• Member Since 21st Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 27th, 2014

mareinthemoon


E

Seven little bubbles upon my flank
but to many it might as well be blank.

All the while they point and stare
for I cannot fly through air.

I tumble and crash
many things I smash.

But many things cannot be seen
as to what my bubbles mean.

Three little ponies, they will find
A secret that I was left behind.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 25 )

This has my attention and interest. Go Derpy the sea pony.

That... was completely unexpected until the last moment. A few grammar mistakes, but nothing incredibly obtrusive. This... is beautiful. Definitely have a way with words. keep it up!

Wow. Unexpected... I hardly know what to think anymore.... Good story though.

Ya what is up with derpy. But still, silverspoon has a spoon as her mark. So bubbles are probably better.

Well, this is a novel little twist......

Wow! Interesting concept! A few grammar mistakes, but pretty well-written nonetheless. The description of seapony Derpy is great. Are her eyes still derped? :derpyderp2: I can't wait to see how she explains this. It's like that TV show H20, with the teen girls who turn into mermaids when they get wet.

Now that's interesting. This should be good.

Oooh, this will be hard to explain.

It's nothing like it, really, but for some reason this is taking me back to the Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson... the original one, not the screwed version that Disney made

I was about to post this comment, saying nice Two-shot.... but would love to see more!
Then I thought I'd better check the complete status.
So you are writing more! That's great because there is so much more story in this!
Please continue :-)

Great story, but it needs editing badly. I can't wait to see more, though! :twilightsheepish:

You certainly could use an editor, or at least a proofreader. The premise is far too interesting to let the mundanities of grammatical minutia muddle things.

984293>>979381>>977261

No worries, I am currently seeking editorial help. My editor is amazing and can work wonders lol

i was wondering if its okay to use derpy as a mermare in one of my stories. i just felt that i should ask you because thats who i got the idea from.
please????:pinkiesad2:

1038112
lol no worries let the spinoffs commence lol
just be kind enough to comment on your own fic the link to mine if you would be so kind ;3

1038549
Thanks. Ill be sure to do that :pinkiehappy:

lovin it!!! write moar pleas!!:pinkiehappy:

Wait wait wait.... did you just say that DT and SP use their things for ninja purposes? Like throwing spoons or something? :unsuresweetie:.......... :pinkiegasp: THATS AWESOME!!!! Maybe now I can finally like them :trollestia:

I feel like copy/pasting these into Microsoft Word, fixing the grammar myself, then messaging you with the correced version, complete with commentary telling exactly what was changed.

Yes, I think I'll do that... later. It's after midnight here, so I'm barely awake enough to post this comment.

1252472 I've only made this offer to one other author, so it is nice. To be honest, this is likely only temporary, and I'll probably stop when you improve to the point that I feel you don't need my help anymore.

Still, it always helps to have an obsessive-compulsive grammar nazi as a proofreader for any amount of time.

But there's an unforeseen delay. I somehow cut myself on a plastic juice bottle this morning. Apparently that is indeed possible; I've cut myself on equally strange objects before. The bandage makes typing a little tricky, so I may have to wait until it comes off, likely this afternoon or tonight.

Great story, looking forward to seeing what comes next!

I need some underwater C4 and a payload of fifty Hydrogen filled steel rods and a orbital satalite stat

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