- Member Since 24th Jul, 2016
- offline last seen Sunday
nyxOs
Just your average loser writing fanfiction about post-apocalyptic pastel ponies. Life is good.
nyxOs
Joined 24th Jul, 2016 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TheWanderingZebra · 102k words · 105 22 · 3k views
- nyxOs · 6.5k words · 20 2 · 556 views
- The Amateur · 61k words · 31 6 · 1.3k views
- Ashley Natter · 10k words · 374 views
- Scarlatina_Max · 296k words · 44 13 · 2.3k views
- LilithGalac · 43k words · 27 2 · 445 views
- WeaponPrime · 110k words · 67 6 · 1.9k views
- Crono411 · 97k words · 53 7 · 2k views
Featured In6
Fallout: Equestria Related Fics1,305 stories ·2,023 members
The Writers' Group56,381 stories ·9,290 members
Fallout Equestria2,614 stories ·5,361 members
Fallout Equestria: World1,179 stories ·1,102 members
Tales From the Wasteland73 stories ·100 members
Library of All Books (# Count)582 stories ·22 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.134 seconds
Total duration
933 users online
1,210,931 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
7858219
And that's understandable; however the Rangers want to justify it, in the end they did invade a Stable, intending to take everything for themselves. They certainly don't consider themselves to be raiders, but it doesn't mean that their goals or methods are justified. It's a moral dilemma that Quillwright will have to struggle with in the future.
Thank you!
And we certainly haven't seen the last of the Armored Stranger...
*SQUEE* YES!
I can't wait to read this!
7862846
It's been a long time coming, but I'm so happy to share it!!
7863271 Finally got time! I'ma read this naow. I'm so excited!
That was well worth the wait!
Those bloody Goremoths are horrific! Damn blood sucking parasites! Kinda like Tough Shell...
Poor Quill finally caught herself a good break and managed to get herself a
trustycompanion along the way!...Now I have to wait for the next chapter
7864828
Hehe, I'm glad you enjoyed it!! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter
But don't worry! Chapter 4 shouldn't be too far off, it's mostly just in need of editing and rearranging, now...
Reviewed this for my weekly review:
Review
Holy Hell where has this gem been hiding!?
8072134
I'd be extremely grateful if you recommend it to others; I've tried my best to publicize it but I can only reach so many... 
Aw, thanks!
8072254 I'll try my best to do so!
I don't think > 8073388 < did a good job advertising. I ended up back here again
Which got me curious, how far along is chapter 4...? I mean I follow you but I never see any blog updates for it. Not to put you on the spot or anything....
Just can't wait for the next one to come out!
8073428
I actually have a blog post planned for today; I'll be posting it soon, and it should give you an idea of where everything's at!
Oh! OOH! NEW CHAPTER!!!
Well things are looking pretty grim for poor Quill.... infection, bullet wounds. and the worst, possible, thing! Her favourite robe destroyed!!
Oh I mean she could by dying of an infection and has a missing wing but like, dat robe tho.
I can't wait to see how they're planning to take out an entire tribe of crackpot idiots with just the four of them, a Goremoth and an old dog.
8132266
I bawled my eyes out while writing the robe's death scene, it was truly crushing...!
8133182
Thank you!!
For real, though.
If I can help it, the stretch between 3 and 4 will be the absolute longest drought the story'll ever have. I'm going to push myself for a two month or less publishing schedule from now on.
8132697 Those poor defenceless robes! Died in the prime of their life! Truly sad!
Also it's kinda sad how that pony settlement was brutally murdered but like... yeah those poor robes!!
Will this story have sex in it?
8409818
I'm not planning there to be anything explicit, no.
8442936
Hehe, it even surprised me how crazy this chapter became!
I love what you have done with developing the characters and the environment in this rewrite! One item: "There was a brief burst of sparking metal and then the stranger rolled away just as his shield finally caved in under Ardent’s bulk.
As the Knight pounded the floor with the force of a small bomb, the unicorn was up and aiming his laser rifle, which had skidded across the floor to him, retrieved with telekinesis. I lifted into the air to fire over Kyanite, but a precise shot sliced through several feathers of my right wing."
Is she flying over Ardent or Kyanite? I didn't think Kyanite was there. :)
8685852
The original chapter is bleeding through!! Argh!
Thanks for catching that
8685911
No problem
8685829
Only the first two chapters, and only about half of 2 is getting rewritten. 3-5 are virtually unaffected by these edits!
The writing in this chapter is technically competent and at times even poetic with its word choice. Cheers to you and the editor for crafting and editing an impressive chapter together.
I enjoyed the pacing mostly, as the characters made their way into the depths of the Stable. There was enough information and dialogue spaced out to build up the tension toward the inevitable without making me wish the bullets would just start flying. The interactions and characters introduced were natural enough; the death of Vox had a sufficient impact from the protagonist's narration. And when the action kicked in, the pacing ramped up as it needed too. These aspects of the story show even more competent execution.
I felt that I came away knowing little about the protagonist. By the bottom of the chapter, I was still unsure what her personality was like, where her interests lay, and how she thought of her team. For this introduction to Quill, I feel like there could have been more to the narration to show me who she is—if more of her thoughts bled into the narration and lent it a distinct style, that might have done the trick. I am certain, though, I will get to learn all about her in the next chapter.
Aside from that, the moment when Quill gets confronted by the assailant and ordered to drop her firearm felt a little weird. She seemed to be taking in the situation a little too calmly and with a little too much reasoning.
Anyway, I look forward to seeing what your next chapter shapes up to be!
8707723
Wow, thank you for the detailed critique! I can't wait to present the next chapter.
Gotta say this chapter felt just like the start of a Fallout game. The first town you run into feels like a huge relief you actually talk to all the NPCs and figure out some of the towns backstory, you hardly have anything to sell, and its full of tiny little quests to help you get started. The small enemies even provide a threat as you barely have any starting equipment. Yeah you did a great job making this feel Fallout!
8727689
That's great to hear! I definitely took a lot of inspiration from both Megaton's repurposed design and Goodsprings' various people for the town.
Eeeeeeee!!
8732624
Eeeeeee!!!
Alright well Camphor is officially my favorite. Unique pet with unique personality makes for some unique situations I am sure
So since some of the chapters are getting a do over, are all of the chapters getting edited or?
8748399
Nope! There were only minor changes that needed to be made to the rest, all of which are complete.
Changelings, zebras and others as well... Welp I think this is gonna be a good ride!
Having LARPed in a marsh at one time, yea I do not know why they did it there of all places, do I know how stuck you can get with a light load on your back, now take power armoured ponies and throw them out of an airship 50 yards up... They would properly make craters like meteors, and then be so stuck that they would have drowned in mud before they could come out of the holes that they have made... For some reason do I really love that inner picture, really encapsulates the Brotherhood and their way of thinking
So a few segments in and I can honestly say that I am lost. In media res works really well for a lot of stories, but when it is written does the introduction of 5-6 characters in a span of just as many "pages" loose readers as there are simply too much to take in at once, I know that it at least made me quite confused and that I gave up keeping heads and tails of the many characters. I would personally say that I would have enjoyed a prologue where we flew to the Stable and at least could have been introduced to the main character. I do not know if the Cid was a Final Fantasy reference, but if it was then think back on any Final Fantasy game that you have played, think about how your gaming experience would be if you skipped the intro cutscene and jumped right into the fray of the story and how lost you would have felt. FoE is a heavy setting, and there are a reason why almost all other stories have a prologue that eases new readers into their story, even if their first chapter is in media res.
I see what you did there
A water ward... I do really not know why people haven't used wards in Fo:E stories before now, but as I have said many many times before in many many places do most Fo:E writers think too technical instead of magical... And fudge you, now I want to explore wards, setting up a city where they make them and have a defence built around it. Think about a city with a weapon ward, or a magical ward that powered itself and others with the magic from ponies... Yea I hate that I can't write a story to safe my life.
So seeing as our mysterious mystery unicorn of mystery can teleport himself... Why did he not "simply" teleport the grenade behind him instead of throwing that giant ass shield up that would be needed to protect against it? I mean move it or him away and you would, I guess, spend way less energy than what would be needed to make a shield. I know that rule of cool is a thing, but I do simply not know why people love their magical shields so much.
So I am gonna science geek a bit out here and call Newton's third law of motion: "The third law states that all forces between two objects exist in equal magnitude and opposite direction" I know that in movies and games does bodies fly around when you hit them, but in reality should you fly just as much as the target that you hit, meaning that if mystery unicorn of mystery sends a power armoured knight sliding several yards would he be sliding as well. Now with that said could the movement be explained if the thermal energy of the blast was converted into kinetic energy that was used to move the knight, or if the "damping" talisman wasn't damping but spreading the energy throughout the whole armour instead of the point of impact. Don't get me wrong its a really cool and dramatic scene, but the science behind it is way way out the window.
All in all a pretty high action and dramatic start... but again, I would sure have loved if I knew the characters a bit more, I as a reader do not care if the characters die at this point as I have no connection with them what so ever, heck without going back could I not tell you how half of them looked, so a prologue that eases us into things would really do wonders.
Nitpicks:
"and the Knights rushed inside" "Orange Kyanite called back to us" "I was the first one inside" you have a bit of contradiction here.
"Even Kyanite, usually able to lighten the mood of a situation," any
"racing directly at him" How can she race at him if he was just nibbling on her ear the moment before?
" “...I know this seems like a waste of time, but-”" You forgot your space after your ellipse.
8812691
Hey, thank you! I seriously appreciate that you took the time to read and write up a critique.
So the immediacy of this opener is the result of rewrites based on feedback for my original first chapter; that version began on the airship and spent much more time establishing characters and the expedition's goal. Ultimately it was decided that, when revisiting the beginning, the finer details of characters who were either about to die or disappear for an extended amount of time was unnecessary and readers would infer the reason the Rangers were visiting the Stable through dialogue, indirect exposition, and what they've already learned via the original story.
In response I've received about fifty-fifty feedback for and against slimming down the opening. On one hand, there's no more lengthy exposition dump or time spent establishing the side characters who won't have any truly significant role in the plot. On the other, the time spent introducing who Quillwright or Orange Kyanite are ended up being trimmed down to minimal levels to be dispersed through the later chapters instead. I understand where you're coming from and your criticisms are certainly valid; choosing exactly where to begin and how much information to reveal via the narrator has been the hardest decision I've had to make in the story so far.
And on the point of the magic damping talisman, it is indeed designed to absorb the main focus of a blast like this and dissipate the rest across the armor's plates, in addition to preventing auras from directly grabbing armor. "Damping" was the best term I could find to describe it, since so far I haven't read any other stories that address why power armor can't just be instantly flattened like a tin can by a powerful magic user.
8812940
My advice would be to spend like 500 words to write a single scene on the airship, there being no need for exposition really, just us getting closer to the chars. Like the main char sitting in her room with her partner, them getting a call to gear up for the incoming mission, us getting thrown into the chaos there are an army getting geared up, banter and personalities being thrown back and forth, it still being in media res but much more like an intro to an action shooter where we can get hyped up for what there are there to come.
I love that there ain't any exposition dumps, and don't really want any exposition whatsoever, but try looking game intros up on youtube for shooters or other action games and I am sure that you will get what I mean.
And me commenting on stuff... Get used to it, I am a very very blunt Dane there are gonna comment on the good stuff and the not so good stuff, just expect me to say more these first few chapters than later on, there are no need to go into details about what I find good or bad if the same thing shows up multiple times after all.
Ohh and by the way, your cover and Crono411 sent me your way!
8813041
I'll consider adding one, if I'm able to come up with something that feels natural enough.
By all means, be blunt! Honest feedback is what will improve the story in the long run.
Reread this chapter today, and still enjoy it. You've done a good job of building an intriguing list of questions to propel the story forwards.
Who is the armored unicorn?
Who are the other hostiles?
What did this Stable produce?
Are the teleporters ever going to go back online, and if so, what awaits at the other end?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Great work as always, and I wish you the best of luck with your future chapters!
Did you get the story's title from the RWBY song From Shadows?
8863380
Negative. I'm afraid I haven't gotten around to watching any of RWBY.
Willow is a very ghoul pony! get it like cool but uhhh ghoul-! Eeeeeeeeee
Also also!!
EEEEEEEEEE
I feel a little embarrassed that it took me this long to finally get to reading this story, especially after being so interested in the premise. I'm glad I finally did. I like it! There aren't many Fallout: Equestria stories that go for environments outside the usual urban wreckage and dusty badlands, and I like how it changes things up here. I like the characters, and there's just enough of a mystery going on to keep me wondering what's really going on. I like the goremoths, too!
For what it's worth, while I came late and missed the original version of the opening, I like the current opening. It gets things going, starts up the plot, and introduces you to the characters through their actions. I think it works pretty well.
The only real critique to come immediately to mind is that Quillwright seems a little too calm and clear at times. I think the most significant case was after she lost her wing. She had a brief freakout, but then it kind of felt like it was largely forgotten about, aside from the rare casual mention. Having her regularly dwelling on it would easily get tiring, but it kind of feels like she got over it very quickly. She also seems fairly calm, rational, and perceptive during fights. Maybe that's just how she is, but she doesn't seem quite that calm and calculating at other times, so I'm not really sure.
Also, as a thorough changeling fanatic, I see that little character tag up there.
I'm curious to see whether that has something to do with the Institute, or if it's something else entirely.
8879752
I'm flattered that you enjoyed my story, and thank you for also providing a critique!
Oh my, Phoenix_Dragon in the flesh!
I can neither confirm nor deny that you could be onto something.
And I must say that, while I've only read the first chapter of The Chrysalis so far (waiting to dig in once I finish reading Murky Number 7), I was very impressed with your opening and I'm incredibly excited to read the rest!
adding to reading que.
8917054
I hope you enjoy!
Still waiting on that prologue so we don't get whiplash from that intro, but can't have this story on my read later list forever, so better get back to it!
Ohhh and first!
So knowing the character a bit more than before, getting a bit slower pace, and moments where we see Quills reactions made this a much much better chapter than the earlier one, and I can only hope that this is the first of many good chapters to come.
While perks in the end of the chapter normally are tongue in cheek do I honestly not get this one, beside the reference. Like ad something about swim speed, we need something with stats on there to make it seem game like
Nitpick
" I spit and clambered out of the water" spat
Welp, no comments as such, and no nipicks either for this chapter
Must admit that I ain't really a fan of the copy paste Institute that we are encountering here, synths and high tech are for Fo, give us some magic instead. Seeing a group of ponies that make mindless slaves out of a radiated mirror pool, the ponies that come out being literary hollow, would bring some magical horror to the swamp instead of "Zombie robots". One of Kkats biggest mistakes in my opinion was to make the world so mechanic focused instead of putting some more magic in there, its arcane science after all, not just science. Maybe food for thought if you want to go back and do something original instead of being in the shadow of FO4
I think that the only other "Animal friend" char that I have seen were a side char in PH who walked around with a bear, so nice seeing that this story have a moth stallion in their midst, that will properly lead to a lot of interesting stuff to come!
Nitpick
"and...." Delete a period
9025628
All I'll say is that there's more magic involved than you might currently think, and more than one variety of synth.