• Member Since 28th Aug, 2018
  • offline last seen August 26th

RebelNarrator45


"Everything in the world is either coffee or not coffee."

E
Source

The Storm King was defeated, everypony celebrated, life goes on as normal.

Right???

Not quite. A guilt ridden Twilight still has one thing she desperately needs.....her friends' forgiveness. Little does she know her friends are also feeling guilty.............

Can everything be returned completely to normal?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 21 )

Heh no problem:heart: :twilightsmile:!!

It was a good story, although the resolution did seem a little rushed to me.

Also, ellipses always have 3 dots, never more. It says that in the writing guide IIRC. Still, it’s very good for a first story.

Captures the heart of the show well!

9150485
Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

Also........have you checked out my other two stories? I know they both probably could've been better, but I've never actually written MLP fics before. The three stories I have on this site are my first ones ever.

Keep the pointers and criticism coming, please!! It all helps me immensely to know where I went right and where I went wrong, so I can write accordingly!

Really awesome for your first story! I'd suggest maybe running it through a spelling checking program to fix the few errors that are there. Other than that, I really liked it! You did a good job capturing the characters' personalities, too! I'd love to read more from you! <3 :twilightsmile:

9150562
Thanks! Yeah, did all the spell checking myself. Think I should probably rely on a spell checker next time. Lol.

Also, I've got two other stories up, too, if you're wanting to read more.

Aside from the very ending feeling kind of rushed this was pretty good. :eeyup:

I'm surprised Spike isn't sorry that he killed three guards during the storm king invasion by burning them to death with his fire. Seriously am I the only one who noticed this at all from the film?!

9150606
Might I suggest Grammarly as an Extention or an app. I use it frequently and it helps me so much.

9151127 I know he burned one guard to death, cause he didn't get back up. Don't know about the other two though, they were still running around.

I have a critique-
You are running DANGEROUSLY close to the line of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.
Figure out what that is and change it a little I guess?

9152041
Lavender Unicorn Syndrome???:rainbowhuh:

What in the name of Equestria is that??! I have spent the last three minutes carefully rereading my story........

Please explain before I suffer from Twilight Tantrum Syndrome.........

9152051
Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, or LUS, is mentioned in Ezn's writing guide. It's using descriptive words to name characters instead of using their actual names for the sake of variety and that's good but you can't go overboard. You were good everywhere but the first paragraph or 2.
And on that topic, SPACE YOUR PARAGRAPHS!

9150441

Also, ellipses always have 3 dots, never more. It says that in the writing guide IIRC. Still, it’s very good for a first story.

Well, generally, three if it's in the middle of a sentence ... four if it's at the end....
So perhaps Rainbowfan45 was just covering all the bases? :rainbowhuh:

And while the onsite writing guide has been known to contain an error or two, the actual case is that many of the classical so-called authorities don't even agree with each other due to fact that all those rules were made well before computers and unicode characters existed :twilightoops: -- back in the dark ages when only manual typewriters and newspaper typeset were the only way to communicate :trollestia: -- they didn't even have dragons to take dictation back then! :facehoof: :moustache:

For me, my trust and faith in Twilight decreased after the movie and stayed that way until the season 8

"Oh good, you're here!" she said. She looked at them expectantly. "I want to make amends. Do you have any punishments picked out yet?" She sounded almost eager.

The others blinked, more confused than ever. They looked at each other, then back to their friend.

"Uh, Twilight?" Rainbow Dash said slowly. "What are you talking about? What punishments? What amends? Will you PLEASE make sense?!"

"twilight" applejack gently asked "are ya gettin into that BDSM stuff?"

10884178
on that subject, that would be an interesting concept for a saucy comedy twilight gets into bondage after every adventure

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