• Member Since 13th Dec, 2018
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Third Wheel


Comments ( 15 )

Third, why does such&such read weird?

The commissioner for this particular fic was fairly involved in its creation, and while the final saying in things was ultimately mine changes were still made to fit their requests. As a result the style may be a little different from my usual, with expressions I typically wouldn't use, but considering they paid me to write it I think it's fair I give them what they're asking for.

Please tell me that Alicorns are able to respawn or regenerate so they aren't dead for good, please because without Celestia or Luna then the Sun and Moon are not able to be moved then without them.

10034393
If I'm allowed to pull out my nerd glasses, depending on what expanded (sorry) material you count as canon then enough skilled unicorns can do it by themselves while a more permanent solution is found. Likely Twilight or Cadance. Celestia was able to do Luna's job, so it's conceivable.

10034400

Well can you at least bring their souls back some way, maybe they return as babies as some lucky mares daughters, also how would Twilight and Cadance be able to move the sun and moon, also please don't say THEIR tits will starts to grow larger and larger all the time, maybe they become about half the size of what Celestia and Luna's tits look like in the picture for this story?

Think it'd be better for implied death

Why?
Why can't I find a decent breast expansion/growth/inflation fic involving Luna, where it DOESN'T end badly for her?

They're all either trash, about Celestia or the Mane Six, are in a dream, or end badly for her.

10034932
I'll write one where it doesn't at some point maybe.

10034932
Sorry to bother you but I couldn't help but notice your comment while checking to see if this has been reviewed yet. You say that breast expansion stories where the woman/mare/thing/whatever dies is so typical it's hard to find otherwise. As an uneducated pleb on these matters would you say to the uninitiated among us this phenomenon is normal or is it a tendency that good writers decide to dynamite their buxom ladies' fun bags?

If I could inquire further, why is the name of all things Applejack would anyone want to kill a woman for having big boobs? I am beyond lost at trying to comprehend this. Thanks!

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Well, that was certainly extreme!
-The mind-controlling aspect of it kind of deadened any connection to the characters. They all become boob-obsessed zombies by the end, which dulls any effort to connect or empathize with the characters.
-Luna using her dream magic to escape is a nice touch and makes a lot of sense.
-It's also kind of fun to see Chrysalis hoist by her own petard when it comes to this plan.
-Seemed to get a bit repetitive in the middle, with just more, more, more and nothing else.
-The mane 6 getting a taste at the end was a nice touch.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 89/100
Allure: 80/100
Enticement: 94/100
Immersion: 96/100
Prose Quality: 93/100
Total Score: 452/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

10251136
You misunderstand.
I am not irate over the content or execution.
I'm entirely focused on how it relates, specifically, to Luna.

10251156

-The mind-controlling aspect of it kind of deadened any connection to the characters. They all become boob-obsessed zombies by the end, which dulls any effort to connect or empathize with the characters.

-Seemed to get a bit repetitive in the middle, with just more, more, more and nothing else.

I do believe that was all in line with what the commissioner wanted, and I am fine with making a story worse overall if the one who's paying for it likes it more that way. Because that means they're more likely to get another, and I'm a greedy slut who cares about money more than the quality of his writing.

Also, damn, did not expect such a high score. Looking forward to the review of my other story now. Also a bit disappointed I didn't manage to write more for the contest, but life was kind of spiralling out of control and I had to take a break here to avoid it crashing and burning. I did avoid it, and I'm doing fine now, so in the end I'm not too bothered by it.

10251402
Some of the most violent, gory messes have received high scores. I guess that's what he wanted to read.

She kept moaning, leaking spit and drool all over her fattening udders.

"This is your destiny, sister!

Something tells me that Discord was watching from the sidelines and cast a regenerative spell that fully heals that trio in case something like that happens, therefore, keeping them alive even after that, all while restoring their minds to normal and making sure that Chrysalis remaining unconscious for at least a day.

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