- Member Since 13th Mar, 2016
- offline last seen April 17th
Salespony
Procrastination is imperative to writing.
Salespony
Joined 13th Mar, 2016 ·
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It's an interesting idea ... but I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs, I'm afraid. Technically, the words used are synonyms of what should be there but that's not normally how they are used. Sometimes, simpler words are more effective at conveying intent and meaning. English is interesting in that there isn't just word meaning to deal with but also connotation - the general use and 'feel' of a word. For example, instead if 'instrumental' in paragraph 21, the use of 'fanfare' (or fan fare, can't remember if it's a conjoined term or not at this moment in time) would be more apt. It has a feeling more appropriate to a cavalry charge signal than instrumental - which is something an orchestra does. Again, technically synonyms but the use and 'feel' is vastly different.
Good luck.
9485045
Thanks for the advice. My weakness is wording, but I’ll try my best to improve and apply any constructive criticism that readers may give. I will try to fix that, and maybe re-post it later. Again, thank you.
YES! finally, a fic that i can relate to my story!
when you hit that 150% discipline.
9485045
I did my best to fix it. It may be better, or even worse, but I can't say that I didn't try. Both chapters are now edited.
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And now for the Prussian Glory comment that must go with all posts of this story:
https://m.Also first. Good story so far, it’s fun to read from the slightly alien perspective of someone from the past. Kaff is right to be careful, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
points for accuracy.
Preußens Gloria!
https://m.I haven't had time to really read any of this, but it seems interesting. Keep it up!
Hi Mr. Salespone, have a nice day.
9514181
Thanks, may yours be the same!
This is going to be good
Hey, everyone. I think I will be using a bi-monthly schedule for publishing each chapter from now on, so I'll try my best to stick to it. Also, I've a question for all of you. Out of all the characters introduced thus far, which one would you like to see the more next time? I've a few character developments and side plots to choose from, but I'd like to get your opinions first.
I hope all of you are liking the story so far. If you think there are somethings I could improve on, let me know, I'm open for constructive criticism. Happy reading, everyone!
Preuben should rise again
More please
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Men you know i love prussia uniform and their dissipline army that never broke line
Anything Prussian is good in my books.
9537045
The mc enlist army on equestria
Hail to kaiser and rise german empire crush allies
9537045
https://m.I wanna see Kaff begin modernizing the Equestrian military. Guns and drill, woot woot! Fake piano Prussian Glory go!
Underrated
Hum, the stilted English writing can feel a bit tedious at times, but I think it's off on a good start with your story even it feels a bit rushed with how things are progressing in the story. I would have liked to see to see more interaction between Coffee and the family that brought him in and see how he get around in the the coffee shop of the father owned. I wonder how his duties will work with Fancy Pants and it will mix with his Valet duties as well as his soldier for the noble pony; I wouldn't guess that would make for a good commander if he has trouble taking charge of the situation on his own; I wonder how that will turn out for him?
Still, if you are interested, in getting your own cover art for your story, I am open for commissions, you can take a look at my DA gallery in the link bellow. I always love dressing up ponies in fancy dandy cloths like a butler or 18th century uniforms, I hope you will consider it. Send me a PM my way if you have the chance.
https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku
More please
Amazing! This story is absolutely top notch!
9537045
Update please
Well the writing flows much better in this story this end you seem have a much better grasp of the characterization of the ponies around him in a natural way and I do find looking back to the human world interesting, I wonder what relevance it will have for Coffee later down the road. Coffee does come off as a little pretentious at times I wonder how this will affect his interactions with others. I am also glade that you are putting some attention to the family that is hosting him and that he is pitching in to help for new ideas to save the tea café/shop. The writing is still a bit bland most of the times, but it's still leagues better then before, keep it up.
More please
Hmm... I wonder how those back in the new world are gonna come into play later down the line. Another great chapter, and hopefully there shall be many more to come. Anyways, PRUSSIAN GLORY!!!
Omg he actually Hiatus omg well i guest no prussian this month
Wasn't expecting that. Pretty sure no one does.
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*Disciplined.
PREUẞEN GLORIA
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That was not at all intentional. Now that I’ve seen it, it’s actually better than what I had intended it to be, though.
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When you gonna update
A screenshot of this fic got posted on r/spanishinquisition
9778039
I don’t think I’ll be continuing this story. Maybe some day I’ll get back to it, but right now I have one or two other stories in the works.
9778126
I can now officially say that I’ve gone far in life.
9779217
God damn it i love prusian story why discontinue?
9781391
I’m really sorry if you liked this story, and want to continue reading it. But, I have no confidence in making progress. Sure, this was a nice practice run for me to try out writing, but I just lack the courage and motivation to keep myself doing it.
Someday, maybe, I’ll get back to it; when I can say that “I’m considerably better than when I first started this thing.” For now, I’m working on another story. Something that’ll hopefully be a tad bit more interesting. Something that I have more confidence in writing.
Words don’t naturally come to me, so forgive my flow. That’s just what happens when you write something in your second language. But hey, I’m absolutely trying my best to entertain you guys :)
9830846
Oh men alright then i just like prussian story
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213901/my-little-reviews-feedback/thread/415668/coffee-and-gunpowder-review
Here have a review.
9830846
I imagine your native lauganuge is german?;) love it. And Prussia. And Germany.
9830846
Your sentence flow was a bit awkward but dont let that affect your confidence. You did will and had a great idea.
9852429
You’re somewhat close, actually. It’s Indonesian, and it’s a lot more similar than what you’d expect. Also, thanks for the comments! I always appreciate a pat on the back from time to time.
Thank u glad its not dead
Great and just as good as ever. Glad to see you back.
Yes favorit prussian fanfic return also what took you so long to close this fic?
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:D I’m glad you guys are enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. It took a fair bit of time for me to get my confidence back, but after a some time writing another story and working on my skill, I think I have an idea of how this story should go. Always appreciate comments! If you’ve any criticism, I’m listening
1015258
Another story you say? Do tell us more.
10152590
. In the mean time, I’ve still got Coffee and Gunpowder at the back burner, so don’t worry about this fic being a dead one. It might take some time between chapters, but I promise this fic will go on.
A big something that’s got to do with Daring Do and a translator, but that’s about all I can tell right mow. I guess you’ll just have to wait and see till I post it