RuinQueenofOblivion
Joined 8th Mar, 2016 ·
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A story centered around Alicorns. Now this looks interesting. I’ll definitely keep an eye on this.
9024110
That’s just what I was gonna say!
Hmm, interesting. I can say this, you've pulled off the OCs well, they feel like living, breathing characters with their own personality traits and flaws. (Also, can't help but ask, is that playpony line a dig at my own story?)
9031153 Glad you like it so far... and no, not intentionally at least.
9031158
Oh good, I was worried there for a sec.
9031159 Just something that would probably exist in Equestria, so, was no real harm in mentioning it.
9031162
Well, you did say you'd never let me live that gag down...
9031166 I swear, I wasn't thinking about it when I included that bit.
First kill... Never a good thing, surprised Fire took it as well as she did all things considered. And I'm betting on Storm Wrangler (Love the name btw) being the love interest. Maybe wrong, probably am, but...
9037908 I'm just gonna let you find out for yourself.
I thought only the Goddess could make artificial alicorns.
9037956 I established previously that there are different batches of IMP around Equestria with varying levels of contamination.
9037956
Really, anyone can as long as the have a good amount of properly refined IMP, Impelled Metamorphosis Potion, we all should know Red Eye was attempting to do just that.
Loving these characters even more, such as Storm Wrangler and and Neivi debating things like religion versus secularism. Makes them feel more... real. Just these little bits here and there like that.
Okay, it's Fire and Neivi, isn't it? Sorry Storm Wrangler, this looks more shippy to me.
Also...
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/017/204/CaptainAmerica1_zps8c295f96.JPG
9047928 I'm glad you liked that, I included that debate as a sort of acknowledgment of the division between the different schools of thought at play here, we'll get more into that later.
'
Maybe its Neivi, maybe its not, they could just be very good friends.
And yes, I put that in as a reference to I walk the (Firing) Line, glad you caught it.
Very nice.
Sorry, couldn't resist. Bring a bit of humor from an otherwise dark chapter. But, Firelight and co are screwed now. Royally even, with what's probably a Fatwa from the Nightmare Society on their heads.
9058294 Eh, it was bound to happen eventually.
Famous last words. Famous last words. You might as well ask: "How hard can it be?"
Also, Firebrand fending off the Nightmare? Awesome.
9080664 Yeah, I really liked writing that scene.
9080673
I could tell.
Very thoroughly, I'm sureeeee...
Oh, you tease... Also, loved the appearance of Winter Breeze.
Oh, you meta tease. Still, IT'S ABOUT BLOODY TIME YOU NUMPTIES!
And now it's time for a new challenge... Dating. (Well, that and dealing with certain Nightmare worshipping loonies.) Good chapter.
9193260 We considered dragging it out longer actually.
9193266
You are an evil bastard, you know that right?
9193273 Yes, I know, but the luck was on your side.
Ah, meeting the parents. Probably the scariest moment in your love life aside from proposal, marriage, and the birth of your first child. BTW, love the music link Ruin!
"Toki wo koero
Sora wo kakero
Kono hoshi no tame"
"Kimi wa mita ka ai ga
Makka ni moeru no wo
Kurai yami no soko de
Kiken na wana ga matsu..."
(If you don't recognize those lyrics, shame on you.)
Oh i loved this chapter very much.
Damn, aptly named chapter. Also...
Whoooo loved it
Okay, not bad. Not bad at all. Had me on the edge of my seat whole time. Now, probably sure most of the references I'll miss, but here's the ones I did catch. In Shoutaro voice with hand gesture Now... count up your references!
1! Okay, maybe you'd be less obvious than that and this doesn't probably count but...
2! He's a real Nightmare...
3! Well, ask a Doctor, about that one mate.
4!
And of course all the references towards Shadow Moon...
9252779 Not bad, the chapter quote actually wasn't one but other than that.
You missed two actually:
Which is a reference to "There was a hole here, its gone now" from Silent Hill.
And:
Which is a reference to the frequent use of "IT'S ME" in Five Nights at Freddy's.
9252793
Explains a bit, I don't play either game series so I wouldn't have noticed them.
Well, that whole chapter with Moonlight, awesome I suppose. You could have made her into a reoccurring villain, really, and I honestly think it's a waste of a good plot not making her a villain for a little longer, but still, the entire ending of the chapter made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Also, the appearance of the Tantalus? Unexpected, and maybe needed a bit more build up but badass nonetheless.
But all in all, could have been done much better.
9263744 Well, the plot's not quite over yet, right now they've gotten through to her but there are still challenges left.
9263748
Yeah, but I gotta say, not your best work really. I know you can do better than this chapter, I've seen it.
Huh love it
of course that is your perk.. Heh
Oh Firebrand, you little perv.
Ruin,. you sure you weren't on drugs while writing this, because I think I need drugs to make sense of this.
I'm sorry Ruin. but this line? Completely falls flat with Nightmare Moon saying a load of you know what. I actually blinked, then laughed at that because of how so narmy this line was.
Yeah, sorry to say Ruin, not one of your best chapters between the mind screw moments and some narmy dialogue.
9317602
Or, perhaps the mindscrewing parts were intentional? and meant to mess with the reader?
Though, it was written over a large period of multiple smaller bursts, seems that is a recipe for disaster, I'm suffering with another rewrite (Third or fourth) For the seventh chapter of Remembrance because of it.
9320734
Okay, I'll grant you the mindscrewing was probably intentional.
But the short bursts thing, maybe that's it, maybe not. I don't always write my chapters, in fact, I almost never do in one go.
Well, Firebrand just barely pulled that one out of the bag. Seemed to me like everything was unraveling at just the wrong times really.
9449365
I'm unsure if that's a criticism or a compliment.
9449404
Trust me, it's a comment on the state of affairs in the story, not the story itself if that makes any sense.
9449418
Ah, I think I get what you mean, I know our previous chapters were not among your favored ones, with the on purpose messing with readers and such.
9449431
Yeah, the last chapters were... weird.
9449439
Yeah, I get that, they were kind of meant to be - to give the whole uneasy feeling of being unsure of exactly what's going on. More or less character building at the same time.
I'd like to see that, though I do wonder if that's a possible jab at the more loony Princess supporters and their feuds. ...Something tells me this is foreshadowing, knowing you.
Oh, that was just cold Moonlight. Like, uncalled for. Hard dose of reality it may be in your mind, but that was just downright nasty.
9596761
I mean, sure, if you don't take in the other context or think about everything she has been through as a character, or anything regarding her back story, how she was raised and treated in the stable. Taking everything into context though, she was understandably upset because two ponies, one she considers one of her closest friends, and the other her marefriend who claims love - were attacking her over her personal beliefs because of everything she has endured since she left the stable, and how she was raised in the stable.