Twilight, the All-Slayer

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Comments ( 12 )

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ScourgeofLightning

ScourgeofLightning #1 · Nov 17th, 2017 · 4 · · Part I ·

You desperately need an editor to fix up your grammar and sentence structure. Furthermore, Twilight's development into a deranged killer is rather rushed and unexplained. Some more focus could be spared to that. Also, the fight scenes require far more details to avoid being treated as after thoughts.

Thurnis

Thurnis #2 · Nov 17th, 2017 · 1 · · Part I ·

8556048

Yup, this was kinda rushed and i am still editing it as well as patching it up, but thanks for the heads up man!

WUBZ-_-Vinyl

WUBZ-_-Vinyl #3 · Nov 17th, 2017 · · · Part I ·

Just the description alone made me want to add this to my library of stories to read later! like holy crap i cant wait until more chapters are out.

K-O-D-E-X

K-O-D-E-X #4 · May 24th, 2019 · · · Part I ·

This is so over the top and hillarious theres no build up it was just like HIYA! imma kill everyone! say did you base this story off of HATRED cause got dam son they have similar plotlines

Umbra Animo

Umbra Animo #5 · Aug 10th, 2019 · · · Part II ·

Personally while happy to see a second chapter. I’m a little disappointed it just went to her just killing. The original had a reason for it. But not this one and I’m not one for just killing. The original first chapter inspired one of my longest stories I am working on off this site(though with how the one on site story is thats not saying much) and I even have a sort of spin of story of this based off that original chapter in ky head. But this chapter did nothing but look interesting at first with slayers tired of the fighting look and end with her just killing for no reason and ended disappointmenting for me.

Thurnis

Thurnis #6 · Aug 10th, 2019 · · · Part II ·

9774130

Well atleast you were inspired enough to make your own twist on it! I'm hoping to see more of your work in the future, Umbra!

But still, thank you for the advice. This Chapter was more of a resurrection of my writing style after 2 years, and that last part of mine was a edit of a previous version I tried my best to fit into the story. That is my 2017 self right there. She degrades herself more and more through the years and while she "retires", she is still the All-Slayer. The All-Slayer of a 1000 worlds, and even more. Nothing can stop her massive bloodlust. It's not even about vengeance really anymore for her. Her depression and thought of hopelessness and not even wanting the name 'Twilight Sparkle' is only proceeded by her trying to find her lost friends, and she'll do anything to find them. My writing style has changed and I know just killing doesn't do much anymore, but I still wanted to have some kind of ending where she still proves she can wield the blade.

Umbra Animo

Umbra Animo #7 · Aug 10th, 2019 · 1 · · Part II ·

9774171
I actually do plan to ask if you mind if I make that spinoff. Witch is based more on part 1 over part 2

Umbra Animo

Umbra Animo #8 · Aug 10th, 2019 · · · Part II ·

9774171
Oh and thanks for the encouragement and favorite hopefully I can get off my lazy but and finish chapter 4

Thurnis

Thurnis #9 · Aug 10th, 2019 · · · Part II ·

9774172

Oh course Umbra! Feel free to make it! Make the All-Slayer's adventures happen!

Just be sure to credit me! ;)

ponybornhuman

ponybornhuman #10 · Aug 10th, 2019 · · · Part II ·

Nice to see a second chapter. Seems like Twi's a bit quick to go back to her killing and violent ways, then again she has been like that for 750ish years. It is hard to go back on old ways. The Raul and All Slayer conflict seem like an interesting plot point that will probably crop up again later. Overall if you write more, I will continue to read it and see where this story goes.

Aether Spark