Explaining What Love Is.
Sweetie Belle gazed upon a flyer from school. It was made from light pink paper and colorfully drawn ponies were hugging on the front. A large floating red heart stood proudly behind them.
She could hear the soft humming of Rarity in the room over from her. Working on her newest creation at the moment, her eyes glued to the dazzling cream colored dress before her.
She was a mare about details. Anything she created had to be perfect, not a flaw would grace its silken fabric.
For what was beauty?
To her it was the grace and poise of showing off the light that burned within.
Sweetie floated a small pink crayon over to her, snatching it up within her mouth as she tried to create a piece of art of her own.
She was beyond bored and simply wanted something to do. Yet no matter how hard she tried, her focus slowly forced its way over to the flyer.
A nagging question growing deep within her curiosity.
Her hues leaving the half done drawing below her, snapping over to her sister deep in her own reality of creation.
Sweetie knew she wanted to be left alone, but this question burning into her thoughts. It could not wait or it could, but she might just go insane in the process.
“Rarity?” Sweetie entered the room with a sheepish smirk across her lips.
“Hmmm. I said we’d hang out after I was done darling.”
“But.”
“Can it wait at all? Or will the world come to an end if I dare to continue forward?” Rarity flashed a playful smirk over to her little sister as her ocean blue eyes lifted from her work.
“The world won’t end. But I might go insane.” Sweetie giggled cantering sweetly to her sister’s side.
“Ah madness! We can’t have that can we?”
Sweetie softly rolling her eyes playfully.
“So my little pony. What is this question that can’t simply wait?” Rarity asked with a caring and understanding smile.
“What is love? I mean truly?” Sweetie asked with large innocent eyes gazing deeply into the older mare’s soul.
“Oh! Well what do you know so far?”
“Just what a few kids at school think it is.”
“Which was darling?”
“Well Button Mash said that love is when a stallion saves a mare from a castle after he’s dunked a big lizard into lava.” Sweetie scrunched her muzzle up cutely in confusion.
“Ah I see.”
“Today was Heart and Hooves Day. I felt too awkward to ask Ms.Cheerilee, so I decided to maybe ask you.” Sweetie batted her long lashes up to her sister slowly.
Rarity pushed the material she was working on away from her slowly. Her mind racing on how to handle the subject, she didn’t want to confuse the poor dear.
But at the same time, she didn’t wish to corrupt the fragile mind of her little sister. Last thing she needed was her mother flashing her the “Why” face at breakfast for now on.
But Sweetie was a growing filly. One day to be a full grown mare, better she learn the basics from her sister than from anypony else. Besides her sister was very mature and intelligent for her age, she had faith she could handle the information.
Rarity took a slow but deep breath. Calming her nerves as thought over the words ever so carefully. She wanted this to be calm and mature not something that would cause her little sister to want to dig deeper on the subject.
“Darling. Love is when two ponies a mare and a stallion, like each other more than friends.”
“Like becoming Best Friends?”
“No it goes deeper. They have a love for each other’s company, it is a feeling of being wanted and accepted by somepony who you admire.”
“That is so sweet. What next?” Sweetie softly curled up on the floor gazing high to her sister in excitement.
“Ahem. From there they might then decide when the time comes to…” Rarity bit her lower lip as a light pink blush crossed her cheeks.
Eyes falling to a needle and thread, she used her soft glowing magic to lift both up. Ever so gently she slid the tip of the needle through the open hole of the thread in front of Sweetie.
“They sow together?” The child tilted her head to the side in confusion.
“Yes! I mean no!” Rarity sighed and quickly swallowed the growing lump within her throat.
“They decide to become one honey. A stallion and his parts will connect and complete with our own.” Rarity softly lifted both hooves in the air and clicking them together delicately.
Both ponies gazed to each other in silence.
Rarity with a stone faced gaze.
Sweetie looking forward confused, before her eyes lit up brightly and it clicked deep within her mind.
“Oh!” Sweetie batted her lashes in understanding.
“Indeed.” Rarity cleared her throat softly, returning her attention back to her own work.
Sweetie bit her lower lip as she stayed glued in the same place, her small frame showing no signs of moving just yet. Rarity picked up on this quickly as she sighed aloud in slight annoyance.
“Yes Sweetie?”
“What about the other love?”
“Other love?” Rarity narrowed her eyes in confusion on the subject.
“Like the love that Lyra and Bon-Bon share?” Sweetie replied in a soft innocent tone of voice.
“Oh dear Celestia!” Rarity had her cheeks glowing a bright red now from the sudden shift in the conversation.
“I mean dear. That type of love is the Best Friend Type of love…”
“You sure it is not more? I mean you sometimes look at Applejack the same way Lyra looks at…”
“Friends! They are, we are all...just friends!” Rarity glared down to the small filly in growing anger, the child folding her ears back slowly.
“Ok. Well that is all then, thank you so much for the chat!” Sweetie giggled with a sly smirk as she made her way towards the front door.
“Not a problem dear.” Rarity sighed in a fluster as she returned to her work.
The grown mare glad she did not have to explain that type of love to her sister, at least not for today.
Even if it was the most special love, she felt could be shared.
Sweetie walked outside the boutique with a small smirk, a small yellow filly with a bright red mane waiting outside for her quietly.
“Did she act all gushy like AJ did, when you asked the question?” Apple Bloom asked in a excited manner as Sweetie shrugged.
“Not really she just blushed a lot.”
“Well I still say, I should ask AJ to invite you two over for dinner tonight.” Apple Bloom giggled as both fillies walked off down the path together.
“For sure. Nopony should be alone on Hearts and Hooves Day!”
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Ah, a story rewrite, I see. I've done that before for Evictus, and it nearly ended up getting featured.
Still a couple minor errors, but by far it's a pretty big jump from the original.
A much improved story, with a sweet ending.
(And wow, you must have written that fast!) I also appreciate your twist on Rarity's previous blatant homophobia :3
8122592 Lol.
I'm going to rewrite his stories if I see promise of a story in it. Maybe that will help show him he can improve what is hidden there in plain sight.
you should do these for more of Evictus's fics, god knows there's a lot of these that deserve the "upgraded" treatment
inb4 Evictus gets pissy about this
8122607 THE REWRITING DUO! BRINGING LIGHT TO THE BLANDNESS OF THE LAND!
8122603 I can push out a 1,000 easy. I just tend to sit on my ideas for days before posting.
I'm what is known as a Do Over writer lol.
I just did this for fun, the story is here he just needs help finding it.
8122610 I'm going to update his fics, if I see a story in them.
He has decent ideas, just I get a small feeling he doesn't like the work of making them shine.
He's more focused on rushing them out.
I hope he can see that the story is there, maybe he can improve my example.
8122617 Lol he is a decent writer.
Some people you can talk about things to teach them, Others do better if the example is shown to them.
I know he can do better and I so want to see him do so.
8122630 Aye, but first; he needs to listen to the flamin' advice we are giving him. Still, this is a good story.
8122640 Lol I know.
But maybe being told doesn't help, maybe he needs to be shown?
Okay. Fuck it. I'm going to do a rewrite of an Evictus story too.
*edit*
Wow. I can't even spell Evictus.... I put Ectivus. That's not a word.
I'd like to do a rewrite, if I could get permission & find a suitable story.
8122607 Good luck with that. For what it's worth, this is a pretty good remake of the original.
8122645 Maybe. He's got potential to improve yes but for the love of god after giving him a three paragraph comment to help him improve and then he said he would and then for him to release that travesty that was 'Crime'... I'm not kidding when I say it gives me the shudders of how angry it made me.
Hopefully, this will finally drive the nail home. Or, he proves me right when I came to the conclusion that he is a troll.
8122670 What if we all did a collab rewrite combining like, five or so of Evictus' stories???
8122670 Lol just do a re-write that is your own take on his story.
The original of this own was so bland it wasn't filled out at all, I looked through it and picked out what coud be made into a story.
8122691 Interesting idea. Time permitting, I may be up for that. How about we pick three each or something, and go for it? (Again, with permission of course)
Wow, this story is doing pretty well! Maybe we've found Evictus's true calling... as an ideas man!
8122708 Yup. I already rewrote his "Thief" story a few weeks back.
Why?
8122850 At this point, it's pretty much just a for-fun challenge to rewrite stories.
Rewriting an Evictus story....WHY HAVEN'T I THOUGHT OF DOING THAT???
Very good for a rush job. There's a few minor errors, and this glorious Freudian slip:
You know, I've been thinking of rewriting some of Evictus's stories too. Definitely more productive and healthier than a drinking game.
Instead, I simply tried to recreate a story in his inimitable style only with more self-awareness. It got a fair amount of love.
I hope he doesn't get too upset at people improving his work and cry to the admins.
8122865
He thrives on the attention, most likely.
8122865 Lol. I'm not putting him down or anything, just showing under all the mistakes a story was there.
8122872 - That's definitely true. I only know one writer here who thrives on hate, but that guy (DKM)'s a massive jerk while Evictus is oddly civil… except for that meltdown a few weeks ago that got him banned and made him change his handle.
The thing that drives me up the wall about him is that, more often than not, he'll have a good story idea but the total lack of talent or care or whatever to make it work. And since he refuses to improve, you want to take the idea yourself and fix it.
8122890 - No, I agree with you. See my above paragraph.
8122890
8122900
There are no bad ideas, only bad executions.
--some human, probably
8122900 I can so agree with that.
8122936 It would be funny if I had an alt account by the name of "Evictus 2.0" or something, just for the sake of rewriting every one of their stories and putting them in a place where they won't get mixed.
Why would you be so cruel?? Mocking another creator because they can't write as well as you can?? Pathetic. Outragious. Completely inappropriate. I hope you enjoy that big ego of yours. I hope you enjoy it when someone makes fun of you when you write a bad fic. Have fun sucking your own cock tonight!!!
8123169 I'm not mocking anyone.
Nothing would make me happier than if evictus improved his craft. He has interesting ideas, just a rough time writing them out.
if anything i hope he can use this as a template to help see how he can improve, some learn by reading others can learn by seeing.
Big ego? I think not...I whipped this up in like seven minutes. Basically what I thought I could pick out from the grammar mistakes.
the only thing I might have added is the downplay on sexual negativity.
8123169 - The last time I saw that insult was about 20 years ago when a prep named Brad said it to me for daring to sit at the popular kids' table.
With all due respect, I don't think you understand what's going on here. Many of us like the writer in question – I'll freely admit to enjoying a few of his stories unironically, and I've got very little against him as a person (though he did say some really sketchy things a few weeks ago). However, nearly everyone here has offered to help him and given good-faith constructive criticism which he has to date ignored. It gets frustrating to see zero improvement after over 170 one-shots – leading some to suspect the poor writing may be deliberate.
Like Undyne, nothing would make me happier than to see the original author improve his work like he often promises (yet fails) to do. He has good ideas, especially when he gets off his soapbox - e.g. Rarity's homophobia in the original story.
8122592 witch one?
8123169 I've rewritten a story by Evictus as well, even allowing him to preread it for me. We don't rewrite stories just to pat our own backs, but rather to try to improve. Not only ourselves, however, but others as well.
It's unfortunate that Evictus is a slow learner, but there have been a few signs of improvement recently, and I believe that it may be directly related to everything we as a community do to help each other out.
8123388 This one. I rewrote their story, "Thief".
8123169 m8 I'm sorry I'm trying to take you seriously here but everything about you is edgy: this comment, your profile description, I mean for god's sake man
don't be so damn salty - what got you so triggered that you had to post a comment in "mentally regressive" mode?
your repetitive usage of words a.k.a. synonyms of "bad" reminds me of another certain individual
So, this is a thing now?
Because I love a good bandwagon.
Granted, I'll just turn it into clop, but hey, gal's gotta eat.
Great improvement from the original one. You definitely should do more!
So I'll admit right off the bat to knowing nothing about Evictus save for seeing him pop up in the Recent Stories tab every other day, but I have to ask: is this really necessary? I mean, magnanimous aspirations or no, I get the impression (and please correct me if it's wrong) that this was done without the original author's permission, which would be a little underhanded regardless of intent.
Look, I get wanting to help struggling writers and I can fully sympathize with the teeth-grinding such attempts can provoke, but if this is the point you have to reach to MAYBE get a positive response, it just doesn't seem worth it to me. At some point, you gotta just let go, especially if (as far as I can tell), Evictus really doesn't seem to want the advice.
8124367 Eh, as far as I know, most people who've rewritten Evictus' stories, (myself included) either did it as both a friendly nod and a personal challenge, or just for fun.
In both cases, we still hope that Evictus might be able to pick something up from reading them, even if it's just figuring out where to place a comma.
8124367 I didn't mean for it to be thought of as mean or anything like that.
I just wanted him to have a tempalte if anything else.
I think I have an idea to maybe make this right again.
How about I sign this whole story over to him as a gift?
It must mean something nice if his idea inspired this right?
8125530 Hey!!! I'm sorry, I actually really, really thought your story was good. I got drunk with a friend that day and showed him the two stories and he was the one who commented that...
I know it sounds like I'm speaking out of my ass, but please believe me!! I would never usually get mad over something like this.
8125789 And that children, is why you don't drink and read Fimfiction.
8126139 Lol I learned my lesson!!!
Evictus means conquered, convinced, and dominated. What does that tell us
8122900 wait what happened. Can you tell me?
Damn so much salt on this story I could use it for my fries
Thanks for remaking my story :) Do I have your permission to link this rewrite on the original?