• Member Since 12th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Sunday

Impossible Numbers

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying, And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying."


Lemon Hearts says she works at the palace. Lemon Hearts says a lot of things, only in the wonderful world of Equestria, there's a limit to how explicit her curse words can get.

She's not a passionate musician like Lyra, or a star-struck scientist like Twinkleshine. Sure as sugar she ain't no Princess of Friendship. Feeling like the one rotten fruit in a rich and healthy bushel cramps her style. At least, it would if she had any.

Soon, Lemon Hearts decides to do what she should have done a long time ago, when she'd otherwise been busy with her highly amusing and rebellious wealth redistribution activism (a.k.a. shoplifting). She decides to find out where she went wrong. Or wronger, at least.

And if she can earn some money out of it.

And whether or not her friends can help. Or, more likely, need help.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 18 )

Very cool! A introspection into Lemon Hearts!

Just gonna try and leave one comment a chapter... This line is full of great snark!

“Do you understand sarcasm?” Lemon looked at Spike. “Does she understand sarcasm?”



I thought she forgot her parents' names...

Yep, chapter 2:

Ice picked at her chest. “No! I don’t! I up and moved as soon as I was old enough to know what ‘rent’ means! I don’t even remember my parents’ real names!” Sullenly she added, “They probably tore their names out of the registry or something, in case I tried to go back.”


A.K.A. the most easily overlooked of the Canterlot friends. Though funnily enough, this character concept actually came to me long before Season Five; I simply modified it to take the new canon into account.


:scootangel: Glad to see you're enjoying it! Not a plot hole: she was actually lying the first time. Won't be the last time she does that, either.

Huh. So all unicorns descend from nobility? Did they leave the commoners to freeze in the Great Exodus?

Also, brilliant touch with the Persian Cat Civilization.

In any case, this looks like it's going to be a tremendously fun adventure. There's even a slim chance that Lemon Hearts might learn to take responsibility for her actions. I mean, I'm not holding my breath, but it's there.


I won't say too much on the nobility point, as it does impact later scenes, but I think it's safe enough to give two answers: one, it is a little more complicated than Minuette thinks; two, given Platinum's leadership and the general nature of aristocracy, would you really be surprised if they did?

I'm not gonna lie; Opalescence was on my mind when I included that one.

Still working on it, and I've got quite a few ideas and scenes to sort out. Also, concerning Lemon's responsibility-taking: stranger things have happened in Equestria. Though not that many, one can only hope.

(:scootangel: Lastly, thanks for the comment, and I hope future material continues to provide satisfaction and entertainment! :unsuresweetie: As soon as it comes out, of course...)

Ah. I see Lemon's parents do a better job of hiding their intrinsic Lemoniness. In public, anyway. We'll see how they behave once they reach the estate. (Assuming, of course, that they really are her parents, but they haven't denied it yet.)

Also, I know this was touched on before, but I do find it interesting that the Equish language doesn't seem to have a single word for wine. Must be that TV-Y-level vocabulary striking again.


It should be noted, in Lemon's favour, that she's the one who thought to bring a gift, and who offered to pay for the travel expenses. She loses points, however, because she also considered covering up her fallen circumstances and sucking up to a royal in the first chapter. They're not entirely cut from separate cloths...

Truth be told, I always call it "fermented grape juice", because grape juice is confirmed as a drink in Equestria, and no one ever asks about the "fermented" part. That said, I generally assume ponies are so sensitive anyway that they can get drunk on grapes.

Why did she just blow up like that? She's her own worse enemy...

Woah, this is getting deeper than I thought it would! Nice!

Lemon puckered her lips as though to kiss a passing thought.

Cool phrasing!

I truly cannot fathom what's going on in that mare's mind. There are so many layers of facade, delusion, and outright con that I can't tell which bits are genuine Lemon poking through.


Likely there'll be a major delay before the next part comes up, but I'll see what I can do to shorten it. Also, thanks! I generally try to make the prose unusual or distinctive, so it's very pleasant to receive feedback on it from time to time.


True. She does have her reasons, but... that is true.


Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but at least it's a thing. It's actually kind of refreshing to write a character who's not obviously a good pony.

I've been enjoying this. I like your version of the Canterlot friends, and I want even more stories for each of them.


They're a lot of fun to write too! :scootangel: As for the extra stories: all in good time, no worries there. I've plenty of ideas for them, and just need to sort out things on my end to get back into the proper writing mindset.

Thanks for the comment. It was a gift I very much enjoyed receiving. :twilightsmile:

I don't think I've seen too many fics about Lemon Hearts. She's shaping up to be quite a character here.


Thanks for the comment! :twilightsmile: Yeah, judging from the tags alone, she's only got nine stories. It's a little better if you search by name (32 stories), but that's still not saying much. I don't remember her ever getting much attention, and I've been around for years, but I did have some definite ideas for her I'd like to get out there someday.

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