Cross, an ice dragon who was sent by his adopted mother, Queen Juniper of the new kingdom of ice dragons, to go to the School of Friendship to learn more about friendship and make more friends.
Chapters (6)
- Member Since 2nd Dec, 2019
- offline last seen 33 minutes ago
Ocellus The Changeling
"And I thought this could be my chance to make an impression on everypony. You know, for something other than changing shape"- Ocellus
Ocellus The Changeling
Joined 2nd Dec, 2019 ·
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I like this story. A few grammatical errors and stuff, but, interesting read. Can't wait for more!
for when new chapter?
10071939
Soon just need some more time
An ice dragon? Cool
10081674
Thank you
Why do I get the feeling when I see the cover art I think of Dragon Drive??
A promising start and a solid first fic! There are some random errors sprinkled here and there, and the story is a bit heavy on exposition and telling, but that’s quite normal—you’ll get better in that regard with time. You may also consider getting some outside help to polish the story so that its potential could really shine
Just a teeny tiny nitpick here. Cold-blooded (or ectothermic, if you like speaking in fancy terms) animals such as most fish, reptiles and amphibians are actually able to withstand longer periods of low temperatures, hunger or lack of oxygen. In case of the cold, they just freeze and wait, sometimes for years. An extreme case of this is the Siberian salamander of the genus Salamandrella. On the other hand, warm-blooded (endothermic) animals like birds and mammals can somewhat regulate their body temperature, but if it drops belows a certain threshold, they die. So, they are at far higher risk of freezing to death. Sorry about me rambling like this, I’m gonna turn my lecture mode off now. I just thought it might interest you
10187583
It find and thank for telling me some well know fact. And I try my best to fix this story
10187592
You’re welcome!
10187597
For that. I follow and like your storys
10187599
I have noticed. Thank you for that!
10187601
Welcome. Hope we talk more sometime in the future
No, no, it isn't lazy, I like it! I am waiting a continuation :)
10238208
Thank you
Allow me to help you.
1. The problem with the said tag. Let me show you.
This is wrong. When you have a normal sentence in a dialogue, you don't use a period if you intend to follow it with a said tag. This could be verbs such as "whispered", "continued", "concluded" and more. (But not tags such as "shouted" or "exclaimed", 'cause those end with "?" and "!")
The paragraph should be:
End it with a comma. The problem isn't everywhere, but it's here.
2. Here's a second problem.
When you address someone by name, you should always put a comma before the name.
3. There's this:
The word "till" is a shortened version of the word "until". As such, it should always have an apostrophe before the first letter. This applies to the shortened versions of "because", "around", "them" and more.
Hope this didn't come out as rude or anything.
10251742
No, it Ok, thank with the help and showing me some error
10251772
No problem. I would be glad to be your proofreader, if you want.
10251812
Thank you, I may need one.
10072015
I'm Loving the cover art as it reminds me of Ancient Fairy Dragon my favorite Yu Gi OH 5'Ds card.
https://images.app.goo.gl/E16JrZSd6zbvny5A6
10187609
Keep up the great writing don't worry you'll improve over time.
I've just got flashbacks from the ep School Daze with this latest chapter
10328958
What kind of flashback
1032896 Remembering all the Young Six as they begin learning at Twilight's friendship School for the first time.
10328963
Oh right, that true.
Just asking who do you think would be Cross best friend
10328968
Sandbar and Yona
10329497
Correct. Tell me why you think they will be his new best friend
10329511
Because they got on so well together I think.
10329556
Nice
What anime is the story’s cover art from?
10342240
Buddyfight
10342244
Thank you.
Yeah... I kinda agree with Cross about Twilight using him to spread friendship. Which she use on most of her students
10342307
Wow, you agree with that. Thank you so much for comment because it came off from my back of my head
10342314
You’re welcome because the show only shows positive results and nothing negative about some who were force to enroll
10342316
Yeah, I can agree. I trying my best to add some negative standpoint in my fanfic
I love that you use buddyfight monsters that you story cover i love that show
10342362
Me two I love Buddyfight
10342364
What is you favorite character in the show
10342367
Human- Gao
Buddy- Bal
What is that thing in the cover art, and where is it from?
10342378
It a dragon from buddyfight
10342376
Same to gao and monster bal as well
10342402
Wow, we just alike but different
10342405
True and can't wait for the next chapter
10342416
I can’t wait either