A bored delinquent and an exiled prodigy. When a MyStable profile called Anon-A-Miss sabotages all of Sunset's hard work and leaves her friendless except for a chance encounter, will she come back from it?
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I knew it. I fucking knew it. Grizelda, bitch of a woman, and if to make things go from bad to worse, you had to let loose the Storm King out on Canterlot. ...You know what, I'm sorry, this is where I stop. What you've gone and done, well you've written darkness for darkness's sake in this fic. I have any reasons to care about any of the characters anymore, because I know life will just keep on getting crappier and crappier for them, and there's no fucking light for them at the end of the tunnel. There's this guide, this phrase I keep in mind when reading a dark story or Hell, even writing one.
And it's this.
"This world is a harsh place. I have seen so much death, so much suffering. But in time I learned that beneath it is there is still a seed of hope, and good people willing to dedicate their lives to make that hope bloom."
Comes from a Fallout playthrough. Sadly, unlike that world, this world seems have not even a small illusion of hope for the characters. Not one, not even a glimmer. Simply put, I've stopped caring.
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Or even permanently, she doesn't have much reason beyond the friends who offered her a job, and I'm certain that they would understand that she would want to be with her lover.
So the trouble has finally come to light.
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Ah, you're welcome, and heh, thanks. :)
Sorry you got sick, though.
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I’m sorry you feel that way, though I’ll point out every good story almost ever has its darkest point at the end of its second arc. I have repeatedly said this story will have a happy ending; all I ask is that you trust I can deliver that from where we are. If that’s not doable, then I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this far along and hope you rejoin us later down the line. While I’m sorry to have lost you as a reader, your commentary has always been appreciated, I’m not sorry to be following my tale through to its end.
Thank you for your support til this point.
Nows the time to panic
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!! This story is getting 20% more amazing with each new chapter! Also I can’t believe Twilight just did all these things I don’t know if I’m on to something or if I’m wrong, but it seems like Grizelda is starting to have doubts about her actions and choices regarding Storm. I can’t wait to see how Sunset, Gilda, the Sirens, and rest of the new elements and former element bearers handle this big baddie.
-P.S You’re stories and chapters never fail to entertain or impress me and show just how much talent you have! Keep up the awesome work my friend!
This, this chapter was fr****ng brutal. Twilight separating from her family, the prison break
Whatever happens now, it will become really bloody
I know everyone's talking about how grim this is, but I can only think of one question;
How many gay couples is that now? 5 or 6? Canterlot seems to have a ratio of lesbians
When I saw this new chapter posted, I went in with my heart racing, given how dramatic and emotional the last chapter was. Out of all the things going on in this story, I was most concerned for Rainbow Dash and what she was going to do. Sunset has yet to forgive her, Gilda wants nothing to do with her, romantic or otherwise, and Gilda was chosen as the Element of Loyalty. Each of these was like a slap to the face for her, and it's got her angry and upset. And now, she's purposefully avoiding her friends. Things just keep getting worse for her.
I'm glad that, at least now, she has found comfort and companionship in Lightning Dust, who I guess is now her girlfriend.
So, Twilight and Zee were found out by Shining Armor and Cadance, Twilight runs away with Zee, basically disowning her entire family. The two of them, after tampering with the artifacts and getting them to work, bust out Storm, AND, now drunk on the magic in their possession, go along with Storm, with the goal of trying to get to Equestria, where no doubt these things came from.
And no doubt it will be up to Sunset, Gilda, and their friends, both new and old, to stop them.
What a rush! Looking forward to Act III!
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Would appreciate it if you added spoiler brackets to a lot of that.
That being said I’m very glad you enjoyed it!
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I think that's 5 so far as I can tell unless I missed 1
Sunset x Gilda
Octavia x Vinyl Scratch
Rarity x Applejack
Griselda x SciTwi
Rainbow Dash x Lightning Dust
It looked like Zee was ready to give up the gauntlets but SciTwi wasn't ready to relinquish her magical artifact.
Zee's love for SciTwi might cause her to end up joining the fight against SciTwi in order to save her from herself.
Just a theory.
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All taken care of.
Sorry about that.
I swear to god if I ever gain the ability to traverse the multiverse the first thing I'll do is rip Storm King a new one for what he's doing.
"Electronics shouts of defiance"
"Electronic shouts of defiance"?
"and the fire in her eyes when she looked at Rainbow was plain"
"and the fire in her eyes when she looked at Lightning was plain"?
"face flush red, she leaned forward"
"face flush red; she leaned forward"?
"clotting up her through processes"
"clotting up her thought processes"?
"Rainbow but on a burst of speed"
"Rainbow put on a burst of speed"?
"and, seemingly out of nowhere pulled"
"and, seemingly out of nowhere, pulled"?
"bewildered girls staring after them with slack jawed"
"bewildered girls staring after her with slack-jawed"?
"hear a pained, wracking sob, issue from"
"hear a pained, wracking sob issue from"?
"“Shit, I guess I’m gay,” Rainbow muttered"
...Uh. You... were not previously aware of this, despite the whole thing with Gilda? Oo... kay. Or... are you somehow drawing from these thoughts that you are only interested in other women and therefore can't be bi or pan or something?
"up Rainbow’s legs; toned runner’s legs that"
"up Rainbow’s legs, toned runner’s legs that"?
"like she couldn’t believe that she was hearing"
"like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing"?
...Well. Sounds like there were indeed some fireworks with the Sparkle family, but in between the chapters.
And I see that Twilight is dealing with it in a perfectly healthy manner.
"sagging as she laid down, sprawled"
"sagging as she lay down, sprawled"?
Oh, wait, flashback, so we do get to see it!
"some have a instinct so strong"
"some have an instinct so strong"?
"minded professor; all archetypes of the same character: the min-maxed"
"minded professor, all archetypes of the same character, the min-maxed"?
That one's a little complicated, in part because of being so conversational, but I think that punctuation works better for flow. Though keeping the colon might be as good or a little better... not sure. More confident about the semicolon's replacement, though.
"sense, of course, dictates that one dresses nice and dolls oneself up for an evening out, but Twilight was"
"sense, of course, dictated that one dressed nice and dolled oneself up for an evening out, but Twilight was"?
"to explain it but I can feel"
"to explain it, but I can feel"?
"wearing makeup but the same"
"wearing makeup, but the same"?
"he knows he went to far, but even"
"he knows he went too far, but even"?
"turned his sister around to face her. “I"
"turned his sister around to face him. “I"?
"accurately he let her go, as angry as"
"accurately he let her go; as angry as"?
Also maybe a comma between "accurately" and "he"? I'm not sure which would be better for flow, but I think either is probably okay. Kind of leaning towards the current absence of a comma there, but I was uncertain enough that I thought I'd point it out.
Yep. Perfectly. Healthy.
"This bell was not, as strange as it was to think, the bell seemed to regard her and in the echoes of the bell that had not yet rung, Twilight imagined she heard someone laughing."
...And given that the two of them already appeared to be having trouble with dark magic, this will surely make things so much better.
I mean, on the plus side, this is fairly likely Storm's old plan going off the rails, but on the minus, there's no guarantee that this and/or Twilight (and/or Zee) won't be worse.
"Aye, fairs fair, our"
"Aye, fair's fair, our"?
"the surface of the thing!"
"the surface of the things!"?
"gauntlets themselves so… I guess"
"gauntlets themselves, so… I guess"?
"and if we can see it-”
“We can control it"
...Right. So, humans have been able to see, say, the sun for a few thousand years now; how's controlling it coming along?
[thinks about what that staff might be]
...Okay, and now I'm hoping that that's not shortly to become a bad example.
"finger silenced Twilight tirade against"
"finger silenced Twilight's tirade against"?
"Apparently the news about Twilight’s violent girlfriend got around to the usual suspects of Crystal Prep relatively quickly."
And has by now presumably also made its way back to a particular very driven police officer.
"pulling Twilight in her arms and"
"pulling Twilight into her arms and"?
"Twilight said as Zee walked up and peered over her shoulder"
When did they separate that much? The last I'm seeing of their position, Twilight was in Zee's arms with Zee's face buried against her neck.
"Zee pointed the odd peaks in"
"Zee pointed to the odd peaks in"?
"and the bell’re running on opposite wavelengths’a the same"
...Hm. Should that be "opposite phases'a", or something, from the sound of it? I'm not sure exactly what you meant, though I think I get the general meaning.
(Though "wavelengths" does come up again later...)
"and pulled out a pair of tweezers and rubbing alcohol"
"and pulled out a pair of tweezers and some rubbing alcohol"?
"Pulling her welders mask down"
"Pulling her welder's mask down"?
"of her in moments, a second later her"
"of her in moments; a second later her"?
"the gauntlets laid open before"
"the gauntlets were laid open before"?
"Zee mouth moved without her"
"Zee's mouth moved without her"?
"as naturally if they were"
"as naturally as if they were"?
"to me and I will feed"
"to me, and I will feed"?
"they snapped shut and the lights"
"they snapped shut, and the lights"?
"memories flooded back; the scanner, the"
"memories flooded back: the scanner, the"?
"ntlets-
“MMM"
Extra line break?
"stand straight up in an mohawk that"
"stand straight up in a mohawk that"?
"energy, but discard the idea just"
"energy, but discarded the idea just"?
"she worked faster as she ever had before"
"she worked faster than she ever had before"?
"Grabbing the thick cord of rope from the floor that had originally been securing the scanner to the staff"
...What? What is this? Was "scanner" supposed to be "bell"? But it was specified as being attached by thing rope...
"before he left for the ‘colonies’; something the"
"before he left for the ‘colonies’, something the"?
"she would approved significantly"
"she would approve significantly"?
"current circumstances: laying in a"
"current circumstances: lying in a"?
"wet air had suddenly swept into his cell from his barred window have him"
"wet air that had suddenly swept into his cell from his barred window gave him"?
"everywhere at once and whole wing of the"
"everywhere at once and the whole wing of the"?
"with his fists raise to face"
"with his fists raised to face"?
"occupying a moment ago, Storm stared down"
"occupying a moment ago. Storm stared down"?
Unless Storm is back on the bench, rather than Twilight now being there?
"be the remains of a lab coat was severely scorched. severely"
Something appears to have gone wrong there, but I'm not sure exactly what.
"Zee thought you be mad that"
"Zee thought you'd be mad that"?
Also, oh... good? I... think it's good? Kind of hard to tell at the moment, but anyway, Zee and Twilight are both alive and not actively possessed or killing each other as conflicting elemental forces or the like, apparently.
"and the sound of heavy bell thundered"
"and the sound of a heavy bell thundered"?
"lightning struck the ceiling like the hammer"
"lightning struck the roof like the hammer"?
"up, her form cracklings with electrical"
"up, her form crackling with electrical"?
"Storm raises an eyebrow, smiling"
"Storm raised an eyebrow, smiling"?
"just…. Go?”
“Aye"
Extra line break?
Also, Storm is not objecting to this. Oh dear.
"I’ll jus’ be ‘avin’ those bits back then, if ye please."
...Oh.
"what all that bells doin’ to ye"
"what all that bell's doin’ to ye"?
"“Well?” Storm asked, his mouth quirking up slightly. “Can’t say I’ve got all night, loves…”"
[raises hand] Um, may I point out that the time to give up the teleportation artifact is probably after you get off the roof of the high-security prison there's just been an escape from? Which I assume you teleported to in the first place and so have no conventional way to leave even if you could get past the security?
"Laying low like she’d promised"
"Lying low like she’d promised"?
"gauntlets engaged, moreover, she"
"gauntlets engaged; moreover, she"?
"In the apst hour she had"
"In the past hour she had"?
"That’ll suppress the ambient effects, m’lass"
...The ambient effects which, just a little bit ago, you were using as a reason Zee should give up the gauntlets since they couldn't be suppressed? Those ambient effects? For some reason, I'm not inclined to give Storm much in the way of benefit of the doubt that I'm just misunderstanding.
"Gate?” Twilight’s asked, her"
"Gate?” Twilight asked, her"?
"Assumin’ I ain’t travelin’ the stars by that point."
...Do you read people that quickly, or did you somehow know about Twilight ahead of time?
"what I told you wanted from you"
"what I told you I wanted from you"?
"that gate open do things none’ve ever"
"that gate open and do things none’ve ever"?
"“One more job.”"
I am concerned by, among other things, the lack of a clearly-defined end point for this job...
"as she sat up fishing for her phone"
"as she sat up, fishing for her phone"?
...Yes, that seems like the end of an act. :D
That bell with a mind, though... I'm still wondering if perhaps Storm, for all his success here, hasn't bitten off more than he can chew.
Begging your deepest pardons, but this kind of story isn't really my can of soda.
Is...
Is that grogars Bell...
If so everything is fuck.
I honestly want sure I was going to like this and while there are some parts I don't care for (RD's portrayal and the way Twilight / Shining Armor acted) as a whole I'm impressed and enjoying it greatly. Can't wait to see more!
Oh dear God, not only is Twilight & Zee's love for each other gotten more sickly, they just open up the gates of hell!
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Once again, thank you very much for your effort, so I'll answer a few of your questions/statements:
1: "...Uh. You... were not previously aware of this, despite the whole thing with Gilda? Oo... kay. Or... are you somehow drawing from these thoughts that you are only interested in other women and therefore can't be bi or pan or something?"
Rainbow Dash is very unsure of her sexuality; the truth of the matter is that she's demi/gray. Short of it is that she can be romantically attracted to someone she has a strong emotional connection to, it just so happens those two happened to be other girls. Part of this is to point out how hard some people have it when they have a sexuality but it's not one that's ever really represented.
2: "...The ambient effects which, just a little bit ago, you were using as a reason Zee should give up the gauntlets since they couldn't be suppressed? Those ambient effects? For some reason, I'm not inclined to give Storm much in the way of benefit of the doubt that I'm just misunderstanding."
Storm never said they couldn't be suppressed, he just said she'd be dragging a lightning storm around with her like that. And she would have been, if he hadn't shown her how to reduce their output. So yeah, you're entirely right to be suspicious there; he's a manipulative bastard.
3: "...Do you read people that quickly, or did you somehow know about Twilight ahead of time?"
If you're familiar with the concept of cold reading, yes, he does read people that fast. He's a con man, it's literally how he survives. Storm identifies peoples weakness and desires through analysis and then exploits them; textbook conman and abuser behaviour.
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You're welcome, and thanks. :)
I hope the questions aren't a bother to you, though?
"Rainbow Dash is very unsure of her sexuality; the truth of the matter is that she's demi/gray. Short of it is that she can be romantically attracted to someone she has a strong emotional connection to, it just so happens those two happened to be other girls. Part of this is to point out how hard some people have it when they have a sexuality but it's not one that's ever really represented."
Ahh, thanks. And yeah, I'm probably in a minority having even heard of demisexuality before, and I still didn't know about gray.
(Though personally I think they'd have a lot less of a hard time if society didn't make such a big deal out of sexual orientation in the first place. I mean, any given instance of attraction is going to be directed at one or more specific individuals, not "the entire subset of humanity possessing Quality X", and even if all of the observed subjects of an individual's attraction lie within Subset X, they're probably not attracted to every member of Subset X, and it can't be proved that they can only be attracted to members of Subset X since they can't be tested against the entire rest of the universe. I do see the usefulness of, say, "lesbian" as being much shorter to say than "person who identifies as female and has an observed highly significant preponderance of instances of sexual attraction to individuals that identify as and/or appear female over instances of observed sexual attraction to people who do not", particularly since that definition is probably still oversimplified, but modern American society, at least, seems to put so much more weight on the categories, drawing hard borders where there aren't any and having extremely different reactions based on which side on where it thinks someone is amongst the lines...)
...Ah, sorry for the little rant. Just something I find a bit annoying. :)
Anyway, well, since people do make a big deal about it, I think it's nice you're getting that as-you-say rare representation in there.
"Storm never said they couldn't be suppressed, he just said she'd be dragging a lightning storm around with her like that. And she would have been, if he hadn't shown her how to reduce their output. So yeah, you're entirely right to be suspicious there; he's a manipulative bastard."
Aye.
"If you're familiar with the concept of cold reading, yes, he does read people that fast. He's a con man, it's literally how he survives. Storm identifies peoples weakness and desires through analysis and then exploits them; textbook conman and abuser behaviour."
Huh, thanks.
Shit. That's too relatable...
This is the point where I started to like this Rainbow Dash.
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Rainbow is mostly relatable in how badly she screws up despite how hard she tries. I feel like that's a pretty big mood.
Grogar approves Twilight
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Didn't she know that after kissing Gilda? Cause last time I checked if you're kissing someone not related to you and they are the same sex you are gay.
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well I don't blame sunset after accusing her of spreading secrets you make a move on her girlfriend while she unconscious in the nurses office. Rainbow needs to do some growing up emotionally before she can get in sunset good graces. The others admitted that they were jerks and accepted that they were disloyal to what they were supposed to represent and the elements found new owners. The elements aren't going to wait forever for someone to get their head on straight. They are here for a purpose and if the current owner can't handle it then they will find someone who can.