A bored delinquent and an exiled prodigy. When a MyStable profile called Anon-A-Miss sabotages all of Sunset's hard work and leaves her friendless except for a chance encounter, will she come back from it?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Did I really catch this chapter as it was going up
anyways lovely chapter as always, and it's good to see the story back up and running❤
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Did you seriously already finish it? I literally just uploaded it, lol
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Mostly, I opened the chapter twice, read quite a bit of it while typing the comment, & posted it about around the return to tempests house.
Also I can read quite rapidly .
You don't need to keep pointing out that your story's been featured every time. If it reached the featured box, then whenever you post a new chapter, it'll generally show up as one of the final three stories listed. That's what they're for.
It's automated.
I see what you did there at the end...
I feel bad for Rainbow, specially due to what you said, we've not seen the last of her stupidity.
Girl really needs to know how to go at a speed that's not "As fast as humanly impossible".
So the Storm King was looking for the magical unicorn. And everything makes sense, Sunset is traumatized by magic. She'll be quite the force to be reckoned with once she gets past that, but until then she's a really smart human girl.
She should remember she's actually a unicorn sooner or later. The kabooms will certainly be pretty.
Oh and nice to see you back, I missed this
Oh hell. It wouldn't be Sunset's life without Magic, and in the hands of the Storm King's counterpart no less. Joy. One question though, what's with that accent? On the bright side, this made me laugh a little.
All caught up, still an awesome story, and the whole thing with Zee has me hyped! Wondering how Gilda will handle her hermanita, especially when, all things considered la canija ya sabe que la magia existe. Still, they missed Stormy's call out about having found Sunset, so I assume he'll be sending his achichincles after her.
Also, in case you haven't noticed, I'm still amused AF by the Spanglish here. Esta cabron.
The real concern, I think, is the gauntlet that Zee is looking into. Storm King’s staying in prison because he needs to run cover, keep the powers that be distracted; that much at least seems obvious.
But that gauntlet...
About the only reason I’m not concerned is because I know that no matter what he comes up with, Sunset will always have a bigger gun.
Is it just me or is the story some how managing be getting better
"How did people live here?"
"How do people live here?"?
"as she leaned shifted around"
I assume that "leaned" or "shifted" was meant, but not both?
"city. South Central, real shithole"
"city. "South Central, real shithole"?
"league, ”
Sunset laughed"
Extra line break?
"warm look of house that had"
"warm look of a house that had"?
"uneasily as reached back to"
"uneasily as she reached back to"?
"Gidla agreed"
"Gilda agreed"?
"to fall of the radar"
"to fall off the radar"?
"paper tube to be appear under her"
"paper tube to appear under her"?
"one to Sunset and offering her lighter"
"one to Sunset and offered her lighter"?
"the loose fabrice of Tempest’s top"
"the loose fabric of Tempest’s top"?
"been pulled offof her"
"been pulled off of her"?
"earning much brighter blush from"
"earning a much brighter blush from"?
"then he’s an petrolhead"
"then he’s a petrolhead"?
"leaned against the Sunset"
"leaned against Sunset"?
"I mean.. Y’don’t gotta"
"I mean... Y’don’t gotta"?
"raised an eyebrow cocking her head"
"raised an eyebrow, cocking her head"?
"and start tapping his fingers"
"and started tapping his fingers"?
"anachronistic word; savvy"
"anachronistic word, savvy"?
"Don’t ye talk t’me like that"
""Don’t ye talk t’me like that"?
"concentrate on those things who topics just"
Something seems to have gone wrong there, but I'm unsure enough exactly what was meant to have an idea for fixing it, sorry. (Though, fortunately, I think that the general meaning still gets across.)
"All of it drown out by that"
"All of it drowned out by that"?
"repeated softly, rubbed her hand in circles"
"repeated softly, rubbing her hand in circles"?
"Tempest opened the for them and began"
"Tempest opened the door for them and began"?
"her fixed on the wall straight"
"her eyes fixed on the wall straight" or "her gaze fixed on the wall straight"?
"simple mind magic; create a stimulus"
"simple mind magic: create a stimulus"?
"a heaping helping side of"
"a heaping side helping of"?
"back onto the bad and pounded her fist impotently against the bed"
"back onto the bed and pounded her fist impotently against it"?
(The second change in there isn't an error, just a suggested potential flow improvement, but since I was pointing out the typo anyway I thought I'd include it.)
"finally got it all did was"
"finally got it all it did was"?
"Gilda asked her brow furrowing"
"Gilda asked, her brow furrowing"?
"the soccer ball letting it rolled across the"
"the soccer ball, letting it roll across the"?
"hold on to Rainbow’s had as"
"hold on to Rainbow’s hand as"?
"afraid she’d moved to quickly"
"afraid she’d moved too quickly"?
"go around her as return the embrace"
"go around her and return the embrace"?
"she held it out her fist to Lightning"
"she held out her fist to Lightning"?
"words, instead Lightning forcing a chuckled.
“Ga~y.”"
"words; instead Lightning forcing a chuckled, “Ga~y.”"?
Not entirely sure about that comma near the end, but I think that should work...
"rather than slightly haphazard character"
"rather than the slightly haphazard character"?
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Thanks again so very much for your help in correcting my errors
I've always been more of a storyteller than an 'author' so my technical writing is a bit lacking, I really do appreciate your dedication.
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"Thanks again so very much for your help in correcting my errors "
You're quite welcome. :)
"I've always been more of a storyteller than an 'author' so my technical writing is a bit lacking, I really do appreciate your dedication."
Thanks; I've been quite appreciating your storytelling. I've never had much success with my own attempts at writing (and I don't mean reception, I mean getting things written at all), but I fortunately have on numerous occasions been able to help out to greater or lesser extents with the underlying textual mechanics of stories I'm enjoying. :)
Love yeh story so far, keep it up
So this version of Storm King is sick & twisted than the original.... I'm gonna hate this bastard a lot...
Another great chapter and more gay what more could I ask for?
.... More gay
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I said it when I started this monster, I'll say it again: "This is gonna get real gay, but someone's gotta do it."
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Great saying, practically THE theme of the story. Forgiveness and magic pale in comparison to...the Gay. 🌈
LOL really their slogan is from Coldplay: Viva la vida
10456375
That's actually an ancient proclamation! Seen here.
another Doctor Who reference?
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