Just a mediocre writer and yuri fanatic. Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/yuri_fanatic
Anon finds himself having to turn into a filly to start over and attempt at a new life. He ends up being adopted by none other than Trixie as they travel throughout Equestria; slowly coming to terms living together and finding out about each other's dark past.
Original Script/Draft: https://pastebin.com/rvmJj7bs
Note: I plan on rewritting and continuing this story since it hasn't updated in over 4 years.
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Hey chief, haven’t read the story yet, but 24k words? Fucking hell man I’m gonna he reading this all day and not even get half way through.
10340334
I suppose I could divide up the text into smaller separate chapters.
10340334
That's like a good 1-2 hours of reading. What are you on about?
I love me some words. Preferably lots of them.
You should add more details to indicate who is speaking, it's easy to confuse Trixie and Hornet while they're talking to Grim. Indicating the current speaker is different in greentext, while in prose it can be necessary to put "Anon said" after Anon says something. Other than that I really liked the story so far, good job.
This story sounds like it needs a dark tag. Why isn't there one?
10340828
I don't think it's quite that much yet. Maybe in the future I'll include it.
This is great!
10340640
I mean, if you take around 24,000 words divided by 60 minutes you get 400 words/minute, which is much much faster than most people can read. That's if you can read that much in an hour. Not saying you can't, but you know . . . food for thought?
What a meaty read!
Im absolutley loving this so far, the world building and the way characters interact is fantastic.
With how magic works in this story I'm wondering if it's even conceivable for a pony to go full Vlad and laugh and take a few decades to regenerate in the face of death. It's been a great read and I adore Grim even if I know I won't remember her name at all.
10340953
400 words a minute isn't difficult to achieve, especially if you really enjoy the story. It barely feels like reading and more like experiencing the story itself even if reading at that speed is a bit inaccurate at times. Even reading these 24000 words in two hours is only 200 words per minute which is easy to do for most people if the subject is interesting enough.
This... I like this. I'm keeping at least three sets of eyes on this story.
I am now curious about this story. It's in my tracking now. 👏
Question: What is the point of Second Person narration? It's rather jarring for a story to tell me that I'm the protagonist, when I'm just sitting here and reading fiction.
10341610
Well it was originally a green text story from 4chan. At first I thought about transitioning the entire thing to first person, but then I thought perhaps keeping it second person would keep it's charm from being of course an Anon.
You need to learn the wonders of
Horizontal Rules!
Also, a thirteen-year-old drinking hard liquor? Hello brain damage...
No, that's just the alcohol. You should be fine in your next life. Or maybe there's a spell for it.
10341373
That's true. I typically take my time with a story, which is just a fancy way of saying I don't enjoy reading fast. Gives me headaches, especially when it is on a screen. To each their own, I suppose.
there's no small amount of irony with how you've used the phrase in this sentence, considering the full saying is actually "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", which means the bonds you forge are stronger than those you're born with
10342251
Yeah, I've noticed that. Although to be fair, it's an easy misconception to make for an anon.
Oh shit, someone is actually continuing my old story? Never thought that would happen lol
10342310
Oh you wrote this? Sweet. Hope you don't mind me basically stealing it. Had no way to contact you.
You could always have it back if you want. I just wanted to see this story come to light and bring it a continuation. I'm not very confident in my own writing, but if you'd allow me I'd be grateful to expand on your story. Even more so if you gave me some of your old notes and plots going on so I can have a better idea on what's going on. Both anonfilly and Trixie's backgrounds are in the dark for me and it's difficult trying to pinpoint their motivations and goals.
10342339
By all means, keep going. Your writing is fine imo, practice makes perfect after all. I will be looking forward to future updates.
I never made notes for my stories, I just wrote what came into my mind and seemed fitting at the moment. I will try to remember in which direction I wanted the story to go and message you if I succeed.
10342361
Alright thanks! Although I technically haven't wrote anything yet. All of this was copied and pasted from your pastebin. I'll try to live up to expectations regardless!
10342369
Really? Must have been forever since I last have read my story.
10342379
Probably the case, or some other anon made their own small contribution before the greentext was archived.
10342390
I created a paste on my pastebin for ya. I will put anything I remember there.
10342396
Thanks!
Pretty sweet so far my dude. Appreciate the effort put into the longer chapters
media.tenor.com/images/210681d6ca7aaa4bfde14c3579b8b94d/tenor.gif
I'm really diggin this story so far, and my curiosity is in an all time high not only for the future but also for the past. How they met, what's anon history, etc. Keep at it.
10341616
That still doesn't answer my question. What is the appeal of Second Person narration?
10343870
And it also helps to cater to the Anonymous audience on 4chan since this story is where it originated from.
Need to fix the "Slowly but ever so surely changing you against your will.And you can't do a single thing about it. Fuck..." to "Slowly but ever so surely changing you against your will and you can't do a single thing about it. Fuck..."
10346185
Thanks! Been corrected.
Such a captivating story! I am really liking the slowly growing relationship of Trixie and Hornet. Thank you for continuing this!
10346382
Eeeh, sorry for not putting anything into the pastebin. I have been kinda busy this week, but I will try to get to it in the next few days.
10358592
That sounds good!
I'm really enjoying this so far!
I await the next chapter with baited breath! This is some damn fine fiction
10343881
I only saw this comment yesterday, because you posted it in a different chapter. They really need to fix that...
I finally put my ideas in my pastebin... I was kinda drunk (really drunk) when I wrote them down, but I hope they will still help you. Sorry for the delay-
I hope what I wrote makes any sense.
10411954
Oh don't worry, this was exactly the drunken mess I was looking for. If Zun managed to make Touhou while completely drunk on beer, then this will be no less valuable.
10412180
Heh thanks. Tell me if something is unclear, also I might add or change something in the near future. Once I find the strength to actually look at the drunken mess I wrote.
Good stuff so far!
Well, at least she wasn't hurt too badly by her summons... I'm curious to see how her affinity to the Beast Wind will affect her magic attempts. And Grim was right, that was a cute moment between Trixie and Hornet.
This has too much cute...oh I might explode.
Man, I love this story. Keep up the fantastic work!
10343870
Literally self-insert. Not as in 'author insert', but as you.
Second person when done correctly can be captivating. Like riding the story in actuality, as if you're there. Though, stories that can do this are far and few between.
This one's pretty good, but not the best, far as second-person goes. It's good enough to be enjoyable, but not THAT good as in it actually made me feel like anonfilly trotting along with Trixie.
Bloody delicious. Love the story. Keep it up!