Author's Notes and Thanks
I started writing this thing in late April, and I began planning long before that. It would be an exaggeration to say this thing has consumed my life for half a year, but not by much. Suggesting that it's been at the forefront of my mind for the last three to four months is dead accurate.
So, hi! Thank you for reading. I hope Lost and Found was to your liking. Like every damn one of the stories I plan and write, it started as something different. It began with an idea of Applejack and Pinkie Pie lost in the middle of nowhere, and I started laying plans for two bedraggled ponies walking along the road, coming home to a Ponyville that had almost forgotten them.
I imagined Applejack and Pinkie Pie walking side by side towards four ponies who most certainly had not forgotten them. I had an intense desire to write a teary reunion and the buildup to that. To have Fluttershy take what turned out to be Rarity's role, of saying that the pain of loss was too great, that she almost just wanted to forget. To have Rainbow Dash's legs give out under her as she saw friends she had thought lost, return; failing to cope in the most delicious of ways.
Yeah, so that didn't happen.
It went from adventure to adventure-ship, from ApplePie to AppleShy ship to FlutterDash nonship to AppleShy with AppleShy ship or ApplePie or FlutterDash as the ship. Even after I started writing, things still changed. The TwiLestia bits weren't a sure thing until I was writing the second segment back home in Ponyville and Twilight and Celly both convinced me they were a thing, forcing me to go back and edit yet again.
I went from the adventure perspective alone to two and then to two and a half arenas. The fic moved from one point of view to two to three to... five? Brighthoof moved from a convenient guiding line, a link to the past, to drawing a loop through history, and all the other villains-that-aren't-really sprung up to fill a gap that was meant to belong to icy wastes and dead lands. Funny how that all works out, really.
This is the second time I've tried to write a certain fic. This is the second time I've "failed" to achieve my goal of writing a fic about isolation because I keep expanding on ideas with additional threads. I love both this fic and my previous adventure fic, Within and Without (which, if you at all enjoyed Lost and Found, you might want to check out) - but I also know I have to do this again.
Because the only thing more sane than writing two novel-length pony fics is writing three. Right? Here's to another of these damn fics after next season's end. I'll be over here, planning.
Now, if you're reading this, you are already my favorite person, so thank you for that. Most people will skip this "chapter", and many will leave off when they don't see any snacks down here. Let's talk shop, dear invested person for whom I feel a great deal of affection. If you would like to leave a comment, I would be very grateful. I also try to reply to all the mails I get at cloudyskieswrites@gmail.com; be it praise or critique, I answer them all. I won't lie. Feedback is part of why I write.
Okay, sorry. If we're going to be honest here, I have to confess I may have lied a little bit. You're almost my favorite. You'll have to compete with these:
Kits is a great fellow writer who's spent more time helping me with this fic than %insert_humorous_metaphor. Kits, I owe you an apple for every paragraph you've read, a bushel of apples for every hour spent discussing this story, and an apple tree for every time I've come to you with fears, worries or whines.
Sadly, this means that the rest of the world will have to do without apples. Without you, this story wouldn't be. And since most of you reading this are not Kits, you should click the blue name up there and go read his stories, because Kits writes stories that are worth reading.
And hey, Kits, if you want to read your own stories, that's fine too. Sometimes I think you should do that to remind yourself that you're awesome.
Cormacolindor.
Corma is a great non-writer who doesn't write stories that I can link to and endorse like I do with Kits. This may in part be because he spends all his time corresponding with me in mails assuaging my fears, providing excellent feedback that I need to hear even when some of it hurts, and generally being awesome.
Awesome is a full-time job, I'm coming to believe. Thank you for all your hard work, for all your reads and your re-reads. Thanks for helping make the iffy bits in doc 2 good. Not better, but from bad to good. Thank you for alerting me to the issues in doc 3. Thank you for everything between "once upon a time" and "happily ever after", really.
Just like Kits, the story would not be without this here pony.
Everypony Else.
There are so many other ponies who've been awesome. Aymee helped me conceptualize the cover. Volmise finished it. Couch Crusader was an immense help with the initial chapters, reading through with such care to detail, it greatly deproblematicized getting on to EqD. TAW and Tcher have cheered me on; I am sure that I can't single out everyone, so I don't want to try. Thank you.
That's it. Thank you. Next fic awaits.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Cloudy Skies · 32k words · 755 16 · 14k views
- Cloudy Skies · 22k words · 782 10 · 10k views
- Cloudy Skies · 40k words · 902 19 · 18k views
- Cloudy Skies · 36k words · 360 10 · 5.5k views
- Cloudy Skies · 154k words · 1,361 25 · 18k views
- Stereo_Sub · 13k words · 680 10 · 17k views
- Cloudy Skies · 61k words · 842 15 · 10k views
- Ardensfax · 7.5k words · 776 14 · 17k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.283 seconds
Total duration
648 users online
1,059,199 hits today, 2,328,677 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Excellent. Loved the story. You made a journey that was, honestly, mostly a bunch of walking, full of imagery and exciting. That said, it felt a touch off which how asymmetrical the Ponyville side with Dash, Twilight and Celestia were in terms of words used. The only way I could think of expanding that is having Celestia fall "ill" more gradually when they go on their expedition. Just feels a little awkward, makes the Twilestia seem less important and RD's feelings less driven home than Fluttershy's. Definitely liked that AJ got more face time here then in Within and Without.
Maybe I'm way off base but it seems like at the end of that epilogue you could be setting up a little Twilight and Celestia adventure story. If so, please do!
1358628 Thank you for reading, and thanks for the comment! Truth is, it was never meant to be symmetrical like W&W/O, but I may've given too much attention to Ponyville, giving the impression that it was. I probably gaped over too much - again. Next time I'm probably going back to single point of view.
1358645
That would've disappointed me. I loved the Celestia and Twilight bits. You even manage to make RD more bearable than usual. Funny little thing- back when I posted on EqD comments(Iastfan112 was my moniker) I was a huge TwiLuna ship fan. W&W/O came out and I thought, "There is my favorite ship, done perfectly. TwiLuna will always be my favorite!" Then I read Romance Reports, loved the Twilestia vibe I got from it(was just crushed when Sleepless went with Cheerliee) and Varanus started writing Composure. Bam! New favorite ship. Since then there's been a fair amount of Twilestia but yours is among the best.
One of my favorite things in your writing is the world building you do. I'd love to see a map of the Equestria you've envisioned in your stories.
1358692 Oh don't get me wrong, I don't particularly regret LaF taking the turns it did, I only mean that a more focused PoV is kinder on my rather chaotic approach to writing, so if I write something similar, I'll try to mix it up again instead of having six arenas and twelve PoV's as is the next step after W&W/O -> LaF.
You're not the first to mention Composure, and I hope to find the time to read it soon! As far as maps go, I wish I had the skill for that, but at the same time, it'd ruin some of the mystery I think. Then again, if I were to write something that continued where LaF left off, I'd have to consider that.
1358701
Once upon a time didn't you tell us you wouldn't be doing another W&Wo length story? If so, I'm glad you lied. If not, evidently I'm going a bit senile. As far as the map goes, you might be right. Definitely doing a bit of placement in my head though.
Also, you and I seem to be up before everyone else. Expected more comments by this point.
Thanks for another great story.
Now I want to see Rarity and Luna....
And most of all more Twilestia!
Thank you for all your hard for, for all your reads and your re-reads.
I hate to correct a note of thanks, but that looks really weird. (Using a Colemak kb layout? It's the only one I know with w and f adjacent.)
Thank you for a most compelling story! I enjoyed the way you handled the relationships, particular RD's confused attempt to come to terms with all the mushy sappy talk stuff. Poor gal really isn't the best at expressing herself.
More than that, though, I loved your descriptions of the places Fluttershy and AJ visited and the vivid world you created; both the physical one they trekked through, and also the blending of the (limited) mythology we know from the actual show with your own expansions upon it.
Greatly looking forward to your next fic, although I hope, of course, that it'll cause you a few less headaches working it all out.
Oh jeez... what can I say? It's been quite a journey. I realize now that my initial comparison to Edge of the Map was terribly unfair, this story really stands out and shines far brighter on it's own than compared to what inspired it. You've grown amazingly as a writer since your first story, and this story stands testament to that fact. Thanks for the journey! Can not wait to read more!
I gotta say, I was glad that there was a possible focus imbalance between Ponyville and Lost. As amazing and well-developed the worlds past Equestria were, and as careful and haunting the mythos and encounters that Applejack and Fluttershy lived through were, the reactions to those left behind were, in my mind, what made this story so impactful. And as delightful as the adventure itself was, the tension and love and confusion and helplessness that filled the other characters when they had nothing left to do but wait and hope were often my favorite parts. The whole thing was amazing, but too few writers will even touch upon that subject, preferring to spend the whole time worldbuilding as the heros struggle back. But the picture you painted of pre-Equestrian life and the creatures still frightened of the Windigoes from centuries past was so simple, elegant, and complete that it would have been a shame to leave out the multiple points of view and plot focus. Your subtlety and tact constantly amazes me. Thanks for the great story - I'm excited for whatever else you decide to write.
Had me in tears
.
Very well done, love it. Thanks for the story.
I've been grinning like a madman these final chapters. Dash after Shy's return was especially nice, and Twi's desperate teleports are well written (she's good at that spell, ain't she
). Aside from maybe a side chapter where RD, Shy, and her parents all sit down together, I don't know what more I could want. Or, hm, an Equestrian mission (in the embassy sense) across/around the desert? Or maybe I just don't want this to be over...
As a side note, I took a one triupdate break somewhere in the middle of this to reread W&W/O. That's still pretty good!
Now you just need a Cadence story to get the Twi/Princess trifecta. Oh dear, what would Shining say~~
Where do I even start?
Thank you. Honestly and from the bottom of my heart. You reach a height of quality with LaF that inspires me simply by assuring me that it *is* attainable. You've written a story that, from beginning to end, has held me in rapt attention without even the tiny niggling sense that there could be something better to do with my time, as I've had with so many stories beforehand. Because no, I don't think I could have.
You've written a story that captures a sense of grand-scale adventure, and seamlessly relates it to the little problems we all face. Chapter after chapter, I felt for all the girls, both those lost physically and those lost without them. It's called shipping, but that seems too frivolous a term to apply here. The romance was a tool expertly weilded to draw us in, not a sledgehammer of cheap emotional tricks like so many stories that preceeded it.
By the end, I was both begging for more and eaglerly speeding towards the finale, desperate to find a conclusion and yet terrified of having one. Happy it was there because the characters I felt for so were finally home, and yet sad because this gorgeous tapestry of interwoven history and character and the tiny personal problems that balloon into being all-consuming has come to an end, and there is nothing left of it to be revealed.
On a personal note, you know how much I'm struggling with things right now. LaF provided a blindingly bright light in the depressing and discouraging darkness that is most fanfiction, and without it I do not know whether I would still be planning to write a word. LaF forced me to once again accept that quality can be found here, and for that I truly thank you.
Cloudy, I have no qualms in calling you my better, though I know you won't accept that. However, I refuse to let you believe that LaF is anything short of a masterpiece, and should I even come within what Fluttershy and Applejack now consider walking distance to it, I'll be very happy indeed.
Bravo. Great story. I just might have to read the whole thing over again.
Hey, yo, dawg! Why you gotta' do this to me?
Seriously, now I have to wait another handful of months for another one of your fics. Don't you realize how agonizing that is?
In all seriousness though, thank you for yet another awe-inspiring tale. I normally don't like to be anywhere near analytical when it comes to reading, but I think that we can all agree that the clear message is: if you love someone, don't hesitate to tell them, because you don't know how long they'll be there for you to love. Furthermore, I really appreciated the open, albeit satisfying ending. It wraps things up nicely, and gives us room to fantasize. So, again, thank you.
Edit: Y'know, unless you wanted to get another message outta' that. Nothin' wrong with thinkin' differently... Nope, I'm not dyin' from saccharine-itus over here.
I'm unfortunately not at the correct level of consciousness to say more at the moment but wow, thank you. This has honestly been one of the best fics I've read, probably the absolute best outside of the fallout equestrian sub-fandom.
Its been a wonderful journey, thank you.
I don't know what to say. I have been eagerly reading this from the beginning and putting aside everything else when the new chapters come out. Thank you.
I want to write a lot, but all that comes out is a little. Sometimes though, a little is the perfect amount.
I once said to you, "What you wrote here is the best kind of unforgettable."
I think that nicely fits here as well.
Thank you, once again, for being you.
Everything that you write is of great quality. What I really like in this story is the world building. You have succeeded in adding history and depth into a world that is mostly thus far very open. Having characters see things showing the ancient history of the world was very interesting and was a highlight. Another excellent part are your characters which are very well done and believable.
My only complaints are not really complaints at all and that is because they are essentially "I wanted to see more Pinkie" (and that of course is a silly complaint for a story that comes right out and says this is not a story about Pinkie). Funny enough I got so spoiled by the awesomeness of your writing of Pinkie in "Within and Without" that I still want more. I do think that one thing I do miss was the humorous romantic interactions from "Within and Without" that are mostly missing here due to Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash being of course apart. Though that could just be the Pinkie fan in me wanting more funny so once again it is not a real complaint because it is unfair (by the way I am having a real hard time trying to articulate what I am feeling because everything I write seems to be much more negative sounding than what I want to say and I am sorry). I do think it is sad that I allow something as shallow as character choice influence my feeling of being compelled to read but I will say that it is a compliment to your writing that I did desire to finish your story DESPITE it lacking my favorite characters/pairings. Liking something that has what you like in it is easy. Wanting to finish something that does not shows quality in writing and in particular I wanted to see the history unfurl.
I do have one question that may have been answered in story and I missed it but what was the significance of Dash and Pinkie being teleported to Cloudsdale? I understand why Dash was likely sent there but why Pinkie? I remember the discussion on why they were all sent away and why the locations are important but I think I missed on why certain characters were sent where they were sent.
I do have
I guess I better start reading your other stories now.
The last few chapters have been just as excellent as the rest of the story, and the denouement as sweet and satisfying as an Apple Family apple pie (or so I imagine). Now that the thing is done I will say this is not just "good for a fanfic," as we often damn stories with faint praise, but a truly fine adventure story, period. You've made something to be proud of.
Wonderful story! I was kept on tenterhooks almost the whole time. As with Within and Without (which, I must admit, is my favorite story in this fandom) you have a wonderful grasp of character. It's not simply the story the pulls the reader along; it's also the gradual exploration and evolution of characters we know and love. But you also put a lot into worldbuilding in this story and it shows. I rather like how you have expanded the world beyond Equestria's borders and made it seem as large and diverse as our own world. But that said...
I think you hit the nail on the head there. There's a peculiar imbalance between the "Ponyville" and "Lost" segments. Despite the "Lost" segments being longer and more numerous, it feels like more happened in the "Ponyville" parts, and at times the "Lost" parts would drag on a bit. With some exceptions, of course. (The spire, the Bazaar, the forest ponies, etc...) And as I believe one other commenter pointed out, the Twilight/Celestia parts and the latter keeling over could have stood to come earlier in the story so that it doesn't come quite as much out of left field.
But regardless of these complaints, I utterly and very much enjoyed this story. I look forward to your future work. And if you'll pardon me, I believe it's time to re-read W&WO.
Cheers,
JP
This story was so great, I don't think I can actually tell you how much I liked it without oversimplifying because of all the feels.
But really, the whole story was great; Nothing felt rushed, or written to be "convenient," nothing felt out of place, everything felt connected and natural and the logistical progression was awesome. I guess the only thing I had trouble keeping up with was how much time had passed; It always seemed like in Ponyville, it'd say it had been six months and then suddenly 13, but it had read as though less time had passed when we were just with Applejack and Flootershay. But maybe I just wasn't paying close enough attention.
Still, though, with Applejack and Fluttershy's journey, the ups and downs were nice and balanced, and their despair compared with their determination, and character development and progression all felt realistic and awesome. I love that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy did not see each other and start making out, like they would in most fics. It was a weird, awkward, realistic interpretations of their confusing feelings that Fluttershy had had to deal with for such a long time and suddenly have come to fruition in a weird way, and that Dashie had never had or considered before. I'm surprised Dash didn't seem to notice or mention how much less "Shy" Fluttershy was being. (Or how suddenly buff, although obviously she noticed how much better a flyer she was.)
I wonder what happened on the train after they all teleported off of it... Heh, I bet the gaurds had at least a little spell of panic before they found out what happened. "Oh Celestia, we're responsible for losing ALL SIX of the elements!"
On an unrelated note, I wish I could physically see how different Fluttershy looked to Dash when she was on the train.
I DIGRESS. Your story, I liked it. It was the highlight of updates when I looked through my tracked stories. DROP EVERYTHING, LOST AND FOUND IS UPDATED. HOMEWORK? SCREW THAT. EATING FOOD? LET IT GET COLD. MAKING OUT WITH GIRLFRIEND? THROW HER OUT THE WINDOW.
As said before (whee I'm in the author's notes!
) this is utterly fantastic. I think at one point I was debating asking you if I could bribe you or threaten you with something to get an early look! 
Everything else has been said already and better by others. As W&W/O (which i need to reread), this was a very gripping story, and wonderful to follow. It gives me hope for my own adventurefic that we've discussed!
And of course, obligatory ship-whoredom comment. W&W/O had Pinkiedash. This had Flutterdash. I eagerly await for you to do Appledash!
I've just got to say, wow! I have read this story, from start to finish, and just following along. And it was really quite a journey! The adventure angle was nicely handled, I like the switch of POV's, and the way the development of the characters worked was nicely done too.
Plus... I love FlutterDash.
So that was a big bonus for me. I really enjoyed these bits too. You could really feel the longing and desperation both characters were feeling, in the different manners that they were facing. And the way they reunited and interacted in the long run were so worth it and adorable. 
So they're taking it slow, and that works! Rainbow obviously needs some time to come to terms with her feelings, but she is certain about the fact that she NEEDS Fluttershy in her life, and also that she does like her for who she is. So hey, it's a start!
The way Applejack and Fluttershy were interacting throughout, good times and bad, were very well done. They felt realistic, exactly what two people (or ponies) would be going through in their situations. Sometimes they griped, got scared, worried for each other, were brave, and all that. It even strengthened their friendship, which definitely came into play and will do so even after the story is over. Plus, it was interesting since we don't see these two interacting very often in the series.
The TwiLestia angle, I have to admit, threw me off slightly and seemed to just appear out of nowhere. But it was great how you managed to tie it into the plot and yet make it its own sub-plot to deal with. And it worked well! I'm really glad that Celestia was indeed portrayed to be as flawed and "normal" as anypony else is, but not to the point of making her a bitch. THANK YOU. I love Celestia's character, and it's great to see that she can still be portrayed with that spirit, but not afraid to branch out and make her flawed, as a normal pony is, and also making mistakes. But learning from them. Her interactions with Twilight as it went along, were really good.
In all, I really enjoyed this story.
Well done! And yes, I read this whole epilogue. X3
1358966 He did mean to say quite, I believe! I'll double-check that, and yeah, my little nod to WWA wasn't very subtle, hah. Not very elegant.
Thanks for reading, though! It's funny; in my case, I have to struggle to tell myself I progress as a writer when I finish new stories, because I also get better at seeing mistakes. It's very easy to convince oneself that you're getting wrose, hah. I thank you for your kind words though! Still trying to write my own version of OtE. Failed in W&W/O due to it being a full platoon of ponies on the march, failed here because it gained too many threads. Trying again!
1358745 You're entirely correct in that I said that. I said a lot of things when I was writing this because it wasn't always fun. I'm fairly damn sure I'm having to try again though! Heck, the little RariLuna I wanna do is kind of a pseudoadventure. Swearing off adventure entirely would be a massive knee-jerk and an overreaction to me having a little depressive fit during the writing of LaF.
1358870 Thanks for reading, and for your comments!
1358906 Fixed! Some typos slipped the net here at the end, ugh. I only did one fast typo pass because I wanted it out today. I use a QWERTY keyboard, but it's probably some odd bit of muscle memory tied to my native language; English isn't my first language.
1358924 Thank you very much! I'm very glad to hear it, and Dash herself has always been a soft spot for me. Keeping her strong, rebelling against the whole eggshell Dash many run with while also retaining her traits, that's so much fun!
1359053 I think that even if everyone won't agree, the 66%/33%(ish) split is certainly a noticeable trait of the story. I myself haven't decided whether or not I "like" it, but fact of the matter is, it's noticeable. There are so many things that could've been different, but while I dislike the way it grabs attention, I also like the way it highlights moments back home for the exact reasons you mention.
I'll have to discuss with some friends of mine exactly what I can learn from this story, because I suspect I'm not done thinking about that. May have to re-read it! All the same, thank you very much for reading, and thank you again for your thoughts!
1359102 Aw, thanks! Writing that little bit was delicious.
1359151 Thank-you! Like always with these adventure-stories, there are questions unanswered. An epilogue seeking to conclusively answer everything with zero room for discussion would be very long and extremely boring and unfulfilling. I don't know if I am going to do CadenceLight(?), hah, but she will at least make an appearance in a story soon. Old ponies can learn new tricks, yay!
1359157 Damn right I won't allow you to try to elevate me above you. Silly pony. What I will say is; thank you. I don't think there is any comment or praise that means more than that which pertains to inspiration, and I hope that I read you right, but if I have to drag my story through the mud and point out its flaws, I will do that too.
Keep writing. Keep being awesome. And thank you, thank you so much for reading and for giving me the confidence to push onwards with these updates. And keep up the hugging and nosing.
1359195 Thank you!
1359275 Now, see, you mention time, and I promised myself I wouldn't stress myself, but I will say I expect a faster fic cycle than that of LaF, going forward. The next fic won't be terribly long.
Of course, whether or not you'll like it, that's a different deal, hah. I know plenty of people who enjoyed W&W/O disliked my more saccharine shipfics, so. Regardless, thank you for reading! I don't think I aimed for any one moral, but rather, I prefer to let people decide what they take home from the fic for themselves.
1359359 I've been waiting to type that chapter title for months now!
1359376 Thank you very much, and thanks for reading!
1359377 No you. Thank you, that is. For reading. Yay!
1359449 You are far too kind, but thank you all the same! Sometimes, few words can say what more words say, but better.
Also, that sentence is nearly unreadable. I need a break, haha.
1359517 I'm very glad if you think the world building and such worked! I've always enjoyed that, and something I utterly failed to comment on in the A/N - I need to make a blogpost about this - is how different pony fics are from all other types of adventures. Designing a world where challenges are noncombative is so damn different from everything else, it's absurd. At the same time, it's exhilarating when you discover/think of/dream up another angle of conflict that can be solved through conversations, argument or emotion.
I wish I knew what to say about the character picks. It was unfortunate that Pinkie and Rarity got the cold shoulder for me. I mean, I loved their chapters (Dash and Rarity, Pinkie and Twilight), but it's a little sad. I don't think the fic would stand stronger if I'd expanded it even further to give them major roles too, but trust me, I love writing Pinkie Pie!
Thank you for your kind words, and I will most certainly make it up to Pinkie and Rarity both. Pinkie Pie promise.
>I do have one question that may have been answered in story and I missed it but what was the significance of Dash and Pinkie being teleported to Cloudsdale?
I can't remember where I said this, or how clear I was in spelling it out, but they were split according to the classical roles of the Elements. Laughter was born in pegasus civilization, and Kindness with the earth ponies.
1359548 Thank you! I think?
Wow... What a brilliant story Cloudy Skies... I started reading the first day this story got posted on EqD and I can honestly say that I've been looking forward to your updates ever since then. I even made a Fimfiction account just to favourite this story to get the email notifications about it.
To be honest, I'm incredibly happy you released the first five chapters on your first release. Up until chapter 3 I hadn't been 'grabbed' yet. But suddenly, while Apple Jack and Flutter Shy were roaming around that ruined city, and spending the night in that cold, wet cellar using each other for warmth... Something clicked... I had to know what happened next and you kept me interested ever since. If you had stopped at part 3 I might never have continued reading this amazing story you have written.
Tonight I started reading chapter 24 at around 3:30am, planning to catch up to chapter 29 before I went to bed... Half way through I noticed the chapter listing at the bottom of the pages go up to 35... I checked my email and saw the story had been updated... Checked the fanfic page and saw "completed" ... I then decided I had to finish it. And here I am, at 8:21am... Very tired, but completely happy in my decision to stay up.
Let me tell you, the smile that came to my face, the beginning of tears and chills through my body I got when AppleJack and Fluttershy came across that fort on the outskirts of Equestria and when RainbowDash finally saw FlutterShy again... A book hasn't given me those feelings in a long time and it's all because you made me love the characters. You made me care for them and become totally entranced in this world that they are discovering. I can't overstate my appreciation for your story enough. It's amazing to me that you thought up all this backstory for the world and entwined it with what the show tells us from the Hearth Warming eve episode so well.
Highlights of fanfic for me: The Spire in the mountains. Where AppleJack starts cracking down the shield, and when it gets revealed that the spectre guy there is actually evil... That was SO great... As AppleJack was reading that journal out and I slowly started realising "Oh no... Now he knows they know. He isn't going to let them leave now... He's going to show up sometime right now isn't he and tell them they can't leave isn't he... YEP, THERE HE IS! Brightblood!? Why didn't you write the 'don't read this out loud' at the top of the page!?" XD. But anyway... that scene... That was great. REALLY suspenseful.
For me, the exploration parts were some of the most enjoyable. Not even parts where things were necessarily happening. Just AppleJack and FlutterShy walking through through their environments and how they were interacting with each other.
And of course, as mentioned above, the end of FlutterShy and AppleJack's journey. When you find out they made it back to Equestria. They. Finally. Made. It. And when Rainbow Dash finally sees Flutter Shy again.
Lowlights: Personalliy I think the part with the Bazaar lasted a bit too long. It was quite interesting and all, but overall it didn't contribute much to the story other than them finding out that someone is trying to screw them over. I thought it was incredibly interesting when they arrived there and they were discovering the cultural aspects of the new town but after that it just seemed to drag a bit. I think the part with the forest pony tribe was a better choice in length. Long enough to give details, but not long enough to feel like it's dragging on and going on a complete tangent that isn't really accomplishing much.
So thank you again for making such a brilliant story. I'm looking forward to all your future works!
1359561 If that's a compliment, then thank you for that; for reading and for commenting both!
1359575 You do not want to know how often I sit here reading to myself as I write. If my friends don't think me crazy, I'll be disappointed in their judgment.
1359603 Thank you very much! Adding little traits like those are practically a necessity in long fics, and, if I may be blunt, doubly so in the case of some characters with less things to play off of (Hi, AJ!). I didn't want to make a huge deal out of it, and it's probably not a true phobia, but I liked giving AJ that trait instead of tacking it on to Fluttershy, who's already burdened with enough.
Now, as far as Celly goes? I'm glad if you liked it! For me, taking the "darker" path is rarely the right option. While writing W&W/O a full year ago, I told myself I'd never kill a pony, and so far I've stuck to that. Granted, in LaF you can say I've done something like that with Brighthoof, and that doesn't sit well with me. Furthermore, I did not enjoy using grave markers in any way, shape or form (there are enough fics that try to wring cheap tears from readers just by going RAINBOW DASH IS DEAD AND APPLEJACK CRIES AT HER GRAVE or whatever).
Still, the idea of having Celestia die never crossed my mind, and even having Twi mention she feared exactly that felt wrong to me. I almost want to go back and change that. I've never wanted to deal with death and other themes that feature in sad and dark fics.
1359617 Those are very kind words, and I thank you for them! Thanks for reading, too!
1359630 The ideal was to have character progression and not-insufferably-pointless content during the "travel" segments. One theory is that when I made Ponyville such a big part of the story, it eclipsed that, stole from what could've built under isolation.
That's just one way of looking at it anyway! There're plus sides to the way the story shaped out too, I'm sure, but the main thing, and what I'm discovering as I discuss this, is that I think I simply prefer more limited PoV's as a writer. I always write limited 3rd because I enjoy having a narrow field of view. Twilight's part in W&W/O is the ideal for me, I think.
Thanks for reading though! Onwards!
1359713 Thanks! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it!
When it comes to the passing of time and such, I actually counted the days as I edited. When it comes to confusion for the reader, I may've botched it by mentioning weeks and months too often rather than too seldom. I should've either been precise, or consistently vague. Instead, I mixed the two, which may've confused matters. I'm more pleased with having used seasons; they disappeared late in summer, and got back in winter. My tally came up as just over 120 days spent on the road, so it actually could fit, hah.
As far as FlutterDash goes, in my head it's mostly because even at the end of the last chapter, pre-epilogue, it's not even been a full day. They don't really know where they stand, so any such nuances are kind of lost. Besides, if you want to look at it from a canon perspective, Fluttershy really isn't all that shy around her friends, and certainly not around Rainbow Dash. Not that I think Dash would've expected her to take the lead at the end, mind you!
>I wonder what happened on the train after they all teleported off of it... Heh, I bet the gaurds had at least a little spell of panic before they found out what happened. "Oh Celestia, we're responsible for losing ALL SIX of the elements!"
Haha, damn, I forgot. I almost wish I'd thought to add a little blurb about exactly that.
>On an unrelated note, I wish I could physically see how different Fluttershy looked to Dash when she was on the train.
Times like these, I wish I was an artist. Granted, it's made a little harder by, you know, the way they all use the same body types, necessitating an alternative style, but I'd love to see this too!
Thanks for your comment!
1359966 Hey, I resent that! I'm a pony! (Seriously though, I'm not sure I deserve the words, but thank you all the same!)
1359968 Haha, oh you. I honestly can't wait to see what you do with adventure! Am already looking forward to it. Hey, hey, you're shipping something other than AppleDash, right?
I kid. I kid. And no, honestly, I haven't even thought about what ship the next story would be, but I do want to use Pinkie in an adventure. RariPie adventure go?
Doing that without it feeling like a cheap laugh, to keep it interesting, that'd be a monstrous challenge. Hmmm. I like challenges.
1360009 Thank you for kind words, reading and comment all! I'm glad someone highlights the PoV switches as something positive. On the topic of FlutterDash specifically, I just want to mention that writing this story really made me want to write more FlutterDash. Writing a long "ship" fic because you want to write FlutterDash, only to have them be apart for nine tenths of the story, that was torture. I'll have to come back to these two.
>but she is certain about the fact that she NEEDS Fluttershy in her life
Also, this, because even just reading that makes me feel good.
Writing Applejack and Fluttershy together was odd for me, because the closest thing I have to a headcanon is what I have in the Where Earth Meets Sky continuity. I bloody damn near well shipped them at so many junctures, but I had to stay true to the idea, hah. The TwiLestia, well, I always feel a little surprised when people say they're surprised by it, and then I remember they did not peek into my notes, that Twi and Celly are not in cover art, and that no tags hint at it.
Whoops.
If the more "mortal" Celly worked for you, I'm truly glad. I received a lot of good feedback on that, but all the while, my own personal headcanon Celly kept trying to interrupt and rewrite the story. I guess I'm glad I stuck with it, hah. Thanks again!
1360178
A Raripie adventure fic would be... awesome, I think. I'd love to see where you go with that.
And an addendum to before and what others have said: the first thing that Dash does when she sees shy... preening?
That right there is adorable beyond words
1360139 Aw dang. I'm sorry for any insomnia caused, but damn, that's some grade A flattery. An account just for notifications? That's awesome, and thank you - for reading and for taking the time to comment!
I was split on how much to release with the first batch, but I am glad I decided to go with as many chapters as I did. While you seemed to enjoy the adventure bits more, I wanted the first jaunt back to Ponyville included so as to give a proper cross-section, I suppose. Still, I'm very glad to hear you enjoyed the beginning; I nearly shortened down the bit you poke at there, but decided to keep it in the end. Glad I did!
The Spire was a special treat to write, and it's one of those times I'm a little sad stories have to keep moving, because I'd love to explore those halls properly. By contrast, I understand that the Bazaar might not've been everyone's cup of tea, and indeed, it did drag on for too long, but even with its current size, it had some rather overt cases of info dumping. I could've either made it even longer, but packed more danger and adventure into it, or snipped it down to size. Still not 100% sure about that. By contrast, I would've liked to give Keen Eye a bigger role. Oh well. Idle thoughts!
Thanks again for reading! If you enjoyed this story, you might want to have a look at Within and Without. I've got quite a few varied fics written so far, but W&W/O is the only other true adventure, while the rest're shipfics with one [Normal] fic nopony seems to have noticed, hah.
1360070 Eeyup. Time is really a non-issue for me. Morals ain't really my gig either. But sometimes you just feel the need to ramble on a little more than, "Thank you."
>Reading my own fics
D:
This story was absolutely fantastic, and now that it has ended there's only one course of action available to me. Download the .epub so, as with Within & Without, I can read it again and again and again.
1360178 I see what you're saying! That's definitely torture, isn't it? Not only for them, but also for the writing itself! XD
But yeah, the more "mortal" Celestia really worked! She's still in-character and still has her gracious charm, but it's interesting because it gives her more depth, without having to resort to making her Molestia or Trollestia. You made her character more relatable and interesting in a more realistic way without having to go with the cheap jokes. And I definitely applaud you for that.
1360070
Feel free to drag yourself through the mud, the idea of a dirty sticky cloudy in need of a good, hard cleaning is not unattractive.
LaF though, you can leave alone. It's not perfect, no, but nor can I expect perfection. What I expected was a damn good adventure story with some cute pony moments, and it blew those away so very much.
I don't really know what to say, other than thank you for writing this and I hope you aren't lying about possibly doing another adventure story. I really want to leave a longer comment but I can't think right now. I'm dealing with the conflicting emotions that come with finally reaching the end of a story that I really like. I look forward to reading this again sometime in the future.
This was amazing read. The fact that it's finished is making me a bit sad - I started getting used to high quality updates every 3-4 days. That said I understand that prolonging this would only ruin the pacing and make the impact weaker.
There are parts that I found absolutely brilliant:
The whole addition of Twilestia made me grin everytime a Ponyville/Adventure chapter appeared. Placing the story after s2 finale gave you a really fresh perspective on the whole Twilestia concept. Instead of the usual "Immortal, all powerful etc." you went for the "she is mortal after all, and not a god" road and it worked very well.
The whole concept of tying together the elements, the alicorns and the Heart-Warming History was great, and you weaved a very plausible and interesting tale. The Harmony as the main force making the world tick (instead of the alicorns) sounds really convincing.
The Shy-Dash Confession was delightful. As I see it, the whole fic was a journey needed to get characters ready for that moment. So that they could pierce through their clumsiness and awkwardness without making any drama out of it -- just laying their feelings on the table. And it worked perfectly.
And of course the very touching friendshipping between Applejack and Shy. You really managed to show how they could support each other and how each of their flaws could break them if they were alone in this predicament.
There is also something that I found slightly disappointing - namely the confrontation between Brighthoof and AJ+Shy. I understand you wanted to bring the big guns in the finale, but still... After all the build up of his evil deeds, all the subtle hints that it's him plotting behind the scenes, and after the biggest cliffhanger in the story (Sort of like final boss encounter) he just goes down really easily. I think you could spice the scene a little - give the heroines a few paragraphs to try taking some actions, before they are rooted and the dooom is approaching rapidly.
Thank you for this great story. And I'm really happy you're already saying, that there will be another lengthy fic from you in the future.
Yeah, I just had to make an account to comment. This was amazing. You spending about three months of your life on this really really shows. Your grasp on characters, as well as putting them into interesting situations is amazing.
Nothing in the fic felt forced, it all flowed naturally into each other. I can't put much more of my feelings into words, but I will say this:
Thank you for writing a story that will stay with me forever as one of the best things I have ever read.
reread material and thairfore a perma fave
Within and Without was one of my first epic adventure stories. I've been hooked ever since and had always hoped to see another from you. When I went to Europe for a couple weeks and I needed something to keep my busy in my downtime, I broke out Within and Without for a reread and it turned the long train rides into a nice end to day where I could read about the gang's adventure as I traveled to the next city to continue my own.You did not disappoint the second go round. Reading through the notes above, I find it really interesting to see how the story involved from you initial conception. Not much I can add that hasn't been said by those before me, but just though I'd say this was a fantastic read and I know I'll break it out for a second in the future when I need something epic to fill the time. I can't wait to read whatever else you have in store. Keep on being awesome.
What can I say? This is the first time I've EVER commented on a chapter or a fic in general.
I had intended to come up with a long, thought out critique, but after reading most of the comments on this chapter, I guess most of what I'd have to say has already been said.
Well written, with the action/adventure sections well balanced out with drama/character expansion. Some mentioned the unbalance between Ponyville and lost aspects, but I felt it was well done. The story would have lost something without the 'back home' chapters. Also, TwiLestia is adorkable.
One thing that disappointed me, is that the epilogue did not mention the dream-sharing scene. I kinda wanted to see what Fluttershy would say if she found out that really was RD looking out for her, even from halfway across the continent.
Only negative comments I'll give is that there were a few scenes that felt rushed. The AJ/Shy vs Brighthoof, for one(even if i did enjoy the irony of "I WILL DESTROY YOU.... oh crap"), then followed up with a paragraph(or two? can't remember) later, making it back to Equestria. I guess I'd have liked a bit more of the byplay between the three of them, and conversations that made them even bother trusting a word he said later on the train.
Well that was a lot longer than I'd intended. Anyways, Thank you for a wonderful read. Now I get to go back to waiting months instead of days for quality updates :). Maybe I'll give a bit more 'constructive' critique when I reread it later on the Nook.
Thank you for such a wonderful story!
I enjoyed reading this story, but I am at a loss for what to say about it. So this is what you get.
Superlative. This was extremely good, and the rate of release has meant it has kept me with something really good to read of many an evening... It's rare to find an uncompleted (or in this case unreleased) fic that one can think, "no, I'll read a couple of chapters now leave some more to savour tomorrow." Even better, it came in at a time I was bemoaning the seemingly endless stream of sad or dark stories (often just for the sake of the Sad), and gave me something else to think upon.
My only regret, if you can call it that, is I would have liked to see Celestia going off to do some adventuring of her own, with the Elements (as that sequence didn't last long!) and that Spike was mostly left out. (Perhaps something for the future...?)
As I have not read Within and Without, you can be assured that I will turn my gaze thataway shortly; and I will greatly look foward to your next offering in the future. Keep up your excellent work.
I'll admit that going into this I doubted that I could love this piece as much as I did Within and Without, but this story won me over. Thanks for an awesome story and I can't wait to read more by you.
Damnit, how is it that suddenly I can't wait until next season ends, just so you start another novel? In all seriousness though, I loved Within and Without, and I love this story too. Keep being awesome Cloudy Skies.
This was certainly one of the best adventure fics I've read. Wonderful stuff!
Thank you for this fic. Well done.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_sad.png
The time between my comment on the epilogue and this comment is the time I spent spider-webbing all around the internet through various tumblrs and DA pages, etc. because of these notes.
This was a blast, truly. The premise of the separation was a little strange, but I can't complain. I have to say is JEEZ AJ GETS ON MY NERVES in some chapters
. LOOOVED it, loved your other fics, can't wait for your next one.