- Member Since 20th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
Fields-of-forever
If things appear to be going well, you have overlooked something.
Fields-of-forever
Joined 20th Sep, 2014 ·
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seems interesting enough, going to track this.
Trust me, your writing isn't by far the worst I have seen. At least you put in the effort to have it presentable, others don't even go that far. The few errors I have seen so far were more or less minor, a basic grammar and spelling check from most common office programs should help out with most of them. For the rest, Grammarly is pretty good as an aide, though you shouldn't entirely rely on that. I'd offer to help edit, but... I don't have much time and am already helping out a friend in that regard. Sorry. :S
So... no sex, but egg-laying? I'm assuming you won't make it anything too graphic if you're shying away from naughty scenes. At least tell me you know the difference between drones and workers. Ever since I did research into the (bee)hive hierarchy for an upcoming story of mine, it has become one of my little pet peeves, to be honest. >.>
Well, I'm putting this on probationary tracking, then. It looks interesting enough so far, I'm looking forward to where this goes. The biology, weird as it is, is pretty unique, I don't see something like that very often. So... good job on that, I guess?
11080142
Thank you, I'm glad that it came out ok form others prospective, I mostly just used the grammar checker on word, but I will try running it though some others to double check it.
No need to apologise, just mentioning a useful tool like Grammarly is very helpful.
For the sex tag it was manly that I'm not sure what I can put in without the tag being there, like dose saying what organs a character has and their function (if they are reproductive in nature) need the tag or is that fine without?
Also, I although I don't plan to go into vivid detail I was going to describe where eggs are coming from and both the mental, and physical effects that has on the body so it's another case of not being sure what exactly requires the tag and what I can get away with without it.
I believe I know the difference between drones and workers in bee hives, but hadn't taken it into consideration for the language used when describing Changelings casts, but maybe that would be a good idea to clarify for people who actually know a bit about IRL swam insects.
I have about 4 more chapters of similar length in the editing phase and I'm in the proses of writing more when I get the chance, it's a busy time of year right now so it's a little slower then I would like but it is slowly going.
I have the bare bones plan for the beginning, middle and end of the story written up in a bullet point format so it will just be the case of actually getting it down and fleshing it out to make a real story rather than just "such and such goes here and dose this" kind of thing.
11080272
It's always a good idea to double, if not triple, check what you wrote. Heck, I go through my own stories multiple times and always find things I have overlooked and that grammar and spelling checks have not noticed (which is pretty normal for things it doesn't consider to be mistakes, per se, since it can't possibly know everything since it isn't a thinking human mind, duh). Grammarly is a really useful browser add-on, especially if you use Google Docs, but sometimes even that suggests things that are plain wrong. Always think about the stuff that is being suggested instead of taking it for granted.
To my understanding, it's for suggestive things, and, should the story have the M-rating, outright sexual acts. Since some people are squeamish by the mere mention of genitals, I'd put it in just to be safe. *shrug*
I just find it funny that, when the changelings in the story have similarities to real insects (stuff like changeling honey and whatnot), people never really bother to find out what a drone even is. Heck, the word 'drone' even comes from bees, if I am not mistaken. xD
11080279
Yeah, that was basically my thinking.
For myself, I would just think of it as a physical description (also Changelings can be rather blunt and don't dance around subjects out of embarrassment) and a character learning about something they wouldn't have a reason to know about, but I know some people see any mention of that kind of thing as suggestive, even when done in a factual style, so, as you say, it's probably better to err on the side of caution.
I do have a Changeling type between soldier and Queen so that could actually be renamed to drone. My idea for the Changelings is they are a mix of bees, ants and equines with some extra bits that are specific to them so although they won't be a one for one with IRL insects it's nice to get the terminology right for the bits that make sense
This looks interesting. When should we expect the next chapter to be out?
11080554
First of all, thank you for the intrest!
As for the next chapter it shouldn't be too long, it's going through a small edit, then I will need to read it back over once or twice to see if it still flows well and then do any spelling/grammar fixing that it need, so it could be done in a day or two as long as nothing pressing comes up.
Originally I was planning to post once a week but I might try for twice a week and see how well I can keep up with that.
Nut changelungs don't have little arms
11080592
With modern Changelings you'd be perfectly right, but these aren't modern Changelings
11080581
Cool! Can't wait to read it!
So Primordial Changelings? Hmm I wonder will she eventually make it all the way to the modern equestrian day?
Would be funny for chrysalis suddenly to be exposed to this Ancient Changeling Queen.
Can't wait for the next chapter and good writing!
11080612
Thank you very much
All I'll say is I have ideas, but that is a long way down the line at the moment.
Is this story a bit like the unfinished story Call me queenie?
11080625
It's been a long time since I read it, but in basic concept, I think it's a similar idea, yes.
But whereas Call Me Queenie (from what I remember) feels like a comedy with some moments of seriousness, my story will be more serious with moments of comedy.
The idea of a human getting turned into a Changeling Queen and having to deal with others of their kind and the locals of the area is something they will have in common, but I'm going to try to have a good build-up to events and also have fewer things just happen without a cause.
Don't get me wrong, I remember really liking Call Me Queenie and I'm not trying to bash it in any way, I just remember the pacing being very fast is all.
Now, for the basic theme, I'd go so far as to say Call Me Queenie (and other fics like it) inspired the first ideas I had for this story, but I'm going for (and I don't like how this word sounds in this context but bear with me) a more realistic take or as realistic as magic and Changelings can be anyway.
11080681
I understand. The idee you put forth also sounds interesting.
I just hope you can also keep a bit of the idee of call me queenie of having fun moments.
11080693
That's fair, and to be honest, I hope I manage to do that too, being serious 100% of the time gets stale after a while so I hope I can slip in moments of fun or comedy, I just need to do it without making it feel forced.
It's the kind of thing I'm hoping I will be able to do as I improve my writing skills, that and get better at catching the silly little mistakes that I sometimes find after 3 editing runs and can't understand how I missed them before lol.
11080705
Well then I hope you can improve your writing during this process. Also maybe you can use those silly mistaces, voor example a characters says something but you misspel it, you can make it a fun little quirk of them.
11080712
That's true, I do have ideas for more amusing characters and some situations in the future, it's just getting it all to flow in a natural feeling way that I will need to get good at.
11080723
Yes, good luck with that. Have a nice day/night.
I give you credit, this is a nice map you described. More importantly. What is your plan?
11080983
Glad you like the map, I always like having a reference to where things are in the world.
As for my plan, well, I can't give you the exact details since that would defeat the point, but I will say I have a pretty set plan all the way till the end of this story and maybe even part of a sequel.
11081019
Interesting. I have some hopes to see this continue onwards...
Saw the title and expected a History of the World Part 1 reference. Now that I've read the chapter, I'm guessing that's not what you're going for at all.
This seems like it has potential, but there's not enough here yet for a reader to get a very good idea what this is going to be about. From the sparse character tags, my best guess is that is going to be a pre-Equestria builder fic in the middle of nowhere with minimal contact with ponies, and with zebra tribes as the nearest neighbors. Following, but this might have been a case where it would have been better to have published two chapters right out the gate, to give readers a better sense of what they're getting into.
11081179
I'm afraid I don't know of a History of the World Part 1, so not a reference to this time.
That's a fair point and I did consider posting the first 2 together, but after looking over the 2nd chapter again, I felt like the pacing was too fast and decided to add around a thousand and a bit more words to it to try and make it feel less jumpy.
You're basically in the right ballpark with it being pre-Equestria kingdom building story.
The lack of character tags is simply because it's based so far in the past that none of them would have been born yet.
The idea is that it will predate the heathswarming story by at least a couple of centuries, if not a thousand years, give or take.
You are also right about the local Zebra tribes being the main non-Changelings of the region, the Changlings need to get love from someone after all.
Ponies themselves are probably not very likely to show up in this first story, but I have plans if all goes well for more afterwards.
Very promising, I hope this gets continued. I'd like to see where this goes.
Quite interesting so far. I look forward to seeing where this goes!
11081377
It's a famous 80's movie. "It's good to be the king" was the punchline of a recurring joke from the French revolution sequence. The joke probably hasn't aged very well, but the king of France was shown interacting with aristocrats in formal environments wearing ridiculously over the top fashion while his courtiers argued with each over over proper pronunciation and etiquette to maintain appearances and climb the social ladder...and in the middle of this he would randomly walk up to women and do something overtly sexual to them. Grab their boobs, kiss them, etc. Then he'd break the fourth wall and tell the camera that it's "good to be the king" and then go right back into the action of the show while all the other characters around him uncomfortably pretended that it hadn't happaned.
Point being, as the person in charge, he could get away with breaking etiquette and social rules to do whatever he wanted. "It's good to be the king."
From the title I assumed that the premise of this fic was going to be that Chrysalis was going to go over the top and violate social norms to feed, and nobody was going to stop her...because she's the queen.
11082300
Ah, right, I mostly meant it to be in a sarcastic sense, but I can see how a fic like that could make for some good comedy.
11082300
that would be interesting but maby its more a case of all queens act like that and our mc will have to face making a change or following the pattern. personaly im hoping for a road to high queen kinda story from this but think i would like it even if i was supprised by something else
11082597
I'd say there are some Queens that act that way for sure, but most of them are the more powerful Queens with bigger Hives, most of the lower Queens tend to be petty, bitter, cruel, or bordering on insane, they have to fight hard to keep their Hives and territory, and that breeds tyrants 9 times out of 10 since the kinder Queens don't often last all that long.
11082743
so whats the likelyhood of the mc running into and both befreinding and allying themselfs with a queen that is unlikely to stab them in the back?
11082766
Definitely not impossible but they would have to choose wisely who to trust and also show that they can be trusted themselves, the mc was human though and humans do often try to make friends rather than enemies when possible.
Esta muy interesante la historia 😁
Saludos desde Perú 🇦🇹
11083181
Gracias, espero que disfrutes el resto de la historia
11083197
Dalo por hecho
Just wanted to drop by and say I'm giving this story a try and I'm currently tracking it. I've always liked the concept but many stories that try it die after three chapters, but hopefully it wont happen to this one. Good luck sir!
I'll definitely be tracking this story, you have my attention after all.
So you telling me they have bones and chitin. that is impressive.
11083386
must be heavy af
dont forget that the changlings who have died might be able to be drained of their love to help the mc and her new ling
11083394
That can very much be true, for the bigger castes at least.
Worker castes, for example, have rather thin chitin, only a centimetre or maybe a little more depending on how well they kept are fed, but once you get to the Soldier caste you're looking at an inch or more depending on how armoured they are.
As for a Queen? Well, that would all depend on the caste of Queen she is.
Interesting
11083386
They are built rather tough compared to most other equines for sure, also when most stuff in your homeland is trying to kill you, it's good to have as many backups as you can, a broken leg bone is a real problem for a zebra or a pony but as long as the chitin is still intact (or indeed the reverse) a Changeling can still use the leg, it will hurt but most Changelings are used to a little pain.
11083395
I have plans, don't you worry
11083405
Can't say I'm much of a fan of the bone thing. There's only so much you can get away with in regards to alien biology. I'm not a scientist by any means, but... the exoskeleton of an insect isn't called an exoskeleton for no reason, you know? That's like replacing your skin with another skeleton while keeping your old one which just seems a bit silly to me.
Then again... we are talking changelings here. If (and that's a pretty big if) there is just one species I could see developing such a trait purely for shapeshifting reasons, it's the changeling race. Heck, you could have made the argument of taking Chrysalis' origin story from the comics as an inspiration and I would have been a lot happier than that explanation you gave us.
Seriously, just take your time. There's a reason why I write my stories mostly in advance before publishing them, way less stress that way.
11083432
That's fair and to an extent, I did go with it for shapeshifting, but also because I want the Changelings to be odd in their biology, a real mismatch of things made into one creature.
In a way I kind of did replace most of their skin with a skeleton so that's fair lol.
I get where you're coming from with Chrysalis' origin story but if I'm being honest it felt a little odd to me when I saw it, from what I remember she's born from a plant that's growing in a pond of slime and bones and has been eating bugs, right?
I mean, it makes sense and in canon it's a good enough origin but it kind of makes Chrysalis the Changeling Queen and I feel for fics like this where there are a lot of Queens it works better to have them be more of a "normal" species.
To be clear it's defiantly not a normal thing to have both, and irl it basically doesn't happen, not really anyway but there is definitely some magic going on there to make it work.
11083452
Yep. Doesn't mean she has to be the only changeling queen, though. I like to use the comics a lot for my fics and that's one of the things you can bet on I'll screw around with just because.
i'm likeing what i see so far.
11083452
the bone and chitin just reminded me of the fallen from destiny as the have the same thing going on.