No Joke
No Joke
By Alaborn
Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.
Following the defeat of the Pony of Shadows, the Pillars of Old Equestria decided to see this new Equestria, so different from the one they knew. Traveling alone or in groups, they visited their old homes, saw the great cities they once knew and those that rose in their absence, and experienced life in an Equestria that flourished thanks to the seed of harmony they planted all those centuries ago.
But after several months, they were asked to visit the place where their new journey started, the home of the ponies that rescued them from Limbo, the town of Ponyville. There were parties to be had and tales to be told, but plenty of time for the Pillars to explore the town.
Or, in this case, a location just outside town.
“From the stories I heard, I assumed this forest would be somewhat more... impressive,” Star Swirl the Bearded said dismissively.
“You could always visit after dark,” Rockhoof said. “But then you’d be visiting alone, old fool.”
“It wouldn’t serve my purpose to not be able to see the plants of this forest,” Mage Meadowbrook said.
“Let’s stay focused,” Stygian said, flipping through books and scrolls held in his aura. “All of these writings, and what I learned from the princess and the others, indicate the section of the Everfree Forest nearest to Ponyville is reasonably safe from predators in the daytime, but they recommend we be free from the forest long before sunset.”
It was Mage Meadowbrook who had expressed interest in the flora and fauna of the Everfree Forest, wondering what mysteries could be discovered in a place free from the guiding hoof of ponies. So she planned this trip. Stygian handled research as normal, finding not much in the way of authoritative information on the mysterious forest. And Rockhoof volunteered to come, to keep the group safe.
That left one other pony, though.
“And why did you agree to come on this expedition, Star Swirl?” Meadowbrook asked.
“Me?” Star Swirl cleared his throat. “I find myself curious about the nature of the enchantment on this Everfree Forest, particularly when this land was once home to the castle of the two princesses.”
“Mm-hmm,” Meadowbrook muttered. “You just wanted to get away from Princess Twilight Sparkle, didn’t you?”
“By the blazing sun, YES!” Star Swirl shouted. “That mare will not shut up! Asking about my life, my research, my unfinished spells. Magic may be my talent and sorcery my element, but I don’t want to talk about it every waking moment!”
“You’re always welcome to come with us,” Meadowbrook said. “A little exercise is good for your health.”
Star Swirl harrumphed and turned his head, the bells on his hat jingling.
The day’s work proved to be fruitful. Mage Meadowbrook’s particular talents in healing allowed her to find a number of plants and flowers with healing properties, along with plenty more that were dangerous. But no amount of whipthorns or sapspitters could get past the defenses brought by Rockhoof and Star Swirl.
Glancing up at the sun, Meadowbrook decided it was time to return, even if her saddlebags could hold a few more samples. Stygian consulted his map and compass, and pointed the group in the right direction.
And promptly stumbled over a root.
As he worked to free his hoof, Stygian noticed they were standing in a patch of blue flowers. Curiously, he hadn’t noticed them before. Nor, apparently, had anypony else.
“Look at these,” he told the others.
Star Swirl looked, shook his head, and looked again. “Curious,” he said. “It’s like there’s some minor befuddlement magic trying to keep me from seeing these flowers.”
“It is strange,” Meadowbrook said. “I am sensing both positive and negative magic within these blooms, but the magic shifts in a chaotic manner.”
“Chaotic?” Stygian pulled out his notes. “I think I saw something about blue flowers and chaos magic.” He rapidly flipped through hornwritten pages. “This is it. The sketch matches the flower exactly.”
“Well, what is it?” Star Swirl asked.
“It’s called poison joke. It affects ponies with random curses that are more embarrassing than harmful. Fortunately, the cure is known to the ponies of Ponyville.”
“I suppose it’s too much to hope that merely brushing the flower means we’re okay?” Rockhoof asked.
“The notes indicate that just walking through poison joke will affect us.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Star Swirl stated. “It’s curse magic, and I know how to dispel curses.” He planted his hooves, concentrated, and... nothing happened. The magic felt bottled up inside him, like he had the worst case of horn flu ever.
The others looked at Star Swirl, and started snickering.
“What?” he said.
“It happens to all stallions when they get to be your age,” Rockhoof said.
Meadowbrook smiled and pulled out a mirror. Star Swirl saw his horn flopping around as if it were made of rubber. Blue dots covered his horn, the same shade as the flowers at their hooves.
“Fortunately, I am prepared for such eventualities,” Star Swirl said. He reached into his hat and withdrew a hidden wand.
“Why are you carrying a wand?” Stygian asked.
“There are places in this universe where a unicorn won’t have a horn,” he said. “Best not to be caught unprepared.”
Again, Star Swirl stood, this time with wand in mouth, and concentrated. The group stood silently.
“Did it work?” Rockhoof asked.
“The spell is... it is not coming to me,” Star Swirl admitted.
“Cobalt’s Cursebreaker?” Stygian asked.
Star Swirl nodded.
Stygian replied with a long string of syllables in the ancient unicorn language. He was describing how to cast the spell, Star Swirl realized. But there was just one problem.
“How could you possibly know that?” Star Swirl demanded.
Stygian stepped back. “I... don’t know? It just came to me?”
“That is a restricted spell, and for good reason! A unicorn needs deep mana reserves to cast such a powerful spell!”
“We can discuss that later,” Meadowbrook said. “Can you cast the spell now?”
Star Swirl concentrated, and then shook his head. The magic, the formulas, the spark... he knew he once knew it, but even after hearing Stygian recite the spell, he couldn’t shape the spell.
“Let it be,” Meadowbrook said. “I could always try concocting a cure using natural means. In fact, I am looking forward to the challenge.”
“Okay, but can we do it when we’re out of the creepy forest?” Stygian said.
“We do have some sunlight left,” Meadowbrook replied. “A simple antidote would take but minutes to....”
Rockhoof held up a hoof. “Quiet!” he hissed.
Soon they all heard it, and felt vibrations in the ground at their hooves.
“Get going,” Rockhoof ordered. He took his shovel in mouth. “I’ll guard the rear.”
The ponies ran, but whatever was chasing them was faster. Before they could clear the forest, they saw a pair of creatures, reptilian in form but made of stone, and they were bearing down on them.
Rockhoof turned and faced the creatures. “This ends here!” he shouted. He took the shovel from his back, wielding it with his mouth. But as he advanced towards the creatures, he stumbled, feeling unbalanced. The shovel slipped from his mouth and landed blade first in the ground. He tried to pull it out again, but he couldn’t. It was if his trusty shovel were twenty times its normal weight.
The others saw the reason for Rockhoof’s struggles. He was visibly shrinking with each step, losing the bulk for which he was known. He now possessed the lankiness of a colt who had just had a growth spurt.
Meadowbrook tossed a pouch at the cragadiles, which exploded with a flash of light and a cloud of smoke. “Quick, run!” she shouted.
But the creatures were not bothered at all by Meadowbrook’s powder. They charged right through it, nearing Rockhoof.
Stygian rushed forward. He picked up Rockhoof’s shovel in his mouth and swung it like a baseball bat. It collided with one cragadile, sending it tumbling into the other.
“Go!” Star Swirl yelled.
The ponies ran, but one of the cragadiles was not slowed by Stygian’s attack. It pursued the ponies. Glancing back as they ran, they could see it closing in on them. Then Rockhoof tripped and stumbled.
“No!” Stygian shouted.
Stygian turned and faced the charging beast. As it moved to strike, Stygian thrust down with the shovel. It struck the beast’s neck with such force that sparks flew. The cragadile skidded to a stop. The sound of cracking stone filled the air, and then the beast shattered into rubble.
Stygian stared at the scene, shocked at what just happened.
“Move, Stygian,” Star Swirl said. “We best not tempt fate when the other recovers.”
The four Pillars safely reached the edge of the Everfree Forest, and returned to Ponyville without incident. They hurried through town, heading straight for the Castle of Friendship; Star Swirl and Rockhoof in particular showed no desire to be where everypony could see them.
Nopony came to meet the group when they entered, which didn’t bother Star Swirl. There was only one pony he wanted to talk to. “Princess, are you here?” he called out. “We are in need of your assistance.”
With a pop, Twilight Sparkle teleported in. “Assistance? Of course I can assist you! Is it research? A collaborative project? A coauthored paper? Please let it be a coauthored paper!” she babbled.
Star Swirl cleared his throat and pointed to his horn.
“Oh. Poison joke?” Twilight Sparkle said.
The others nodded.
“A well-known problem. Fortunately, the local spa has the remedy for poison joke. A simple bubble bath will counteract the plant’s magic.”
“Then let’s depart,” Star Swirl said. “I’d rather not spend any longer without magic, like some mewling foal.”
“What do you mean, you’re out?” Star Swirl said to the spa pony. He stared at her; the stare would have been a lot more effective if he didn’t have to push the bells of his hat away from his eyes. But he had to wear his hat forward like that to cover his cursed horn.
“It is as we have said,” the spa pony replied, speaking with an accent that Star Swirl didn’t recognize. “The cure for poison joke requires several plants and minerals, most of which we don’t replenish often. We are missing a particular herb, and we must wait until tomorrow to retrieve it from Zecora.”
“I can’t believe this,” Star Swirl muttered.
“Fear not, my old friend,” Meadowbrook said. “I would like to see if I could create my own cure, using my own talents.”
“I suppose if anypony could do it, it’s you, Meadowbrook,” Star Swirl said.
“Let’s go,” Stygian said.
Heading back, Twilight Sparkle watched the four pillars. “You said you all encountered poison joke?”
“We did,” Star Swirl said. “We may not even have noticed, had Stygian not stumbled at the right moment.”
“Yet the effects of the plant have only manifested for two of you?”
“So far as we know,” Meadowbrook said.
“Didn’t your notes say that both the effects and the duration of the effects could vary?” Stygian asked.
“From what we know, yes. My personal experience with the plant, and the experience of my friends, all involved the curse magic of poison joke coming into effect overnight, so unfortunately we did not get good data. But in talking to others affected by poison joke, the effects can best be described as happening whenever they would be amusing.”
“There was nothing amusing about facing cragadiles without my strength,” Rockhoof said.
“And that’s why the plant is classified as dangerous,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Its magic may have humorous effects, but it can’t predict the future.”
“I can predict the future,” Star Swirl said. “It involves me eradicating that cursed flower.”
“I believe Discord would tell you that’s a fool’s errand. But feel free to ask him.”
“I am not speaking to the spirit who overthrew the princesses!” Star Swirl said angrily.
“He’s reformed. Really. I think,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Anyway, we’re home. Meadowbrook, you’re free to use the laboratory in the basement.”
“It is quite the fine laboratory,” Star Swirl said.
“Oh, I don’t need much,” Meadowbrook said. “Just my tools, some peace and quiet, and the help of my friends.”
“I’ll assist you,” Stygian said.
“As will I,” Star Swirl said.
“There’s not much I can do right now,” Rockhoof said.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to study the magic currently affecting you,” Twilight Sparkle said to Rockhoof.
“Fine,” he replied.
Heading to the basement, Stygian saw Twilight Sparkle’s laboratory for the first time. He recognized maybe a quarter of the devices as ones that existed in his era, and even those looked both more refined and more complicated. Twilight Sparkle guided Rockhoof to a large machine in back, all gears and wires and crystals. He looked on the device with fascination; Rockhoof looked upon it with trepidation.
Meadowbrook wasted no time looking at the laboratory. She sat at the first open table and pulled out the samples she collected from the Everfree Forest, including one jar with several blooms from the poison joke plant. “Stygian, could you bring me the licorice root from my traveling cabinet?”
Stygian opened Meadowbrook’s traveling cabinet, a sturdy wooden case that opened to reveal nearly two hundred small cloth-lined compartments, each holding plants and reagents cradled in protective padding. He looked for the licorice root. And kept looking.
“Stygian?” Meadowbrook said.
“Sorry, I’m still looking for it,” he replied.
“Didn’t you put that thing together in the first place?” Star Swirl said.
“Well, yes, but....”
“Then what’s taking you so long?”
“I don’t know!” Stygian said.
“Land’s sake, lad. It’s licorice,” Rockhoof called out. “Use your nose!”
“Oh. Right!” With that suggestion, Stygian used both his eyes and nose to search for the errant root. Amid the plethora of aromas, he was able to pick out the distinct smell of licorice, and from there was able to find the root.
“Next I need the redcap mushroom,” Meadowbrook said. “I know it’s in the bottom left of the cabinet. And be careful not to touch it!”
“I know. I remember that it’s poisonous,” Stygian said.
Stygian didn’t remember where the redcap mushroom was stored, but Meadowbrook had remembered correctly. He found the mushroom, wrapped in two layers of wax paper and sealed in a jar.
From there, Mage Meadowbrook worked, with both Star Swirl and Stygian helping her with the safer ingredients. In the background, Rockhoof sat, enduring Twilight Sparkle’s unending litany of tests. Star Swirl snorted as he saw Rockhoof wearing a ridiculous helmet of wires and crystal.
“Don’t laugh, old fool. You’re next,” Rockhoof said.
“Well, if this potion works, maybe not,” Meadowbrook said. “Just one more ingredient and it will be ready.”
Meadowbrook scooped a tiny bit of ground root from a mortar and tipped it into her potion. She smiled as she watched it turn from yellow to red.
“Give me that,” Star Swirl said.
Meadowbrook couldn’t fault Star Swirl for wanting to be cured, and could excuse the old unicorn for grabbing the first potion. But as he lifted it to his mouth, she heard a noise from the potion. A large bubble rose from it, and when it popped, it left the potion a light violet.
“Wait! Don’t drink that!” she shouted.
But it was too late. Star Swirl had already swallowed the potion.
“What’s wrong?” the stallion said. Only it wasn’t said in his voice. His voice had an unnatural pitch, as if he had inhaled helium. “Why do I sound like this?”
“Something went wrong with the potion at the last minute,” Meadowbrook replied. “But it shouldn’t have.”
“How long is this going to last?” Star Swirl squeaked.
Rockhoof laughed, the stallion’s smaller size somehow not changing his booming laugh.
Stygian looked at the components on the work table, his eyes alighting on three in particular. He picked up a small amount of each with his magic, dropping them in a clean mortar. A minute of grinding later, he had a thick paste, which he added to a beaker of water. “Here. Try this,” he told Star Swirl.
Star Swirl looked at Stygian, and then looked at Meadowbrook. “Do you know what this is?” he whispered, the hushed words doing little to conceal the condition affecting his voice.
“It’s a simple tonic for dealing with laryngitis, combined with an anti-magic reagent. It is safe, and I think it might deal with your vocal issue.”
Star Swirl grunted in acknowledgment, and took the beaker in hoof. He inspected it, looking it over and sniffing it, before drinking it. The potion took effect immediately, making Star Swirl belch multiple times, each time causing a bubble to escape from his mouth. But each time, his voice was lower, until he sounded like the old gruff unicorn they all knew.
“Now that that’s out of the way, let’s recreate your cure,” Stygian said. “I know you’ll get it to work!”
While Twilight Sparkle finished her testing of Rockhoof and later Star Swirl, Meadowbrook crafted her potion three more times. Each time, she thought it was right, but something shifted in the potion. Strangely, each time, it changed in a different manner. In all her years of practice, she had never seen anything like it.
Frustrated, Meadowbrook reached for the redcap mushroom to start her fifth potion. She was interrupted by the soft touch of a hoof on her withers. She looked up, and saw the princess smiling at her.
“Meadowbrook, dinner will be ready soon. Why don’t we take a break?”
The massive crystal table in the castle dining room had place settings for nine ponies at one end of it. The other Pillars were already seated. Meadowbrook and Stygian joined them, just in time for Spike to come out of the kitchen, too many plates of food balanced on his little form.
“I got it,” Stygian said, picking up a plate that was threatening to slip off Spike’s head.
“Thanks!” Spike replied.
Stygian noticed the empty place setting across from him. “Are you joining us for dinner?” he asked Spike.
“Nope! Got my own dinner waiting.”
“Starlight Glimmer should be joining us soon,” Twilight Sparkle said.
“Oh,” Stygian said.
The gathered ponies started eating, but the three Pillars who hadn’t entered the Everfree Forest kept looking at Star Swirl. The old unicorn eating with his hooves was not something they saw every day, or any day, really.
Star Swirl looked up from his plate. “Yes, we had some problems in the Everfree Forest. No, I don’t want to talk about it,” he said flatly.
Flash Magnus looked like he was going to ask a question anyway, but Twilight Sparkle interrupted him. “I know! Why don’t you three tell us about your day?” she said.
“I had a great day with Rainbow Dash and Applejack,” Flash Magnus said. “They thought I would be a worthy competitor in their little Iron Pony competition. Let me tell you, I’ve done everything in that competition before, while wearing armor. Winning was a cinch!”
Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, I won about a third of the challenges,” he admitted.
“That’s about what I would have suspected,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Mistmane?”
“Rarity took me on a tour of your friendship school. The grounds especially are quite lovely,” Mistmane said. “Meanwhile, I spoke with her about what I’ve learned on the subject of beauty.”
“That’s an excellent idea,” Twilight Sparkle said. “I think our students would benefit from learning about the heroes of Equestria’s past. Maybe even learning from them?”
“Pass,” Star Swirl said.
“There’s still so much we need to see, Princess,” Somnambula said. “Like today, I saw Fluttershy’s lovely animal sanctuary. So many wonderful creatures!”
The door to the dining room opened. “I’m back,” Starlight Glimmer announced.
“Good timing; we’re all here,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Do you want Spike to reheat your dinner?”
“No, I got it,” she replied. Taking her seat, she looked at her plate and concentrated. Soon, steam was rising from her casserole, as if it had just come out of the oven.
When she looked up, she was looking right at Stygian. “Wow. Did you go to the spa?” she asked him.
“Well, sort of?” he replied.
“The spa was supposed to cure us of the curse from a plant called poison joke, but they were out. Can you believe it?” Star Swirl said.
“I’ve been working on a cure of my own, but every time, something goes wrong, and I don’t know why,” Meadowbrook said.
“Look at the bright side,” Stygian said. “It hasn’t worked yet, but either it will work, or your research will help other ponies find an alternate treatment for poison joke. It’s quite the discovery!”
Meadowbrook smiled. “And I suppose you’re going to tell me you’ve already noted my procedures and written up a lab report?”
“Uh, no,” Stygian said. “I didn’t think to do that.”
Stygian went back to his dinner. When he looked up, he noticed Starlight Glimmer was still staring at him.
“Are you sure you didn’t get treated at the spa?” Starlight Glimmer asked.
“No. We didn’t get past the lobby,” he replied.
“Because whatever you’re doing, it’s... wow.”
Stygian conjured his hoof mirror and looked in it. The first thing he noticed was his mane. His mane always clung to his head, flat and limp, save for that cowlick that no comb or brush could tame. But what he saw now was a mane with a gentle wave, arranged perfectly on his head. When he turned his head, it bounced gently before falling back into place, still looking perfect.
His jaw dropped, and then he noticed his teeth. He always hated his front teeth; they were uneven and stuck out a little. But not anymore. They were perfect. All his teeth were perfect, and they were so white they gleamed.
He continued to look at his reflection. His ears, which always looked too big for his head, were perfectly formed, and his weak chin was replaced by the sculpted chin any stallion would love to possess. Even his horn looked longer!
Even if he had gone to the spa, there’s no way they could have made him look like this.
“We’ve got to get you in the lab after dinner,” Twilight Sparkle said.
After dinner, Twilight Sparkle and Stygian went back to the laboratory. It was Stygian’s turn to be tested, and the Princess of Friendship looked positively giddy as she strapped the unicorn into the chair.
“I’m not sure I like that smile,” Stygian said.
“I’ve never heard of a pony reacting to poison joke like you,” Twilight Sparkle said. “The effects seem random, but they tend to be in some fashion negative. But look at you! You were strong enough to wield Rockhoof’s shovel, you gained knowledge of spells and potions, and you....” She paused, eyes focused on Stygian.
“Princess, you’re staring,” Stygian said.
“Right. Sorry. And now, you even look better! The idea that poison joke reacts differently for you demands study. If we can find out what it is about you, then maybe there are other ponies like you. The implications of this are enormous! An entire alternate field of studying and addressing curse magic....” She paused to levitate a quill, ink pot, and scroll to Stygian. “You could help me out by writing an outline for this study while I get the machines set up!”
While Twilight Sparkle worked on her machine, Stygian stared at the blank scroll in front of him.
Twilight Sparkle noticed Stygian wasn’t working. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I have no idea what you want me to do,” Stygian said.
“That’s ridiculous,” she replied. “I’ve read the notes from your missions with the Pillars. You’ve done this a dozen times. Remember when you got to the bottom of the foxfire incident?”
“Well, yeah, but....” Stygian thought back. He remembered working out a plan for Star Swirl and Meadowbrook to discover what was happening in the forest. He recalled coming up with a strategy for fighting the old witch. But he didn’t remember how he did this.
“The laughing sickness? The werepony curse?” Twilight Sparkle continued.
The same thing happened. Stygian remembered the incidents, remembered that his work was crucial to helping his friends succeed, but he couldn’t recall what he did.
“Ever since I started studying Star Swirl's personal journals, I saw how important your work was to the Pillars. I found respect for your strategies, your planning, your research, your organization,” Twilight Sparkle said. “It reminds me of my friend Spike. Without him helping me, there’s no way I could have accomplished all that I have.” She looked at Stygian. “I would be honored to have you help me tonight.”
“But I don’t know how,” Stygian said. He sat bolt upright in the chair, scroll and quill knocked to the floor. “That’s what the poison joke took from me!”
“Hmmm. You may be right. That is more consistent with what poison joke normally does,” Twilight Sparkle said. “But what I don’t understand is why it gave you all these positive attributes.”
Stygian thought for a moment, and then it hit him. “That wasn’t positive. That was the biggest joke of all!”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s what I was trying to do at Ponehenge, copying the items of my friends, in hopes of gaining their skills. And because of this poison joke, I got them, but look what happened. We barely escaped those cragadiles. I got Rockhoof’s strength, but I have no idea how to wield it. Flash Magnus’ bravery, but no skill in fighting. Star Swirl’s knowledge of sorcery, but not the magic reserves to cast those spells.” He thought for a moment. “Then, back at the castle, I found I possessed Meadowbrook’s knowledge of healing, but I don’t have her training in dealing with dangerous substances. I feel Somnambula’s sense of hope, but I can’t detect the difference between false hope and the true hope ponies need. And now this,” he continued, motioning to his face. “I may have beauty like Mistmane in her prime, but I don’t know how to deal with it!
“Let’s face it, even with all this stolen knowledge, I would be a liability fighting alongside the Pillars,” Stygian said. “And I’ve lost the one thing I can do to actually help them.”
Twilight Sparkle sat, head resting in her hooves, again staring at Stygian.
“Uh, Princess? You’re staring again,” Stygian said.
Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “Right. Sorry. In any case, let’s get these tests started.”
Four ponies stood on the floor of the Ponyville Spa, watching as the spa owner stirred a powder into the steaming water of a small wooden tub.
Stygian looked at Star Swirl, thinking the old unicorn looked so strange. It wasn’t because of the condition afflicting his horn, but rather because he never saw him without his hat and robes.
Star Swirl, for his part, focused on the tub. He tapped his hoof impatiently.
“Don’t rush the poor pony,” Meadowbrook whispered to Star Swirl.
A few more swirls, and the pink mare was done. “The treatment is ready,” she said. “It will take soaking for about fifteen minutes for your poison joke to be cured.”
Stygian expected Star Swirl to claim the tub first, but he didn’t. “Aren’t you going?” he asked him.
“Stygian, I spoke with the princess last night about how the poison joke affected you. I talked it over with Meadowbrook and Rockhoof, and we’re all in agreement. You took it the worst, so you should get cured first.”
“Me? But you lost your magic!”
“Bah!” Star Swirl replied. “If Equestria needs the services of a powerful magic user in the next hour, they can talk to the princess. And there are plenty of healers and strong ponies available. But there’s only one Stygian.”
“Really? Thanks!” Stygian said. “But I really can’t. Meadowbrook, don’t you want to get cured, so you can try that cure again?”
“My work will still be there tomorrow,” Meadowbrook said. “Besides, a hooficure sounds wonderful about now.”
“Rockhoof?”
Rockhoof walked up to Stygian and put a hoof on his withers. “Lad, I may be weakened by that accursed flower, but I’m still strong enough to do this.” And with a shove, he pushed Stygian into the tub.
Stygian surfaced, shaking water from his mane.
“We need you, Stygian,” Star Swirl said. “There’s a lot more of this new Equestria to see. But we’ll never stay on track without your hoof guiding us.”
“You mean it?”
“That’s no joke.”
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I think you need an intervention, Twilight. Talk to Rainbow Dash, she knows how to not freak out every time you meet your idol.
A good story, even if the moral at the end was maybe a little on the nose. Although I suppose that fits in with the spirit of MLP.
I found it particularly interesting that Star Swirl got the same 'joke' as Twilight; I bet she's going to gush about that for days once he's gone.
8882313
Twilight Sparkle does aspire to be like her idol in every way, even curses.
What does everyone think would be a good joke for the rest of the Pillars?
8882343
For Mistmane probably something hair-related.
For Somnambula either comedic narcolepsy or being unable to walk in a straight line.
And for Flash Magnus an acute case of Brad-ism.
8882360
An acute case of Brad-ism? No plant could be that cruel.
8882343
Somnambula would go goth. Spontaneous black eyeshadow, leather out of nowhere... and Rarity would finally learn the identity of that Toxicodendron person who opened a line of credit with Rarity for You.
Mistmane's coat would poof up and go as ethereal as her mane. Some ponies would find looking at her to have a lava lamp-like effect.
And Flash Magnus would look like Scootaloo's twin brother. There might be an incident where the two stand next to each other in front of Rainbow Dash with her not knowing how to feel about the situation.
Also, glad I could help with the prereading.
8882343
Hmm. Flash's main shtick is his combat prowess, speed and agility in flight. I'd have him more or less parallel Rainbow's curse of reversed wings like Starswirl's paralleled Twilight's -- although considering the way his combat style seems to focus on stonewalling and standing firm against whatever his enemies throw against him, I also quite like the idea of the Joke making him as light as a feather, so that even the weakest blow or push can easily send him flying or floating away.
Somnambula... if I recall correctly, both her adventures, in the show and in the Legends of Magic comics, had her navigating with some ease in situations where finding your way is difficult -- the blindfolded ropewalk in "Daring Done?", and the part in the comic where she used her glowing necklace to find her way in the pitch-black belly of a snake. Perhaps the Poison Joke might take away her senses of balance and direction and make her permanently dizzy and stumbling around.
Mistmane is trickier. It'd have to be something to do with beauty... perhaps she could regain her original beauty but lose her ability to use magic and thus become unable to spread beauty like she used to, which to her would be a strongly negative trade. Alternatively she could lose her sense of aesthetics, making her unable to tell what other people would find beautiful or ugly.
Obviously the joke is they're going to fucking die 'cause they're thousands of years old.
Wow. You actually made me feel sorry for Stygian. That takes talent. ;) Okay, all seriousness, good story here. Nice action, good humor, and yes. I did feel sorry for Stygian and how the 'gifts' turned out to be curses.
8883222
Stygian was foolish. He could have just accepted his role. "Not everyone will fight, but we all can contribute to victory."
But he didn't want to. That's fine. But his plan? It was stupid to just steal the items like that. He could have said, "Hey guys? I found this great ritual we could use to copy our magic artifacts. Then we all could share in their benefits!" And then after discussion, it would either be revealed to be a bad idea, or a great idea. And if it were a great idea, then everypony could have done it.
8883242
True for that episode, but in this case, they only had enough of the ingredients to fill the smaller tub.
8883241
Took the words right outta my mouth. :D
Eina "brandari" hér er andlit þitt.
Ég er bara að grínast. Þetta er ótrúlegt! Ég krefst meira.
Just wait until Spike takes the Pillars of Light to the Crystal Empire.
8884122
Wait til they meet Flurry Heart...
Starswirl: "How did this happen?!"
Twilight:"I know,I know,we were surprised the baby was an alicorn too."
Starswirl:"NOT THAT. HOW did she squeeze THAT out of her small frame?The baby's wings are bigger than an albatross!"
8884360
"Galdur", snort, snort.
I love Rockhoof's sass and Star Swirl being a crusty old codger. It's interesting that Star Swirl's curse is identical to Twilight's, and one thing I haven't seen anyone else point out is how similar Rockhoof's curse is to Applejack's, only his is not as extreme. And Stygian's curse was the most complicated, and the most poignant.
A lovely look at the character of these pillars.
A fun little romp, thank you for writing.
That's a reason to restrict a spell? That just sounds like something people in the middle ages would say so that the present wouldn't try to gain power... actually considering what time period he's from that makes perfect sense, though the fact that mind alteration (reformation) spells are in public libraries means there probably aren't ANY non-dark magic spells that are restricted now.
8897976
Restricting things "for your own good" is something all governments do, and it can be for benign or malevolent reasons.
8898108
True but then the complete lack of restriction on any other spells seems weird even in the comics they just said “good thing celesta taught twilight dark magic” they didn't even say it was restricted they just said that it was a good thing she knew it, that plus the reformation spells make me assume that they actually DONT regulate magic at least not anymore.
8897976
Well, we don't restrict people from trying to lift weights heavier than they can safely lift, but that's because beyond a certain point, they just can't lift them; straining and huffing and puffing will get you nowhere against an immovable object, and eventually you may injure something, but you'll have plenty of warning.
But if magic works differently than musclepower, and overextending yourself greatly can cause a sudden case of death without a heads up, it's completely reasonable to keep certain things restricted/controlled until an individual has shown they have the needed oomph to handle a thing.
Think of it like if, instead of not being able to move the aforementioned object, you started moving it, but your muscles snapped your bones like twigs and tore themselves apart the moment it started shifting. We'd probably post guards by the weight machines to check your weight limit if it was that stupidly easy to kill yourself in a moment of prideful showing off.
No, muscles will never work like that, but magic is a lil different than muscle, and may be more like electricity, being energy-y and all.
Ever short a high capacity battery? (Here's a hint: don't!)) The resulting potential explosion is sudden, catastrophic, and quite capable of being lethal.
9000395
True but the show has shown on numerous occasions that almost no spell is really restricted, hell sunburst gained an ancient book by star swirl in what was essentially a grab bag, and if they sold something like that I assume they could have easily sold the Necronomicon without a problem. witch either means that they have been gambling on selling restricted spells in books, or that there are no such restrictions and they just don't care.
At first I thought the joke on Stygian would be that he inherited all the traits that the other pillars lost but having it such that he has everything he wanted but lost what he had was a more fitting joke.
Can i do a humanish version of this story? Plz. I will give you credit.
Nice story.