Ice Star
Joined 6th Feb, 2015 ·
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Sequels1
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Ice Star · 8.7k words · 22 6 · 654 views
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Wait, hold on a sec. How this story is a sequel to the other story when it's exactly the same story?
9992331
The description states that there is a "teen" and a "mature" version, and that the sequel is used to link them together so you can find the version you prefer if you end up on the other one. Because of the different ratings, you couldn't put them in the same story. I don't know why the note says "sequel" though, it seems to be more confusing than it needs to be in the description.
This was something.
Just that.
Not enough for a full story, not a complete, not even a coherant set of details, but it was something.
The level of writing is fairly good, however ideas are Mish mashed all over the place and you jump from hell to high water to confusions surprisingly fast for such a long one shot.
Decent.
9992256
9992331
Site rules let you have explicit and non-explicit versions of a story, but you can only directly link them as âsequelsâ. Thereâs no need to delete either when they were published this way intentionally.
Also, it explains whatâs up right in the description.
9992387 this comment gets it. Though, again, theyâre linked as âsequelsâ because that is what the site lets stories be directly linked as, not prequels, side stories, etc.
9992407 the titles are just the main and chapter title swapped around. (Mature/teen) version in the title looks sloppy as hell when thatâs not even really a story title, hence why itâs in the description, where it belongs. I made some minor differences like these (and the cover art) in order to present each version as distinguished and all.
It says in the description I got permission to post these yo.
9992531
And I donât really put non-title things in the titles, like completion status, âbook numbersâ. rewrites, etc. I might copy the note from the short description into the long one, even though the long one already has the disclaimer thingy saying just that.
Unless it breaks the rules, I donât see it being changed any time soon.
9992396
I honestly expected a comment like this on the SFW version, since it's a bit more compact. It was intended that this story focus more on Coco and her relationship with Nelly than the complete process of figuring things out - something of a loss of innocence/taking the reins narrative, as she goes from a very anxious, naive little filly who wasn't fully aware of very adult matters to a mare thrust into coming to terms with a violent death.
I did try to answer most questions a reader might have while still keeping things to Coco's limited perspective, and yanking the reins away from her story with more chapters regarding investigations (because really, that would be a whole OC-filled sequel if I got around to it) would be kind of a bait and switch - it would no longer be a sad, crazy Coco Pommel story but a gritty mystery thingo.
I hope it wasn't too confusing in any way, since I tried to ground it somewhat (limited scope, key flashbacks, etc.) so if there was any part in particular that was confusing*, it'd be good to hear that. I'm glad you enjoyed it though, and was intrigued enough to read the mature version.
*I tried to figure out what might have been the most confusing things that might not have been explicitly said, but instead shown in the story and came up with a few things I'll answer here if that will help clear anything up, if what I guessed wasn't on here just feel free to ask:
Iâd be interested in seeing more of this. Coco felt pretty authentic hereâand I liked how early her trans-ness was establishedâand her relationship with Nelly was interesting, but the ending... didnât feel super satisfying? Especially the note it ends on, this left the impression of being a first chapter or two more than a complete story, with a lot of setup but not as much payoff as I wanted.
9992956
Thank you! Every other trans character I wrote so far was questioning or had their trans status as a plot point/implied/etc... Coco just is.
Iâd definitely be considering more to this maybe one day or something, but it wouldnât exactly be Cocoâs story anymore, largely just due to the fact that if law enforcement handles a murder case, the family is on a different front and any continuation would be about the sleuthing.
Iâm glad Coco came across as authentic and that her relationships stood out. This is the first comment that touched on Nelly herself, and Iâm glad she made an impression.
9993273
Yeah to be honest the more I think about Nelly here, the more crushing and horrifying her situation feels, so... an impression was definitely made.
A strong read - almost a definitive slice-of-life story, although certainly darker than their norm. Coco has a great deal of spoken and unspoken baggage that we don't know and don't need to. Yet for her to be invested in a disowned family member whom she loves despite their actions is something I think which can resonate strongly with many readers, including myself.
The bouncing from past to present worked very well, I think, and was capped very nicely with Coco clinically describing the behaviors she had always seen and now finally had names for. The mystery at the end makes this feel like a first chapter rather than a full story, but perhaps such is the nature of slice of life - there's always tomorrow for the characters.
At any rate, well done. If you know anymore trans Coco stories, send me right to them.
10008277
Which is admittedly most of what I write.
Thank you! I'm very glad this worked out because about halfway through typing this, I was debating if I should divide things into a "past" chapter and a "present" chapter because of the back and forth, even if I always intended the story to have the kind of feeling this bouncing back and forth version produced.
In order to preserve the Coco-centric aspect of this story, that hits the nail on the head of what I had in mind. There's other stories ahead of it, but I have toyed with the concept/planning of the sequel. Unfortunately, it'd also probably have Coco as a side character, as she's no professional investigator.
Unfortunately, I think this is the only one on the site. :<
Thank you for reading!
Captivating. Is there a sequel where we find out whst the hell did that to Nelly?
10284355
I don't have any yet. It's on the backburner.
10284358
Wow that was quick. Thank you for telling me. I'll just enjoy some of your other stories then.
10284362
Aww, thanks!
Really fantastic story, glad I read it!
10355605
Thanks so much for taking the time to do so, and for all the faves! This is one of my less-read pieces.
10357977
Reading it put me in a really weird mood: happy because of how deeply I related with Coco, and sad for the same reason. It was a first for me, your description of life as a trans person was spot on. So thanks!
10358307
Thank you again! I'm glad I was able to capture that experience and you still managed to find a hope spot in Coco and her journey.