delta_k
Joined 2nd Jan, 2016 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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And so the changing of the guard commences in stickiest fashion.
Congrats on a fantastic FIMFic, Delta.
10326316
:')
Great to hear you liked it!
I think we all know that Rainbow is the fast one
Yessss, this is good. I love how cocky Rainbow gets as soon as she gets any advantage at all, your pacing on that transition was really nice!
If you think that all it would take to get my attention is two buff chicks wrestling, then you're absolutely fucking right.
Seriously, when I started reading this, I was prepared to talk about how this is a good story for a first try, but you rendered that qualifier unnecessary. This is a good story for any try. It's fun, charming, endearing, more or less everything I could want out of a quick 3k smut fic. I like your decision to make them both muscled. A lot of entries seem to be leaning more towards the size difference (which is a perfectly valid way to go, and in fact what I would have done if I was entering), but big strong girl on big strong girl? Sign me up. If a little muscle is good, more must be better, right?
Some of your structuring could use work, but nothing huge. Just some long, rambly sentences, and minor faux pas like having dialogue from Daring and Dash in the same block of text. Something that helps me when writing is to read the story out loud as it's on the paper, not necessarily as I know it to mean in my head. I like to read it out loud the way a stranger or narrator would, which helps me get a better sense of the story's "rhythm", if that makes any sense.
I also find it a bit unfortunate that there's no real conclusion to the story. It just kinda ends, y'know? You didn't ease us down so much as you grabbed us by the collar and threw us out of the bar.
Despite these minor hiccups, there's precious little for me to complain about here. I'm impressed, and very proud of you. Good job!
Thank you for your participation in Muscle Mania 2020! We here on the judge's council wish you the best of luck!