• Member Since 7th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen 8 minutes ago

Dr Sharaz Jek


Cynically Pretentious Hedonistic Nihilist...and those are my nicer qualities!

Sequels1

Comments ( 19 )

Nice story.

Honestly I love that you slowed it down. It made this relationship feel so much more real. It made their bonding feel more genuine. We got to see the differences between the mares. As Rarity is FAR more fee about her sex life Twi is more reserved and I think that fits them. I think it will be a comon thing now when Spike is over there working he will be insides one of those three on the regular and more often than not it will be him going to town on Rarity as those two watch horny out of their minds lol. I get the feeling Spike and Rarity will end up fooling around in public again very soon lol. My only wish honestly is that we got to see some Spike and Twilight in this. I mean we got to see Spike and Rarity and even Spike and some side characters but we didn't get to see him being intimate with his other herdmate. Maybe in another story of this we will get to see how Spike and Twi are in the castle together How I get the feeling they fool around all over that dame place lol. I am still hoping that we get to see it turn out that Rarity is prego now and her being prego is one of the things that encourage AJ to want to join.

9435347
Thank you!
9435428
Yeah, definitely the contrast I wanted for Twi and Rarity. I held off on another sex scene with Twi because I feared it would be too repetitive after the extensive sex in Rare's shop, plus I wanted to show more bonding and that it didn't always have to lead to sex. :twilightsmile:

While I do like pregnancy stories not sure I'll go that route with this one, but we'll see!

Hot but Coco and Sassy did seem to go along with it REALLY easily. It might have been a little more believable if you added them being more awkward and inclined to give them privacy. Maybe also have Rarity explain it (You can skip the actual explanation).

Also I would have liked the focus to me more on Twilight as she is still getting used to the whole herd idea. It doesn't have to be sex but should be on her character. I also think Twilight would try to do this 'properly' which of course would fail. Twilight is the sort of type who always seeks improvement and this would be no exception.

I think another improvement could be you mentioning several incidents that happened since then. You don't have to go into great detail but just mention that they happen. Sort of like a montage.

I don't see how "beauty and the beast" is insulting though. It seemed fitting.

Overall though you did a great job both with the sex and with the characters.

9495686
Thanks, extensive comments like these really help me know where I can improve. I definitely agree Coco and Sassy went along with it quite easily, admittedly partially because I find those two incredibly hard to write for whatever reason. I did at least try to give them different reactions with Coco being more gung-ho (I figure she might have already fantasized about Rarity a bit and this was an excuse to pursue a kink) while Sassy was more hesitant but decided what-the-heck.

Twilight's tricky for a different reason; I relate to her quite a bit so I'm always afraid I'll write too much of myself into her rather than using her own voice, if that makes any sense. I've tried to make her more focused on their company rather than the sex, but I toss lots of that with her in too since this is a clop series. :twilightblush:

I agree about Beauty & the Beast being fitting, but I figure it was more the under-her-breath/tone which riled Rarity up since she's very defensive of Spike and their relationship in this series. Thanks again for the advice, I'll try to keep it in mind when I do my next sequel, which admittedly could be a while. (Finding it tricky to write, but I'm working on another installment!)

9495735
Sassy is kind of like Twilight in that she wants things to be dine right. She is just a lot more exuberant about it. I would imagine she would be weirded out though and not sure how to react. Coco is more flexible so she would mostly just go along with it.

I do think you were on the right track with that book. I just think Twilight would make up all kinds of plans which come to nothing. Also you shouldn't be so afraid to inject yourself into it.

Maybe you could have Spike also defend them. After all he is the alpha. Or maybe shush Rarity if she is acting too defensively.

9495748
Yeah, my read on Sassy is that she has something of a neurotic streak like Twi, which I definitely identify with. Your ideas sound good, but might be a bit tricky to work into my latest installment. It will likely be packed with a bunch of characters that have appeared so far in the series, which I'm afraid might make it too busy, but we'll see!

9495771
I don't think Sassy is as neurotic as Twilight. She is far more mentally stable and expressive. What they share is the desire to do it "right" so they want to understand the situation and justify it. Unlike Rarity who mostly just goes along with it.

9495798
I also think the awkwardness would serve to make it a little bit more difficult for them. I know this is a clop story but still try to make it as difficult for Spike as you can.

“Yes, like that! Mess me up, my Dragon Lord! Pound my marshmallow ass and puss into sticky mush!” The counter creaked and shook under his violent thrusts, tears of pain and pleasure mixing, making her mascara run down her cheeks.

Me: This sounds like rape...
Author: CONSENSUAL rape!

9609863
Rarity definitely likes it rough! Should probably use a safeword, though...

9609869
I would like to suggest ‘Diamonds’

9610179
I'll try to check them out sometime, still trying to slowly whittle down my To Read list!

9611068
Uhh, I was coming up with safe words no stories. Sorry😔

9611101
Heh, no prob! Not bad choices!

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