• Member Since 16th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 1st, 2018


I'm a historian by training, a teacher by trade.


"It's so nice to see you again!" said the thing that was not Celestia. "Oh yes, I know who you are, Twilight Sparkle. I had a taste of your magic the first time we met. Mortals forget things so easily, I find. Allow me to refresh your memory: you tried to kill me. But you failed, Twilight Sparkle. You only mostly killed me. And I guess that makes you one very unlucky little pony."

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 604 )

I'm seeing this pic of adult spike on a lot of stories. What do you guys think? Leave it or remove it? :duck:

Tracking and five stars.


wow! absolutely wonderful! cant wait to read more :pinkiehappy:

First off, great writing thus far. I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Second off, a couple issues with the story. First, you have earned my eternal ire by turning Fluttershy into an adulteress (Unless this does turn out to be a hilarious misunderstanding, in which case never mind). Second, and more importantly, is the Nightmare "presence" (For lack of a better word) really that powerful? I mean, is it honestly capable of enslaving the most powerful being in the world in just a few minutes? No subtle build-up, no mysterious voices in the back of Celestia's head slowly turning her against everyone she's ever loved? I mean, it's your story obviously, but that does come across as a bit overpowered/fast.

Other than that, I'm greatly enjoying this. Keep it up.

71995 Thank you for your comments! To your first issue: there's more to this than meets the eye, I promise. To your second: this was supposed to be a deliberate mystery to drive the plot but you made me realize I hadn't explained it...at all! =) So I changed a few things and added a paragraph in the final scene to help clarify. THANK YOU. I will leave comments on your stories as well.

72199 Well, well, well. That does make things more interesting.

Yeah, I think adding in Luna's thoughts really helped there at the end, and I'll wait to see how the Fluttershy thing develops. Looking forward to your next update then.

Damn that was good :> when da next chapter?

When I finished reading this chapter, I noticed that I had unconsciously tilted my chair forward, so that I was as close to my computer as I could possibly be. I'm fairly certain that's a good sign.

Your writing is top-grade in terms of showing vs telling, and you give just enough detail to create a wonderful image in my head without bogging down the story. Great job thus far; I'm very glad I ended up tracking this.

Also, was anyone else reminded of Full-Metal Alchemist when they saw that pentagram?


This is so good! You have talent! can't wait for the next chapter!


I've decided to publish smaller chapters, since I think ch1 and ch2 suffer from tl;dr syndrome. Expect another update this Wednesday at 4pm Pacific.

Cmon Spike!That was VERY un-bawws like of you!:flutterrage:

125102 As long as they make it out, I kinda expected the new Rainbowdash to be more loyal though.:moustache:

127149 He had to choose his loyalties and his ultimate loyalty is to the Princesses, Equestria, and Twilight. It's not like he ditched them to smoke a J behind the dumpster. :rainbowkiss:

Properly that would be equus non gratus. (Or equa non grata, if you wanted feminine-as-default.) Of course in Spike's case that would really be draco non gratus, but I assume that juxtaposition was intentional.

I've gone through chapter one and I like what I'm reading a lot :twilightsmile:

Some constructive criticism, I suppose... First, speech needs to be depicted really, really distinctly from thought. The way I write is something like:
Twilight Dawn shook her head in pure disgust. That could never be HIS doing. He'd never act like that. She raised his voice a little, and she went on, "I'll never listen to you, Iron Fillings."

The way you mix speech with thought is... I don't know. It came across as frustrating. And I know that you wanted the sensation of voices inside one's head, but I would try to convey that a little differently.

Second, I know exposition is inevitable. It's pretty difficult to handle well. Yet it just seemed... I don't know, but reading Pinkie with Twilight-- I just couldn't shake the thought of "Oh, yes, it's exposition". I felt like tuning out a bit. There's got to be some way to convey this more in action rather than words. If Spike and Twilight had this badass battle recently while building up some personal history-- then why not show the darned thing itself? Not just refer back to it in dialogue? That way the emotions between them become clearer. I'm thinking of Goldeneye, which begins with 006 and 007 on a little adventure together at the chemical weapons plant.

Third, a lot of the dialogue seems 'human-esque', if that makes any sense. Rarity mentions "older men". Pinkie Pie calls her a "cougar". It seems a bit contrary to the spirit of the show.

But, of course, by in large I loved it. :yay:

145075 Thank you so much for your detailed review! I have gone back and addressed each problem you brought to my attention. :raritywink:

Time for mass view spam.

Smooze, Hehe. I think somepony watches Friendshp is Witchcraft. :raritywink:

This is quite excellent. The writing, plot, and characterization are all exemplary. Write on, brony~

Saw this on Equestria Daily, actually the first fanfic I've read for mlp. And, well damn dude. From the preview to the opening, you definitely had me intrigued. Enough that I read every chapter. And will probably be checking ED for updates every chance I get.
I think the best part of this story is that every character seems perfectly consistent to their canon counterparts, albeit without the children's show filter on. It's actually jarring, in a very satisfying way if that makes sense, to have the deadly serious events happening while Pinkie and Dash are, well, being Pinkie and Dash. It helps make it feel like Friendship is Magic, even if the stakes are higher. And I absolutely love the matured Spike turned action hero.
Great Story.

:derpytongue2: lololol at the Doctor comment, intentional or not

Saw on equestria daily and piqued my interest, must say I'm enjoying the read quite a bit.:twilightsmile:

I am particularly impressed and sorta humbled by the battle between Celestia and Luna. I've been working on a fic that calls for a somewhat similar kind of alicorn battle, and reading this made me painfully aware of how perfunctory and inadequate my treatment of it was. I'll have to go back and do some rewriting now.

Why do authors here on fimfiction keep raising the bar for me, darn it?

Congrats on a well-written and engaging story!

Loving the story so far, keep up the great work!

Amazing fanfic! Very impressive. Great concept, great descriptive language. My only complaint is in one instance when Rarity dropped out of character, but minor details though, who cares :P
Can't wait to read the next chapter!

149155 feel free to send any preliminary drafts and such for previewing if you would so wish... brandon@brandonmitchell.net
(nifty email, huh?)

Bookmarked :pinkiehappy:

Very nice fic so far! No spelling or grammar mistakes as far as I can see, and good characterization also. As a side note, this sounds like a perfect fic for New Lunar Republic fans, and for once a good reason for their revolution to actually take place.

Really great story! Keep up the new chapters.:twilightsmile:

Is it youst me or the intro are from portal?

I absolutely LOVE this story. It's very well-written, the little nods to the past are intriguing, and the plot is very gripping. Incredibly well-done, and I can't wait to read more!

"tl;dr syndrome"? I for myself love long chapters, it gives the feeling of reading a real, long book.

The writing is neat and elegant, the story itself is enthralling and darker than I expected (which is a good thing, I like these stories). The Mane 6 seem sometimes a bit out of character, but how much did they age? 6 years was it, right? Well, that would explain the character development.
I'm confused why Pinkie is acting like that. "She's hexed", but by whom? I dont think the royal guards could/would do that, but maybe I'll just have to read the next chapter (right now, that is).

Wowz, you're doin' awesome, I'm captivated by your way with words, I nearly squealed with joy when you suggested a Pinkie and Discord romance, so damn happy!:heart:
I can't wait for more, I just wish Discord would make some sort of appearance, but that's just my fangirl screaming, I'm still reading this even without the master of chaos.:derpytongue2:
oxox, you ROCK!!!:pinkiehappy:

OP here, If you see any of the characters acting "out-of-character," please mention exactly where in the story it happens and I will fix it right away. Canon adherence and true MLP:FiM characterization are my top priorities.

Oh wait you didn't kill her

148960 149051 148970 149795

To everyone who commented on my story, thank you!

I wrote this initially without any intention of posting it anywhere, just because, as Cold in Gardez puts it, there were ponies in my brain and they needed to come out. After I found EqD and FiMFic, I began to wonder if others shared my vision of an Equestria without the child safety-locks. I am overjoyed to add whatever I can to this community.

This will not be an overlong story--I'm thinking 2-3 more chapters and a brief epilogue at the most.

1. The doctor joke was intentional. I love Derpy+Doctor! 2. I'm happy you liked the Luna/Nightmare Sun fight. I wanted to emphasize that Celestia is more of a caster-type, while Luna is more magic-enhanced-melee. This was an emotional scene for me to write, because Luna is best pony and I hate to see her get hurt. But the show must go on! 3. It's been 8 years since the pilot, so the Mane 6 are about 27-29 years old by human standards at this point. Spike is 18-19. 4. Don't worry Discord fans, the infamous chimera's got his paws mixed up in this too...you'll just have to wait and see.

Stay tuned for Chapter 5: Prey Animals coming soon!

Twilights gotten subversive over the years, very sneaky indeed.

And I chuckled a bit when I learned they had defeated Smooze.


Only commenting to say that I love this so far. It is... something that feels odd, but I can not put my hoof on where. Probably only my mind that likes more... details in the surroundings. Great work nontheless! :twilightsmile:

Awesome fic. I just have to mention here that I thought of equus non gratus before, so im not stealing it later. :pinkiehappy:

You, sir, are very good at making me squee in delight:pinkiehappy:

this is so good! I agree with HeirApparent , needs a little more developmentation with the nightmare , but i'm so glad you included it in the last chapter! Cannot wait to get all the way over there!:pinkiehappy::yay:

This is so wonderful! I love it! But just for future preference , please avoid the drunken ponies and such! :applejackconfused: It is totally fine if you don't want to drop it for future stories , that is just my opinion!:derpytongue2: keep up the FANTASTIC WORK!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:


AGH! NEXT CHAPTER SOON PLEASE!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::flutterrage::yay::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::twilightsheepish::twilightsmile:

I am reading this in the middle of the night and believe me, if there were more chapters up i'd KEEP reading them. :heart: :pinkiecrazy:

when should chapter 5 be out?

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