A bored delinquent and an exiled prodigy. When a MyStable profile called Anon-A-Miss sabotages all of Sunset's hard work and leaves her friendless except for a chance encounter, will she come back from it?
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While i enjoy this, like to see what happened to Score, since he was apart of all this. Also want to see how the CMC were punished and how they react to what they done to Sunset.
A lot of emotional drama. Hope it has a satisfying closure.
God, I just want to give Sunny a hug.
Also, Rainbooms, this is called reaping what you sow. First time meeting it?
9038657
Yet she we also on the fencing team and showed in the movie to be really fast
This was a heart wrenching chapter, a very good one though. I have to say Fluttershy smoking was a surprise, though a well done one. Look forward to more.
Wow, the emotional storm from the latest chapter is off the charts. It's like you have a little bit of everything well proportioned and timed just right to fit the scenario. Outstanding work.
The further showings of the Rainbooms imperfections adds a nice touch of realism to the story.
9042245
Well their sisters know now
9042245
I actually have that scene written already. It takes place after Christmas once school starts again.
9042356
Yeah, Fluttershy always struck me as having severe anxiety, and they tend to smoke. At least in their youth, it’s a common and easily accessible answer to destressing.
9042372
I’m really glad you enjoyed it. This was my favorite chapter right up until I wrote the one that comes after it. That’s an arc climax chapter. Displaying everyone as realistic with flaws and all on display has always been something I strive for in writing.
I can see Shy smoking. Hell she hangs around with Tree Hugger who SCREAMS pot head. Shy has to have weed at some point with the hippie chick.
And this is only day one. Haven't even gotten to Sunset gaining weight, having to deal with her body adjusting to always being sitting, potential loss of facility control.
I was so shocked when Fluttershy asked for a smoke, talking about regretting actions you lay down for yourself! Also excellent job on once again, breaking past the emotional level!
Great story so far
I read your blog about the story but it does still make me wonder.
Why does Gilda not basically jump on the chance to go to Equestria with Sunset, it could then be fixed with a simple line that people from the human side can't go through or can't without switching with their counterparts or Twilight says she can't bring Gilda (Safety reasons or what ever)
or what ever reason you want. Gilda nor Sunset ever even talk about the possibility of it. Perhaps this does get resolved later in the story, but right now it feels like a plot hole.
Also why can Sunset not go to Equestria then come back after the template stuff resets with functioning legs? Because the way its written at the moment it seems like she could have her walking back with less then an hours work.
It hurts to feel, please make it feel good to feel again. D:
This entire story is amazing. It hurts to see Sunset so messed up and lashing out, but her reactions just feel real and understandable. Fluttershy was a bit of a wild card for me in this chapter, I wasn't anticipating her playing as much of a role as she did. But she fit in well, and the little bit about her smoking doesn't feel out of place.
I'm kind of wondering where things will go at the end of break. I don't really have an opinion either way at this point. This Sunset doesn't appear to be making a habit of running from her problems, so I figure she goes back to Canterlot High for the next semester, and therefore we get immediate confrontation with the CMC, the student body as a whole, and eventually the Rainbooms. On the other hand, I would actually like to see Sunset at Crystal Prep. You are pretty good at crafting OC's and giving side characters life, and I would love to see Sunset forging a new life there. That said, she can easily have friends there regardless of what school she goes too, so I don't really care too much either way.
9042842
Yeah i kinda see the story going that way
A) They stay and sunset lives life as she is. Or
B) they go to Equestria to stay forever or until the template resets itself...
Speaking of the template resetting does that mean Twilight can't go back after the Template resets itself?
Does that also mean IF Sunset goes back and the Template resets; does that mean the human Sunset Template will revert to a fresh model?
STILL i love this story and i want to see what the author is gonna do next.
"heaved herself onto from the mattress"
"heaved herself from the mattress"?
"sudden spray as she gripping the handle inside"
"sudden spray as she gripped the handle inside"?
"The knobs were too far and too high. The"
Missing words, or extra "The"?
"and the popped open the bag"
"and popped open the bag"?
"Penny swallowed hard and looked nodded, a little red-faced."
Missing words, or extra "looked"?
"wiped herself down and stood up from, giving Gearshift"
Missing words?
"It hurt, i felt good and bad at the same"
"It hurt, it felt good and bad at the same"?
"continued to take deep, heavy breaths her gripped around Gilda’s"
Did something go wrong there?
"reduced to a crying mess in by her locker"
"reduced to a crying mess by her locker"?
"she was standing on the edge of precipice."
"she was standing on the edge of a precipice."?
"remembered thinking a lot things about Fluttershy"
"remembered thinking a lot of things about Fluttershy"?
"considered it, but in end she let it happen"
"considered it, but in the end she let it happen"?
"instead just she just closed her mouth and nodded. Letting out a slow breath, Gilda, reached up and"
"instead she just closed her mouth and nodded. Letting out a slow breath, Gilda reached up and"?
"opening her mouth slightly and meet the curve of Gilda’s lips"
"opening her mouth slightly and meeting the curve of Gilda’s lips"?
"her hands everywhere sh could reach"
"her hands everywhere she could reach"?
God this story is killing me
How did you go from [Dead by Sunset] to writing [Feather Fall]?
What is the planned conclusion?
9043100
It really does take that vice grip on the heart
And don't think I didn't notice the irony when Fluttershy and Rarity were walking in the door. How Rarity was talking down about smoking and Fluttershy was trying to convince her it wasn't always about image. That's excellent set up work.
9042842
So most of the stuff you mentioned does get resolved, next chapter in fact. As for the mechanics of the portal, I'll try to explain as best I can:
9042884
The template doesn't reset every transition, the portal just does a scan on both sides to see if it needs to reset. Twilight's template is only a few months old and would therefore be just fine.
To both of you: Think of it like this; if Sunset got a tattoo and went through the portal prior to the transition she wouldn't have that tattoo on her Pony body, but when she came back she still would because it became part of her human template. I explained this in a prior comment, but it works basically like a forced autosave function.
Also I like to think of magic like programming, with weird spaghetti code logic, so if Sunset were to step through then the template would perform the scan and find her occupying her pony frame meaning the template is 'out of storage', so it doesn't know how old the template is anymore. While the Human frame has seen a recent update so would not need to be cleared.
Now if you're wondering why she wouldn't just step through to preserve her pony form's legs, that too is addressed next chapter, I promise.
9043107
What do you mean?
9043111
That'd be telling, wouldn't it?
Well..... that escalted quickly
9043096
Thank you again for your proof-reading, I do appreciate it.
ugh.
i hate seeing sunset like this. but at the same time im dying to see where this will go.
9043460
Its cool man thanks for the explination. Sorry i don't usually go through the comments that often, so sorry that I didn't see this originally.
Thank you for a most excellent read.
9043460
I see, it saves the human world and pony world templates separately, so she would basically have to wait years in Equestria for the human one to reset in order for her to have a "new" human body.
That clears that up well enough, and I'm glad to know the rest will get resolved. It bugs me to no end when authors leave glaring plot holes that could be fixed with a just a few sentences, glad to know you wont be one of them.
9043832
Precisely, that's why she's torn about it.
9043496
You're welcome again. :)
9043473
I mean inspiration.
9044134
I like writing and I consistently try to challenge myself by writing outside what's easy for me. Dead by Sunset was more my bag than Featherfall which is why I wrote it at all beyond wanting to see this story be told, not seeing it anywhere and saying to myself, well this is gonna be real gay but someone's gotta do it.
9044283
I'm sure a majority of us agree when I say we're glad you did. The story really is fantastic.
Somehow, Fluttershy being a smoker seems about right. At least in this version of Equestria Girls. Not so much in canon, haha. I wonder how she got started. Probably her older brother.
9048983
I have a lot of friends who suffer from social anxiety of various flavors and, big surprise, almost all of them are smokers. It's a pretty common coping mechanism for people who have anxiety and/or depression, that's why it made sense to me, anyway.
9048983
We don't talk about him. (and i mean the quote-unquote 'Red-and-Black OC brother of Fluttershy, who is Emo, and Edgy as hell')
"Every stanza of the song she was singing was a hammer blow that Sunset laid into her own pain as she beat the fire into word and song, and the girls felt every single blow. Sunset didn’t open her eyes throughout the song, singing each verse with her eyes closed and muscles clenched. At times her voice towered to shouts that were melodic and brutal, they sounded like they were tearing their way out of her throat, only to trail down to a deep, harmonic drawl. Sunset’s hair hung lank and heavy with sweat over her face, trailing above her fret-board as she played almost feverishly. There was something manic in her that was clawing its way out with every word and there wasn’t a single member of the slowly growing audience that wasn’t watching in rapt fascination. She sang out the chorus again, her voice just daring the world to come at her, swearing to die standing and be buried the same way."
The BEST song for this part is [i'm still here-treasure Planet]
https://youtu.be/X9Hrq9dzNSs
It qoild sound better using "el" in the first one soemthingnlike this "you’ve got el fuego y la pasión"
Also "fuega" wouldbe "fuego" the word fire in spanish dosent have a femenine version
It's OK to be not OK sometime.
He reminds me of me when I slip in accent.
Ouch