TheEvilCookie
Joined 7th Dec, 2015 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I thought this one was pretty good. Definitely a step in the right direction. Well done
7969089 Thanks! I made sure that I didn't make the characters OOC or rush it
Ok, another story that shows improvement. This shows me that you're getting better. Hopefully your next story is better, and not the generic stuff you always put out.
into a new era, with a new name
7969676 Thanks! I'm trying to improve every day :) Yes hopefully my next story is good as well
7969775 Thanks so much! I'm improving as much as I can
7970103 That's correct! The old era of my writing has passed. I promise this new era will be good of me I promise.
What? A story that has more likes then dislikes right out the gate? I am impressed. I'll read this later and see how it is.
7970243 Okay! Hope you enjoy it
7970122 I'll be honest, I'm very impressed with this! Keep up the good work!
7971948 Thanks!
You should make a story where Rarity and Twilight tickle Fluttershy.
7977191 That sounds like such a cute idea! I'll do that!
7977191 Should they pounce her or...
7980419 nah just ask her to tickle her, then they tie her to the bed and tickle her sides, belly, and hooves.
7980409 can you make it by Friday?
7980978 It's coming out today
7980744 Dammit I wrote it with them pouncing her
A great little story although i found it a bit hard to read for example this part
there is nothing wrong about it, it's just a bit weird when i have to read stuff twice. What you could have done is shorten the text like so : As soon as everything was done she said goodbye to Angel... . Know what i mean? But i also know how hard it is to write stuff and actualy finish it for that alone you have respect from me. And it hasn't made it unreadable just hard ^^. (Also first story from you i've read so can't say you improved sorry)
7983324 Sorry about that part
It's not bad.
I see your prose has some strong children's book vibe to it and it's pretty decent. You might want to consider going into the style of children's literature. It might suit you.
8023330 Thanks!