story ended this way, because he did not deserve to be in that world.
10595839
I'm glad you liked it. When I finished the revesion I thought about going back to Earth or maybe sowhere inbetween. I have some ideas floating around, but I have put off my main story for too long and it is time to continue with that one. Maybe I might revist this one with a sequal. It seemed to get quite a bit of attention.
10595906
Although just out of curiosity, how did Alex get to equestria?
10595920
The crown. Its tied to Twi. When his tears touch the gem his love and longing allowed the crown to pull him through.
10596040
Ohh. Because that was a little bit confusing for me.
10596291
Yea I made it vague so as not to spoil it early on. I may have to take a look at that scene again.
10596701
Yea, i wasn’t really able to tell if the spell did it or anything. It also made it confusing on who was supposed to teleport to who.
9 outta 10 to me. I understand the whole thing and it's a relaxing story to read. Excluding the horrible thoughts, but still, I didn't regret to put this on my "read it later" list cuz it's a great story. Keep on the good work bud!!
10662136
Thanks for the like and the kind words. Iam glad you liked it :)
10666792
I love that you chose the Kotobukiya Twilight statue for the cover art! I actually have the Luna one with the Celestia one on the way!
11291517
Thanks 😄
I wrote this story at the same time I recieved my LE variant and I shaded the picture to represent the feelings I got from the story 😄
Grats on the Luna. She is amazing as a piece. I Have a few still on preorder.