• Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen May 20th, 2014

Clavier


I am no one.

T
Source

“What a foolish way to die.” Perhaps sometimes opportunity is truly the guise of tragedy. Or perhaps there is no such order, and tragedy is merely the progeny of carelessness. When a hero is lost unexpectedly, her friends must deal with the consequences of their negligence.

Cover image by mysticalpha, used with permission. Thanks to Gold for pre-reading and all my loyal and semi-loyal readers of other stories for keeping me writing.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 25 )

This... this was beautiful. That's all I can say. I can't say I cried, because I do have a heart of stone that refuses to budge... but the writing caught my attention and refused to let go until the very last word. And I'm glad it did, I really am. Truly one of the better fics I've ever read on this site.

Sooo... Rainbow Dash dies. But did her spine break, or was it her neck? It's not particulary clear what happened. And then Applejack beats fluttershy senseless, and then Rarity kills herself. Hilarious! I liked it! Anyway, looks like death has two new souls to add to his ever-growing collection.

That was beautiful, I really liked it.

I especially love the interaction between Fluttershy and AJ here. But I also really like that you were ambiguous about how Rainbow died.

You, sir, are a very good writer. Your writing style is impressive by all accounts. It always makes me glad when I find at least one competent writer on Fimfic that I've never heard of. I will have to follow you.

Still...I absolutely hate these kinds of stories. Yes, I'll admit, this story made me a little emotional. Congrats, if that was your intent. But overall, this is just so stupid as a whole. All these different interactions--AJ beating up Fluttershy, Rarity apparently thinking about suicide--rely on the idea that all of the characters are somehow obliged to turn OOC because one of their friends are dead. You really didn't make these things that happen seem believable or natural. Like, AJ beats up Fluttershy, and then she apologizes and everything's all better...the swiftness of it all just makes it feel pointless. And Rarity feels sad and feels she deserves the blame--okay, makes sense. I just have a hard believing that's all that's going on. I hate it when stories like these just throw sadness at you without fleshing themselves out. It feels very manipulative and makes me leave with a foul taste in my mouth.

So, yeah, a little more fleshing out would have helped. Your a good enough writer to make something like that happen. I look forward to more from you, though hopefully with more creative plots.

i am not going to mention the sadness... :fluttercry:

you took an (in my eyes) overused setting: rd dying or damaginh herself.
you made rd die heroic. that is a long time since happened. even more you made the mane 6 go "mental". you even made rarity kill herself. i must say that you got a damn god result despite the setting.

on a scal of 1 to 6 i would say a weak 5. it is VERY rare that i gives it to oneshots. you should be proud of your writing :pinkiehappy:

wait...how the hell did rarity kill herself?

906144
Thanks; I'll have to try harder to make you cry next time :pinkiecrazy:


906580
I had no intent of making this clear and precise. It isn't relevant. The point is that our perspective at the time (Rarity) doesn't know, all she has to go by are the echoes. But… hilarious?


906674
The FS/AJ interaction is perhaps what I was least confident in, so thanks :yay:


906721
Thanks for the constructive criticism.

As it happens, you've trodden upon my greatest writing insecurity, namely that whatever technical skills I have in the area of vocabulary, evocative writing and general flow is little more than a pleasant veneer; all fluff, no substance. The sort of writing one enjoys surficially but takes little away from. Luckily, creative writing is entirely unrelated to my vocation and is at best tertiary in my avocations, so my own concerns on the issue bear little weight.

All that being said, I'd argue that that's more of a stylistic element of the story. This assuredly was not a character piece.


906815
Thanks :rainbowkiss:


907313
Errm… is it so confusing? The same way she almost died the first time. She went back.

907551 Death is always funny to me. Why be afraid of the inevitable? We're all going to die eventually, so we might as well have a good, long laugh before we kick the bucket. Some people might call me crazy, but I see myself as a sort of optimist.

"And yet, I could not wait for death, so death kindly waited for me".

907313 From the sounds of it, I'd say she jumped from a great hight, or she hung herself: Hanging is designed to snap the neck of the victim, although this doesn't always work, and then you just suffocate. Slowly.

907551 nothing to thank me for. i only say exactly what i mean.

in case you got more fics going on: good luck :pinkiehappy:

906580

Okay, she fell onto a pile of jagged metal from about 40-50 feet in the air, moving at a speed of about... 50 mph. First of all, her insides would have been torn all to hell by the metal, and she would have had serious internal bleeding. Next the impact would have easily shattered her ribcage and the fragmented bone would turn into shrapnel that implanted itself into her lungs and heart. Finally depending on how she landed her spine and neck would have been fucked up big time.

Also, good story.

911041 I don't envy the guy who had to clear that up.

906580 I think the bones snapping just meant that her body was shattered from the height and speed, so she probably broke both her neck and back.

912342 So, in all, not such a great day for rarity.

I can't even figure out what to say. I mean I just...
Can I say it was a good story? Because while I couldn't look away while reading it. I think the emotions running on high and everything that happened just..wow. The only thing I couldn't believe is that Fluttershy and AJ made up so quickly, and that was the only issue I had. It is really good. I would have loved at least a closer look at how Pinkie was handling herself, but I think that if you have more pieces written like this (maybe not the same subject matter, that is just to depressing) then I'll have to read them.

911041 912342 912417
Aaaand for some reason we're having a long discussion about exactly how she died. If you want explicit details about gruesome deaths, go read my other story (Sweetie Belle's Cutie Mark), that wasn't the point of this one.

And no, not a great day, but once you're dead, what've you got to worry about? :pinkiehappy:


917419
Why thank you, glad you liked it. And FYI, although I've allowed myself to do some other things, work continues on SBCM.


917892
Hrrng, the FS/AJ relationship… getting it really right would have been tough given that I was trying so hard not to give too specific details on anything, and to focus on feelings rather than actions. That was what I was most concerned about, and rightly so it would seem, as nearly everybody has pointed it out :fluttershysad:

And yeah, I outright wrote Pinkie out of the story. Just too much going on.

I have another story ongoing, a few finished, and one on the docket which will be a lighthearted romantic comedy (assuming I'm capable of writing such a thing). My past writing has been mixed (I've written some… some stuff. It's been… stuff), and my writing continues to improve, but you're free to peruse them if you'd like. They're not all dark, but they're also not all appropriate for fillies and colts :trollestia:. And of course you can always follow me if you want to see future stuff.

really liked this story.. the emotions u inteded were all there (i hope u can say the same).. even though i am certainly not happy right now i cant say i cried (even though rarity is best pony).. i want to but the only time i cried about a story was the anime clannad.. :raritydespair:

think i will try out ur other stuff as well.. good job mate :raritywink:

:raritydespair:

On the bright side, finally after days of searching I've gotten to read a Rarity fic. Pity it had to be one that was so... depressing.

aww come on! why did you have to write pinkie out of it? if anyone would be most affected by dash's death it would be her.:pinkiesad2:

This story made me cry! It was beautiful! I just went to the sad stories and spent my whole day reading the saddest/completed stories I could find. This one made me cry more than the others! This was well written and I find no problems with this story. Also, I love the ending! Happy stories aren`t as good!

Generosity will me hard to come by without her, the elements are no longer complete and everypony will be devastated... but I can`t think of a better and more beautiful ending.

This was beautifully crafted and now I'm sobbing like a filly~

That's not fair Author! That's just...my heart. Why...Why did you do this to me?!

But seriously, this was a beautiful, tragic tale that broke my heart. I did not expect the one who died to die...But it makes sense.

Also, just one tidbit, the coloring of the font didn't work. You might need to use [*color=#aaaaaa] without the * to make it change color.

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