A bored delinquent and an exiled prodigy. When a MyStable profile called Anon-A-Miss sabotages all of Sunset's hard work and leaves her friendless except for a chance encounter, will she come back from it?
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OMG, why hasn't anyone thought about having Gilda go through the portal WITH Shimmy?
9031834
people definitely have, friendo. I addressed it in comment in the chapter prior to this.
Not going to lie the fact that it has not occurred to them for both of them to go through is kinda making me mad they have no a attachements to any one but eachother so what would hold them back angst and drama are fine but not when it is forced you gave a very easy way to fix things they both go through stay untill the portal resets if they want to go back take time to gather resources like gems to sell win win . But if they dont go through its going to ruin it for me because my brain will not let me forgot the easy solution honestly i feel as though that plot point should not have been introduced or not make her permanently crippled to begin with i love the romance its wonderful but any future angst or problems are going to feel stupid to me because it could have been avoided . Once again i enjoy this story so im not trying to rag but that is a huge flaw if they don't just both go
9031878
While I understand your point of view, it's very limited. You're trying to solve the problem in the most direct and practical manner, which is a mistake. By and large that pretty much never works in practice when it comes to real life relationships where the key factor isn't logic, but emotion.
First off, it's not true that they have no attachments. Gilda has her job and her own relationships which haven't been explored quite yet because she still has a lot of character development to go and we're still early in the story. Gilda has a lot of attachments to the world, it's just that Sunset is the foremost one, and frankly speaking Gilda solves her own problems well but doesn't really know how to address other people's problems very well, it's a simple character flaw/characteristic of her that's pretty common.
Secondly, Sunset has a lot of reasons to stay that haven't been addressed quite yet, I definitely will but getting impatient with it isn't going to help. Forcing Gilda to going through the portal with her (even though Gilda would do it willingly, 'forced' is how Sunset would see it) would not even occur to her because it's so selfish. She wants to stay with Gilda and to her that means staying in the human world because Gilda is human. Sunset is a character that has a serious problem asking for anything from others, which is why her relationship with Gilda works. Sunset never needs to ask, Gilda just does, which can be a problem sometimes but it's overall a good match.
And ultimately, leaving the human world would represent Sunset running away from all of the trials and difficulties that have made her a better person. Criticizing from an outside perspective is a common flaw in critiquing because you're commenting from your point of view which has the benefit of a 360 degree frame of reference, but fails to account for the characters' limited perspectives.
I appreciate your criticism, and I'm sorry you disagree with some of the character's choices, but remember that just because you would've written it differently doesn't make the plot unsound, it just means you'd have written it differently because you interpret the characters differently.
That said, I will address the point of Gilda going through, as I have said repeatedly.
Was about to head to bed when I noticed this was updated so stayed up to read it, and happy I did. You never fail to impress, this chapter was beyond awesome and the more I read, the more I want. Have a taco for writing such a great story 🌮
9031834
Yeah, this. If I understand things correctly, they could even just go to Equestria, get healed and have a rocking vacation, then come back once/if the templates reset if they wanted to stay in the EQG world. Sure, time seems to be pretty freaking wonky between the two worlds, but it's not like either girl hasn't already built their lives up from scratch before.
9031871
Ah. I should read the comments more often. Sorry for kicking a dead horse.
So I’m gonna write a blog post addressing the issue of Gilda and Sunset skipping through the portal together, okay? I’ll do my best to explain it there.
I'm a little confused. Gilda and Sunset take the bus......but doesn't Gilda have an old Buick? It said last chapter she owned one so couldn't she just drive Sunset where she needs to go.
9031975
I'm... honestly not sure where you got that. No, she has a vehicle but it's not one I've introduced, nor it one that she can currently (or technically legally) drive. Like, I literally never wrote the word 'Buick', so I legitimately have no clue where that idea came from.
I'm guessing that the sushi place is a reference to Sunset's part-time job during "Good Vibes". Anyway, I wonder if there are interlude chapters featuring the Rainbooms. Although, knowing what they know now, they're feeling guilty since Sunset is a cripple. Also, did they ever catch the Diamond Dogs? Well, I look forward to your next update. Don't stop, keep writing.
Still loving the story, man. And I'm still a bit thrown by "cariña" On the other hand all the other Spanish felt as natural as if I were down in Mexico City again.
Loved the Adagio encounter, and well, looking forward to innevitable conflict when the girls and CHS sees what happened. But I'm looking forward more to Sunset and Gilda's moment in front of the portal. The emotion of that moment will be intense! So, I'm not on the side of the quickfix of throwing them both through the portal, but I am curious, since it happened in this chapter, will the friendship magic (aka Element of Harmony-induced transformations) somehow affect Sunset's healing? Feels like, if anything could, it would be that.
Anyway, looking forward to more!
9031946 i understand what your saying and agree for the most part it makes sense that sunset own hangups get in the way of her thinking logically but i still do think the solution was to obvious to many readers caught it for me to except that sunset gilda or even twilight never thought to bring it up . However im going to try and just let it go i also disagree with you about her going home is her running away from her problems she has a injury that will affect her for the rest of her life doing something to fix it is not running away . But thats my perspective but overall this story is very good i will be happy to keep reading your writing is very enjoyable and thanks for the response
9031965
Eh I don't feel like you need to explain it. It's your story and, at least that I've seen, it's internally consistent with its themes and characters/character motivations. Them going through the portal together would be to "perfect" for this style of narrative (though that would make an interesting alternate reality with all the problems it would cause). I'm personally just loving this story to bits and can't wait for more!
9032030
I put up a blog post that discusses many of my hangups on the Anon-A-Miss stories and goes into some detail about why the story is angling the way it is if you care to read it.
Beyond that I am very glad you're enjoying the story overall
"adjust the blinds and burying herself back in the covers"
"adjust the blinds and bury herself back in the covers"?
"she leaned in to loop one of Sunset’s arm around"
"she leaned in to loop one of Sunset’s arms around"?
"nodded, looking meeting Gilda’s golden"
"nodded, meeting Gilda’s golden"?
"looking down Sunset as she wrapped"
"looking down at Sunset as she wrapped"?
"Looking up at Gilda, Sunset takes a hard grip on the larger girl’s tanktop."
"Looking up at Gilda, Sunset took a hard grip on the larger girl’s tanktop."?
"It was a cold, but Sunset was"
"It was a cold day, but Sunset was"?
"behind the counter with and smiled"
With what?
"golden gaze on on Adagio. Instead"
"golden gaze on Adagio. Instead"?
"Can I we get I and my sister’s usual"
"Can we get my and my sister’s usual"?
(Also, was that "sister's" supposed to be plural possessive rather than singular possessive?)
"have been on this planet for close to a millennia, my dear"
"have been on this planet for close to a millennium, my dear"?
"she just gestures to the restaurant around"
"she just gestured to the restaurant around"?
"I would hate to admit to that purple pony princess was right about anything."
"I would hate to admit that that purple pony princess was right about anything."?
"lifting and swing herself from the chair to the mattress before pulling her legs up with her. Reach down"
"lifting and swinging herself from the chair to the mattress before pulling her legs up with her. Reaching down"?
"Sunset said, taking a deep breath she"
"Sunset said; taking a deep breath she"?
"words of one the first stories she ever"
"words of one of the first stories she ever"?
"in this world, thing have been a little"
"in this world, things have been a little"?
"Sunset bit her lip and fidgeting as she looked"
"Sunset bit her lip and fidgeted as she looked"?
"For Gilda’s part, she did what always did."
"For Gilda’s part, she did what she always did."?
"could move between my them and my chair more"
"could move between them and my chair more"?
"Tears start to trickle down Gilda’s cheeks."
"Tears started to trickle down Gilda’s cheeks."?
"She looks over to Sunset who’s staring up"
"She looked over to Sunset who’s staring up"?
"Gilda starts, but Sunset puts a finger over"
"Gilda started, but Sunset put a finger over"?
"at her girlfriend and nodded for her"
"at her girlfriend and nodding for her"?
"A tan man in a sweat-stained shirt"
"A tanned man in a sweat-stained shirt"?
"marexican man grinned at sat down near Sunset beating"
"marexican man grinned and sat down near Sunset beating"?
"of everyone present, even Gearshift stuck"
"of everyone present; even Gearshift stuck"?
"only to immediately starting to back away"
"only to immediately start to back away"?
"set her guitar down in it’s case"
"set her guitar down in its case"?
"An idea lit in her mind. It was… risky… and probably pushing herself too far"
"An idea lit in Sunset's mind. It was… risky… and probably pushing herself too far"?
(The most natural antecedent at that point looks to me to be Gilda, but the end of the paragraph indicates that it's actually Sunset.)
9031878
Eh, they do both have a lot on their minds at the moment, though.
9031946
re their attachments to this world:
Oh, interesting; thanks.
9031964
From what I understand, the amount of time they'd have to stay in Equestria would be a pretty long vacation.
I can see you're getting a lot of comments about the question of Gilda and Sunset going back to Equestria, and I went over your blog post about it and I definitely get your arguments about why they're not going to, even if I don't entirely agree with them (mostly because there's so many exploitable loopholes on a practical level that the 'mental/emotional/metaphorical healing' as a plot point still falls pretty flat despite your best efforts at presenting it as the best option and the subplot of potentially healing her at all might have been better off left on the cutting room floor). But all that aside, I did want to ask one thing for clarification on a more technical level, with regard to the portal and how it stores templates in this setting: is anything stopping them from going over to Equestria temporarily, through the reset, for like a mini vacation, and then coming back? Just to at least preserve the 'old Sunset Shimmer template' a while longer? Or conversely, staying in Equestria for a bit more extended period of time until she either decides to accept her new disability or the 'crippled human Sunset' template would be similarly purged and then returning to the human world?
Like, especially given that whole big speech Adagio gave this chapter about taking her time for a while to situate herself, putting a hard and very immediate deadline on making her permanently commit to a massive, life-changing decision is sorta antithetical to that whole shpiel, you know? Feel free to disregard all this if I'm interpreting the mechanics of the portal's workings incorrectly here, of course, but otherwise, I guess I don't see the harm in at least putting the decision off a little longer, letting things settle, and maybe facing the decision when they're more ready for it. Who knows, maybe their situations will change enough by then that they actually would want to go back and check out Equestria long-term.
I dunno, just some idle thoughts I had while reading the chapter and the ensuing comments. Sorry it's causing you some headaches, but that's just the nature of creating a contentious plot point, unfortunately; no matter how well you address it, it's gonna leave a sour taste in some people's mouths.
Good luck with the rest of the story.
Okay, I'm so betting that the Santana song Sunset played? The one that was described as smokey? This one.
...Okay, it has to be, given the chapter title. Perfect song for Canterlot High's weirdest, but best couple.
9032612
Nailed it
9032624
Well, if anything else, I can generally catch classic rock references considering I was basically raised on the stuff more or less.
great work so far, seems every chapter gets me more invested in whats happening.
but are you trolling us with the sex scene? i mean it seems like they nearly get there repeatedly and just stop :P
I was so shock & so happy to see Adagio appear as well as to see her so mature & proving the wise Sunset & Gilda needed! Also I'm was surprised that Sunset choose (wisely) to not go back to Equestria, but then again love changes everyone for the better.
This made me chuckle a bit. I take it you have seen the tumblr post about the 'useless lesbian' at the all girls catholic school?
9034858
Sunset Shimmer you useless lesbian.
9035052
9032362
You speak alot of truth here. I know a few people who are chair bound who would give one of their kidneys to be able to walk again. So seeing it written here that they are just going to let it pass is kinda of a downer. It turns it into this soap opera type story to me. I know if they had the offer on the table you couldn't stop em at the door at how fast they would be rolling through the portal. All i picture is "I'll be back in 5 see you all later"
Awesome story i love chapters that take a while to read
When he said Santana I thought he said sonata lol
9032152
Thank you very much for your effort in helping me edit
9036168
You're welcome. :)
You mentioned in the comments of a previous chapter being American, but you seem to occasionally use Britishisms like "flat" instead of "apartment" and "lift" instead of "elevator." What's the reason for that? Do you just like those words better? I'm fine with it, it's just a little odd.
Why doesn't Gilda just follow Sunset over to Equestria, her friends could probably understand, and neither Gilda nor Sunset have much reason to stay. In fact the sole reason Sunset is staying is because Gilda is lives on the human side.
9038711
Im a weird mix, half irish, half mexican. live in the US, have family from the across the pond both here and there. grew up with a weird mash of slang, I think. I consider myself mexican, but my vocabulary is very half-and-half.
9040530
see my blog post, you're far from the first person to ask that question, lol.
I sense foreshadowing
But great job again I’m really going this all goes well but I think I see how it’s gonna end with something like: Magic, Friendhip, Magic, Sacrifice, Friendship.
Is there any actual reason why Gilda can't just travel between the worlds in that time?
Twilight can still open the portal at will and it's not like the gateways are that far away from where Gilda is anyway.
A couple years of short-range long distance relationship isn't that much of a burden if it helps cure a grievious injury.
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/602/354/526.jpg
Choo-choo!
9040530
Exactly.And it seems she just needs to stay in Equestria for five years
I’m confused about the whole template thing. Wouldn’t hopping over before the reset give a chance for Sunset’s old template to reset? It would purge the old one and do a new scan while Sunset is in her old body. Sure she’d still be crippled on the other side (unless Twilight finds a way to force resets and clear the crippled template in a short span), but the way I understood the whole template process, it seems like a short hop for an hour to a week at most would be enough to refresh the pony Sunset template.
Twilight Sparkle PH.D MY FUCKING SIDES
9779277
Are you surprised though.
9035052
That sounds like some sort of catch phrase. Like from the crappy Disney* sitcoms my sisters binge, like Walk the Prank, Jessie, Good Luck Charlie, Austin and Ally, the Suite Life series, Wizards of Waverly Place, and Hannah Montana. They all have some sort of catchphrase, like "Jessie!", "Good luck Charlie", and "They're about to walk the prank!". For example: "Sunset Shimmer you useless lesbian, what have you have you done now?"
*(I hate many things in the world. And currently, sitcoms and Disney releases past Toy Story 2, with a few specific exceptions, are tied for no. 1)
Is there a reason Gilda can't just go with her?
Okay after reading of that I had to do some major recalculations in my head and Lord it from 15% to 7% however what I'm thinking now is if she goes to the portal on the 21st and waits around till after midnight her original body may be destroyed (the human one at least) however if she goes back through the portal after her human body has been destroyed a new one would be constructed correct? If she goes through in her legs are working fine on the equestrian end then on the earth Land end her legs would as well being as that's her body that has changed not her mind
Had to read this 3 times i was laughing so hard the tears made it difficult to see
Why is it that when I read Gilda saying savvy I smile? Then again this story has been making smile a lot from the heartwarming of it all.
10679958
I'm glad my story is making you smile. Thanks for enjoying the behemoth of mine.
Doctor Who reference?
While I don't like reformed Dazzlings, this was done very well.
And Sunset learning to cherish the things she has rather than blindly running through a portal because things didn't go her way is good character development on her part.
This is one of the few stories on here that I’ve read where I wish I had it as a hardcover book. Love coming back to read it again every so often