• Member Since 7th Jun, 2017
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Dr Sharaz Jek


Cynically Pretentious Hedonistic Nihilist...and those are my nicer qualities!

Sequels1

Comments ( 29 )

who'd married Fleur de Lis,

dis Lee [at least that what is officially used as her name]

If only she'd met Fancy pants earlier.

Pants

their slick fuckholes tightening around

ugh... no... it's really ugly as a term...

Twi was sort of a motherly and older sisterly figure to him

sister

Onto a more detailed comment.
Nice fic.
The bit with Big Mac, Shining, Twilight and Applejack is subpar. It's tacked there and what happens is both relatively disturbing and downright painful [cum coming out of the nose...ugh.]

This was interesting for sure. It is a area I always wanted to see done in a story. Where Rarity has a affair with Spike and find out he is her one true love. I always thought the idea would be fun to see play out. This is the bones of that for sure so it won some big points for that for sure. I do wish it was a bit longer, show Spike and Rarity bonding. Her confiding in him about her relationship issues, him comforting her and making her feel that loved and desired she isn't getting from home. I think your clop was pretty nice, well the Spike and Rarity one. I have to be honest that foursome thing felt kinda plugged in and forced. I really think it wasn't needed and focusing more on Spike and Rarity would have been more dynamic for the story.

I honestly hope you stay in this world, either as making this idea into a multi chapter story where you really build on the relationship with Spike and Rarity and have this taboo relationship build and happen longer behind the scenes before she decide to end things with the married couple and commit to Spike. Or you pick up after this and have it show Spike and Rarity being together and slowly forming their herd together as partners and her not as the second pick and him not having to act more submissive to keep from scaring ponies.

If it were to happen, would there be a sequel? Feature all four of them (TS, AJ, RR, and Spike) bonding and starting a herd and finally making a family?

9422870
No sequal in mind, but it's possible! Probably not soon if it does happen.
9422749
Thanks! Admittedly I added the foursome for spice, since a straight forward Sparity fic has likely been well run into the ground by better writers than me by now. (I haven't read many and some we're pure clop.) I'll try to explore this all more if I ever do a follow-up.
9422672
Thank you! Honestly I do like rough, 'disturbing' sex, at least in fiction, although it was definitely tacked on. Having some witnesses made it hotter to me, and while I hesitated to do anything rapey here, I do love me some spontaneous surprise sex!

I'm afraid she'll always be De Lis to me; I think she's even listed that way on Fimfiction. Same with Coco Pommel; don't mind what anyone else calls her, but that's what I'll always run with.

I also hesitate to use fuckhole as a term when not writing a rape/hatefuck/incredibly rough sex scene but figured the characters start thinking of themselves/each other in cruder terms as they lose themselves in the throes of passion.

9422898
I get it and i am happy you see that it was forced. I do think that of you know it was forced you would have trusted that instinct.

I personally dont think Sparity is overdone since it is so rarely seen now. And it has alot of stories because it is so popular lol.

To be honest you seem like you would snyc so well with Spike. You like more intense and rough clop scenes as we saw. And unlike ponies with Spike you have a natural cause for it in dragon instinct.

I think you could do a good one with Spike and Twilight of them being each others first and coming to town as couple. I still think if you took another crack at this story you could make it great.

I told you Spike fans come out hard. See this story just come out and already has some of the highest like/dislike ratio of all your stories lol

9422987
The way I perceive Spike he'd secretly enjoy the rough stuff but would be ashamed to admit it, let-alone indulge it; it's Rarity desperately pushing for it and riling him up that helped him cross that threshold, and even then he was holding back and being careful. So in that sense he and Rarity are well-suited since they trust each other. :raritystarry:

If I do a sequel Twilight will likely be far more involved, but I also figured Spike is sensitive to a mare's feelings and would want his herd to feel like equals, not just toys for his pleasure, so I'd have to write it delicately! Plus I'd want it to at least be somewhat plausible AJ and Twi would go along with this, even if lots of suspension of disbelief is usually necessary in a clop fic.

9423039
I do get it and I agree that Spike would need someone to encourage him to take charge and to show him that it is indeed okay for him to act dominantly.

I think Twi being the next if this story would continue would be a good call. She is the closest to Spike and would have the easiest time to see them evolving that relationship. -SIgh- Honestly if that part wasn't in this story it would be able to lead into that so much smoother but now that will be a lingering taste for Twi and AJ when it comes to this story lol. I think tho, IF you do keep this going in one way or another don't rush to add Twi or any other girl honestly. You have a good pairing here with both history and alot of deep feelings that seeing the two of them now start this new life, figure out where they will go from here, and the like could be interesting. You can have clop in stories without it feeling rushed or forced. THAT I would say is one of the biggest things that you could develop and your next work no matter what it is I would like to see signs of that.

9423175
Sounds like a good idea separating Twi and AJ into different sequels. Originally I thought about using Coco and Sassy in place of Twi and AJ here, but decided against it because I already used that pairing in Shining's Force, plus I find those two incredibly hard to write which is why I down played them so much in that fic. (Always worried Coco will sound too similar to Fluttershy only less passive/shy, and while I can definitely relate well to Sassy's neuroticism, some of her speech patterns can be a nightmare to replicate!)

9423224
Yea, I mean don't get me wrong I liked the idea of the fashion trio for Spike lol. But I think for diversity sake of the females in the herd it would be more fun to have Twi and AJ. I feel you have a core idea of just how different the two are and would really use that to the advantage of any future possible stories. How they would connect to Twi wouldn't be the same way they would do it for AJ. So putting them in their own squeals where you could really develop the new level of connection they are making would be great. It will give more time to show Spike and Rarity together and also them working on bringing in their friend into the herd. Show them taking them out on a date and them talking about it. Maybe they spend the night together after their date. There is alot this can do and become. I feel this could have been your next long work starting with Spike and Rarity reconnecting after her going to be in Pants' herd and it developing from there. But that is just my wishful thinking lol. I think or at least feel you have a idea of where this could go if you wanted to keep it going. And if you ever need a proof reader I am here to lend a hand. Just a heads up you already know not a SUPER fan of really dark stories tho lol.

:ajbemused: Yea, Leave it to Twilight to have everypony strapped to an examination table thingy to study 'typical' breeding habits....
:rainbowlaugh: whips and crops and rubber gloves
:pinkiegasp: cupcakes and party cannons
:rainbowhuh: No cupcakes
:flutterrage: No Rainbow Factory
:duck: If you want the D get in line after me!
:facehoof: So Princess doesn't count?
:derpytongue2: only if you warm up those tables!

9423039
I love the idea of Sassy Saddles joining maybe you could add Whoa Nelly? They discover Sassy is lovers with Nelly, and the Mare who encourages Self love could help Spike with his issues he may have.

9423248
Thanks! Yeah, definitely don't plan to make the sequels dark if I write them unless the story REALLY warrants it for some reason. (Doubtful!)

I will write dark stuff on occasion because horror is my favorite genre by some distance, but probably nothing that's simply grimdark for its own sake. (Even in my bleakest stories some of the cast at least end up bonding or happy despite circumstances.)

Never used an editor because I pretty much consider each finished story a learning experience, but I definitely will if I ever do a heavy revision!

9423300
Had to look up who Whoa Nelly is; she's a fun character but it's doubtful she'll make an appearance since I know so little about her. Sassy is more likely but probably in a minor supporting role if I get around to a sequel. Too many ideas, too little time...

9423339
There Been couple ideas on deviantart where Sassy Saddles meets her at a Convention where Whoa Nelly Promotes self confidence and self love.

Spike sounds like he very afraid of being himself fully or embracing his other side and may even not like himself. Nelly would or could help him with that.
Afterwards he and Rarity could cuddle with her along with Sassy.

9423439
Most likely I'd stick to Rarity, Twilight, and Applejack helping him accept himself; don't want to split the fic with too many side characters unless they're simply a walk-on part.

9423536
Then why did you pair them off with Nig Mac and Shining? What was the point? Of them doing them, doesn;t make sense.

9423551
That will be followed up on if I write a sequel. I'm thinking Twi and AJ chose to be single, thinking they didn't need stallions in their lives, but a first-hand sexual encounter makes them curious, if a bit ambivalent. Then Rarity will try to convince them to join her herd, most likely starting with Twi.

Of course this is all theoretical since I'm working on another story right now, and prefer not to hard lock any ideas in place! I'm far more the gardener type of writer rather than an architect, letting my creativity take me wherever rather than meticulously planning all the details. (With my longest story I actually threw out about half my plot points since the tale simply wasn't headed in that direction anymore.)

This fic is really interesting and I hope to see a sequel, since I really enjoy the "Spike gets all the mares" fics type and its nice to see Spike in untamed dragon mode. Added to my favorites and faved.

9428486
Thank you! Currently working on a sequel between other works; may end up posted sooner than expected if all goes to plan. (Maybe tomorrow?)

I see there's a violence tag how bad is the violence in both stories?

9431201
Not that bad, somewhat rough sex, a bit of biting/drawing blood in the sequel, just covering my bases to be sure!

9422669
I want to argue that first one. Sure, she’s officially dis Lee (which is the first time I’ve ever heard about) but she’s been de Lis for so many years we in the community shouldn’t argue with people who use that name instead.

She'd attend the usual social functions with a smile plastered on her face, throw herself into her work with help from Coco Pommel and Sassy Saddles, but nothing quite filled the hole in her heart. Sure, plenty of studs would still flirt with her, but she knew they were nothing but players who pump-her-and-dump-her, rendering her little more than another notch on their bedpost. She wouldn't settle for simply being somepony's conquest. She needed somepony who would at least pretend they loved her.

This oblivious ass...

It may be a stylistic thing or just the matter of taste, but I found the amount of 'tell, don't show' in this fic to be a complete mood killer. While there are a few good points during the 'main action', the fic has a long and boring start, a clusterfuck of an ending and severe lack of proper build-up or character moments. In fact, some of the narration is almost hilarious (Twilight and AJ are looking for their friends and it just happens that their brothers are looking for the mares together at thw same time in the same manner).

In fact, the whole scene with Shining Armor and Big Mac seems to be a perfect example of how one can take a scene with great potential (be it awkward comedy orsome naughty fun) and make it boring and unappealing. Why even have it it this story? With some care, it could constitute a spin-off of it's own!

9849681
Yeah, always struggled with telling too much. I thought a Sparity fic might be too straight forward on its own and tried to spice it up with a curve ball, but it led to admittedly the weakest executed scene.

9849767
I liked that one :v

10751347
The non-con scene? Got lots of stories like that.:twilightblush:

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