• Published 15th Feb 2017
  • 1,104 Views, 48 Comments

A Timberwolf Lullaby - Comrade Bagel Muffin



A little story of a mother timber wolf putting her pups to bed for the night.

  • ...
1
 48
 1,104

Bed Time

Eleven Timberwolf pups all well behaved. Danced and played in the pack's cave. The sun has gone down and in the Everfree. Eleven little Timberwolf pups play under the cloudy night sea. They jump and bounce and run around. They sing and howl and roll on the ground. They play and play with absolutely no fear; for nothing can hurt them when mommy is near. They tumble and roll on the cave floor. They howl and then yawn, and play some more. Mommy stands up, and calls them nigh. So they dance and hop up to mommy's side.

"Oh mommy," one began. "Do you want to play with me?"

"Oh yes play. We can swim in the lake or climb up a tree."

"No my little pups the night has begun. It's time for sleeping until tomorrow's sun." She grabbed her little puppies and pulled them all up close. It was the last part of the day, and of it she'd make the most. "And in your dreams I will play with all of you. Through fields of Zap Apples we'll run through. And should you have bad dreams know your mommy is here. There is nothing in this world that my precious puppies need fear."

"But mommy I'm not tired not at all."

"Yes I can stay up till the moon starts to fall."

"Can't I play in the woods with the pack; see I'm so big and tall."

"See mommy the moon isn't even high."

"It's just barely on the edge of the sky."

"Now my little puppies," Mommy said with a smile. "Why don't you lay down with Mommy a while." And she lay down with her pups all about. She smiled and said before any could pout. "And once I have begun my rest, you all may dance, play, and fest. For Mommy just want's to lay with her little ones, and fall asleep surrounded by her precious daughters and sons."

"Mommy can we play tomorrow?" one asked with a yawn

"We can play all day; we'll start at the break of dawn."

"Mommy listen to my song." She howled and the others joined along. The song was quick and did not last long. Mommy smiled as she listened to her little throng.

"That was very nice my little pups. Now I will sing for you my little loves." She began to sing and it echoed in the cave. Everfree was filled with the song that she gave. Up in the cloudy sky. Up with the moon and the stars so high, The whole of heavens and earth were filled with a mommy's lullaby.

Sleep now in Mommy's embrace.
See now Mommy's face.
Sleep and know that you are safe.
As you sleep in your mommy's embrace.

The pups all let out soft yawns, as their mommy continued her gentle song. As the clouds softly rolled up in the moon lit seas. Mommy continued to sing. That they would find rest and only the happiest of dreams.

And as assuredly as the Zap Apples come.
One day you will blossom.
So sleep with me for tonight.
Until the sun comes with its light.

The little Timberwolf puppies snuggled up to their mommy. Knowing that there they were safe from jeopardy, and from all around the Forest Everfree the pack started to sing with their mommy. As one by one brothers and sisters started to sing. To the song the puppies own howls and yawns they did bring. Mommy smiled and howled too, and once the howling was finished she continued. To sing her lullaby. That her puppies could dream about prancing in the sky.

As assuredly as the Zap Apples appear.
Know that your mommy is always near,
Nothing exist to keep us apart.
For I am always with you and you're in my heart.

"Mommy," one little pup began with a yawn, "what will we play when the night has gone."

"Can we climb trees and swim in the lake? And can we sing and dance once we awake?"

"Or can we play in the Everfree; pretending to hunt mandicors and cockatrices?"

"Or may we run through the blue flowers that cover the ground, and dance and play in them and run all around?"

"Can we play big and strong and act like we're hunting all the night long?"

"Or can we howl and fill the forest with our song?" the last one finished with a big yawn.

"All of these things we can do and more. After all, loving and caring are what mommies are for. And I love and care for all my pups . All of you are precious." The moon had not even rose above the trees. Which waved back and forth in the early night breeze. And to help ease their long day out. She nuzzled and licked each pup that lay round about. Closing their eyes they drifted to sleep to prance in the skies or swim in lakes deep. And the last thing they heard before they said good-bye. Was their loving mother's lullaby.

Sleep my precious little ones.
My beloved daughters and sons.
One day you will be big and strong.
And fill the night with your song.
But for now sleep in mommy's embrace.
And know that here you are safe.
In your dreams I'll meet you there.
In orchards of Zap Apples ever fair.
So Sleep and dream and dream in peace.
For mommy loves you all.

And with her puppies all safe and about her; she yawned closed her eyes. That she could join her babies up in the skies. Where surely they danced, played, howled, and pranced. And when the new day came with new unknown things. Her puppies would awake to all that the next day brings. The first thing that they'd see the first thing that they'd know. Is that their mommy is always about. Ready, able, and willing to dispel all fears, worries, and doubts. She closed her eyes and soft drifted away. Ready for the bight morning day.

Author's Note:

Getting this to 1000 words was a real pain. But still it was necessary after all I saw not a single story that put the Timberwolves in a positive light.

Comments ( 48 )

Well done. Good to see someone understanding of animals, even the ones that seem to be cruel and ruthless by nature. A certain yellow Pegasus would be proud.

I feel this story could have been a tad better if it had been formatted differently. Don't get me wrong, the lyrics and rhythm work great, but the formatting is a little distracting. I'm not saying each sentence should be spaced out to an entire line, that would be dangerously long. But as it is, the formatting lacks a bit.

Looking at the "Similar" tab to the right of this box... I'm sorry to say you're not the first to portray them in a positive light. You are one of the few, so congratulations on that. :pinkiesad2:

Again though, all-around, short and sweet. That's a plus from me! :twilightsmile:

7949700 Merci. Admittedly I didn't read every Timberwolf story so I wouldn't have know the ones that I saw all seemed to portray them in a neg. fashion however. I am glad that others are willing to give them a break though.

Uff. Ya got me right in the feels.

7978563 Oui C’était le point, pour vous faire sentir. That was the point of the story to make you feel. Ich bin froh dass es hat dass gemacht, Man my german grammar is crud le nuit.

Your story was very nice
It was so good I read it twice
Ignoring a few spelling errors I could see
It definitely gets a thumbs up from me :twilightsmile:

.------D.S

8012920 Ich danke Sie fur Ihre nette Worte
I am glad that it was of some worth.

Aww this was really cute. I love that you wrote about the Timberwolves. I've always found them to be very interesting.

8022945 Oui, ils sont such misunderstood creatures.

8022953 They are indeed. It is good to see this more timid/ cute side of them in a story. :)

8022963 Oui, I am glad that you liked it.

Wow that was creative... Speechless...

Anyway, you mind explaining to me how you structured your masterpiece?

8057982 I'm not quite sure I know what you mean by your question, but I tried to get it to 1000 words. That was the hardest part. Did I answer it?

8058613 No, what I meant is that you sometimes put the sentences in the middle of the story.

8060268 Oh that's the lullaby that the mother wolf is singing

JackRipper
Moderator

I like the poetic format that you went with here, very unique and artistically styled. It was a bit of a strange story subject to work with, but it's not too shabby. :twilightsheepish:

I wish it could have been longer with more subsistence, but I understand that with the formatting, it can lead to some pretty grueling work.

Nice work! :twilightsmile:

8081676 I am glad that you enjoyed it and the style that it was written in. Longer! Are you kidding It was murder getting it where it is right now. I was barely even able to break a thousand words! Though I am working on another lullaby piece, This one with the Pie Family, I might actually be able to get that one long enough.

Wow, this is really good. I can see why getting to 1000 words is hard when the entire thing rhymes.

8136688 It wasn't easy but the end result was worth it in my opinion.

Reviewed by: Captaincool85
Group: A for Effort
Name of Story: A Timberwolf Lullaby
Grammar score: 9/10
Pros:
1) The idea of Timberwolves being kind and loving is a great take, and extremely original
2) The rhyme scheme of this story was very well done
3) The contrast between the mothers calm and the pup's energy was a very nice contrast
Cons:
1) The story should have been set up as a poem instead of story due to the rhyme scheme. Instead of large paragraphs you should have had individual lines/bars/verses
2) You should have put quotation marks around the mothers lullaby to clarify when she was singing
3) There were quite a few places where commas should have been included. Although the only misspelled word I could see was manticore's (you had it spelled mandicores)
Total score: 8.5

8145369 Mandicores is not misspelled it's plural. The italics and centering are enough to infer as well as context of what is being said. The challenge I gave myself was to write prose in poetry format so I think I obtained it. Thank you for your critique. Mandicores may be misspelled do you know the plural spelling for the word?

8146264 doesn't that show ownership or combination of two words while omitting one or more letters such as Bob's house or haven't?

Wonderfuly done.

8201596 Merci what did you like about it?

8201611 The rhyming pattern you used to tell the story, it reminds me of the old story book tales like "Three Men in a Tub". Honestly you have a great skill, have you tried touching on more darker aspects of life?

8201706 I do have a couple of dark stories if that's what your asking.

Oh wow! Long form prose poetry! I love it! There's a few parts where you had near rhymes that I had to read out loud to hear how it rhymed, but that honestly didn't break me out of what I was reading.

I think you did a fantastic job of doing what you set out to do, which was show the timberwolves in a positive light. All creatures in Equestria, from the predators that scare and hunt ponies to the bunnies have families, and I think you did a wonderful job reminding people of that. Plus, I am always a fan of prose poetry done well, and the fact that you combined it with lyric poetry in the form of the lullaby made this piece really stand out to me.

The only thing that threw me off was this:

The sun has gone down, and in the Everfree. Eleven little Timberwolf pups play under the cloudy night sea.

I think you could delete ', and' to make the sentence flow as "The sun has gone down in the Everfree. Eleven..." The 'and' in that sentence made it feel like you were going to join the two sentences together at one point, but decided not to. To be honest, I think they work better as separate sentences, and it fits the general flow of the prose that you have going on.

Really lovely work. Merci beaucoup pour partages avec moi! (I think I did that right, otherwise my french teacher is screaming softly in the distance)

8960627
I did remove the comma but I can't bring myself to remove the "and". To me it gives the sense of childish whimsy, and innocence I guess I'm not sure how to describe it, but I think the sentence looses something without it. Thank you for your critique though. I am glad that you enjoyed it.

How did you get this summited?

10486020
The normal way??? I don't understand your question.

>>Comrade Bagel Muffin
It has less than 1000 words.

10487284
So back when Bagel first posted this there was a bug that counted each new paragraph as a word.

>>Comrade Bagel Muffin
Okay, I have no idea what happened. Did you update this because now it has over 1000 when earlier it had nine hundred ninety something words?

10487378
Yes Cause I thought you were about to report it to the mods and I'd prefer not to lose one of my stories so I figured I'd go ahead and add an extra rhyme there at the end. Just in case.

10487378
Not saying you would just a bit paranoid about my babies.

>>Comrade Bagel Muffin
No, because I need to add 433 more words in order to submit a story that I'm already finished writing.

Awwww...so sweet! I love that the Timberwolves are kind to each other and love zap apples!

I think you misspelled manticore by the way.

11411046
I'm glad you liked it and thank you I'll look into fixing it when I can.

Login or register to comment