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RuinQueenofOblivion


Dashite forever!

Comments ( 58 )

A story centered around Alicorns. Now this looks interesting. I’ll definitely keep an eye on this.

9024110
That’s just what I was gonna say!

Hmm, interesting. I can say this, you've pulled off the OCs well, they feel like living, breathing characters with their own personality traits and flaws. (Also, can't help but ask, is that playpony line a dig at my own story?)

9031153 Glad you like it so far... and no, not intentionally at least.

9031158
Oh good, I was worried there for a sec.

9031159 Just something that would probably exist in Equestria, so, was no real harm in mentioning it.

9031162
Well, you did say you'd never let me live that gag down...

9031166 I swear, I wasn't thinking about it when I included that bit.

First kill... Never a good thing, surprised Fire took it as well as she did all things considered. And I'm betting on Storm Wrangler (Love the name btw) being the love interest. Maybe wrong, probably am, but...

9037908 I'm just gonna let you find out for yourself.

I thought only the Goddess could make artificial alicorns.

9037956 I established previously that there are different batches of IMP around Equestria with varying levels of contamination.

9037956
Really, anyone can as long as the have a good amount of properly refined IMP, Impelled Metamorphosis Potion, we all should know Red Eye was attempting to do just that.

Loving these characters even more, such as Storm Wrangler and and Neivi debating things like religion versus secularism. Makes them feel more... real. Just these little bits here and there like that.

"Good idea, the last thing we need is Alicorn Plant Food, it'll probably make things worse," Neivi said with a chuckle. "Besides, I wouldn't want to lose.... such a good friend."

I smiled a little at that and gave her a nod. I hadn't really thought about it that much, but Neivi was really the best friend I had ever had right now.

Okay, it's Fire and Neivi, isn't it? Sorry Storm Wrangler, this looks more shippy to me.

Also...

"Of course yah haven't, it wouldn't help her case ta break tha dogma like that," Storm Wrangler said with a shake of her head. "Religious nuts like that are a problem, Ah've heard of this guy up north that..."

"Ahem..." Neivi said with a scowl. "We don't want to go off on another diatribe about religion now do we?"

i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/017/204/CaptainAmerica1_zps8c295f96.JPG

9047928 I'm glad you liked that, I included that debate as a sort of acknowledgment of the division between the different schools of thought at play here, we'll get more into that later.
'
Maybe its Neivi, maybe its not, they could just be very good friends.

And yes, I put that in as a reference to I walk the (Firing) Line, glad you caught it.

"Come on, lets roll out," Storm said as she slid into her battle saddle she had brought with her and I secured my rifle.

Sorry, couldn't resist. Bring a bit of humor from an otherwise dark chapter. But, Firelight and co are screwed now. Royally even, with what's probably a Fatwa from the Nightmare Society on their heads.

I just hoped that everything was going to go okay.

Famous last words. Famous last words. You might as well ask: "How hard can it be?"

Also, Firebrand fending off the Nightmare? Awesome.

9080664 Yeah, I really liked writing that scene.

“Think you were thorough enough on me Neivi?” Storm said with a flirty wink which just made the Zebra roll her eyes as we started down the tunnel.

“I don’t know, I think she missed a few spots on Firelight.” Moonlight said, smirking at both me and Neivi.

Me and Neivi both blushed heavily. “Umm… err…” I said with a shake of my head. “She’s, uh…”

“I checked her over very thoroughly I assure you,” Neivi said though she was trying to hide her own embarrassment as she adjusted her glasses a little. “You’re all fine, which is fortunate for an encounter with a Thunderbird.”

Very thoroughly, I'm sureeeee...:raritywink:

“We’ll see you soon Neivi,” I said with a smile as the Zebra nodded and started up the stairs. I blushed a little when I caught myself staring at the Zebra’s flank for a moment and shook my head, I didn’t need to think about that right now. “So, uh, shall we?”

“I think we were a little too convincing,” I said with a groan as I facehooved a little. “Where’s Neivi when you need her to back us up?”

“Maybe her ‘my bae needs me’ senses are tingling and she’ll come bursting through the door any second.” Moonlight said with a teasing grin.

“First off, what the heck is a bae? Secondly, we’re just friends if that means what I think it means,” I said with a shake of my head. “I mean what are the odds of her coming bursting through that door to our…”

And with that the door burst open and Neivi came in with Storm Wrangler and Lemon Lime close behind.

“Unless that’s exactly what she does…” I said and blinked in surprise. “What are you three doing here?”

“WE’RE NOT A COUPLE!” Me and Neivi shouted at the same time, which just made Storm Wrangler laugh as she came in from the other room.

Oh, you tease... Also, loved the appearance of Winter Breeze.

I never felt happier than I did in that moment.

Neivi blushed a little as she broke the kiss and chuckled a little. “Well, we’re going to have to break the news to our friends so they can’t tease us anymore.”

“Or, we could leave it ambiguous to mess with them a bit longer,” I said with a chuckle as I nuzzled her gently. “Might be fun.”

“Hmm, good point,” Neivi said with a laugh as she snuggled with me. “I just want to stay here with you for a little while though. Let them stew over it before we tell them.”

“Yeah,” I said with a soft smile as I pulled the Zebra mare in closer. “Sounds perfect to me. Does, this mean you’re my… what do you call it when your special somepony is a Zebra?”

Oh, you meta tease. Still, IT'S ABOUT BLOODY TIME YOU NUMPTIES!

And now it's time for a new challenge... Dating. (Well, that and dealing with certain Nightmare worshipping loonies.)
Good chapter.

9193260 We considered dragging it out longer actually.

9193266
You are an evil bastard, you know that right?

9193273 Yes, I know, but the luck was on your side.

Ah, meeting the parents. Probably the scariest moment in your love life aside from proposal, marriage, and the birth of your first child. BTW, love the music link Ruin!

"Toki wo koero
Sora wo kakero
Kono hoshi no tame"

"Kimi wa mita ka ai ga
Makka ni moeru no wo
Kurai yami no soko de
Kiken na wana ga matsu..."

(If you don't recognize those lyrics, shame on you.)

Oh i loved this chapter very much.

Damn, aptly named chapter. Also...

“This is a story about a filly around your age that lives all the way up in the Crystal Wasteland,” I said and Blueberry’s eyes went wide at that. “Yeah, I know that’s really far away from here. It’s a land of ice and snow, and for some time had been plagued by Changelings who had been infiltrating the largest settlement there called Crystal City. This is where a young Pegasus filly lived.”

“What was she like?” Blueberry asked curiously. “Was she like Wind Chime or…”

“A little bit yeah, like you she lost her parents at a young age,” I said with a sad smile. “One day though, she met three ponies from another world. These ponies helped her come out of her shell, helped her come out of her shell. And together they fought against the Changeling invaders and their ruler Queen Chrysalis.”

“Wait, you said she was close to my age,” Blueberry said. “Isn’t she a bit too young for that kind of thing?”

“Well, yeah, but she believed that it was what needed to be done,” I said and rubbed the back of my head a little. “She and her new friends worked together to fight them. Now see my friend heard all of this from secondary sources, at least until she saw it with her own eyes. It was at a battle towards the end of the conflict during the final push towards the hive. She saw this filly help hold off an entire horde of Changelings with just her friends.”

“What happened to her?” Blueberry asked curiously, but she was starting to fall asleep.

“Well, I don’t know my friend left the Crystal Wasteland not long after,” I said with a soft smile as I levitated the covers over her gently. “But if she was as brave as you and your friends, she’s probably still out there somewhere doing what she can to help ponies.”

Okay, not bad. Not bad at all. Had me on the edge of my seat whole time. Now, probably sure most of the references I'll miss, but here's the ones I did catch. In Shoutaro voice with hand gesture Now... count up your references!

“Monsters are real,
And ghosts are real too.
They live inside us,
And sometimes, they win.”
-Stephen King.

1! Okay, maybe you'd be less obvious than that and this doesn't probably count but...

“Weird,” I said as I nearly tripped and steadied myself on the wall and backed off suddenly. There was a large slash on the wall as if something with four claws had cut along it, that definitely hadn’t been there. “What the… where did that come from?”

2! He's a real Nightmare...

“There are two words there, bad wolf, what does that even mean?”

3! Well, ask a Doctor, about that one mate.

A siren seemed to sound around me as the sky turned dark. I looked up to see that the moon was covering the sun above me as the whole world around me seemed to take on an, otherworldly glow.

“What the…” I said and turned to see that Neivi was gone. “Neivi? Anyone? What’s going on?”

4!

And of course all the references towards Shadow Moon...

9252779 Not bad, the chapter quote actually wasn't one but other than that.

You missed two actually:

“They were there,” I finally said as my eyes snapped open. “I don’t know why I’m the only one who can see them, but they were there. What’s next, am I going to start seeing holes that vanish too?”

Which is a reference to "There was a hole here, its gone now" from Silent Hill.

And:

I stood up and looked down at the wood of the platform. Scratched into it in big letters in front of me was the words “IT’S ME!”

Which is a reference to the frequent use of "IT'S ME" in Five Nights at Freddy's.

9252793
Explains a bit, I don't play either game series so I wouldn't have noticed them.

Well, that whole chapter with Moonlight, awesome I suppose. You could have made her into a reoccurring villain, really, and I honestly think it's a waste of a good plot not making her a villain for a little longer, but still, the entire ending of the chapter made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Also, the appearance of the Tantalus? Unexpected, and maybe needed a bit more build up but badass nonetheless.

But all in all, could have been done much better.

9263744 Well, the plot's not quite over yet, right now they've gotten through to her but there are still challenges left.

9263748
Yeah, but I gotta say, not your best work really. I know you can do better than this chapter, I've seen it.

of course that is your perk.. Heh

“A shiver ran along Violet’s body as she felt the gentle sensation of the Zebra mare’s lips moving along her flanks. She had never imagined getting this close to another mare, let alone a Zebra but Riean had stirred something in her that she had never felt before. She pushed her tail to the side as Riean started to move towards her tail…”

I blushed heavily as I kept reading and finally just shut the book and tossed it against the wall. “What the hay… why would anypony… what?” I asked as I felt my face become warmer and warmer as I thought about it.

Strangely though, the more I thought about it the more images of me and Neivi in the same positions together. I slapped myself as I tried not to think about that, I swear my mind was working against me right now.

Oh Firebrand, you little perv.:rainbowlaugh:

“Am I her?” The Alicorn said as she approached me.

“Or am I her?” Nightmare Moon said as she approached me.

“Or am I?” The filly said, staring up at me.

I blinked a little, I hadn’t expected to be asked that question or be put in this situation. Which one of them was really her? I looked between the three of them for a long moment as I tried to think of the answer.

No, she couldn’t be Nightmare Moon. She was never Nightmare Moon, she had shown us that when she tried to give us our deepest desires. She wasn’t a monster, she was our friend even if she had been pushed too far by the Society.

So that just left two options. I had no idea what to answer, who could be the real Moonlight? The Alicorn was kind and confident but… wait, Moonlight was still recovering from what had happened. She was in a bad mental state, and there was only one of the three that represented that.

“You, you’re her,” I said as I pointed at the filly.

“But it was I that protected her.” Nightmare Moon said, using her magic to force me to face her. “I stood guard over her as she lay there injured and dying, I gave her the strength to recover.”

“I am what she was destined to be.” The Alicorn Moonlight said, spinning me around to face her now. “She was always gifted and powerful, she never knew the magic she had or her destiny. The Princesses are gone, no pony has watched over the dreams of others in generations. Nightmares run rampant, and it is her that is destined to be the lonely night vigil, to protect those from themselves.”

“You may have protected her, but you also used her,” I said as I glared at Nightmare Moon. “You and the Society used her to attack her friends and tried to turn her against us. She is not you, she will never be you no matter how much you want it, and she will always be stronger than you are.”

I turned to look at the Alicorn Moonlight and sighed a little. “You’re not wrong, this world has lead to an abundance of nightmares. But I don’t think it is her destiny, I don’t even believe in destiny, your life is your choices and what you make of it. She wants to help ponies and has the ability to do it, that is her choice, not her destiny. And she will never have to stand alone as long as she has me and the others by her side.”

The two stared at me for a moment, before they looked to each other, the two speaking as one, voices unifying as they turned back to me. “Why must she be one, why can’t she be all three. Do you believe that the real Nightmare Moon would like what the Society worships? A bastardized icon of a time long past? And, if she chose not to use her gift to save those from their nightmares, then they run rampant once more and the world never heals because of the scars those nightmares leave behind.”

“For over 200 years Equestria has survived without the need of somepony to watch over nightmares,” I said. “And it’s done more than survive, I’ve learned a lot since coming here about ponies and other beings who want to help Equestria. Yes, this world is broken, there is death and destruction, but there is also hope. There will always be ponies willing to fight that good fight and protect and nurture that hope so that it may grow. If she chooses to not do it, then something tells me that Equestria will be just fine.”

The two stared at me for a moment more, before Nightmare Moon spoke alone. “You are a hypocrite.”

“What do you see when you look in a mirror.” The Alicorn said, glaring at me. “You are three in one, just like she is.”

Before I could speak, two mirrors appeared in the place of Nightmare Moon and the Alicorn Moonlight, in the reflections I saw both the now familiar figure of Daybreaker and the young Unicorn I used to be.

Ruin,. you sure you weren't on drugs while writing this, because I think I need drugs to make sense of this.

“I know you will.” Nightmare Moon said with a smile before she faded to a more gentle and softer looking side. “I am only a part of her, because she asked me to stay when we meant in the dreamscape a long while ago, she knew what asking me to stay would cause, and I stayed because I knew it was important, responsibility goes hoof in hoof with what some call destiny, it may all be a load of you-know-what, but responsibility overwrites choice in most things.”

I'm sorry Ruin. but this line? Completely falls flat with Nightmare Moon saying a load of you know what. I actually blinked, then laughed at that because of how so narmy this line was.

Yeah, sorry to say Ruin, not one of your best chapters between the mind screw moments and some narmy dialogue.

9317602
Or, perhaps the mindscrewing parts were intentional? and meant to mess with the reader?

Though, it was written over a large period of multiple smaller bursts, seems that is a recipe for disaster, I'm suffering with another rewrite (Third or fourth) For the seventh chapter of Remembrance because of it.

9320734
Okay, I'll grant you the mindscrewing was probably intentional.

But the short bursts thing, maybe that's it, maybe not. I don't always write my chapters, in fact, I almost never do in one go.

Well, Firebrand just barely pulled that one out of the bag. Seemed to me like everything was unraveling at just the wrong times really.

9449365

Well, Firebrand just barely pulled that one out of the bag. Seemed to me like everything was unraveling at just the wrong times really.

I'm unsure if that's a criticism or a compliment.

9449404
Trust me, it's a comment on the state of affairs in the story, not the story itself if that makes any sense.

9449418

9449404
Trust me, it's a comment on the state of affairs in the story, not the story itself if that makes any sense.

Ah, I think I get what you mean, I know our previous chapters were not among your favored ones, with the on purpose messing with readers and such.

9449431
Yeah, the last chapters were... weird.

9449439
Yeah, I get that, they were kind of meant to be - to give the whole uneasy feeling of being unsure of exactly what's going on. More or less character building at the same time.

“Princess Worship isn’t exactly something new in the Wasteland,” Neivi said thoughtfully for a moment. “It’s probably a longshot though. They’ve been convinced that Nightmare Moon is a powerful Goddess. Even if they are similar, it couldn’t be easy or fast to convince them to change.”

“I’ve heard from that very short time in the Society I spent, that there is actually a rival faction gaining traction, one who worships the sun goddess.” Moonlight said with a chuckle. “I think what matters most to those ponies, is that they have something bigger than themselves to believe in, something that feeds them strength and hope for that better tomorrow.”

I'd like to see that, though I do wonder if that's a possible jab at the more loony Princess supporters and their feuds. ...Something tells me this is foreshadowing, knowing you.

“Guess that means Ah ain’t ever gonna be tha best ta yah,” Storm snorted as she got to her hooves and started for the door. “Because Ah was adopted and raised by a Unicorn couple when Ah was a filly.”

“So, you think you’re hot stuff then huh? The next Rainbow Dash? Hmm? Or maybe you aspire to do something like resurrect the Wonderbolts and try and be the next Spitfire too?” Moonlight said, starting to chuckle. “You’re a great flier and a good pegasus, but you’re not the best.”

“Ah need some air,” Storm said softly, though from my angle I could see tears in her eyes as she pushed the door open and stormed out of the clinic.

“Moonlight…” I said, finally finding my voice again. “What in the Goddess’ name was that about?”

Oh, that was just cold Moonlight. Like, uncalled for. Hard dose of reality it may be in your mind, but that was just downright nasty.

9596761
I mean, sure, if you don't take in the other context or think about everything she has been through as a character, or anything regarding her back story, how she was raised and treated in the stable. Taking everything into context though, she was understandably upset because two ponies, one she considers one of her closest friends, and the other her marefriend who claims love - were attacking her over her personal beliefs because of everything she has endured since she left the stable, and how she was raised in the stable.

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