• Published 14th Oct 2020
  • 3,947 Views, 53 Comments

The Mystery Mystic Machine - Some Leech



Anon's no stranger to finding odd and unique treasures in the local junkyard, but he would never have expected to find a prize quite like this...

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Gear-Grinding Gewgaws

“What even is half this shit?” Anon groused, sifting through the seemingly endless wellspring of junk spilling from Fortuna’s case.

For the past few days, the mechanical mare seemed to have been malfunctioning - well, malfunctioning more than usual. Her stutter had returned with a vengeance, the bouts of sooty coughing had become more frequent, and she’d developed a nasty jitter with her left foreleg. It had been painfully obvious that she’d been ridden hard and put out wet, so to speak, but her recent hiccups had spurred the man to action.

Though he was by no stretch a mechanic or electrical engineer, he saw no harm in popping her open and having a look-see. Since he’d first stumbled upon her in the junkyard, he’d been more than a little curious about her inner workings; under the pretense of potentially mending whatever mechanical maladies she had, he would finally get the chance to take a peek inside of her - in as gentlemanly a fashion as he could manage, of course.

Armed with naught but his inquisitive instinct and a flat-head screwdriver, he set upon her one evening after his shift. Wrestling her cabinet away from the exterior wall of his gatehouse, after getting her sputtering and sparky blessing, he’d knelt down and prized open the rusty latches on her lower compartment - a move he quickly came to regret. As soon as the hatch had been loosened, a small avalanche of brick-à-brac spilled out around his ankles.

“Traveler, what secrets have you revealed?” she asked, shaking him from his stupor.

Situated as she was, bolted to the windowed upper portion of her booth, she didn’t have a clear view of what the man was doing. Grabbing her housing and craning her neck around, she tried and failed to see what had elicited his rather uncouth question. As he peeked around the corner, he grimaced up at her.

“Did you know there was all this...this...stuff in here?” he inquired. Grabbing a snow-globe from the compartment and thrusting it up at her, his frown deepened.

Her eyes went alight, seeing the bauble in his hands. “Ah, yes, I picked that up from my stint on the trans-yakyakistanian railway! I haven’t seen it in ages!”

Utterly baffled, Anon looked between her face and the object for a moment. “How did it even get in there?” he asked, unsure of how she could have achieved such a feat.

“A trusted guest of mine stored it there, of course! You don’t presume I’d let anypony go rummaging around in there, do you?” she snickered.

Shifting slightly, after setting the snow globe to the side, he gave himself a better look at the seemingly random pile of odds and ends mounded in her chassis. Even if she had some sentimental attachment to her belongings, her housing clearly hadn’t been designed to stow such things. The items would really need to be removed, in hopes of preventing a premature breakdown, which gave him an idea. Pushing himself up, he dusted his pants off and walked around to face her.

“Wait right here,” he intoned, “I’ll be right back.”

Softly tittering, she waved a hoof at him. “As if I have a choice in that.”

Snatching his trusty hand-truck from the nearby utility shed, Anon pressed into the yard. He had just the thing to alleviate their problem, so long as she was willing to accommodate him; somepony had dropped off a bookshelf the other day - which would work perfectly for holding her various trinkets. It only took him a few minutes to fetch the thing and wheel it under the awning of his office.

“Ok, so,” he grunted, shoving the empty piece of furniture beside her, “how about we keep your knickknacks in here. I’ll be sure to put up a Display Only sign or something for them, so you won’t have to worry about anyone taking anything.”

Fortuna’s eyes went alight, quite literally, as she gazed over at the vacant racks. “And I’ll be able to regale ponies about my travels! Quite the shrewd solution, Traveler!”

Her response was more than he could have asked for, leaving Anon to grin from ear to ear. With her agreement freely given, he put his hastily laid plan to action. Squeezing back behind her, he carefully began extracting her possessions and putting them on display. The entire operation would have been a simple affair, had she not stopped to comment on each and every one of them.

As he studiously relocated her goods, he was stricken by just how varied they all were. A gemstone crown from the dragon lands, what appeared to be a patchwork quilt, a small painting of an antlered deer, a spare tarot deck, a satchel of what looked like runes - her innards were a veritable treasure trove of goods. Though she had a story for them all, he found a few of her claims dubious.

According to her, several of the objects had been gifts from dignitaries or nobles. He couldn’t rightly say if it was common practice for the royalty of Equestria to bequeath an automaton with offerings, although the concept sounded odd - still, it was an entertaining way to spend the evening. Before he knew it, he’d cleared her compartment of all her effects - all her effects, that was, but one.

As her lower half had been emptied, he’d finally been able to get a decent look at how she functioned. A dizzying array of cogs, gears, screws, and actuators lay affixed to the underside of her body, surrounding a rather ominous box bedecked with warning labels and hazard stickers. He assumed the emblazoned case housed whatever was powering her, though that isn’t what caught his eye. Jammed in the sprockets and wheels was a stuffed rabbit.

Pursing his lips, he cautiously freed the trapped plush from her metallic bowels. Sure enough, as soon as he’d extricated the felt bunny, he heard a deep sigh escape the fortune teller. “Hey,” he called, gently rapping her housing, “move around for a second.” He presumed she’d done what he asked, for her clockwork started moving around freely and unimpeded. Pleased with the results, he gave her a spritz of lubricant, withdrew from her confines, and buttoned her back up.

“That feels much bett…” she trailed off, seeing him step into view. Her eyes locked on the stuffed animal in his grasp, her mouth flapped for a moment, and she slowly reached for the item. “I...I wasn’t sure she was still with me…”

Turning the rabbit over in his hands, staring down at it, Anon cocked his head. “What is it?”

“It is a treasure I was sworn to protect long, long ago,” she began, reverently taking it from his grasp. “Our herald and savior, twin sister of the moon, made me promise to guard her…”

The man’s head shot back in surprise. Surely she couldn’t mean who he thought she meant. “Well it looks like you did a pretty good job, since she’s still in one piece,” he chuckled, grinning down at her. “Do you want me to-”

“No,” she cut him off, “I would like her to stay here with me - if only for the night.”

The mention of night reminded the man of just how late it had gotten. Illuminated only by a light post and the automaton’s soft glow, he realized the sun had set some time ago. Despite having enjoyed his time with her, he’d need to get a meal and some rest for himself before long. Resigning himself to depart, happy that he’d addressed at least one of her problems, he patted her shoulder.

“Alright, just keep her close. I’m going to head home for the night,” he sighed, recovering his hat from the office. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Making his way to the exit and sliding the gate to, he gave her one last look. She hadn’t responded to him, fondly gazing upon and petting the plush in silence. He’d be sure to ask her more about the silly thing in the morning, since it seemed to mean so much to her - for now, his priorities involved some sleep and maybe a hayburger on his walk home.

The remainder of his evening was routine and tranquil. He’d gotten some takeout, given himself a shower, then passed out on his couch reading comics. Though he’d been a bit more tired than usual the morning following, since he’d stayed up later than usual, he still managed to get himself dressed and back to his post on time. It had begun as another sunny day, but things quickly took an intriguing turn.

“Traveler!” Fortuna bleated, spying him unlock and roll the gate open. “Traveler, you wouldn’t believe what happened!”

“Coming from you, that’s a stretch,” he grumbled, ambling over to her with coffee in hand.

Positively beaming, she waved the man closer. “She came! She came and praised me for my diligence!” she exclaimed.

Cocking a brow, Anon stepped closer. “Who came? The Princess?”

“Indeed! She was quite thankful that I’d guarded Madam Carrot Patch for so long!” she explained. “I had feared she’d forget about me and her dear confidant!”

“Truly, you’ve done a great service for the Empire. I want to hear all about it - but first, let me check the docket for the day,” he grinned, seeing himself into his office.

He’d heard a fair number of tall tales from the fortune teller, but this one took the cake. To think that one of the nigh immortal diarchs of the land had paid the rickety machine a visit was a bit of a stretch - still, made up or not, he wouldn’t mind hearing the story. Stepping into the tiny building and flicking the lights on, he froze; there, resting on his desk, was a very unique envelope.

There was nothing singular about the paper, and there wasn’t a bit of writing on the thing, although a wax seal emblazoned with the royal crest held it closed. Flicking it open, taking care not to damage the stamp, he shakily pulled a small note from its confines. The correspondence was brief, holding only four simple words, yet the ramifications were jaw dropping.

  • Take care of her,

Celestia

Comments ( 42 )

As an aside, I think this is the reasoning for the smartest guy in the Dilbert world canonically being that garbageman they never bother to name. Nearly as good access to raw materials as working in a lab, but with none of the expectations.

This is not Lewd!

Bruh, i did not expect it to be Celestia's toy bunny.

Well, I'm impressed. Especially with the ingenuity of the mystery.

Good work Leech.

This was a fun read, and definitely hilarious with the interactions. Thanks for this story!

Chapters 1, 5 and 50.

...That was something. On the one hand, it was obvious from the get-go that she'd be magical and more than what met the eye. On the other, it was well-executed, and I'm rather curious about what stories she might have, and just seeing her interacting with Anon and other people. She has a pretty good sense of humor. And I got to know the story behind that rabbit.

10482169
Who else could be "twin sister of the moon"?

Also, rabbits have historically been associated with the moon in various ways.

10482541
Well Princess Luna is the Moon's counterpart as Celestia is to the Sun, and I'm inclined to believe the royal sisters aren't twins, given the difference in height.

So I'm reading this, and the whole time I'm asking myself when do they........ then i realize it's only rated T.
Not bad Leech, not bad. This is going in my family friendly favorites book shelf.

10482628
They are twins as much as the sun and moon themselves are, not actually twins but the sisters are counterparts to each other.

i gotta say this was a really good read, leech. honestly hope for more about these two in the future

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ever since I saw that picture I hoped a fic about her would pop up, and now one did, and it's AMAZING, but it's over just like that??!? :pinkiegasp: I know this is marked as Complete, but I'd love to hear more of Anon and Fortuna's life together!

10482956
We may get more shorts with her in the future - with AnonTheAnon's blessing, of course.

I want to see more of this, u shall write more or I will have to bap your snout with a wet fish

Well, that must mean that she was not a simple machine for a long time

WOW, this story is totally AWESOME!!! :rainbowlaugh:

It's going into my Favorites file and I'm definitely giving this a big Thumbs Up, :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::yay::moustache:

This is a pretty good story, im surprised this story doesn't have more views considering your massive followers.

OK this was a good story and I would love to see a sequel just if people know who he is in the world then shouldn't he have a name I only know one story where the human being called anon worked and that was because the ponies knew nothing about him other than he was there and that they couldn't understand him.

Bloody genius of a short fic

Your constant shifting between hardcore fetish porn and wholesome slice of life is as entertaining as it is impressive. The fact that you excel at both is really amazing, I'm always looking forward to your next work. :twilightsmile:

I know this is a short story (a great one) but I'd JIZZ if you decided to make it a series. I love this wholesome barely-working piece of garbage.

You earned a fav!

I love the dynamic the two of them have

You know, I think this is the first story of yours I ever read that wasn't sexual in nature. But I enjoyed it all the same, made me chuckle.

10485762
I've written a few that are SFW. :raritydespair:

This needs an entire 50 chapter series and I would read all of it, but it still wouldn’t be enough.

This was a great read! I do hope you continue this as a series. I love how Mistress Fortuna has such a vexing charm towards Anon. I even kept wondering if when he finally opened her compartment access for maintenance if whether or not she'd have mechanical legs.
Thanks for putting out this story.

Comment posted by WarPonyAssassin deleted Oct 17th, 2020

10486151
Yes, but I was mistaken. The first SFW story of yours i read was "Applejack Robs a Bank" which i also loved

Alright I like it, this way different than what you usually write and I enjoy it. Hope you do as well because honestly that's all that really matters.

10490512
Aye, I had a blast writing it.

I, too, liked this.

This was a delight to read and the fact that it was Celestia's bunny was a gotcha moment for me I figured it was Luna's honestly.

Variety is the spice of life...a really good and funny fic I'm glad I gave it a read...hope to see more too :heart:

Man
I really want more of Fortuna and Anon interactions.
And Celly-Belly knew Fortuna? She must be ancient.

11090747
I'm actually working on more Fortuna stuff

This is Good.

With the way Fortuna looks in the picture I wouldn't be surprised if Discord was involved in some way, shape, or form.

To be serviced only by properly trained technicians!
Now about that broken glass...

This was amazing. Can't wait for more!

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