Accidents happen all the time. Although when it involves someone that Twilight considers a friend, she isn't quite sure what to expect.
Edited By Calming Moon https://www.fimfiction.net/user/Calming+Moon
Chapters (1)
TheEvilCookie
Joined 7th Dec, 2015 ·
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Good job. I'm actually starting to see some change.
>when you don't know who the "I" is in the story
68.media.tumblr.com/2663a8e4deacec191be990ecb4c62476/tumblr_o6cjhh7eqF1tq4of6o1_250.gif
8044454 Yup. Same here.
8044454 Thanks! I had help from an editor who I'm going to credit
8044468 :/
8044454
They don't even have their tenses right. Where is this change?
i.ytimg.com/vi/97ANNyfL2Vc/maxresdefault.jpg
That's it...?
Well I can see some progress being made. You have to start somewhere I guess.
8044500
Tired Twilight is random/best Twilight
You did wonders bygetting an editor.
It's actually a story...
Not enough for a thumbs up, but not a thumbs down.
8044487 because it's actually a good story to read. Something decently written.
Well, I said I'd return when I saw a new story of yours that had more likes than dislikes, and I have (as of this comment, users who come later, the like:dislike ratio is 7:5).
It's...pretty good for what I've seen from you. I don't necessarily like it, but I'm not going to downvote it because I don't dislike it either.
It's mainly the grammar and spelling that's still an issue (although that's still better), and the fact that this isn't really my favorite kind of story. The story is kind of boring, but it looks like the characters are mostly in character. Pretty good job.
You've come a long way... I'm proud of you!
8044500 Yep do you like it
8044501 Thank you!
Amazing! Nicely done on your first story in a while to get more likes than dislikes!
8044515 Thanks!
8044528 I'm glad you liked it :) Some of the credit also goes to Calming Moon who helped me wi it :)
8044539 Thank you so much
8044554 Thank you! Calming Moon helped me
8044552 Good. I recommend trying new things in your stories.
I've been a bit contentious towards you for recent events, but I'll admit that this story shows improvement. I still don't feel like there was a whole lot going on, but it still came off as more of a story than some of the other ones I've seen you write. Keep it up.
8044575 I will do that!
8044583 Thank you :)
Not gonna lie, I was actually waiting for your next story just to see if you'd follow though. Well... I wasn't completely disappointed and considering it was from a good friend of mine(or at least, I assume she's my friend), I could safely say it's a start. The mistakes are still present sure but it's a pretty decent story. Overall-I hope to see improvement
8044550
Kind of lackluster for a reason, but this wasn't total shit... becomes suspicious
8044609 Thanks. I'm glad you thought it was decent i will try to improve here on out
8044611 I'm glad you liked it
8044567 Sweet. I might have some time to help edit in a week or two.
8044624 Great! Thanks!
8044628 Yup.
8044631 :)
8044635
8044678 Again. Thanks
This is a step in the right direction. Keep at it we'll make a writer out of you yet.
Commas! Glorious Commas!
After 155 stories, you finally did it. You kept your promise and actually improved… albeit with the help of an editor, but even that's a good thing, because it means you recognized your shortcomings and asked for help. Even the best authors will do that.
There's still some typos of the kind spell-check will miss, but this is legitimately a step in the right direction. I'm genuinely looking forward to more.
I'll never understand your motivations, but you earned an upvote from me this time.
EDIT: Also, like others have said, this story actually feels like a real story, more so than many of your previous attempts. There's a decent narrative flow, minimal repetition, characters are in character, and I can actually care about what's going on. It's a simple story, but that's fine.
Well, this is new
. Also, a little tip if you didn't know: You can hyper a link a name by first typing it out, highlighting the whole name then at the top, it should say "Add Link" (it the icon with the chain). That should make the link more cleaner. Example The Story Writer
By the way, this is a improvement, look forward to see this getting better
Just remember, make sure to keep things slow, no new story ever single day.
What's this? An actual The Story Writer story that... isn't fucking awful?
Sure, it's a bit unpolished, a bit rushed, and the premise is somewhat lackluster... but the story is there.
Is this a sign of change? Are things improving?
8044487 Bro, if you don't see a lot of improvement in this, kindly fuck off.
8044880 Thank you :)
8044972 Thank you I'm glad you liked it
8045005 I actually forgot to do a link XD
8045070 No I didn't
8045230 It is I promise
I liked it a lot more than your others. Woot!
Wow... That's something I guess. ... I'm conflicted.
I mean, the spelling is better, commas are there, dialog doesn't feel forced and flows rather naturally, characters are in character for the most part...
Yet there are still things that just throw me off. Like the opening, it's exactly the same formula. Twilight's behaviour is kinda weird (seriously, not sleeping for a couple of days because of that accident?).
And things like this
I don't really like it, but it sure doesn't deserve a dislike, because it is decent. Overall it shows a little improvement, so that's good.
8045378 Thank you :)
8045396 Thank you I got help and I did good with a bit help
8044487 For once, I have to disagree. Yes the problems still exist but, there is improvement. Albeit, small but still notable. Heck, I'm guilty of tense problems but the pros(in a sense) outweigh the cons here. Of course, maybe that's just me... anyways, I for one hope to see more of an improvement. He sure gets more help then me so he'll definitely do better as long as he follows though his word. Also, you can forget about the review I asked about since that story is delayed for quiet a while. (Although, I don't think it would've mattered in the grand scheme of things...). Anyways, I bid you good day.
I'm impressed. This is a step in the right direction. This has earned an upvote and a like from me.