• Member Since 20th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 15th, 2017

Shadow Raikou

My Deviant art name is RaikouArtist, and I am starting to enter MLP fanfiction.


Note- The story isn't that dark.

This story was written with my friend, Godzillawolf. After stumbling upon a homeless Trixie, Twilight tries to help her get a new job in Ponyville. However, an unexpected visitor to the town wants to leave Trixie homeless and feeding off scraps. Checker Monarch is set on ruining everything Trixie does, for reasons not yet explained. Trixie must discover new friends and must face this old danger through new eyes.

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 568 )

I remember reading this on DeviantART, now I'm going to follow it here.

I've read the first few chapters.This is pretty good! I like how you've kept the characteristics of the Elements in consideration. I hope Rainbow Dash comes around soon. She's perfectly in character, but I don't like seeing her act like a jerk.

I thought this story was already on here? I must've been reading it on DA the whole time. :facehoof: Great story anyways, I really enjoy it and I look forward to reading more :heart:

Do I spy a Story of the Blanks reference?

OMG i loved it...a true work of art and i can hardly wait for next chapter:yay:

Hey guys, RaikouArtist here. Kendell and I have actually finished Chapter 6, I am just making a few tweaks. You can see it posted today or early tomorrow. You might not know, We have also started plans for the sequel of this story, an adventure that is.:rainbowlaugh:
Rainbow Dash is extra jerky because she doesn't want Trixie to harm her friends any more. Again, I am sorry to Rainbow lovers, because 70% Dash in this story is my doing aswell xD:rainbowkiss:
The other main characters I helped in alot were AJ, Twilight and... Later on. =D That in mind, guys, Paraderpy's pictures on the chapters can only be found in DA. So, till you wait to see Paraderpy's pictures, you might notice that FIMFiction gets updates on the story before DA. ;)

....okay this is shaping up to be a great story. I can imagine this being some kind of Disney movie almost, especially with that song in the middle, which I loved, by the way. <3

Lol yeah. Sadly, DA users have to wait until Kendell comes online.

Okay, I've been following this on DA, and just found it here, which makes me very happy. :raritystarry: This is one of my favorite current fics, and Trixie being my favorite character is the icing on the cake. :trixieshiftright:

I love this story to bits, but you really should proof-read it a few times and fix all the typos and grammatical errors and oddities. They can be very distracting.

Other than that, seriously, this is amazing. That song blew my mind. Manly tears were shed, even, I'll admit. Keep up the great work! :pinkiehappy:

Hey, Thanks guys. New line added:

"That sounds like them…" Twilight said, remembering the experience with the pair of constallions. "You didn't report it?"

"Of course Trixie did, but...Trixie...kind of didn't read the fine print in the contract she signed when she invested...some legal mumbo jumbo that let them off the hook."

"Anyway, please tell Trixie you kicked their flanks rather thoroughly," Trixie replied with a growl.


Hmm, I see what you did there. :raritystarry:

315009 This has to be my favorite Fanfic of all time :pinkiehappy: I can imagine this being a series of episodes in the actual show :rainbowkiss: I love this story's progression and I can't wait for the next chapter (this is coming from a person who has a hard time finding interesting stories) :twilightblush:

I really like this story, no doubt. One thing you may want to consider though, is how much you explain every subtle detail. "Show, don't tell." Leave some things for the reader to infer, like Trixie's change in personality.

Teeny picks:
---"tight KNIT," not "tight nit". (nits are lice.)
--"handwork" should probably be "hoofwork." Then again that's a slang term for tapdancing....

I really hope you keep in mind that, at the heart of it all, Trixie is a PERFORMER. Most people don't get that a person who's done performing, who's been an actor or comedian or stage magician or the like, it's not just a job, it's in their blood... even if they never go up on stage again in their life, it's part of who they are. They'll have sequins in their eyes till the day they die.

"coop." not "Coup." A coop is a henhouse. A coup is a military takeover.

Generally, you collect eggs in a BASKET, not a BUCKET. It's safer for the eggs.

You might want to ask someone who participates in county fairs how they go about collecting and entering apples for a judging... I'm pretty sure they don't pick them months ahead of time. And lugging them around to show off... a bit odd.

I hope that reveals many things. :scootangel:
And if you have trouble understanding some parts, feel free to comment and ask! Thanks guys, I get basically flooded by Watch and Favorite notifications here! :pinkiecrazy: thanks again, and I'll really love to see your reviews.

Yeah, shoulda seen that coming....

Nice chapter, good to see Rainbow and Trixie finally on good terms(wouldn't call them friends just yet)and Checker needs to have a create of anvils dropped on her, she's an absolute monster:twilightangry2:

Alright, I think it is time to give this story a read-through, though to be honest I am normally a little hesitate to spend any time on a fic with the Tragedy tag.

*Hopes that you won't be killing off any of the mane 6*

HAH I knew Checker was Trixies sister ever sinve last chapter I've been imagining Checker as Trixies sis I'm awesome I awesome I'm awesome :rainbowkiss:
BTW can't wait for next chapter

Good chapter, here. I wanna kill Checker, is that good or bad? Manipulative little flankhole...

Some ups and downs, there. Can't wait for more! :trixieshiftleft:

Congratulations. You literally have me wanting to bitch-smack a fictional character till their NAME swells up.
Please please PLEASE make Checker's karmic backlash both vast and gratuitous. Preferably with the words "fire ants" involved.

....and her dad could use a couple of kicks in the flank too. What a cold and brutal way to raise children!

I thought it was impressive when "Past Sins" made nightmare moon into a woobie. Now you've gone and done it with Trixie....

Please tell me Checker goes directly to Hell towards the end and suffers. I shall make sure her soul burns in Hell forever! :twilightangry2:

Actually I won't reveal all of her dad now, but he really cared about Trixie in the flashbacks. Trixie's flashback was twisted by young Checker, but Checker's final flashback reveals that her dad was proud of Trixie. He just didn't want her to think she is the best so she will not think but rather go for first. Also, just for the clarification, like, two new OCs are definitely coming in the end and... :pinkiesmile:: Forever!


Also, Reality, you posted this before: "You might want to ask someone who participates in county fairs how they go about collecting and entering apples for a judging... I'm pretty sure they don't pick them months ahead of time. And lugging them around to show off... a bit odd." :pinkiegasp:

Well, the fair isn't in a few months, it's in about a week from the point it's mentioned for the first time, thus why AJ is working hard to get her look right. :ajsmug:

And now we all know what the cutie mark for 'Manipulative Bitch' looks like, and how you earn one.

383319 Don't you mean "Plothole"? :pinkiecrazy:


*troll-dance in front of Checker*

382756 weird, i read almost ONLY the tragedy tag

when twilight said "That's what she does"
I thought "Crabcakes and lawnmowers, that's what maryland does" :rainbowlaugh:
I've been brainwashed by Nitro Circus

Rainbow giving a smoke bomb to someone who just got arrested and needed bailing out? Smart...

Dang it Pinkie... you're bending the fourth wall again!

never let it be said that the CMC are not capable of defending themselves... They have the megashout attack.

Poor trixie... I hate seeing ANY MLP character despondent... well maybe save Gilda but even she isn't beyond salvaging.

Wait... did Trixie just...? :trixieshiftright:

Saw that coming about 4 chapters ago... I can't wait for the finale where CHECKER gets run out of town by a friendship-driven and very angry populace... and probably some manipulated diamond dogs who discover the gems they got are colored glass...
Holy Buck did I just read that entire story thus far in less than an hour?!

468181 Heh, she never stood a chance, Discord tried pretty much the same thing and failed.
384660 So... Checkers used that Exalted Charm that rpg.net uses as a basis for equating the Exalted villain Ebon Dragon with Discord. Nice.

Apparently, I suck at seeing things coming. I had plenty of hints. Also, great stuff.

Hey! It's me! I've got a FimFiction account now!


Oh wow! Guys, Godzilla co-wrote the fic with me! :trollestia:

This is magnificent! I love manipulative characters, and seeing Checkers in action is both chilling and awe inspiring. :raritystarry:

There are a few places where the cast in uncharacteristically forgiving and understanding. But given thisis a Trixe redemption fic it's to be expected. :trixieshiftleft: And unlike other Trixie redemption fics, you make up for it with the quality of the villain!

This is breathtaking, and I hope you update again soon. :pinkiehappy:


Thanks for the reply, I'm glad Checker was a good villain.

But how were they uncharacteristically forgiving? We tried to give each a reason to forgive her that matched their character. Not mad, just wondering.

Dear sweet Celestia, it's been a long time since I've read a story with a villain I genuinely despised - and reading the prior comments, I'm not alone. I'll be keeping my eye on this story for its continuation and conclusion... which I hope will include her utter humiliation and degradation. I commend you both for managing to create a very real emotional response.

Personally I've always felt Trixie was unfairly vilified in that episode - from one perspective, she was just trying to silence a bunch of local hecklers who couldn't recognize a bit of kayfabe and were trying to ruin the show she put on to make an actual living. There are several redemption stories out there, but few that avoid the trap of putting all the blame on Trixie just so the Mane Six can come out clean and pristine. (To me, one of the strengths of the main show, that make it interesting and compelling to watch, is that the protagonists, for all their friendship and good qualities, still have many deep flaws they must learn to overcome.)

Anyway, good story, handles the driving conflict well, and I'll look forward to its progress.

Who POSTS AT THIS HOUR!? :pinkiesick:

Oh well, the characterization of Check there makes me want to stuff her in a crate and set her drifting down the river... or, in lieu of that, send her to the moon... or mail her to the changelings for some amusement... or just cast an inversion spell on her horn.

Now this is interesting. I usually don't read stories about Trixie, but this seems pretty good. I can imagine something like this happening in a future episode. Excellent job.

Wow, it's been a while since a chapter of this was posted. And I still managed to recall what had happened so far. :yay:.
Checker is taking a risk. If a dream has enough weight on a ponies' mind to affect their waking thoughts, it might also reveal the evil psycho b- Er, I mean, meanie.
Also, hooray, update!

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