• Member Since 18th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 25th, 2019

CloudMagnet


T

Luna's isolation and difficult reentry into Equestrian life has left her without the confidence to communicate with the ponies around her. Especially the one pony she most wants to talk to. Celestia is angry, Twilight is upset and it's all her fault. Then she has an idea... She'll invite Twilight into her dreams. What could possibly go wrong?

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 177 )

Just to be sure (since :pinkiehappy: is a character listed) before I add this to the TwiLuna group this is a story of Twilight being shipped with Luna right?

Very nice start to the story, though it might have been better to end the chapter with Luna planning upon how she would meet Twilight.

:twilightsmile:

i think this is cool so far :twilightsmile:

ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE ACTIVATED lol I like were this is going. ALL ABOARD! WERE SHIPPING OUT! tracked.

My list of tracked things is getting a little long...:derpytongue2:

"Hence"-Adverb:
As a consequence; for this reason.
In the future (used after a period of time).
Synonyms:
therefore - consequently - thence - accordingly
"Remove thyself from our/my sight!" would be correct Middle English grammar. Hence is incorrect.

okay, this is to good not to holler "anchors aweigh" (launch ship).

*also a twilu shipper*

232771 Ah, in fact the usage in the story is quite correct. 'Get thee hence', from the Middle English 'hennes', 'from here'. Indeed, I can list at least one use of the phrase from the King James Bible and one from Shakespeare, and chances are at least one of the two are right!

I'm liking this idea :scootangel:
Can't wait to see where you're going with this

Thanks for all the comments, they mean a lot to me. I don't mind saying that I was pretty anxious before pressing that 'submit' button. I stared at it for two months! A great deal of the story is already written so I'll be trying to drop two chapters a week on you.

Thanks for the etymology Starfall, I love that stuff. I looked a bit further into it and found that 'hennes' came from 'heonan' meaning 'away from here'. Now I'm reading old english poetry :facehoof: 'The Ruin' from 'The Exeter Book' is awesome.

See? Ponies are educational! :twilightsmile:

233256
Thanks, you just went back a few centuries farther than I did, which is probably better in Luna's case anyways, I really appreciate the knowledge!

232715 I don't think I'm giving away any spoilers if I say that this story will have some TwiLuna (it is kind of the whole premise), so please add it to the group.
I think I'll be browsing that group myself very soon - TwiLuna got me into reading fanfic in the first place.

234436>>234695 You are both most welcome!

"What in Equestria had twilight been writing?"

"Luna knew spike's spidery handwriting from the many friendship reports she had read over Celestia's shoulder."

Uppercase.

UFB

Must agree with Gewnio on the checklist sentiment. Luna does seem a tad... aggressive at the end, as did twilights... calculations, still no regret from the track and had the star system still been in use, i would of given 6 stars, out of 5 :moustache:

241252

So instead give it 6 out of 5 staches like so: :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

241141 Fixed, thanks. I feel that we must now band together to push for a 'stache rating system! If I wanted stars I'd play Nintendo!

241337

And really bad fics could be rated in facehooves (:facehoof:). At the very least they should replace thumbs, as ponies do not have thumbs except for Lyra in her mind :rainbowwild:.

It's nice not to mention rather original to see a story featuring Celestia being protective of Twilight with Luna.

I like this Luna ...she isn't that usual near perfect or saintly version that I've seen in a lot of Twiluna fics but is instead is still a bit bitter and somewhat paranoid. It really makes her a more interesting character in this.

It'll be interesting to see how Luna goes around trying to make Twilight her consort in this and the reactions of the other characters to it.

had her bound and delivered to the castle in a pretty bow."

You never know Luna, Twilight could be into that sort of thing.

241927

Bitter? Unsual? :rainbowhuh: It is not that uncommon for Luna to still have issues in this ship, at least in the ones I have read. Most stories about them where written prior to Luna Eclipsed though.

Nice story, keep up the good work :rainbowdetermined2: and have some staches :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

A very ... forceful, I think is the best descriptor, Luna. This will be interesting!

Rate up = :moustache:
Rate down = :facehoof:
What are these thumbs you speak of?!
You have earned your :moustache: from me.

I love your description of the Equestrian sky!

From previous comments I now see that this story may only be rates with fabulous mustaches. As such,
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::heart:

242556
True enough; however a lot of the time the issues either get completely over done or written in such a way that it makes Luna sound somewhat Mary suish, something that you've avoided.

haha, angry Luna is a good Luna ^__^ anyway, a little to rushed for my taste and perhaps overdoing the trollestia a bit much... but then again maybe that was because it felt so rushed that made it feel like it filled a bit to much.

differently not as rushed as the first chapter (even if it was a prologue), still looks interesting. not to sure what else to say... not much was achieved during the 2nd chapter but that's just fine ^^ looking forward to the next chap =)

Lol. More evil plans?

255641 I can't express just how much I love this image. It's even more appropriate for Chap 3.

So now Luna turns to magic... and science. I wonder what kind of work is involved in inviting somepony into her dreams?

To the laboratory ... my my, this can only end in doubled fun!

In Luna's laboratory live's the smartest Mare the world!
Past the valted doors where impossible things may happen
that the world's never seen before, there is doom and gloom
where things go boom in Luna's labratory!

Sorry if that's not quite right but it's been year since I last heard the Dexter's lab ending theme and well the Luna's Lab bit put the old show into mind.

I can't wait to se where this is going, We have Nightmare Moon making Luna a VERY tempting offer and Luna herself attempting to get to know Twilight better in a rather round about way. Also I woder if the issue of twilight's mortality will be addressed. much as i love the twiluna parring most stories seem to skimm over that issue and focus more on the two coming tohether as a couple.

Perhaps someone who lives in a gilded palace should not look down on the ambitions of those who merely seek, in their brief time, a small fraction of the prosperity and luxury she has enjoyed since time immemorial....

Well now! I just started reading this fanfic and I must admit, I am truly enjoying it.

Definitely well written and amusing with a more devious Nightmare Moon. Really quite a good read.

I hope you continue and soon!

5/5 Mustache's for you!
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:
Indeed.
Also 'Bound and delivered to the castle in a pretty bow'.
Swag:rainbowwild:

awesome story, only problem is that i want more, alot more... :pinkiehappy:

317451 and you'll get more!

The next few chapters are in the editing stage now. Sorry for taking so long with the updates. Those who are tracking my other story 'Traces' have it worse though :twilightblush:. Both stories are in the same timeline from different points of view so I'm taking the time to make sure they work together. Maybe I just like making things difficult for myself, but without strong head-canon how can we write? :twilightsmile:

Very interesting chapter. More please.

Oh dang. :pinkiegasp: That's honestly quite a shock.

A good update!

Looking forward to more.

While I like how the chapter is written, I feel that it doesn't belong with the current story.

It takes too much attention away from what happened in the previous chapters (especially Luna's romantic interest in Twilight)
And Luna wouldn't leave without Celestia ? They're both space dwellers and have settled down to create ponies? interesting ideas, but it does call a lot of the romance into question (or downright bewilder the readers).

Erg.... This was going pretty good until Luna started musing upon pre-history and how she and her sister are some sort of eternal alien beings who created life, created ponies, etc. The whole alicorns-as-goddesses thing always rubs me the wrong way. Why does it keep cropping up in fictions?

255641 You should see the checklists Lord Valvatorez gets Fenrich to make for us, dood. hold on, let me calculate this in my awesome prinny mind, 1 foot =2.5 hoof?, our lists are commonly 10 hooves long and 3 hooves thick and thats just one day of work for 50 prinnies, dood.

ON a side note, u get :moustache::moustache::yay::yay::pinkiehappy: from me dood, I likes this

I think it crops up because of the raw power they are implied to have coupled with how incredibly long lived they are, the added fact of rarity also helps to make the case for them being beyond mortal kin.

I rather liked the whole prehistory bit I thought it made for some good worldbuilding and even some pathos given that Luna is the one who made the ponys yet because of the need for them to be out in the light of the sun they drifted to Celestia for the most part.

Also I thought the idea of Luna having more trouble then she thought controlling the fraction of Nightmare's power she needed to tap into was very intresting and well done, even though she regretts her actions in that state of being she still faces many of the same issues that drove her to it in the first place coupled with new issue such as cultural isolation given to how she is from another time as it were.

The whole point that Luna brought up about twilight was good too. Nightmare could easily take twilight captive but bar some Discordian tactic she wouldn't be able to get her to act as she wished of her. We also see how Nightmare and luna view her the former sees her as nuaght but a posetion something desireble and novel she wishes to own. While the latter shes her as the wonderfull pony who not only truely understands Luna's work but feels a grand passion for it as well. She also sees how much intrest Twilight has in her as a pony through the letters she has "borrowed" from her sister.

Though I will admit even Luna is being somewhat short sighted here. She marks Twilight as the one thing that Luna can have that Nightmare can't take by force, the one thing she seems to want most. Yet i don't think that she is thinking long term here as Twilight is a mortal a powerfull one yes but still a mortal yet she holds the heart of an immortal being this is an issue that many Twilight Luna stories seem to gloss over though I'm sure that it will be addressed in this story at some point in time.

What I'm most looking forward to though is seeing Luna's plan not only develop but being put into action. Once she has a way to invite Twilight into her dreams how will she go about doing so as they are on diffrent sleep shceduals for the most part. After that how far can thier relationship even extrend as the issue of marridge was just addressed in this very chapter I really want to see what will happen next.

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