- Member Since 14th Jun, 2014
- offline last seen 8 hours ago
CopperTop
A Graduate of the Don Bluth School of Making the Protagonist Suffer.
CopperTop
Joined 14th Jun, 2014 ·
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Please tell me you are looking for a cover art for this story...
https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku
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@CopperTop...
1. Pretty good start.
- a.) No glaring writing errors that I saw on the first read-through.
- b.) A hearty Word Count is generally a positive sign; it shows you invested [time + effort] towards this story.
2. Though as a (long retired) Classic-era BattleTech player, I might suggest some refinement of your label-uses somewhat...
- a.) I would have named the Star League the "Harmony League", since that (near-)Utopian era was when the Inner Sphere was united (thus "harmony"), and lost (and later reformed with the Clan Wars).
- b.) "Celestia" and "Luna" could be attached to the larger Successor States, to better represent the ancient initial conflicts that shattered the Star (Harmony) League. Perhaps the Federated Suns (Celestia[l] Federation) and Lyran Commonwealth (Luna[r] Commonwealth), which later unite together.
- c.) As for the Inner Sphere itself, you could just leave that as is.
3. While the Draconis Combine would seem like an obvious choice for dragons, I think a kirins would be far more thematically, and more importantly culturally, appropriate.
4. Definitely like the use of "Crystal Knights" for early-era BattleMechs (-Steeds). That can be good long-term set-up for when the Crystal Empire returns in some form. (Not sure I would use The Clans though.)
5. Also like the use of Breezy (BattleMech Wasp) and Big Mac (BattleMech Atlas).
10233530
Thank you for the input! Trust me, I've been battling with names for a good while. Heck, one or two changed just as I was doing a final pass of this chapter during posting! I promise you that I've got plans for the Clans, Dragons, Griffons and a few other races, as well as origins for why some of the names are the way they are. Though, even those may yet change as the draft progresses.
Please do stick around! There's five more chapters in the pipe right now and this story will (hopefully) be updating every two weeks until completion provided I can maintain my current momentum long enough...
I just hope I don't offend the sensibilities of too many OG BattleTech fans! Blending this into the MLP mythos is proving a bit of a challenge...
10233542
Yep, the biggest challenge for any CrossOver story is that you will be scrutinized on BOTH sources. So your execution has to be on-point to keep readers invested.
Hmmm. Seems less crossover and more BattleTech with a pony skin.
I'll keep an eye on it; it's not bad, but doesn't really feel like pony yet.
10233568
Yeah, I realize that i'm going to be walking a fine line. More MLP elements are coming, I promise. I just tend to go for "slow burns" on my longer pieces.
I hope you end up enjoying it!
10233568
.
Of course, you can't have a BattleTech story without the necessary Derpy Urbie
10234050
*totally not scribbling notes noises* >.> <.<
10234050
I remember laughing at the Urbie playing tabletop battletech. Everyone ignored him, but in the end he was kind of the hero because he was fresh and did a lot of stuff... never ignore the urbie, they will ruin your day... slowly... eventually... but will.
So... Squelch is not into warcrimes. Nice little story, interesting presentation of the characters. Flippin Slipshot is being the town bike and enjoying it in a dropship full o mare. Also kirins, that’s nice to see. Interesting that different houses have different species in charge.
10234050
10234904
Especially the nuclear-armed Urbie.
10235082
I can still see Dorian Carmine doing that to O'Connell. ALL HAIL THE URBIE!!!!
Curious to what lead to this
Just now saw your new story. I really like it so far. I haven’t been able to play BT in a while. Used to drive my group crazy as I used mainly quads. As I said, really enjoyed it. Definitely add to my reading list!
Reactor online, sensors online, weapons online, all systems nominal.
Drowning
Hmm so the plot thickens.
Hmm I wonder if in this version quads are common designs rather than bipeds.
This will be fun to see where it goes and how it relates to the Battletech universe.
so someone is posing as Twilight but where are the other alicorns. their should be 5 in total. NEED ANSWERS!
Nice!
10263540
I POINT YOU HERE.
blainepardoe.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/mwarrior.jpg
I really like the idea of having TROs at the end of the chapter. Even just giving us an idea either of what it can do or let us know whether a design is similar to a cannon design.
Bronco mech apparently isn't like a commando but man when I first saw it I thought it was a pony commando. The head gives me that feel and it also looks like has two sets of missile launchers and what maybe a laser.
10286338
The Commando was indeed used as a reference for the Wild Bronco. This'll be the case for a lot of the "Steeds"; they'll resemble or be inspired by BattleTech Mechs, but I can't promise there'll be much more of a corollary beyond that.
However, expect similar dossiers to continue, at least every other chapter. Mix-Up has offered to do a series of images for exactly this purpose, for which I'm very grateful!
Now sadly we wait longer for Twilight's story
10286422
While dossier is appropriate, the official term for Battlemech documentations is Technical Readout, or TRO.
there better be a sparkle class mech with a giant buck off laser cannon
10233568
Yeah, there was another battletech/pony crossover but the author pulled a few things out of nowhere and people got upset, then people continued to get upset until the author seemingly stopped writing it... A shame really. Maybe this will inspire him to continue? What do you think?
Wish we had more battletech mlp fics, battletech is an awesome series
Yeah srm suck. I always went lrm
Great update!
oh my goodness someone remembered battletech exists
10332419
31st Century Friendship
Though I am disappointed in the lack of balius, this is the succession wars so I suppose such a thing is unavoidable. Nonetheless, this is glorious glorious battletech, so I shall start reading this now.
When the clan invasion occurs will there be a clan Tartarus Humans who’s totem mech is bipedal?
10332427
The Clan Invasion's a ways off in the story, but I won't say something like that won't be the case ;)
10332453
Clans? More like Luna. So we know where two of the alicorns are. But still need Celestia, Cadance, and Flurry
The Price Of Glory by way of pony? Then again Star League caches are a recurring macguffin in Battletech.
Ok, not Price of Glory, something unique. At first was surprised that the main character might not have a BT mandatory tragic revenge based backstory but Slipshod seems interesting so I'll let it slide. I'm curious to see how he knows this Twilight is the real one.
It also seems odd that luna's name would be used as a curse if all memory of her has been deliberately erased.
What rough time is this in the BT timeline? Like 3025?
10333977
Glad you're finding it an interesting read!
As for a corresponding date...that's a little tricky to nail down actually. There's a lot of neat lore in BT in just about every decade of the source material that I want to include, while not needing to find some way to slog through nearly 50 years in-universe. So, some liberties are going to be taken with how closely certain events are happening together. I mean, yes, you're absolutely correct that things have a very 3025 feel right now.
However, let's just say that I don't want you to be too surprised if things start feeling like 3050 after only a few months in-story.
I invoke show-style perception of the flow of time, where they jumped from the first day of spring to the last day of fall in two episodes...
Oh no, the wobbies are chrysalis loyalists!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjc1tqt8WFY
Inserts awesome 90's battletech theme.
Well this was an interesting chapter I wonder if Twilight will get with the program before they decide to pick up the bounty on her?
Okay. I want to knock them all on the back of the heads. Use those brains of yours! Your crew are a mix of several species and the fact Crlestia's name is still used means there is some basic history. So you KNOW changelings are a thing. And that most of Twilights life she used the title Princess. Now you have a pony that all your scans say is an alicorn and claims to be Twilight. Don't just dismiss it! Hell you likely have records of when Twilight changed to queen and I bet it matched about the time you think your guest came from. For a merc company that is always looking for the inside deal to get the most profits. Missing these points drives me nuts!
This feels like an idiot ball moment. I am not asking them to believe everything at first but that pure dismissal when you know around then shit went down and not double check?
10357401
Ah, but what do the history books say was the case these days?
10357410
even what Chryssy could pull off she would have a hard time altering EVERYTHING. plus her arrogance would get in the way. she screwed up posngi as Cadance and try as she might she can't eliminate knowledge of the changelings existing. thus idiot ball
Will this story be as long as Fallout Equestria: Legacies?
Another great chapter, Discovering that Slipshod was in fact a Changeling Agent sent out to starve and die, and just randomly happen to stumble upon Princess Twiligth, and almost immediately got spotted out as a changelling by her. I wonder if he is playing both sides for his own benefit or that he really wants to make Chrysalis pay for what she did to him? From the looks of things he really is sticking his neck out for Twilight even if she isn't very cooperative and even nearly killed him, he is putting a lot of faith into her.
10383796
Heh...frankly, I didn't think Legacies was going to be as long as Legacies when I started writing it; so take anything I say here with a grain of salt.
That being said: doubtful? (probably. I think...) The current pacing should take it to 500k~ words.
Great update! Loving the story so far!
explains alot. Jeeze Twilight. the FIRST thing you should have done with that statue was put it somewhere secure. a layered defense so when it the spell failed you would have to get past so much more. So now the question is. What happened to the other alicorns? I figure Luna has that Empire but what of the others?