Breaking and Entering for Family-Friendly Life Lessons
Getting into the Canterlot Archives – at night – felt too close to breaking and entering. Too many guards around, too much darkness, too many butterflies flitting through Lemon Hearts’ stomach.
The “breaking and entering” part wasn’t the problem. Lemon remembered quite a few exciting nights with fondness, or at least she remembered the ones where she didn’t get caught. But usually she’d been ducking and dodging the law without a bunch of giggly girls in tow. This wasn’t even proper sneaking; she’d passed through the statue garden one statue at a time before Twilight simply sauntered up to the main gate and flashed her pass.
“Have fun in there, Miss Twilight!” said the guard. He waved after them.
“You come here a lot, don’t you?” said Lemon sourly.
Twilight blushed even through the darkness. “Believe me, I didn’t even realize I could do this until recently.”
“The universe just keeps handing you surprises, I expect.”
Twinkleshine nudged her sharply. She hissed, “Don’t talk like that in front of the princess!”
“Oh my gosh, this is so exciting!” Around them, the blurring green that was Lyra struck a whirlwind of poses. “We’re staying up late! We’re prowling at night! We’re doing whatever we want! Can we do this every night? Betcha we could sneak into more places. Think of the fun we’d have!”
A flash: Minuette lowered her camera. “I’m calling this one: Six Schoolgirls’ Secret Subterfuge.”
“It’s not going to be secret if you take photos of everything,” said Lemon. “And we’re not six schoolgirls! Spike sure as heck isn’t!”
“All right. Six Schoolgirls and Spike’s Secret Subterfuge.”
“Sounds good to me,” said Spike, flexing his muscles. “Did you get my good side?”
Flash! Whirlwind. Blush. Lemon felt like the teacher to a bunch of kindergarten geeks.
“So where are we going?” she said while they walked down the midnight corridor to a larger hall of tapestries. “Look, those guards aren’t even looking at us. What’s the point of breaking into a place if no one cares you’ve broken in?”
“I can’t think of a better way of doing it,” said Twilight, giving her a sidelong look.
“Well?”
“OK. If we’re going to research family history, the best section for that is the modern archive section. What we need is the Library of Information, Minor and Essential.”
“Hey!” Lyra phased out of her whirlwind for a moment to skip alongside them. “That’s L.I.M.E.! What a coincidence, eh!?” She vanished again.
“Fascinating,” said Lemon.
“It certainly is!” said Twilight, and for a moment Lemon wondered if Lyra was infectious. “L.I.M.E. was actually a recent experiment in open-source bookkeeping. Volunteers and members alike can collaborate and contribute to the collection at any time and with any material they think would improve the service, and in this case it includes a series of nodes connected by lines to represent familial –”
“Do you understand sarcasm?” Lemon looked at Spike. “Does she understand sarcasm?”
Spike shrugged. “Eventually. You have to lay it on thick when she’s excited, though.”
The hallway and its tapestries fell far behind. Shuddering, Lemon listened to the clop of hooves and tried to breathe through air much too musty and dusty to feel natural. Between the grey walls and suffocating gravitas of the stone interior, this was a place where enthusiasm came to die.
“So,” she said, “we really can trace my roots all the way back?”
“Of course!” said Minuette. “The archives know everything.” Flash!
“Uh huh. Did I mention my parents don’t live in Canterlot?”
“They were unicorns, weren’t they?”
“Yeah.”
“Then they’ll be in the archives. Everyone who’s nobility can find their family tree here. Maybe even their true selves.” Minuette winked.
Not for the first time that night, Lemon sighed. True, she doubted the very idea of visiting the archives would have popped into her head without their prodding, but still she wished she hadn’t dropped those letters off. What she needed now was an old and reliable friend i.e. a bottle. Preferably full.
“You don’t have to come with me, you know,” she said wearily. “Except for you, Twilight, but you’re my accessory, so you don’t count. Haven’t you got beds to go to?”
Lyra materialized on her other side. “And leave you alone when you’re in this mood? Bed can wait. Besides, any excuse to stay up late.”
“I concur,” said Twinkleshine. “Anyway, we both know you prefer having us here.” In an undertone, she added, “For someone to gloat at.”
Minuette simply took another picture. Flash!
“It’s not even the first time we’ve broken in here,” said Spike cheerfully.
“Aha,” said Lemon. “A dragon after my own heart, eh?”
“Yeah.”
“So… jewels, prank, or double dare?”
“Nothing like that. We were looking for a spell to stop time before a disaster struck – well, Twilight was, anyway – but it turned out tomorrow was going to be fine after all, then Twilight made a time paradox and we disaster-proofed the town and Twilight slowly turned into a stealth ninja one-eyed warrior and Celestia said hi. Oh, and I got stomach-ache.” He took a breath and grinned. “It was the best!”
After a pause, Twinkleshine said, “Whoa.”
Hooves clopped along the next corridor, which showed iron gates on either side, each leading to bookshelves and scrolls beyond.
“That’s a heck of a prank,” Lemon added. “Anyone got pen and paper? I wanna take some notes.”
“Shh!” said Twilight. “We’re here.”
It looked like she’d picked an iron gate at random. Her horn glowed. Hinges creaked before the iron swung away, and they traipsed down the short passage to the heart of the room.
Dominating the centre, the hourglass towered over them. Not a grain moved. Shelves radiated from the heart of the room like spokes on a wheel; Lemon, turning on the spot, saw that the distant walls too were made of shelves.
At an unspoken signal, all six of them spread out. Scrolls unfurled; Lyra was a manic ferret leaping and digging into random shelves, clearly hoping to snatch something lucky. Twinkleshine and Minuette both took an aisle and prowled along it, each scanning her side for clues. Meanwhile, Spike hopped onto Twilight’s back and, while she took to the air, scratched his chin with a claw. He didn’t seem to do anything for a good long while, and then…
As Lemon gave up and started taking the Lyra approach, she heard him cry out, “Found it!”
“Blimey, that was fast,” said Lemon. All hooves scurried over; Twilight lowered herself to the ground and thumped on all four feet.
“Didn’t I tell you?” He smirked and hopped down. “Libraries are my specialty.”
“We found something too!” Twinkleshine gestured to Minuette, who levitated a scroll and gave her a hoof-bump.
Spike unfurled his first and raised it up to Twilight’s face. It seemed to Lemon that those eyes barely skimmed the page before –
“Aha,” muttered Twilight. “Listen to this. ‘The Citrus lineage dates back to the tropical reaches of Indrabhumi, where the earliest records of the Limon House’ –”
“Ah, no,” said Minuette sadly. “It says ‘Limon’. We must’ve got the wrong one.”
An awkward pause silenced the more intellectual side of the gathering, which was to say all of it that wasn’t Minuette.
“Er,” said Lyra, “isn’t that just one of those old-fashioned ways of spelling ‘Lemon’? What else is it going to be?”
“Oh. Right. Carry on.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “‘Where the earliest records of the Limon House – now sadly lost through carelessness’ –”
“Sounds like my family, all right,” muttered Lemon.
Twilight shot her a look. “‘Were established, starting with the purchase of the Spice Lands when the family separated from the larger Citrus lineage’.”
“So we were rebels even then,” Lemon added.
The scroll ducked out of Twilight’s way. “Do you mind not interrupting, please?”
“All right. All right. You won’t hear a peep out of me.”
“Right…” The scroll checked the coast was clear and then rose entirely. “‘The founders being’ –”
“Maybe they were interrupters too,” muttered Twinkleshine. Catching Twilight’s glare, she added, “Sorry! Sorry! I won’t do it again, I promise!”
“Anyone else?” Twilight glared at them in turn. “No? OK. Let’s get on with this. ‘The founders being Citron and Bitter Orange, who were responsible for the bitterness growing among the families of the Citrus lineage, they took their own contrarian path; to whit, they refused to stay and quash the local rebellions over the price of rice products, and instead travelled to the Ancient Pegasus Empire, and once the Empire fell into conflict with the earth pony and unicorn tribes, thence to Saddle Arabia, the Ammonian Temples of the Sphinx, and the Persian Cat Civilization, thus establishing a trend of fleeing mighty civilizations as soon as disaster threatened.’”
They looked at Lemon, who didn’t understand why. After all, those sounded like sensible moves to her. Whenever a Royal Guard had chased her from whatever building she’d robbed, graffitied, or in severe cases strayed too close towards after laughing at its “private property” sign, she hadn’t bothered standing and fighting for the pride of Celestia, Equestria, and Apple Family apple pie. That was what gullible chumps were for.
“What did they do?” Lyra craned her neck to read over Spike’s shoulder. “‘Ornamental garden trees’.”
“Does it say anything about these Spice Lands?” Lemon licked her lips. “Big lands, were they?”
“Only,” said Twilight sharply, “that the Citrus lineages claimed them back. After Citron and Bitter Orange ran away.”
“Ah. So no large inheritance waiting around, by any chance?”
“I thought you wanted to know about your own identity? Find out who you really are, and all that?”
“I’m fine with being a large property owner.”
“Oh, Lemon,” said Minuette kindly. “You’re not that large.”
“Anyway,” said Twilight over Lemon’s spluttering, “it says they created the first lemon trees solely as garden ornaments, and no, they didn’t make a lot of money off it.”
“What makes you think I’m large?” Then Lemon switched tracks smoothly. “Yes, but that was ages ago. I expect they hadn’t invented ‘eating’ yet.”
“Hold on!” Twinkleshine nudged Minuette, and the second scroll unfurled. “That’s where we come in! Listen to this. ‘Although the original founders of the Limon House did not fare well financially, their descendants – whose spelling was so bad that they ended up officially as the Lemon Hose – founded new markets across the growing Equestrian territory after the foundation of the country itself. During the Classical Era in particular, when unicorns adopted and reinvented many Ancient Pegasus Empire cultural trappings, their lemon plantations spread across the continent, introduced by explorers seeking to negotiate with the native buffalo tribes, who immediately co-opted it as a medicine.’”
“I always knew I was good for you,” said Lemon happily.
“Lemon! Interrupting! You’ve been told!” yipped Twinkleshine; it was like being savaged by a lamb.
“I was told not to interrupt Twilight. Technically, you’re fair game –”
“Shh!” hissed Lyra. “Didn’t you hear that? Your family must have grown rich with all those lemon medicines! Maybe there’s still a fortune left!”
Thoughtfully, Lemon clamped her lips shut. Of course, Twilight was right and she was meant to reflect on her true self and so she shouldn’t be distracted by the possibility of being so rich she could freely do anything that occurred to her without worrying about ending up in the street, or the chance to get hold of all the drinks she could buy – that’d show those snooty toff-noses up at the castle – and not forgetting, NEVER forgetting, the stallions always looking for a single mare in possession of a good fortune…
“Hm?” she said, vaguely aware of someone talking. “Sorry. Mind wandered off. What did you say?”
Twinkleshine puffed her cheeks up at her, a sure sign of a mare trying not to say anything horrifically rude, like ‘meanie’. “If you’d been listening, you’d have heard me say that there are lemon plantations all over the world –”
“All over the world!?” Why, she could hold an auction for stallions with that kind of money…
“– because the family lost control of the lemon plantations. Most of them were destitute.”
Lemon’s fantasies had just gotten to the bit with the lucky stallion embracing her tenderly in his strong, muscular –
They popped like a soap bubble. “WHAT!?”
The others actually jumped a few inches.
“Destitute!?”
“Yes,” said Twinkleshine in her best high-and-mighty voice – and Lemon had thought Twilight could sound patronizing – “The record says they made more than a few errors while running the family business. Does that sound familiar to you too?”
“Are you saying I can’t run a business?”
“No. Personal experience and family history are saying you can’t run a business.”
“Twinkleshine, don’t be catty,” said Minuette. “It’s not nice.”
Ignoring Twinkleshine’s indignant stammer, Lemon lunged forwards and snatched the scroll off them. Nope: there it was, in black and white, or at least in browning ink and yellowing paper.
“So I’ve got nothing?” she said. “A bunch of cowards and a bunch of idiots left me with nothing?”
Spike stepped forwards smartly. “That doesn’t have to mean anything. Take it from someone who knows; you can choose who you want to be.”
“Yes, but it would’ve been nice to know I had a decent starting point! And those things! I’ve done all those things!”
“What things?” Lyra frowned. “Run away from a war?”
“War. Royal Guards. What’s the difference?”
Twilight coughed, and among the shelves the cough was a thunderclap.
“And, and, and,” said Spike, casting about desperately. Under the shadow of the hourglass, he seemed much too small to be a dragon at all.
Unlike his species, in fact…
No. Lemon shook her head. That wasn’t how it really worked. Spike had been brought up pony, and it had stuck. Lemon had been brought up… to become better than she was? And it definitely hadn’t stuck. Part of her hadn’t allowed it to. She could go to the shiniest city in the world, and within minutes the city itself would tarnish.
“Darn,” she said. “It has to be them, doesn’t it?”
“Who?” said Lyra.
“My parents. If there’s any hope left, it’s with my parents.”
Slowly, Twinkleshine said, “What do you mean, Lemon Hearts?”
“Uh… Twilight! How recent are these records, exactly?”
“Right up to the present day, in fact.” Twilight and Spike cocked their heads in unison. “Lemon, what –?”
But Lemon had realized there was no point in delaying; this wasn’t a police interrogation. “That explains so much. Why my parents lived in Indrabhumi. Why they never talked about the rest of the family. Why they had to live in that little house.”
Under the silence, Twinkleshine stepped forwards and then froze, one forelimb raised, as though unsure whether to comfort or come away. “Lemon Hearts?”
“Hm? Oh, right. Look. I think we’re on the right track, but I don’t think it helps to go all the way back hundreds of years or whatever. Everything we’ve found down here… Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? It all comes together, doesn’t it?”
“What does?” Lyra’s eyes shone.
“Well…”
Minuette beamed at her. Both Twilight and Spike leaned towards her, mouths agog with anticipation.
Lemon said, “It’s all my parents’ fault.”
The cheerfulness of camaraderie fell flat on its face.
“What!?” shouted Spike.
“Those devils mucked me up, did Mum and Dad. Oh, they probably didn’t mean to, but now I know why.”
Twinkleshine’s lips stretched around clenched teeth. “YYYYYeah… uh… LLLLLemon?”
“I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick,” said Twilight carefully.
“It’s… not what I was expecting,” said Minuette.
“So obviously,” said Lemon, ignoring them, “this starts and ends with them. Something went wrong between us, something big. If I’m a washout, it’s because of them.”
She caught their glances.
“Us. Because of us,” she added. Feeling this wasn’t going over well, she drew herself up. “I know what to do now. If I’m ever going to figure this rubbish out, I’ve got to go back to where it all began. I will head back to Indrabhumi and right the wrongs that led to me making this cock-up excuse of a life I’ve led.”
The general consensus was still gaping and gawping.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” she ventured.
Lyra finally broke the silence. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Hey! Says the girl who believes aliens raid her fridge at night!”
“I’ve seen them doing it! They were eating my cheese!”
“That’s mice, you moron! And quite frankly, I dread to think of half the things you’ve seen after eating mouldy cheese, Miss Too Cheap To Buy A Fresh Cheddar!”
“At least I can choose to be cheap, Miss Can’t Even Be Bothered To Clean Her Room!”
Twilight raised a hoof. Equal though she clearly wanted to think herself as, from time to time the princess shone through the pony. Both unicorns closed their mouths at once.
“Who were your parents?” said Twilight calmly.
Blinking and smelling a trap, Lemon bit her tongue. Unfortunately, once she’d thrown the stone and heard the smash, it was too late to stop and wonder if there were better ways of breaking into a candy store.
All the same, she wrestled with her lungs for several seconds before the words leaped for freedom: “Lord and Lady d’Agrume.”
“Why would you think they did anything wrong?” said Spike.
Lemon mumbled. She didn’t quite meet anyone’s face, except for Lyra’s, which was red with embarrassment in the first place. At least it was nice to know misery had company.
“Sorry?” said Twinkleshine.
Squirming around each word, Lemon said, “Well, see, the thing is, looked at one way, one thing and another, truth is, honestly, I kinda sorta maybe a little teensy bit probably ran away from home in a hissy fit. Probably.”
“Probably?” snapped Lyra. Yet anger was not a familiar emotion in her puppy-dog world, and before long her brow went from blade to feather. “Oh my goodness. You… wanna talk about it?”
“Heck, no!”
Lyra’s ears fell as though struck. She whimpered, and even sounded like a puppy.
With less spit in her voice, Lemon added, “Not right now. Sorry.”
“Oh, do let us help.” On one side of her, Twinkleshine stood ready. “We want to help.”
“Sure. It’d be a grand adventure for the sake of our best friend.” On the other side of her, Minuette patted her shoulder.
“Whatever happened,” said Spike, “I’m sure we could work together to fix it. After all, we helped Moondancer come out of her shell, right Twilight?”
“Well, I’d have to check the schedule,” said Twilight, rubbing the back of her neck. “However, if this means that much to you, Lemon, I’ll do my best for one of my old friends.”
They all looked at Lyra.
Lyra beamed. “I’ll bring Saffron! She used to live in Indrabhumi once. We could do with an expert.”
Thankful for something non-sappy to mutter at, Lemon relaxed. “Oh sure. Everyone knows one pony from one country is automatically an expert. And while we’re at it, let’s bring lots of curry, wear nothing but saris, and paint spots on our foreheads. They’ll practically mob us for our cultural sensitivity.”
“Cool!” said Lyra. “Sounds like a plan! Let’s do it!”
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Just gonna try and leave one comment a chapter... This line is full of great snark!
....
I thought she forgot her parents' names...
Yep, chapter 2:
Ice picked at her chest. “No! I don’t! I up and moved as soon as I was old enough to know what ‘rent’ means! I don’t even remember my parents’ real names!” Sullenly she added, “They probably tore their names out of the registry or something, in case I tried to go back.”
8762039
A.K.A. the most easily overlooked of the Canterlot friends. Though funnily enough, this character concept actually came to me long before Season Five; I simply modified it to take the new canon into account.
8762044
Lemon Hearts has a voice actress, right?
8762220
At least two, according to her mlp.wikia.com page.
Huh. So all unicorns descend from nobility? Did they leave the commoners to freeze in the Great Exodus?
Also, brilliant touch with the Persian Cat Civilization.
In any case, this looks like it's going to be a tremendously fun adventure. There's even a slim chance that Lemon Hearts might learn to take responsibility for her actions. I mean, I'm not holding my breath, but it's there.
8763928
I won't say too much on the nobility point, as it does impact later scenes, but I think it's safe enough to give two answers: one, it is a little more complicated than Minuette thinks; two, given Platinum's leadership and the general nature of aristocracy, would you really be surprised if they did?
I'm not gonna lie; Opalescence was on my mind when I included that one.
Still working on it, and I've got quite a few ideas and scenes to sort out. Also, concerning Lemon's responsibility-taking: stranger things have happened in Equestria. Though not that many, one can only hope.
(
Lastly, thanks for the comment, and I hope future material continues to provide satisfaction and entertainment! 
As soon as it comes out, of course...)