Starburst

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Comments ( 8 )

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superfun

superfun #1 · Nov 3rd, 2020 · 2 · 1 ·

Some quick corrections that I realized I didn't point out:

“I mean, I can see that, but why? Plus, isn’t that your job? It’s dusting Tuesday.” Twilight asked as she eyed her assistant for a second.
“I can see that, but why? Twilight asked, her eyebrow raised as she noticed her assistant staring at Starlight’s ass and doing his best not to get a boner.

I think one of those needed to be removed, or the two needed to be combined

She wasn’t to scream but knew that would bring more attention to herself.
I think a word is missing there

There are a few other grammar errors here and there, but overall that was just as hot as I was expecting

shining paladin

shining paladin #2 · Nov 3rd, 2020 · · ·

awesome story keep it up

NotaPonyPerson

NotaPonyPerson #3 · Nov 3rd, 2020 · · ·

You had me with the cover photo, but you lost me with the premise. It’s good, errors aside, just not my cup of tea.

mrmidnight

mrmidnight #4 · Nov 3rd, 2020 · 1 · ·

10514361
Heh understandable but hey at least you liked it

LILDASHIEGRINGO

LILDASHIEGRINGO #5 · Nov 4th, 2020 · · ·

Hmm, I think I might read this.

TheLunarDragon

TheLunarDragon #6 · Nov 6th, 2020 · 1 · ·

The two covered their face, barely able to look at each other in the eyes close to dying in embarrassment. Twilight, not looking amused, used her magic, and soon the two were gone without a trace.

Don't you know twilight. Mares just wanna have fun.

Mirror Star