• Member Since 31st Dec, 2012
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Dragonborne Fox


It's one thing to create/throw already-established characters in a story of some kind. It's another thing to develop those characters, regardless of the situation they're in.


E

This story is a sequel to Trixie's Gettin' Back On Her Hooves


**Contains heavy spoilers for Trixie's Gettin' Back On Her Hooves. You have been aptly warned. Also, my first E-rated fic in forever. Other tag used because the OCs in this story aren't mine.**

With Monarch Inc. dispensed with, and all of its hassles tidied up, life returns to some semblance of normal. All's well that ends well, right?

Not so for one business tycoon by the name of Iron Hoof; in fact, 'all's well that ends well' is but a far cry thanks to recent happenings. A phrase that stands in direct contradiction to his current reality. Having just learned of all that has gone down, he decides to pay his only colt—and sole successor of his business empire—a little visit in the clink. Yet after all this time, spent managing a growing business, a question lingers: why does he decide to do so now? Surely this'll just be a simple visit... right?

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 21 )

OK, I'm gonna be honest with you. Real honest. I am NOT a fan of Trixie's Gettin' Back On Her Hooves. So my question is, will I still enjoy reading this story? I mean, it sounds good, but I want to make 100% sure before I start reading.

8176375 The original author of GBOYH OK'd this fic's creation (pm'd the person to ask some details, and they are chill with it.)

As for enjoyment? :trixieshiftright: Well, can't please everyone; therefore, not up to me to decide. That part's on you, bud.

Can't wait for more. Curious to see how evil Iron Hoof is.

8177897 Well, since Mature fics are more my forte, the second chapter'll be slower to come out (I wrote Mature to get a grasp of how to write, without limitations on how wild I could go. That way, I could tell what lines not to cross on this E-rated fic. Don't need to up the rating at all. :pinkiecrazy: )

First, sorry for taking so long to read this, been super busy.

Second, good job. I do really like the amount of detail put into this and the general reaction, as well as Iron Hoof's first assumption on Checker's state. Of course at present, Checker's condition would best be described as 'Catatonic', as it's some time before she even becomes responsive. And even then she's complete delusional at best.

Also, another little thing: Checker is currently clinically diagnosed as a sociopath.

But good work!

8328103
Sociopath who got Cutie Mark Failure, that is. :pinkiecrazy: :twilightsmile:

Got the second chapter underway, but I just updated one of my mature fics, so it'll be a bit before I can finish it.

8328109 True. Of course Checker wasn't really SANE to begin with. Her control over Trixie and Helping Hoof had kind of become the linchpin of her sanity, and once that went away...

And gotcha. Take you time.

So Celestia just made... HOW MANY ponies suddenly jobless? How many ponies whose company signed their paychecks to feed their families suddenly ceased to exist by royal command? Would it have REALLY killed them to just let Checkmate's business just to be turned over to her business partners?

8328369
Hrm, in that case... either I need to rework this chapter juuuust a bit, or...

*brain gears start turning*

I have just done editing magics.

8328369

8328394

I admit, that's not actually what I imagined happened. I thought the shut down was temporary for the investigation.

What I imagined was the Board of Directors decided, after the investigation, to just totally rebrand their company to remove anything associating them to Checker, given Checker was just outed as a dangerous sociopath WAY deep in illegal activities who also tried to do some very awful things to national heroines. They would NOT want to have their company connected to that.

Of course the company going under after a scandal like that IS possible.

8328495 Did some minor tweaks around when Thumbtack delivers his report. Very minor, though. Also,
8328402 has a good point. The possibility he mentioned could very well be the final nail in the coffin.

... not that I myself have considered it or anything. :trollestia:

This review is brought to you by the group, "A for Effort".
Name of Story: GBOYHVerse—Dented Iron
Total Score out of 10: 9/10
Pros: Interesting Plot, Original. Good OCs, and very few errors.

Cons: Slightly bad pacing. Other than that, you're good!

Additional Notes: None.

8342167 Huh, so breaking away from crossovers for a bit was a good investment...

MUST BROADEN MOAR :D

I wonder what Iron Hoof's response will be when he finds out the extent of Checker Monarch's crimes?

8505936 :pinkiecrazy: I have soo many possible scenarios for that in my head...

So Checkers covered her tracks VERY WELL. Or rather, played the game so her actions fell in the LETTER of the law.

And I see Iron Hoof inventing all sorts of stories due to his lack of information, nice to see that instead of leaping to the right conclusion like a Mary Sue would.

8506039 :D Then again, he got the info three months late, and not a lot of it either.

And yeah, Mary Sues are overrated these days. :3 Another reason updates are slow; I am trying to avoid going Sue (legal pun lawl) with this story.

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