Rainbow Dash grew up in Cloudsdale. Everyone knows that. But, very few know what her life there was really like. This is the story of how the heroic Rainbow Dash grew up in a world full of pain and sadness, but eventually learns just what it means to be herself.
Okay. So, this is my first fanfic EVER, and I would really appreciate some feedback. Just, please be nice. This is (obviously) a Rainbow Dash back story, it contains important events from her childhood, up to the day Twilight comes to Ponyville. Please enjoy!
Warning: will contain domestic violence and non-heterosexual ponies.
Chapters (3)
Some mistakes I found:
swopped > Should be swooped.
well defined > Should be well-defined, but not really a big deal.
third richest > Again, should be third-richest, but not that big of a deal.
were two pegasi, one was in > Should be were two pegasi. One was in
and alight her blue eyes > Should be something like and light up her blue eyes
daughter, Spectrum > Should be daughter. Spectrum Watch out for comma splices.
Living Room Dining Room > Don't capitalize the names of rooms in a house.
Cold Thunder, sitting at the table > Should probably be Cold Thunder, sat at the table Make sure you keep the same tense.
No more. > Could be fleshed out a little to clarify the meaning. Something like No more than that.
parents fortune > Should be parents' fortune Remember to show possession!
and lay awake > Make sure you keep everything in the proper tense!
this new foal who soon become > Should be "this new foal who would soon become
Anyways, this story was a lot better than I thought it would be.
If you intend on making the stallion seem like a villain, I suggest making appear to be more vividly "broken", as you say.
Perhaps use some more descriptive adjectives or details when he freaks out.
All in all, a decent story. I'll keep an eye on it to see where it goes.
If they had one child per pair, the population would decline pretty rapidly.
Also, if they can only have one child per family, how can Dash have an uncle?
2158344 Thank you! I don't have anyone editing for me, so I am trying my best on my own. Your help is very much appreciated!
2158681 True. But this is only a tradition in Rainbow Dash's family, not all of Cloudsdale.
2160244 Wow. You're right. I hadn't even thought of that. Well, I've altered it slightly for now. It won't be a big deal to take him out of the story if needed. Thank you for pointing that out!
2161730 If you want me to take a look at things, just send me a PM and I'll give it a once over if you like.
2162882 That would be great! Thank you so much! I'll definitely send the next chapter to you when I get it done.
Huh. You know Cold Thunder, if you didn't want more kids, you should have considered getting a vasectomy.
Or did he, and that's one of the reasons he's so pissed?
Love it so far! Please keep it coming!
Daaw, awesome Chapter
! Can't wait for more 
!
Why is Rainbow's father so mean?!
He shall face the wrath of Pinkamaina.
(spelled it wrong)
Omg sooo sad for rainbow
Celestia and Faust Damn you.
g sad.
Not really, but still it's so f
He doesn't know.