Idly humming a nocturne that was ancient before ponies had settled the gentle grasslands south of Canterlot, Luna glided low across Ponyville.
As Luna passed over the town square she noted that her favourite unicorn was abed. Intricate technical dreams wound about the living library tree in delicate lilac threads. Twilight’s brilliant mind wrought forks and whorls of inquisition and speculation into her dreams that would terrify one of merely mortal intellect.
Despite her decidedly non-mortal intellect, Luna herself felt a little uneasy. Looking too long at the structure of Twilight’s filigree dreams gave a pony a feeling similar to staring at a clever optical illusion.
Intrigued, Luna slowed, sloping into a lazy loop around the Golden Oaks Library.
I have an hour in hoof before my sisters dawn strips the secrets from the sky. Why not unwind with some harmless fun? If I watch from a careful distance Twilight will never know I am here.
I don’t need to interfere with her dream. Or even touch it. I’ll be Just like.. like a radio, tuning in to her beautiful imagination..
With a nicker that would not have been out of place coming from a naughty foal planning a raid on a cookie jar, Luna snugged herself down into a handy cumulus, puffing up a nice pillow of puffy vapour.
Using the very tips of her great dark wings, she rowed the cloud like a tiny boat down towards Twilight’s bedroom window.
Luna studied the soft tendrils of Twilight’s dream. When viewed from up close, it is much akin to an elegant flowering vine. Here is an inviting flower, just reach out and...
A brash voice cut across Luna’s concentration. “Hey, princess. Watcha doin’?”
“Gaah..” Luna’s wings whipped out in shock, neatly demolishing the top half of the cloud. “Element of Loyalty, what are you doing out so early?”
“Just Rainbow Dash will do, Princess. Nothing much, I was just flying back from a Wonderbolts show in Baltimare, it took a little longer than I thought.”
Luna was genuinely impressed. “You flew all the way from Baltimare in one flight? I am surprised Rainbow Dash, I had thought my sister and I the only ponies capable of that sort of journey, though dragons will do such on a whim.”
Not waiting for an invitation, Rainbow Dash settled onto Luna’s cloud and stretched her wings, inspecting the primaries carefully.
“Well, you princesses might have the huge wings, but it’s not all about size you know. There are wicked updraughts all the way through the Foal Mountains. Catch those up to where the air gets thin and you have the height to glide for miles. Just watch out for ice on your wings.”
“Most impressive Rainbow Dash, but please take care, riding those mountainous ridge lifts can be very dangerous. I understand that you mortal ponies have an affinity for breathing air. You would be in great peril if you blacked out.”
“Yeah, yeah.”, Rainbow Dash waved a dismissive hoof. “That’s only happened to me twice. And I only hit the ground the first time. You’ve got to push the boundaries to be the best you know.”
Luna was entirely uncertain how she should respond to that. “Well, I guess..”
Evidently satisfied with her inspection, Rainbow Dash furled her wings and leaned in, conspiratorially, “Sooo, Princess, why you are staring at Twi’s library?”
“Wha.. I’m just ..um.. napping Rainbow Dash, this cloud seemed somewhat convenient.”
“Yeaahhh, right. I’m a weather pony, Princess. I know clouds and I see your hoofprints all over this one. It’s also totally at the wrong altitude. You moved it here and shaped it. What are you up to? Has Twi done something wrong? Is she in trouble?”
Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves over her chest and lowered her brow, “Are you a spy?”
“A spy? I’m not spying on anypony...” Luna felt her face glowing red.
Rainbow Dash facehoofed. “Ooooh. I get it now. Flutters used to do the same thing to me before we became friends at flight school.”
Shimmying over to Luna’s side, Rainbow Dash put a hoof around Luna’s neck, bringing their faces close together. “So, you got a thing for our Twilight Sparkle, Princess?”
“No! no.” Luna recoiled. “We are just concerned for the welfare of one of our loyal subjects. Twilight has the special attention of Celestia after all, we like to make sure that she is safe.”
Obviously enjoying her game, Rainbow pushed up a cushion of vapour and lazily stretched. “Yeah, not buying it. Look, Luna, it’s like this...”
The eyebrow Luna raised in response to that uninvited familiarity would have sent most courtiers scrambling for the nearest exit, be it door or window.
This Rainbow Dash is either made or sterner stuff than the courtiers, or she is totally oblivious. I honestly cannot tell which may be the case. Why, it’s rather refreshing. Luna mused.
The genuinely oblivious Rainbow Dash continued: “All of us girls look out for the others, OK? We’re a little worried about Twilight ourselves. It looks like she hasn’t found anypony special and we think she might be lonely, but she’s too much of a nerd to do anything about it.”
“You seem to be saying that the other elements have all found partners?”
“Well, yeah. I guess. I’ve got someone I look out for. As for the other girls, Pinkie is only one I know of who isn’t hooked up, and who knows what she’s really thinking.”
Rainbow stopped to think, carefully choosing her next words.
“What I’m saying Luna, is that we have your back, OK? We want to see Twi happy and I guess it was obvious that it was going to have to be a Princess.”
Despite having serious misgivings with the direction of the conversation, Luna was intrigued. “Really? Why?”
“Well, raised by Celestia, brother in the royal guard and all that. Twi and I were hanging out a lot after she got me into reading. I thought she was cute, especially when she gets worked up about something, but she never saw me as anything but a friend, like the possibility of something more didn’t even exist.
I got friendzoned Luna. Me.”
Rainbow Dash thumped her chest with a hoof for emphasis.
“Me. The Dash. Most awesome pony in Equestria. I bet if I had a horn to go with these wings things would have been different.”
Luna was uncertain whether to be offended in Twilight’s defense. “It’s like you are saying that she is shallow.”
“Not shallow, Luna. It’s more like...”
Rainbow idly scratched her head as she thought. “Twi needs something special. She reads so many things in those books of hers. Books from all over Equestria and all through time, for as long as ponies have been writing stuff down.
It’s like nothing in the real world, right here in Ponyville, is enough to grab her. She needs something totally new, unknown to just any pony with a book in her library.”
Rainbow Dash spread her wings, poised for flight.
“I guess that means you. Goodnight Luna. Don’t leave Twi waiting too long OK?”
--
Luna glided towards Canterlot, with just the occasional beat of her dark wings to keep above the tops of the neat ranks of apple trees covering the twilit hills beneath her. Discomfited the ease with which Rainbow Dash had seen through her misdirection, she had opted to leave Twilight’s dreams be and fly straight home.
A hair’s breadth of sunlight crested the low hills, bringing warm colours to the cheerful red silos and farmhouses of Sweet Apple Acres. Before the doors of a large red barn a figure could be seen moving.
Luna stopped dead in the air and simply stared, mouth agape.
“As Rainbow Dash said, size isn’t everything. But for some fillies, there’s just no substitute. He’s perfect.”
--
Celestia grimly speared another breakfast cake with her elegant silver fork. The utensil visibly beginning to bend from the wild strength with which it was gripped.
“Sister, dear.” Luna ventured. “You are going to break another one. Calm yourself please.”
The teleknesis field vanished as the frustrated Celestia gave up and simply ate the cake directly from her plate, in the manner of an earth pony.
Luna sipped from a delightful contrivance she had recently discovered .. a ‘box’ of juice, and tried without success to prevent her own admittedly infuriating grin from widening any further.
Celestia could stand it no longer. “Luna, I know that smile all too well and it always portends disaster. Will you not tell me what you are planning? The court will not stand for another prank.”
Luna adopted an air of wrongful hurt, her hoof dramatically held over her heart. “Sister, all I have planned for today is the delivery of my sincere apology for the recent troubles I have caused you. Is it wrong that fulfilling my duties as a princess and honouring my beloved sister makes me happy?”
Celestia’s eye twitched. Luna’s huge smile seemed to contain more teeth than was anatomically possible for a pony. “Have you given any more thought to writing to Twilight Sparkle?”
Luna seemed lost in thought. “Who came up with the idea of putting juice into a box? Of all things, a box? What an astonishing feat of lateral thinking. That pony should be commended, perhaps a national holiday would be appropriate.”
Celestia let out a huge sigh and rose from her cushions. “Have it your way, then. I must now prepare for court. Pleasant dreams, sister.”
Luna’s grin returned in force. “Oh no sister, no bed for me. There are errands I must perform ere my apology is presented, for I shall do so personally.”
“That will not be necessary sister, a missive would suffice.”
Luna drew the last of the juice through the straw with a protracted slurp before setting her grin to radient.
“I really must insist.”
--
Applejack furrowed her brow. “Okay, so Ah understand that you had a right royal row with your sister and you want to give her a present to make up for it. That part at least is kinda normal.
What Ah don’t understand is why that present has to be my brother. And what’s up with this here bow?”
Big Mac looked dolefully over his shoulder at the huge pink bow adorning his back. Applebloom and Scootaloo were deftly wrapping his body artfully in wide swathes of matching ribbon while Sweetie Belle directed.
“In my time, Miss Applejack, to be so chosen was regarded as an honour, and the bow is strictly ceremonial.” Luna was absently wiggling a quill with her levitation, trying to get just the right wording on the apology card. Satisfied, she pinned the card to the ribbon crossing Macintosh’s huge chest.
“But Princess, a pony belongs to themselves, an all of that serfdom and servitude stuff was done away with hundreds of years ago, it just don’t seem right. Meanin' no disrespect, he’s needed here on the farm.”
“Oh, Applejack”, Luna was laughing now, “There seems to have been a misunderstanding. Master Macintosh will only be needed for one night.”
Comprehension dawned in Applejack’s eyes and she began to smirk. “Well, Mac did say he was saving himself for some special mare.”
Luna adopted a wry expression. “I assure you Miss Applejack, they don’t come any more special than my sister.”
Applejack leaned in and her tone turned conspiratorial. “But he’s come straight from the plowin' the north field, shouldn’t we at least give him a brush and a bath?”
“Oh, no Applejack. I have known my sister many lifetimes of mortal ponies and I know exactly where her - ahem - preferences lay. Just as he is will be more than fine.”
“Well, shouldn’t we at least take off the plowing collar?” Applejack whispered.
“No, no, no.” Luna sidled up to Big Mac, giving him a playful brush with her tail, “The plowing collar stays right where it is. Unless of course...” Luna looked playfully up at Big Mac from under her lashes, “my sister wants to try it on.”
Big Mac’s eyes dilated as his imagination caught up to the conversation, he sat down heavily, much to the annoyance of the Cutie Mark Crusaders straightening the ribbons, a goofy grin growing on his broad face.
Applejack looked up into her big brothers wool-gathering face, feeling a little out of place. It's like I never woke up this morning and I'm still stuck in one of those strange dreams, like the ones where you go to school and find out you've got pants on. I guess it's always a bit like that when the Princesses are around.
“Well, what do ya say Big Mac, are you sure you’re okay with being a .. present for her majesty Princess Celestia?”
As if from a long way away Big Macs gaze shifted down to his sister. “Eeyup.”
“But," Applejack fretted, "Princess, what do we tell ponies. The whole dang town could see you coming here in that.. er.. whatever you call that thing.”
Luna paused as she led a beaming Big Mac onto her gothic monstrousity of a chariot. “Such is not my concern Miss Applejack and my sisters propriety is not mine to keep. I do not feel that I adequately understand these times well enough to offer you counsel. In my day a family so honoured would hold a rather wild and saucy celebration and involve the whole town.”
“Ya mean Ah should hold a ‘My brothers gettin’ laid by Princess Celestia' party?”
Luna settled into her opulent seat, as her coachmare stepped down to close the door. “In this matter I trust your judgement, element of honesty, to do such as you feel fit.”
Applejack doffed her hat, holding it to her chest. “Ah’d better give Pinkie a call I think.”
---
Luna drew the curtains against the late afternoon sun and fell happily into bed, still giggling. She had presented her special gift to Celestia at the closing of the day court. Courtiers had frozen in place with their mouths open as the huge hunky workhorse had paced evenly down the red carpet sporting a wide, confident grin, the giant pink bow flapping against his sides as his muscles visibly rippled beneath.
Aghast, Celestia had watched Big Mac approach. She had levitated the card from his chest, read it with a stoic expression, then facehoofed.
Luna snuggled down into the comforter, satisfied with the days outcomes. Celestia had closed the court immediately and given her sister a look that could frighten a basilisk, but she had not sent the huge workhorse away.
Perhaps some of the old ways could still be salvaged.